Forever Red

by Carina Adams

  “Why would you do that? Is it because I’m new?” he asked and all I could do was shake my head. “Then why me?”

  I didn’t know how to answer that; it wasn’t a simple answer. So, instead, I told him everything. Why The Game had been created, how we chose the boys or men we did, what we had to do in order to win, and, finally, how we kept each other honest. For the first time, I let someone from outside in on our secret, and it felt amazing to trust him with that much information.

  “That’s pretty fucked up. You know that, right?”

  I did. The three of us were screwed up beyond measure.

  “Okay.” He stood, making me imagine the worst before he sat back down sideways on the couch, looking at me, one knee up on the cushion between us. “How do we get them to stop?”

  I turned, mirroring his position. “It isn’t that easy. They’re not going to stop pursuing you just because you know. They’ll keep going until someone wins.”

  He chewed on his lip in thought, distracting me. I wanted to kiss him again. Shit, I wanted to yank him into the bedroom and have my way with him. Do things to him that would have him so obsessed with me he’d forget about everything he’d learned tonight.

  “Lia?” His hand touched mine. “Did you hear me?”

  “Sorry.”

  His lips curved in a knowing way. “I asked how many points you got for our little kiss earlier.”

  I frowned, trying to remember back to the conversation in class the day I met Neil. “I don’t remember,” I answered truthfully and he grunted, putting me on the defensive. “I haven’t been playing, remember? I didn’t think you were attracted to me.”

  He made an “hmmm” sound as if I were an idiot.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. I have no proof.”

  “We’ll just do it again then. In front of them.”

  I wanted to laugh like a maniac at the idea of kissing him again. “You’re not pissed at me?”

  He shrugged. “It’s stupid and childish, and I can’t imagine doing something like that. But, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He glanced around the TV-lit living room. “What time’s your mom coming home?”

  “She isn’t. Why?”

  He stood, grinning. “I wanna take you somewhere. Come with me?”

  I’d go anywhere with him, as long as he kept looking at me like that.

  He ran out to his truck to get his bag, leaving me to gather as many blankets and pillows as I could find. Half an hour later, he pulled onto a creepy dirt path that wasn’t even nice enough to be considered a road.

  “Uh, where are we going?”

  He didn’t answer, just shot me what I thought was a smile and kept driving. Minutes later, the trail opened into a giant field that went on until it met the sky, the stars looked like they were close enough to touch.

  “Wow,” I gasped to myself. I had no idea something this pretty was this close.

  Neil stopped his truck, shutting it off. He opened his door and then rushed around to open mine before I even had a chance to unbuckle. Reaching in, he did the honors for me, pecking my forehead with a little kiss. Then he took my hand and pulled me out.

  Dropping his tailgate and grabbing a couple of sleeping bags out, he unrolled them, lining the bed and then added a few blankets and the pillows on top of them, giving us extra padding. Then he lifted me up into the truck, climbed up behind me, lay down on his back, and patted the space next to him. I didn’t hesitate. After I was sprawled out next to him, he covered us with blankets and laid his head next to mine.

  “Back home, when I needed time to myself, I’d go to a field near my grandpa’s farm and would just lie there, staring at the stars. It is still my favorite place on Earth. Sometimes, seeing how big the world is makes the little things seem so much less important.”

  I couldn’t have agreed more. Moments stretched into minutes as the quiet enveloped us. I was almost asleep when his hand twitched next to mine. Then it twitched again and a single fingertip traced the outline.

  “Can I hold your hand?” The whispered question was absurd, considering an hour ago his tongue had been down my throat, but it was extremely sweet.

  “I’d like that.” The words weren’t out of my mouth before his long, thin fingers entwined with mine. I wanted him to kiss me, to bring back that amazing feeling and longing from earlier, to jump my bones and make my screams break the silence of the night. But I’d take this. For now.

  He cleared his throat. “Have you ever had a boyfriend, Red? A real boyfriend?”

