Forever Red

by Carina Adams

  Lia just nodded sadly, disappointment filtering over her face. Then she slipped off the vanity and stepped into me, circling me with her hand. “That’s okay.” Her eyes slowly traveled over me, from head to feet and back, biting her bottom lip, eyes big as she moved close enough for me to feel the hardened peaks of her nipples. “We’ll just…” And before she finished the sentence, she dropped to her knees.

  The warmth of her mouth surrounded me, and for a few minutes, I lost the ability to speak. Holy Christ, she was good. Too good to be a novice, but I forced the nasty thought away. It didn’t matter how many had experienced it before me. It was just us from this point forward.

  Instead, I focused on the sounds she made and the most intense feeling I’d ever had. She added her hand and fingers, massaging my balls, pushing me over the edge within minutes, but she wouldn’t let me back away. Instead, she kept bobbing her head, forcing me to release it all, and then swallowed every last drop. It was too much; too many feelings swarmed my mind, mixed with the intensity of the orgasm, and I couldn’t stand up anymore.

  She grinned up at me when I had to sag back against the wall, looking extremely pleased with herself. I smiled back. It had been amazing, so great that I’d had to bite my lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from chanting my love for her, over and over.

  It took me a few seconds to unwind the fingers I had locked in her hair, but then I grabbed her and kissed her, lifting her onto the counter once more. My hands cupped her face, preventing her from escaping. “I meant what I said earlier.” Leaning in close, I searched her eyes. “I love you, Red.”

  She smiled slow and beautiful in answer. Pure happiness was clear all over her face. I wanted so much more than that from her, though. I wanted to watch her lose control. I needed to see her give all of herself to me, the way I just had given everything I had to her. I needed to make sure she was mine, and that she would stay mine. Forever.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ~ Cecelia ~

  The look on Neil’s face was so intense I couldn’t look away. His thumb stroked my cheek, almost without thought, and his eyes held me prisoner. Without warning, he broke the spell, dropping tiny kisses over my jaw, onto my neck, and back up, capturing my earlobe between his teeth.

  “You are so fucking hot right now I can’t stand it!” His low growl was loud in my ear as his hot breath sent shivers across my skin. I moaned involuntarily before he bit softly back down my neck to my collarbone.

  His hands, which I hadn’t been paying attention to, appeared on my thighs, pushing my legs apart. He stepped into the open space before beginning to kiss a path down my body. His hands and mouth moved over me quickly, touching me everywhere, and I couldn’t get my mind to focus on just one sensation at a time. When teeth closed around a nipple, I cried out, digging the sharp edges of my nails into his biceps.

  I wasn’t sure if I had hurt him, but he released me quickly and resumed his exploration, moving further south, nibbling and kissing as he went. Somewhere in the back of my mind, warning bells rang and I knew I had to stop this before we made a mistake. I was not having sex with him without a condom, and since we didn’t have any…

  I tensed as his head dropped to my hip, and then lower, lips and tongue attacking the sensitive flesh on the inside of my thigh. When he slid slightly higher, I sat up straight, attempting to close my legs. As if he knew it was coming, his hands braced me open, exposed to him, and he crept even closer to the most secret part of me.

  I pushed on his head, trying to get him to back off. “Oh, no you don’t.” My voice was weak, even to my own ears. I was wound so tight I would have given almost anything for a release. But that was so not happening.

  Neil didn’t move his head from the apex of my legs so I slid my hands down to cover myself. His eyes snapped up to mine, voice low and gravely. “Move your hands, Lia.”

  I almost did as I was told. His eyes turned dark, dangerous, and some part of me wanted to give in, to let him to do what no one else had. But I’d made it this far; I wasn’t giving in now. “No.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he nipped the tip of one of my fingers. “Move them. Or I will.”

  I wanted to move them, but I forced them to stay. I shook my head, swallowing hard. “Kiss me, Neil.”

  That made him smirk. “Baby, I’m tryin’.”

