Kiss Me Like You Missed Me

by Taylor Holloway

  7

  Kate

  For maybe six weeks of winter, the weather in Austin is cold enough to demand a coat, and during about ten weeks of summer, it’s too hot to want to do anything outside. The rest of the year, however, it’s beautiful and sunny almost every day. But Cole was right, today was especially lovely. I stole excited little glances at his handsome profile as we walked down Congress Avenue. Perhaps it was just the company.

  I’d be happy to walk through falling snow, an earthquake, or even a meteor shower, as long as Cole was by my side. I wasn’t going to admit to him, or to Emma, but I had it bad. This was almost worse than when I was a teenager, because now it really seemed like he wanted me back. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  The second the thought crossed my mind, Cole asked, “Want some new shoes?” making me momentarily concerned that he could actually read my thoughts. Instead, Cole was just pointing jokingly in the direction of a trendy shop that had an impressively hideous selection of bowling shoes in the window. It was only an artistic display and not what they actually sold inside—I’d been in there before, they actually had some great stuff. I looked down at his shoes, which were honestly not much better than the bowling shoes in the window.

  “Will you throw away those hideous Converse sneakers if I can find something you like better?” I asked. I meant it teasingly, but there was some hopefulness mixed in.

  Cole looked down at his shoes as if surprised to find them attached to his person. “My shoes? Chucks? Are they ugly?” My face must have told him the answer, because he nodded with more enthusiasm than I expected. “Ok,” he said. “You don’t like my clothes? Dress me up.” He held his arms wide. “Fashion is your thing right? Give me a Kate Williams makeover.”

  “Oh. My. God. Really?!” I couldn’t believe this was happening. This was officially the best day ever.

  Cole flashed his smile at me again. “Really.” He took in my excitement with an expression that looked only the slightest bit afraid, but he’d asked me. It would be bad form to back out now. I quivered with excitement when he grabbed me by the hand to lead me into the store. I tried not to look crazy or squeal with glee. In reality, there are few things I like more than playing dress-up, and now I was going to get to play dress-up with Cole? And he was holding my hand? I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.

  “Don’t be scared,” I told him as we walked the aisles, “I won’t put you in a dress or anything.”

  “I’m not scared.”

  “You look a little bit scared,” I teased.

  “A little bit,” he admitted. “To be honest, I was holding an ace when I made that suggestion though. I don’t think you’re going to find a single thing in this store that will fit me besides shoes, ties, and cufflinks.” Cole’s smile was smug and confident, like always. He flicked through a rack of flannel shirts. “This stuff looks like it was made for elves. I usually have to get extra extra length on everything. One of the many, many reasons I don’t like shopping.”

  Ward had stopped letting me buy clothes for him long ago, well before puberty, and most of them men I knew weren’t exactly either lining up for me to style them or as tall as Cole. I turned him around and held one of the shirts to his back for reference. He complied with my manhandling like a pro, letting me manipulate his arms this way and that as if he was a gigantic doll. I frowned. He was right. There was no chance.

  “Aww this is no fun,” I griped, putting the shirt back down. “You’re going to be as hard to find clothes for as me.”

  That got me a raised eyebrow. “You?”

  I blinked at him. “Well yeah. I mean, look at me. I’m a giant.” I’d come to terms with my unusual height long ago, and some men did genuinely like it, but most of the time it sucked. Most of the time I didn’t mind standing out, but sometimes I felt like Big Bird in a world full of swans.

  He shook his head at me. “If you’re a giant, what does that make me?”

  I rolled my eyes and turned away, embarrassed. “A man. Men are supposed to be tall.”

  “You’re not a giant,” Cole told me seriously. He put both hands on my shoulders “You’re gorgeous, and you know it.”

  He was only inches from me, and just breathing his air felt unreal.

  “Why are you being like this?” I asked. My voice sounded frightened, even in my own ears.

  “What do you mean?” he asked, still gripping my shoulders.

  I pulled out of his grasp, backing away, and looking anywhere but at him. I wasn’t even sure if I knew how to put an answer into words. Not any answer I wanted him to hear, that is. I turned around, suddenly not sure if I wanted to run away or stay and risk something to gain something even better.

  “Kate?” His sexy low voice was soft but urgent. I couldn’t very well resist a voice like that. I never could. Steeling myself for honesty, I turned back around.

  “Cole, do you like me?” I asked.

  He looked me straight in the eye and his answer was confident. “Yes.” The smile he aimed at me a second later was pure sex.

  I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “You know I’ve always liked you,” I told him, the words coming more easily from me now that he’d opened the door. “Ever since you showed up with those damn daisies after the, um, glitter incident. You let me think that you liked me back when we were in college, but you were just being polite because I was Ward’s little sister. I get that. I do. Really. It took a while for me to come to terms with it, but I just don’t want to misread this situation.”

  Cole looked like he was fighting some sort of battle with himself. “You aren’t misreading anything right now. I like you.”

  I should have been happy. This was what I’d wanted. I’d fantasized about this exact moment—when Cole told me he wanted me—in emotional, visceral, photo-realistic detail for years. But even though my heart was pounding, my face felt flushed, and I was vaguely out of my body, it wasn’t with joy; it was with fear.

