Diamonds and Dust

by Jessie Evans

  Tulsi shook her head, keeping her eyes on her feet as she tugged on her boots. “Nope. I told him it was none of his business, thank you very much. My life is my life.”

  “You’re getting sassy in your old age,” Mia said with a laugh. “Isn’t she, Pike?”

  “She was always sassy,” Pike said, his tone far too intimate for Tulsi’s liking. The last thing she needed was for Mia to start suspecting that she and Pike had a history. She’d kept her affair with Mia’s brother a secret for years and she intended to go right on keeping it. Nothing good could come from her best friend learning the truth.

  “Only with family.” Tulsi came to her feet and forced a smile. “It’s easy to tell your big brother to mind his own business.” She looped her arm through Mia’s. “I’m sorry, but I went wading instead of scavenger hunting. I hope you’re not mad.”

  Mia scrunched her nose. “Of course not. I hate organized activities. The scavenger hunt was Gram’s baby. I just checked all my boxes as soon as I walked into the woods and Sawyer and I spent the rest of the time making out.”

  “Hey, big brother here.” Pike fell in beside them as they started back toward the clearing where they’d had lunch. “Spare me the gory details.”

  Mia laughed. “Now you know how I feel when I see pictures of you and your lady of the moment making out on some magazine cover. I swear I’ve seen at least three women fondling your butt in public. I’ve probably been scarred for life.”

  “Some of those aren’t even me,” Pike said, sounding uncomfortable. “Photoshop is out of control. I’ve just got better things to do than sue the paparazzi.”

  “I can’t imagine having people hiding in the bushes trying to photograph me all the time,” Tulsi said, seeing a chance to get her message across without having a one-on-one conversation with Pike. She obviously couldn’t be trusted when they were alone together, no matter how many reasons she had to keep her hands to herself. “I’m glad I’m a nobody from a small town. Being famous sounds awful.”

  Pike hummed thoughtfully beneath his breath. “It isn’t for everyone, but the wives of the players are usually left alone. It’s only the girlfriends who make for interesting news. So the sooner we get married, the sooner the media frenzy will fade. What do you say, Tulsi? How’s next week sound?”

  Tulsi’s jaw dropped, but before she could say a word, Mia reached out and slapped Pike’s arm.

  “Stop it! Don’t tease her,” Mia said. “You’re awful, you know that?”

  “It’s okay,” Tulsi said breathlessly, meeting Pike’s gaze with a warning look while Mia’s head was turned. “I know he’s kidding, and it’s not like I still have a crush on him. I got over that when I was eighteen. I’m a big girl. I can take a little teasing from an old friend, right Pike?”

  “Sure you can.” Pike’s jaw clenched, but he smiled a beat later. “I’m going to run ahead and ice my knee before we head back. See you two on the trail. Good catching up with you, Tulsi.”

  “You too,” Tulsi said brightly. “I’m glad we had a chance to talk. Sorry things didn’t work out with that woman you were telling me about, but I’m sure you’ll find someone great when you go back to St. Louis.”

  He hesitated before nodding soberly. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  Mia watched Pike move down the riverbed in front of them before she turned back to Tulsi with a guilty look. “I’m so sorry. I can’t take him anywhere. Are you embarrassed?”

  “No, it’s fine.” Tulsi smiled so hard her cheeks began to hurt, determined to hide her secret misery from Mia. “Seriously, my crush on your brother is old news. Don’t even worry about it.”

  “Good,” Mia said with a sigh. “So did he tell you about his break up? I’ve been trying to get him to open up ever since he told me about it, but he’s been cagey. All I know is that it happened right before he came home and he was evidently pretty into this girl.”

  Tulsi pushed away a pang of jealousy and concentrated on using this news to firm up her defenses. Pike probably hadn’t meant half the things he’d said to her. He was on the rebound and looking for comfort, but he wasn’t going to find it with her, no matter how explosive the chemistry was between them. She couldn’t afford to think with anything but her head if she wanted to keep her life intact.