  I shivered, not sure if it was because the coolness of the room was getting to me or if it was because I could feel his breath against my sex.

  Neil saw it, and his face softened slightly. “Red, let me kiss you.”

  I shook my head, trying to close my legs again. “I can’t.”

  He stood, leaving his hands on my legs, forcing them to stay open. Eye-level with me once again, he watched me with such intensity I felt like he was trying to see into my soul. “I give as good as I get, Lia. And I got good. Why won’t you let me do the same?”

  It was stupid. I knew that’s what he was going to say. This was the absolute worst time to discuss it, but he wasn’t going to let it go. “Because no one else has. And no one else will. Until I get married.”

  His hands abandoned their post and circled my wrists instead. “What?”

  I wasn’t going for shock and awe, but his reaction was almost comical. “Oh, for Christ’s sake!” I would have thrown my hands in the air in exasperation if he weren’t holding them down. “It’s not like I’m telling you that I’m a virgin.” I shrugged. “We both know I’m not. There isn’t much I haven’t done”—he paled slightly, jaw clenching—“but I’ve never let anyone go down on me. I’m saving it for my forever.”

  His grip slackened, but that’s the only movement he made as he processed what I just told him. I shook my head, rolling my eyes. Really? I’m not that big of a slut, he honestly couldn’t be that surprised.

  After what felt like an eternity, he blinked and cleared his throat. “Why not just stay a virgin?” His tone was curious, and as he talked, his arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his warmth and holding me close.

  “I was stupid. And once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.” I shrugged, being honest about it – probably the first time ever. “This is the only thing I have left, and I feel like I need to save something. I don’t want every one of my firsts to be with someone who won’t remember me in five years.”

  The last part made Neil tense, holding me tighter. I knew he didn’t want to hear it because, in his mind, we were in love and were probably going to get married, live in the perfect house with the white picket fence, and have three kids. He was a forever kind of guy.

  I was not a forever kind of girl. I loved him. More than I’d ever loved anyone other than my mom. Definitely more than I wanted to admit. He was slowly replacing everything that I thought had mattered.

  That didn’t change the fact that I was packing my bags in year and a half and putting this shitty little town – and all of its inhabitants – behind me. Five years from now, I’d be a college graduate, starting my life. Without Neil.

  “Lia,” he said, his voice rough and full of emotion, “I get it.” He stepped back slightly, gripping my chin and forcing eye contact. “I really do. But I can promise you, no matter where we are in five years, I’m going to remember everything about you.” He moved away, picking his discarded shirt up off the floor before sliding it over my head and putting my arms through as if I was a small child. “I will not only remember you, I will still love you. Until the day I die.”

  *****

  Things between us never felt the same after that night. We were still us: two best friends that loved to drive the other crazy, two kids that bickered over the dumbest shit ever, and then laughed until we cried, and two teenage lovers whose encounters were so hot I’m surprised our sheets didn’t ignite. Yet, there was something more between us, an understanding that whatever we had, however great it was, it was only temporary.

  We never talked about it. If he really believed that we’d be together forever, that we’d get married one day, he didn�
��t mention it. I changed the subject whenever someone asked what we were going to do after high school, not wanting to see the hurt he got in his eyes when he remembered I planned to move on without him. Instead, we focused on the safe topics and settled in to an almost naïve existence, pretending everything was going to be okay.

  We were happy in our little cloud of bliss for months. Snow started to melt as the days warmed and winter faded into spring. I was ready to get outside again, to have open fields and a little privacy, and to be able to spend time with my boyfriend without a parent watching us out of the corner of their eye. When all my friends started focusing on prom, I rolled my eyes and counted down the days until Neil and I could spread out in the back of his truck while they all crammed into limos.

  We’d made it almost to April vacation when my world shifted again. Neil was late to lunch, which was strange since we’d left our class at the same time, but he’d been off for days. I was worried but chalked it up to the fact that he wasn’t feeling well. Late nights talking to me combined with early morning baseball practices were starting to take their toll.