  Terror, actually. I was terrified. Even though I was holding the prize I’d dreamt of in the palm of my hand, all I could do was marvel at how fragile it was. Most of my friends think that because I’m extroverted, I must also be brave. I’m not. That isn’t how it works at all. I’m a great big coward when it comes down to it.

  “Kate. You aren’t misreading anything. I like you a lot,” Cole repeated, more quietly this time. “Say something…maybe? Um… Kate?”

  “I can’t do this,” I mumbled. “This is a bad idea.”

  I turned to run away, but Cole was faster. Whether he was using his crazy football skills, or I was just distracted by my own emotional state wasn’t clear, but he was suddenly in front of me. For all I knew, he teleported. But there he was.

  “No running,” he told me seriously, “I’ve been trained for decades to try and catch you.” Cole pulled me against his chest in a heartbeat, tipped my chin up, and kissed me.

  My body surrendered in an instant. My fearful heart and second-guessing mind might have opinions, but body only had needs. I kissed him back, savoring the soft press of his lips, and eagerly parting my own when his warm tongue sought entry. His hands buried in my hair, pulling me closer, and I went willingly, twining my arms around his hips. His hold on me was gentle, but still firm enough to promise passion in addition to affection. I could see myself spending lifetimes in his arms. I’ve had plenty of good kisses, and a couple of great ones, but until that moment I’d never had a perfect kiss. Cole gave me a perfect kiss.

  It was just too much all at once. When we broke apart to share a breath and stare at one another in wonder and surprise—and there was enough surprise in his amber eyes to tell me that he hadn’t expected to do that either—the fear in me came flooding back.

  “Kate?” Cole asked again, reading my face and maybe guessing that I was about to bolt.

  “I’m really sorry. I gotta’ go,” I said, hanging my head and walking around him and out of the store without a backward glance.

 
Despite his teasing words, Cole didn’t pursue me. Perhaps my story about throat-punching had convinced him that it wasn’t a good idea. Perhaps he’d changed his mind after the kiss. Or—more likely—I just wasn’t worth the fight. Either way, he let me go and I went home in a dizzy blur. All the sleepless Googling, the shock and surprise, and that kiss had overwhelmed my senses. I was all out of energy. I collapsed on my bed and slept solid for almost eighteen hours.

  8

  Kate

  Six years earlier…

  When I arrived at UT as a freshman, there was one thing on my mind: Cole Rylander.

  Yes, I was there to obtain an education, but let’s be real: I was a raging cyclone of hormones and anticipation over Cole. I’d spent two long years waiting, but finally, finally, we were living in the same town. Like a hurricane hitting the Texas coast, I was on a crash course with absolute disaster. It didn’t take long for me to find it.

  Cole was a senior by the time I arrived and had been absolutely killing it on the field. Just like my brother, Cole was showing every indication of having a shot at a professional career after graduation, and it meant that he spent every spare moment in the gym. So, if I wanted to find him, that was where I went to look. Ambushing him on his way out of the locker room was easy.

  “Hi Cole!” I said, surprising him and falling into step beside him as he walked out. “Remember me?”

  Cole looked over at me in shock. He was wet from his shower and looked so much like my ultimate fantasy come to life that I could barely contain myself not to throw myself at him.

  “Kate? Were you stalking me?” His voice was stunned, and appreciative.

  For this long-awaited meeting, I’d pulled out all the stops. I was wearing a pale pink, strapless minidress that exposed much more than it concealed. It was August, so it was hot, and I therefore reasoned that less was more in the clothing department. My hair was super long back then—almost down to my waist, and I’d braided it into two long pigtails.

  “Maybe. Didn’t Ward tell you I was starting at UT?” I asked, batting my false eyelashes at him.

  We’d kept up an intermittent texting conversation over the years. Nothing serious or explicit, but enough banter and joking on both sides to keep it interesting. We’d also run into each other a few times during the intervening years, but always with Ward around. Today, however, my meddlesome brother was nowhere to be found. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, anyway.

  Cole nodded and flashed his bright smile at me. He looked happy to see me, and it was making me vaguely delirious. I walked alongside him, glad that my legs were long enough to keep up. “Yeah, he did mention it. How do you like it here so far?”

  “It’s a really big campus,” I said honestly. “I get lost a lot! The other day I think I interrupted a Board of Regents meeting looking for my English 101 class.” There was a reason they called the campus bus the ‘Forty Acres’. This place was enormous.

  Cole’s grin widened, and he held the door open for me as we walked outside. “Is that why you’re here? You’re lost? I don’t think you have access to the athletics men’s locker room. I can show you where the gym for students is if you want.”

  My answering grin over my shoulder was sly. I was well aware that the gym for regular students was across campus in the other direction. Not that I needed to use it. I was on the volleyball team and had every right to use the nicer facilities for student athletes. “Oh no, right now I’m not lost.” My confidence was high, spurred on by two years of dreams. “I was looking for you.”