  “No.” I turned my head, watching him. “I had a crush on someone when I was younger, and I thought he liked me back. We laughed all the time, and he didn’t care that I lived in a trailer or that my mom got state aid. One day, he stopped talking to me and started spending all his time with a girl that hated me. Then I caught him writing things on my locker.”

  He turned his head toward mine, frowning. “What kinds of things?”

  “Trash. It varied. White trash. Trailer trash. Nasty trash. Ugly trash.” I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “It seems so silly now, but I was devastated at the time.” My admission caused him to look pissed so I squeezed his hand, trying to convey that it was okay while I made a mental note never to tell him that boy was Mike. I lapped my lips. “What about you? There was the cheerleader. Anyone else steal Nathaniel Kelly’s heart?”

  He never took his eyes off mine. “No. Just April.”

  “What happened with that? Did you break up because you moved up here?”

  He’d told me about many parts of his life back in Alabama and his anger toward his parents pulling him away from his home, but we’d never really talked about the girlfriend.

  He narrowed his eyes for a second before he closed them. “We were only babies when we started dating in seventh grade, but we couldn’t keep our hands off each other – raging hormones, ya know? But, we knew we were going to get married one day…” He trailed off, scowling. “She wanted us to wait for our wedding night. So we did.”

  Um, what? I let go of his hand, propping myself up onto my elbow, looking down at him in amazement. “You’ve been together since you were twelve and you never had sex?”

  Turning onto his side, he slid his now free hand under his head. “There are other things you can do, you know. And, believe me, we did them.”

  Oh, I did know that. I smirked, trying to hold my tongue. This was a conversation that we’d get back to, but right now, it would sidetrack us, and I wanted answers. “So, why’d you break up?”

  “She said she wanted us to wait for marriage. What she never clarified was that she had no plans to wait.”

  Oooooohhhhh. I wondered how he knew that. I didn’t have to wait for long.

  “We got drunk after Gramps died, rip-roaring drunk, and… it was painfully obvious that she hadn’t waited for me. I was an idiot and didn’t see what was right in front of me. Cheating on someone that loves you is the cruelest thing ever. I don’t ask for much, but if I’m with someone, I want them to be faithful.” He paused. “After that, I was done.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I lay back down on my side, facing him, scooting as close as I could, and moved my right hand into his, trying to offer him any comfort I could. “She’s an idiot. She had the best thing in the world – this really funny, totally sarcastic, and completely hot boyfriend – and she threw it away for meaningless sex with some loser asshole that can’t begin to compare? I bet she’s kicking herself in the ass now.”

  “That loser asshole was my best friend.”

  “Well, they deserve each other, don’t they?” I rolled my eyes. “Figures. Assholes attract other assholes. I hope they make one another deliriously miserable.”

  He laughed. “Lia,” he whispered as he leaned his lips into the hair above my ear. “For the record, I think Mike Carson is a fucking moron, and I know he’s kicking himself in the ass right now.”

  I hadn’t told him the boy I used to like had been Mike, which meant
that Mike must have. Awesome.

  “But I’m actually happy it didn’t work out between you two.”

  “Oh, yeah? Why is that?”

  “‘Cause I’d have to kick his ass.” He pulled back a little. “And if it had worked, and you two were a thing, I couldn’t do this.” He let go of my hand and cupped my cheek, pressing his lips to mine. My eyes fluttered closed as he shifted above me. I didn’t need to have them open to see stars.

  Chapter Ten

  ~ Nathaniel ~

  It was pitch black when something moved next to me, jolting me from sleep. At first, I thought Linc had buried herself under my blankets, but the girl next to me was far too soft and much less hairy than my pup. I smiled into the dark sky as memories from the last few hours slowly crept to the surface of my mind. We’d talked about everything, and then nothing at all important, just laughing and getting to know each other even more. And we’d kissed… God, had we kissed.