  As our lunch hour flew by, Jules attempted to distract me, sitting in Neil’s seat with the prom issue of Seventeen, flipping back and forth between the dresses she liked. I tried to pay attention, but they all looked the same to me. Before I could give my opinion, Mike sat on my other side.

  “Where’s Kelly?” he asked before shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth.

  I shrugged, but Missy answered for me. “He was talking to Ally in the hall.” Looking up from the nail she was painting, she gave me an evil smile. “They looked like they were talking about something important.”

  As if on cue, Allyson strutted into the cafeteria, swaying her hips as if she was a model on a runway. She glanced in my direction, smirking a little when she saw me watching her. She paused mid-step, glancing over her shoulder. Neil stepped through the door, looking at her until she turned back around and pranced over to her normal table. He barely glanced at our table – even though I’m sure he felt four sets of eyes burning a hole into his chest – before he turned and headed toward the kitchen.

  “Ignore it.” Mike’s voice was low and close to my ear, so only I could hear what he said. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  I nodded, pushing my burger away, suddenly not hungry. My stomach was in knots, a feeling of dread settling deep in my gut. It had to be nothing.

  Neil didn’t even attempt to kick Julie out of his spot but sat across from me instead. He chatted easily with Mike for a few minutes, and even looked at the magazine to tell Julie which dress he liked better, but he didn’t say anything to me. When he finished his meal, he stood and threw away his plate before coming back and leaning down, bracing his palms on table.

  “We gotta talk about prom, Red.”

  I met his eyes and, suddenly, it all made sense. Ally was on the prom committee, but we hadn’t gotten tickets. Neil had gotten them anyway and was going to ask me. I beamed up at him, finding his tenacity amusing. “Not a chance in hell, pretty boy.”

  He straightened, crossing his arms over his chest.

  I shook my head and laughed. “You can ask all you want, but I’m not going.”

  “I know.” He sighed, dropping his arms to his sides and turning his head toward the jock table. “My parents want me to take Ally.”

  “Yeah, oooo-kay.” Mike stood suddenly, grabbing Julie’s arm. “We’re just gonna let you two kids have a few minutes alone. Come on, Miss,” he said, but Missy didn’t budge, looking from me to Neil with unmasked delight. Mike moved around the end of the table and pulled her, forcing her up.

  Before the three of them left the room, I could hear her whining that she was missing the “good part.” Mike turned around and gave me a concerned look before they disappeared from view.

  Neil sat across from me again, staring at the middle of the table. I waited for him to clarify, to elaborate a little, but he didn’t say a word. Finally, I leaned forward and slapped the table in front of him. “Explain.”

  He shrugged, but at least looked at me. “Ally doesn’t have a date to prom. My parents don’t want me to miss it. It seems like a win-win.”

  I snorted. Yeah, that’s exactly what it was. “And what was your response to this great idea of theirs?”

  “I told them I’d take her.”

  “Oh.” That was not the answer I’d expected. We were going camping that weekend. To our field. Just the two of us, away from all the pathetic high school bullshit. The shock of his admission was enough to make my hands shake. I stood, not really sure what he expected me to say or do, but knowing I had to get away from him – and everyone else – before I started to cry.

  “Red.” Barely a whisper, I could hear the pleading in his voice. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, it isn’t that.”

  I turned back, well aware that if I didn’t get control of my emotions, the school was about to get a show, and glared at him. “What I think is that my boyfriend,” I spat the word at him, “just told me that he was taking another girl to a formal dance where everyone gets drunk off their asses and fucks their date in a cheap hotel room.”

  He at least had the common sense to look horrified at the idea. “Not gonna happen.”

  I laughed at that. “Then, darling, you totally underestimate your date.”

  “No. You underestimate me.” He suddenly looked pissed, like I was overreacting. “I’m taking a family friend to a dance. A dance I want to go to and you don’t. That’s it.”