  “He just said he’d been through a break up,” Tulsi lied. “Not much else.”

  Mia shook her head slowly back and forth. “Oh well, guess he’ll open up when he’s ready. He’s always been the kind to keep to himself when he’s upset. He just shuts down and locks everyone out.”

  Tulsi made a noncommittal noise, as if she didn’t know that’s exactly the way Pike was or that one of his “shut downs” hadn’t changed the course of her life. The best thing she could do was forget she’d ever known intimate things about Pike, forget she’d loved him or succumbed to the pull between them this afternoon, and move on. Anything else would be rolling the dice, and risking everything that mattered. It wasn’t just Clem she had to consider, it was Mia, too. If Mia ever found out that Clementine was Pike’s and that Tulsi had kept her brother’s child from him…

  The very thought made her shiver with fear, despite the August heat.

  “Someone walk over your grave?” Mia asked.

  “I guess so.” She looped her arm more tightly through Mia’s and did her best not to think any more terrifying thoughts. Everything was going to be okay. She just had to make it a few more days and Pike would be gone and life would return to normal.

  And normal was good, even if it was a pale shadow of the bliss and perfection she found when she was with Pike.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Pike

  Seven years ago, all it had taken was a phone call from Tulsi telling Pike she was pregnant with another man’s child to end things between them. He’d been so hurt and jealous he hadn’t been able to think past the rage inspired by the realization that Tulsi—his Tulsi—had been with someone else.

  After that miserable phone call, he’d crawled into a bottle for five days and only come up for air when his assistant coach caught him puking in the locker room and told him he’d be cut from the team if he showed up drunk to practice again. Since then, Pike had run from his pain with women instead of booze.

  In the year after he and Tulsi split, he’d slept with more women than he had in his entire life to that point. He was determined to fuck her out of his system and for a while it had worked. He’d been too angry to let himself remember how good it had been between them. He’d forgotten that making love to Tulsi was as natural as breathing or how beautiful and right the world seemed when she was in his arms.

  But now, he remembered. It wasn’t nostalgia that made his heart insist that Tulsi was the best he’d ever had. She was even better than he’d remembered—innocence and abandon, heart and heat all wrapped up in the sexiest little body in the world. Having her taste on his lips, seeing her hands tremble as she reached for him, hearing her sweet, sexy voice whispering in his ear had been a thousand times more earth-shattering than even his most vibrant memories. She’d devastated him, broken through every line of defense, and exposed all the lies he’d told himself to the light.

  He’d never even started getting over Tulsi Hearst. She still owned him—body and soul. She was everything he wanted and needed and this time he wasn’t giving up on her without a fight. He was going to get through to her and earn a second chance, no matter what it took.

  He didn’t blame her for being skittish. He’d been out of her life for seven years and had made no effort to mend the rift between them until this week. She had every right to doubt his love and push him away. She had a life in Lonesome Point and a daughter to protect and couldn’t afford to let herself get swept up in something that might vanish as quickly as it had appeared. He had to prove to her that he was someone she could trust, someone who didn’t make idle promises or run when the going gets tough. He was going to have to lay himself bare and beg for her to have mercy on his suffering heart, and
he had a pretty good idea how he was going to do it.

  He spent the rest of Wednesday afternoon gathering supplies, and by Thursday morning, when he, Mia, and Sawyer met the rest of their group at the float launch to start their overnight trip, he was prepared to make his case to the woman he loved. Best case scenario, he and Tulsi would wake up tomorrow ready to make the most of their second chance. Worst case, he would be leaving Lonesome Point in a few days knowing some mistakes were forever, no matter how much he regretted the things he’d done.

  But he wasn’t willing to admit defeat yet. Ross and his new girlfriend, Meg, were together in one canoe, Mia and Sawyer in another, which left Pike and Tulsi in canoe number three. He would have the entire day, with her close enough to hear his every whisper, and he intended to make the most of it.

  “I’ve been thinking about some of the things you said yesterday,” Pike said softly after they had pushed their canoe into the water and were floating down a peaceful stretch of river behind the other couples. “I was hoping we could talk.”