  At one point, my heart was racing, my blood pounding through my veins so fast that it had taken everything in me to keep my hands on the outside of her clothes. She was not that considerate; I could still feel the tips of her fingers tracing my ribs and dancing down my stomach. Mmmm. This girl!

  I hadn’t meant for us to spend the entire night out here, but waking up next to her was an amazing feeling, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I was thankful I hadn’t given in to the hormones that were still driving me wild, keeping me at half-mast. She was better than some quick fuck in the back of my truck. I’d told her, even though she’d tried to argue, that I was not going to sleep with her the first night we were together.

  I wanted to be more than just another in her long line of partners – she hadn’t given me a number, instead, telling me I probably didn’t want to know. She was right. I didn’t want to know. It didn’t matter now, anyway, because I was going to be her only from this point forward. I needed to show her I was different from what she was used to, that she mattered, not just her body. And to do that, we needed to wait.

  Lia snorted in her sleep, snuggling her back closer to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I sighed happily. My breath billowed in front of me and the reality of how cold it was hit me. October in Maine wasn’t the time to stay out under the stars. I sat up, leaning over to make sure the blankets were still covering her, tucking them further under her side just to make sure. Then, sliding my arm under her head, I tangled my body around hers and fell back asleep.

  When I woke up again, the gray had faded into blue, the sun just starting to peek out of the trees. Lia was on top of me, head on my chest, arms clinging to my torso. She was shaking.

  “Hey.” I picked up my head, kissing her forehead. “You’re cold.”

  She nodded. “F-f-frreezing.” Her teeth chattered as she answered.

  I flipped us over, propping myself up on my elbows so that I didn’t crush her completely, and then pulled one of the blankets over our heads, creating a tent and hoping our body heat would warm her. She started tugging my sweatshirt up before I could stop her.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Isn’t skin to skin the best way to get someone warm?” Her chin was still quivering from the chill she’d gotten, and even though I was sure that was only necessary if someone got wet in freezing temperatures, I let her slip it off and then watched in the early morning darkness as she twisted out of hers.

  She wasn’t wearing a bra. I was pretty sure I’d just been played. If not, I was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. My fingers ached to touch her. Fisting them in the sleeping bag, I groaned. “Lia.”

  Lia only shook her head, bucking her body against mine. “Warm me up, Neil. I’m so, so cold.”

  I wish I could say that right at that second my intentions were only to warm her up and that everything I did from that point on was innocent. But as I stared down at her body, just visible in the muted sunrise, my mind stopped working. I reached out, touching unbelievably soft and flawless skin, moving my hand from her slightly rounded stomach, up onto her ribs, between her breasts, and then down, circling one of her nipples.

  She inhaled sharply, widening her legs to give me room, and then arched her body into mine. I pushed my morning wood into her, my bulging jeans creating the perfect amount of friction against her pajama pants. Leaning down, I kissed the soft spot just above her belly button. Lia cried out, hands grabbing fistfuls of hair.

  Following the same path my fingers had just taken, I inched up her body, blazing the trail with lips, teeth, and tongue. By the time I found my way back to her mouth, she had wrapped her legs around my waist and was digging holes in my back. Having my lips on her was my only priority but, somehow, I managed to kick off my jeans and pull the fleece from her legs. I couldn’t have stopped even if I wanted to. And at that moment, I really, really didn’t want to.

  I sat back on my knees, letting blankets fall from our heads, and reached for my jeans. Lia groaned angrily under me. “It isn’t nighttime.”

  Hastily shoving blankets and discarded clothes out of my way in my search, I nodded. “Okay?”

  She squeezed her legs together around mine. “You said you wouldn’t have sex with me on our first night together. It isn’t nighttime anymore.”

  I had been played. Finding my jeans, I pulled the foil that I’d haphazardly tucked in my pocket the day before, and then leaned over to kiss her. Her arms came around my shoulders as if to hold me in place and I lost myself in all that was Lia. If I wasn’t in her soon, I was going to explode. Moving to the side slightly, I ripped the foil and rolled the thin layer of latex up over myself.