  I leaned over, glaring at him. “Oh, that’s it, huh? You’re just gonna drop a few hundred on a tux, limo, and dinner, get all dressed up, and spend the night pressed up against the school slut, and I’m supposed to think it’s no big deal?”

  He nodded his head once, features still tense. “It’s about trust. You either trust me… or you don’t.”

  He just wasn’t getting it. It was so much more than a trust issue. “Trust?” I laughed. “So, if I ask a family friend of mine to blow off the dance you want to go to and I don’t, and go camping with me, you’d be okay with that?” I waved my hand in the air. “‘Cause I’m sure Mike wouldn’t have a problem following through on the promises you made.”

  Neil’s hands closed into fists, and his jaw locked. “Not the same thing. Not even fucking close.”

  “It is! It’s the exact same thing.” I snapped, anger replacing every ounce of sadness I had felt a few minutes before. I knew I needed to reel it in, to shut my mouth before I said something I’d regret. But I couldn’t. “You taking her to the dance is no different than me taking Mike to the field. They both end the same way.”

  Neil’s jaw ticked in anger. “Not fucking happening.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Why? Don’t you trust me?” I barely recognized my voice. “I’ll make this real easy for you. You have a choice to make.” I knew I was dangerously close to handing out an ultimatum, something I swore I would never do to any guy. I’d seen how they ended when my mom or Jules had given them: tears and heartbreak.

  “I don’t have a choice. I already said I’d take her.”

  The last eight months of my life had been wasted. I didn’t know him at all; the boy I thought I loved would never agree to something like that, or go behind my back.

  I smiled, even though I wanted to scream. Or punch him. “Then neither do I.” I glanced around the large room, finding the jock table instantly. Ally and her band of bitches were watching us, but everyone else was lost in conversation. The thought of him spending the night with her, laughing and dancing, and even potentially putting his lips to hers, disgusted me. The fact that he’d chosen her over me, knowing my history with this chick, destroyed me. My choice was easy. “We’re done.”

  His hand grabbed me as I turned to walk away, holding me in place. “You don’t mean that. You’re pissed. But you are not breaking up with me.”

  I pried my wrist from his grasp. “Actually, I am.”

  I don’t know
which of us was more surprised when I turned, holding my head high, and walked away.

  I literally ran into Mike two seconds later. He grasped my upper arm, steadying me so I didn’t fall backward. “Lia?” His voice was filled with concern as he looked over my face. “What can I do?”

  I shook my head as the first tear started to fall and I batted at it angrily. “Nothing. I’m suddenly not feeling well. I need to go home.”

  He turned, pulling me down the hall. “I’ll skip and take you.”

  “No!” I was angry with Neil, but I couldn’t let him think the worst of his best friend. “It’ll be better if someone else gives me a ride.”

  Mike snorted, throwing an arm over my shoulder and leading me to the parking lot. “No it won’t. It doesn’t matter who it is; Kelly will lose his shit. At least I’m someone you know.”

  He led me to his Jeep and opened the door. I sank back against his seat, finally letting the rest of the tears come. Mike didn’t say a word, just offered me a hand to hold.

  “I think I broke up with him,” I finally admitted once we were sitting in front of my house. “Oh, my God! I just broke up with Neil.” The realization made me feel like I was going to hurl.

  “Why?” The question was simple, but the answer was so complicated.

  I let it out, verbal diarrhea running wild as I told him about prom with Ally, the camping trip that Neil and I were supposed to take instead of going to the sexed up ritual, and the fact that I’d threatened to invite him in Neil’s place.

  Instead of being angry, he laughed. “Well, you do know how much I love to sleep in a tent.”

  That made me smile, considering the last time I’d been in a tent with him he’d peed his pants, convinced that he couldn’t leave the tent to go or he’d be eaten by the aliens that had invaded Earth just to find, and kill, the two of us. “Have you been camping since the last time with me?”