  “Let’s not,” Tulsi whispered back. “Let’s just enjoy the scenery. It’s so beautiful here.”

  It was beautiful. Cottonwood trees arched gracefully over one side of the river and a steep bluff loomed on the other, providing shelter from the harsh morning sun that would beat down on them later in the day. The water was a dark gray-blue, the sky bright and cloudless, and the entire world seemed to scream that today was a day for optimism and belief in the endurance of beautiful things.

  But every time Pike tried to start a conversation, Tulsi shut him down. She refused to talk about anything more intimate than her favorite stretches of the river, how much she loved camping, or what kind of sandwich she wanted from the cooler for lunch.

  By the time they dragged the canoes ashore and went for a swim mid-afternoon, Pike was discouraged. By the time they reached their usual campsite and started setting up tents and preparing to cook supper, he was grinding his teeth with frustration. He was in a foul mood and assembling his small, sleeps-one tent on the opposite side of the campground from Tulsi’s only made it fouler. He and Tulsi shouldn’t be sleeping apart and pretending to be old friends. They should be making up for lost time and figuring out how they were going to move forward. The passion between them yesterday had been real. It was still there, simmering below the surface—no matter how many polite smiles and cool glances Tulsi shot his way—and he meant to prove it, as soon as he could get her truly alone.

  The chance didn’t come as they were making camp, helping Ross cook a supper of ribs, broccoli rabe, and roasted potatoes that rivaled the food in some of the best restaurants Pike had frequented. It didn’t come as they were cleaning up or tying the remaining food in plastic bags that they hung in nearby trees to keep it safe from animals. It wasn’t until it was nearly dark and they all went their separate ways to get ready for bed that Tulsi unglued herself from Mia’s side and started down a narrow path toward the river on her own.

  After making sure the rest of the group was busy with their own pre-bedtime rituals, Pike followed Tulsi down to the riverbank, his shoes crunching onto the fine gravel beside the water just as Tulsi squatted behind a shrub.

  “We need to talk,” Pike said, summoning a surprised yip from Tulsi.

  “Ohmygod, you scared me!” Tulsi said. “I’m peeing, Pike! Go away!”

  “No,” Pike stubbornly insisted. “I’ve been trying to have a real conversation with you all day. If this is the only way I can get you to listen, I’m not above taking advantage of a captive audience.”

  “At least turn your back, for goodness sakes,” Tulsi snapped. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

  “And you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you pretend yesterday didn’t happen.” He turned, granting her the privacy she’d requested though he couldn’t see much behind the bushes anyway. “It happened, and I meant what I said. I’m still in love with you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to convince you to give me a second chance.”

  He hesitated, waiting for a long, silent beat before he asked, “Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you, but I’m not talking to you while I pee,” she said. “Or any other time. I meant what I said yesterday, too. I got over you when I was eighteen and I’m not interested in living in the past.”

  “You’re lying,” he said, turning back around just as Tulsi stood, hitching her shorts up over her black underpants. He couldn’t keep his eyes from sweeping up and down her petite frame as she started toward the water with her toiletry bag. She was so beautiful, even in gym shorts and an oversized Ticklish Iguana tee shirt that hung on her slim shoulders.

  How had he ever convinced himself this woman was flawed? She was perfect, from her upturned nose to the square little feet encased in her sandals.

  “I am not lying,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest. “What happened yesterday was just sex, Pike. It had been a while for me, and you look good in a pair of blue jeans. That’s it.”

  “Is that why you were crying when it was over?” he asked, not missing the way Tulsi’s lips tightened at the words. “That was more than sex, and you know it.”

  “I don’t know anything except that I wish you would go.” She turned her back on him as she squatted by the river to dip a washcloth into the water. “Just leave me alone, Pike. This isn’t going to happen. There’s never going to be anything between us again.”

  “Why are you so scared?” Pike asked softly. “And what can I do to prove that you don’t have to be? Just name it, Tulsi. I’ll do anything you ask. You can call all the shots.”