  Opening her eyes, she glared at me. “Nathaniel Kelly, if you stop again, so help me God, I’m gonna…” I silenced her threat with my lips and pulled her hips up to meet mine.

  I can’t explain the feelings that washed over me during the next few minutes. A lesser man would have cried. Hell, I had to bite my lip hard enough to draw blood to keep myself from telling her I loved her and begging her to love me back. Yeah, I’d only been with one other person, but even inexperienced me knew this was indescribable. It was like coming home after being away for years. This was where I belonged. I never wanted to leave again.

  After we were done, Lia fell into an exhausted slumber. I couldn’t sleep, so I cradled her in my arms, holding on for dear life. I was screwed. S-C-R-E-W-E-D. I craved this girl. When she wasn’t around, I needed her to be near me. And now, well, now I was addicted for a completely different reason. Her body was my shrine and I had to worship it in order to find absolution.

  Hunger – for actual food – was the only reason we left the field a few hours later. Next time I took her there, I was making sure I had a cooler stocked with enough food and drinks to last an entire weekend. That’s how much time I needed with her, and something told me even that wouldn’t be enough.

  We grabbed bagels and coffee at Dunkin and ate cuddled up on her couch, wasting the rest of the morning away watching movies. Halfway through our second one, it hit me that her mom still wasn’t home. All this time I’d known her and I’d never actually met her mother. “Are you home alone all the time?”

  She paused the movie and then looked at me sadly. “No. But Mom works and goes to school during the week, so she spends every weekend with her friends and boyfriend.”

  “Couldn’t her friends or boyfriend come here?”

  Standing up, she grabbed the food wrappers and our plates and walked into her tiny kitchen. “They come here when I’m going to be at Julie’s for the weekend.”

  I only raised an eyebrow, making her flush in embarrassment.

  “They don’t know about me.”

  I walked to her, hugged her tight, and waited for an explanation. “The friend is one she met in her first college class and the boyfriend is the friend’s brother. They think my mom is a lot younger. It’s easier not to have to explain why someone her age has a teenager and why the teenager never sees her dad.”

  “Why doesn’t the teenager ever see
her dad?” We’d never talked about her dad before, but I guess I’d just assumed he was dead.

  She swallowed audibly, and then sighed. “Because her dad hates her mom and his new wife doesn’t handle the situation very well. Plus, he’s in the Navy, so it isn’t like he lives around here and just avoids his daughter.” She leaned her head back to look up at me. “He sends me money every month, which is better than what a lot of dads do. We do talk, even though it’s mostly by email now.”

  My dad was a jackass. A shitty son that hadn’t appreciated the father he’d been blessed to have. But he was a great husband and an even better dad. This beautiful girl should have had that, too. She was so much more than a secret or an obligation. The idea made my blood run cold. “So that still doesn’t explain why your mom hasn’t mentioned you.”

  “I’m just glad she’s happy.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t important. “Look, life is hell here. Especially for two broke teenagers that decided to keep their baby when no one wanted them to. Dad joined the Navy so he could rescue us. My mom works her ass off because he never did. They’re not bad parents. I know how much they love me, and they really did try. But they’re just young. If being with a guy that doesn’t know about me makes her happy…” She trailed off, sighing. “I’m gonna be gone in two years anyway, so what’s the point of telling him about me?”

  “Don’t you ever get tired of being alone?” I was never alone. Between Gramps, my parents, Nikki, the rugrats, April, and now Lia and Carson, I hadn’t been alone in years. Shit, I could barely use the bathroom in privacy.

  She nodded. “I used to be with Jules all the time so it wasn’t a big deal. Now, though, it does get old.”

  Putting my hands on her cheeks, I looked down into her big blue eyes. “Next time you get lonely, call me. I’ll come in fifteen.”

  She giggled and nodded, a mischievous twinkle in her eye, no doubt thinking about earlier when I wasn’t sure I had even lasted that long.