  Cole blinked his big, amber eyes. His grin grew wider. “Oh really? Well, you found me. What can I do for you?” His tone was sweet and teasing, like his texts always had been. His eyes sparkled in the afternoon light.

  “What are you doing this Friday night?” I asked. My heart was pounding in my chest at a rate that felt just shy of ‘heart attack’. But I wasn’t about to lose my confidence now. I’d waited far too long for this moment. Two long years. “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” I felt proud that the words came out smoothly, at a consistent volume, and without stuttering.

  Cole’s grin faded. He drew us to a halt. “Kate, you’re my best friend’s little sister.” He said this like it should affect my feelings.

  I held my ground. “So, what? Don’t you like me?”

  He looked at me like he was trying to find the right words and pulled a frustrated hand through his damp hair in frustration. My confidence drained out of me as the seconds ticked by. Finally, when I was afraid that he’d just stare at me and never answer, he looked around carefully and then shrugged.

  “Can I pick you up at eight?” he asked. My exhale of relief was transcendental. I felt like my dreams were all coming true. My heart leapt up in my chest like it was threatening to escape my rib cage entirely. When we started walking again, each step at his side felt like I was growing taller. He wanted me back. I knew that he did, and I was right. He was so much better than the guys back home that it wasn’t even funny. And now I was going to go out on a date with him.

  “Sure!” I said, smiling widely and hoping I could get through the next five minutes without making him somehow change his mind. “You’ve got my number, right?” He nodded, still looking vaguely stunned but still happy. “I’ll text you my address. I managed to avoid living in the dorms, thank god. I’ve got an apartment over in west campus.” It wasn’t a nice apartment or anything, but I had half a room and one quarter of a bathroom to myself.

  Cole nodded, looking both torn and delighted. He kept looking around like he expected Ward to appear out of the bushes with a machete or something. Ward, however, was home in the apartment that he shared with Cole and their friend Lucas. I’d just texted him to make sure, so I knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be getting in the way.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Cole said after a beat. I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “See you then.” I traipsed off in a dream. “Bye Cole,” I called over my shoulder. He waved, smiling at me.

  Cole was almost mine already.

  9

  Cole

  Present day…

  I’d been on worse dates, sure, but after I kissed Kate and she ran off, it was safe to say I’d been on a few better ones, too. I was left standing in the shop with a bunch of curious clerks and the ruined remains of my pride. The walk back to my hotel room was lonely.

  The plan I’d hatched during brunch had ended with inviting Kate back to my hotel room, but when I arrived there alone, I knew I’d gone much too fast. I’d rushed her, and she wasn’t the same impulsive person she used to be. She’d grown up, and she’d grown wiser. Kate didn’t trust me, that much was clear. I would have to prove to her that my interest—and my feelings—were real.

  I considered calling up Ward and telling him the truth but suspected that would not end any better than my date with Kate. In fact, it might even end violently, depending on the mood I caught Ward in. So, instead, I called up Lucas. We ended up meeting at his loft.

  “This place is really nice,” I remarked when I saw the view. Austin was sprawled out beyond his windows. We were so high up—the thirty ninth floor—that even the hill country beyond the city limits could be seen rolling outward to the west.

  “Have you started looking at places yet?” Lucas asked, handing me a beer and then settling across from me on his couch. “Or do you just plan on living in hotels forever like a travelling salesman?”

  I cringed. “I do feel like I’ve lived in hotels my entire life at this point. I guess I’m used to it?” I’d seen literally thousands of hotel rooms, in nearly every state in the union. They were all the same after a while.

  “Well unless you want to make that a permanent arrangement, I’d suggest calling a realtor. It took me eight offers to snag this place. The struggle in this town is real.”

  I knew, rationally, that he was right. The housing crisis in Austin was well known. The number of well-paid tech people, academics, and government workers was
more than enough to exceed the amount of available land. The fact that new people just kept coming, and coming, and coming compounded the issue. Multiple all cash offers on even modest properties were the norm in Austin. After San Francisco and New York, Austin was quickly becoming one of the most unaffordable real estate markets in the nation. But that wasn’t why I was sitting in Lucas’ overpriced loft.

  “I have an issue. A Kate Williams issue,” I told him.

  Lucas smirked, which told me he’d already figured me out. Typical. The guy was too smart.

  “If you’re asking me for assistance, I may not be super helpful. Despite seeing her all the time, I don’t actually know her that well. She’s not a huge fan of me.”

  “What did you do?”

  Lucas looked offended at the question. “Do? If you recall, I did exactly what you asked.”

  I remembered. We drank in silence for a moment. I didn’t like the beer he had on hand but was too polite to refuse it. Each mouthful was more bitter than the last. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t the beer at all. Perhaps it was the reason for my visit that put a bad taste in my mouth.

  “I made a mistake,” I admitted, staring at my bottle instead of Lucas. When I looked up, he was staring out the window.

  “Yeah, you did.” His voice was soft, but I’d known him for long enough to know that was he pitied me. Generally, I disliked being pitied, but in this case, it might work in my favor.

  “So now what?” I asked. It didn’t seem like one bad decision that I made at twenty-two ought to have so much lasting impact. Surely Kate could see past what I’d done so long ago.