  “I don’t want anything from you,” she said, the words ending in a sob. “Now please just…go.”

  Pike crossed the pebbled bank between them and sat down next to her, his heart breaking when he saw the tears on her cheeks. “I hate that I keep making you cry.”

  “Then leave me alone,” Tulsi said with a sniff as she swiped her tears away with her fists. “Just leave me alone, Pike. I can’t give us another chance. Not even if I wanted to.”

  “Why?” he asked, reaching out to cup her sad face in his hands. “Look at me, tell me why.”

  She turned with a ragged sigh, gazing up at him with blue eyes filled with so much longing and pain he felt it cut through him like a knife through hot butter. “Because everything is too screwed up, okay? We won’t ever be able to trust each other the way we did. There’s too much water under the bridge, too many mistakes. We’re doomed before we even get started.”

  “That’s not what you really think,” he insisted, determined to banish the hurt from her eyes. “That’s not who you are, Tulsi. You see the best in people. You see the silver lining, not the cloud.”

  Tulsi shook her head, sending fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. “Not anymore. I’m not that kind of person anymore. Not when it comes to relationships. I’ve been lonely too long.”

  “I’ve been lonely, too,” he said, pushing on when she rolled her eyes. “Sure, I’ve had other women in my bed, but there’s been no one in my heart. I belong to you, Tulsi, and nothing can change that. Not time or distance or being the biggest slut in professional baseball.”

  She made a sound that was almost a laugh, giving Pike hope that she was considering what he had to say.

  “I’m tired of running from the truth and pretending I’m fine without you,” he said, brushing his thumb back and forth across her soft cheek. “I’m not fine. I’m broken and sad and half the man I want to be, half the man I was when you were mine. And that’s why I went to the jewelry store downtown yesterday and bought you this.”

  He reached into his shorts, pulling out the diamond ring that had been burning a hole in his back pocket all day. He lifted the ring up between them, watching Tulsi’s eyes widen with shock as she realized what he was holding.

  “Jesus, Pike,” she whispered, eyes as big as saucers. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Yes, I can,” he insisted, keeping the ring right
where it was. “I know we both made mistakes in our past, but we were kids then. We’re not kids now and I want you to know nothing is going to make me run away. We don’t have to get married anytime soon—I know we have a lot of work to do to get back to where we were—but this is where I want us to end up.”

  He took her hand in his, squeezing her fingers. “I promise to love you for the rest of my life, Tulsi, and to do whatever it takes to earn your trust. Please take this ring and give us a chance. Let’s leave the past in the past and get started on a future together. I know I can make you happy if you’ll let me.”

  Tulsi swallowed hard, but there was something in her eyes, something that made his already racing heart slam in his chest.

  “Can the past really stay in the past?” she whispered. “Is that even possible?”

  “It is,” he promised, hope spiking so suddenly he felt dizzy with it. “If we just decide to let it go. Let it all go and start over with just you and me and the way we feel about each other.”

  “What about…Clementine?” she asked softly, peering up at him through her long lashes.

  “Well, she invited me to play poker when she gets back from camp and announced her intentions to take me for my weight in candy, so I think she likes me,” Pike said with a cautious smile. “Hopefully, she’ll keep liking me as long as I do everything I can to make her mama happy.”

  “But could you love her?” Tulsi asked, voice trembling. “Even though she’s part of the reason things ended between us?”

  “How could I keep from loving her?” Pike asked, holding Tulsi’s uncertain gaze, willing her to see that every word he spoke came straight from his heart. “She’s a part of you and I love every part of you, Tulsi Hearst. I’ve been falling in love with you my entire life. I was just too stupid to realize it at first and too stubborn to fight for it when things went wrong.”

  He paused, gathering the courage to lay it all on the line. “But now I know pride isn’t worth the price I’ve paid. Fuck pride, fuck the past, fuck anything and everything that stands in our way. I can let it all go because I know that none of it is worth losing you. I don’t want to live another day of my life without seeing your smile, without being able to hold your hand and tell you that I love you.”