Uncle John’s Facts to Annoy Your Teacher Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  The Mona Lisa isn’t painted on canvas—it’s painted on a wood panel.

  ANIMAL CRAZY

  We bet even your teacher won’t be able to get all of these animal questions right. Quiz her and see.

  Q. What amphibian’s face looks like Humpty Dumpty?

  A. The Mexican axolotl, a type of salamander, has a face that many scientists describe as looking like an unbroken egg. It’s called a “walking fish” because it lives mostly in water, but has four legs. Adding to its odd appearance—a long fin and feathery gills that stick out of its head like antenna. These creatures generally grow to be about one foot long and can live for up to 15 years. Wild Mexican axolotls are found only near Lake Xochimilco, not far from Mexico City.

  Q. What shell-covered mammal can virtually disappear before your eyes?

  A. When feeling threatened, the pink fairy armadillo can dig itself into a hole in just a few seconds. This exotic little creature lives only in central Argentina. It’s the smallest member of the armadillo family (about four inches long) and has a pinkish armor shell. Underneath the shell, the animal is covered with white hairs. Pink fairy armadillos prefer dry, warm places and usually burrow near anthills because they like to munch on ants and ant larvae.

  Not quite: In 1981, fashion designer Louis Feraud predicted that by the year 2000 people would be able to change their skin color at will.

  Q. What tiny creature oozes stinky goop from its skin?

  A. The warty newt. This small lizardlike European animal has glands in its skin that secrete a foul-smelling, milky goo to keep its enemies away. Most warty newts grow to be about seven inches long. They’re nocturnal—which means they’re awake and hunting at night—and they spend about six months of the year hibernating. Another amazing ability: they can regrow missing body parts.

  Q. What living thing has no heart, no blood, no brain, and no bones?

  A. A jellyfish…and the Arctic lion’s mane jellyfish is the world’s largest. Its blobby body can be eight feet long, with tentacles that float behind it another 100 feet or so. These jellyfish live in the cold waters of the North Atlantic and Arctic oceans. They aren’t strong swimmers, so they usually float close to the surface and let the ocean’s currents carry them along. Like all jellyfish, the Arctic lion’s mane jellyfish is made up of 95 percent water. The species has been around for about 650 million years—since long before the dinosaurs.

  Q. What large amphibian can’t get any shut-eye?

  A. It’s tough for Chinese giant salamanders to close their eyes—they have no eyelids. These big guys hail from China (of course) and live in fast-moving streams and rivers. They usually grow to be more than three feet long—some stretch as long as six feet—making them the largest salamanders in the world.

  Q. What animal rotates its feet?

  A. The kinkajou—a little mammal that grows to be about 20 inches long and lives in rain forests from southern Mexico to Brazil—can rotate its feet and turn around by simply pointing them forward or backward. These fruit-eating animals, which are related to raccoons, have long tails, similar to those of monkeys, that help them balance and hang from trees. And their tongues, which measure about five inches long, help them suck up flower nectar and honey to keep up their energy level (and satisfy their sweet tooth).

  * * *

  “Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive.”

  —Donald Trump

  The word hiccup has been in use since 1530.

  FART FACTS

  If you’re average, you fart between 14 and 23 times a day. If you fart more than that, here are two things you might want to know.

  •Farts are the result of air or gas getting into your intestines. How does it get in there? Sometimes—like when you’re eating—you swallow air. People who chew gum, eat with their mouths open, smoke, or suck on candy fart more than people who don’t because they swallow more air.

  •Also, your stomach produces gas when it digests food. That’s why there are two types of farts: stinky ones and odorless ones. The stinky ones smell bad because of sulfur gas that’s released after you eat certain foods. Cheese and meat have a lot of sulfur in them, so those farts are more likely to smell. Beans can make you really gassy, but most of them don’t have much sulfur. So bean farts don’t usually smell too bad. (Of course, if you add a lot of cheese to your beans, it’s another story.)

  Actress Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem.

  CHEATERS WHO WON

  Here are the true stories of two notorious crooks who turned their bad habits into (honest) fame and fortune.

  CATCH HIM IF YOU CAN

  One of history’s most notorious cheaters is probably Frank Abagnale Jr. In the 1960s, he went on a worldwide crime spree of frauds, cons, and forgeries that stumped the FBI for years and earned Frank more than $2 million.

  The first person he conned: his dad. When he was a teenager in the early 1960s, Abagnale convinced gas station owners to charge fake purchases to his dad’s credit card and then give Abagnale the money instead. The charges showed up as tires or gas, and Abagnale used the cash to buy presents for his girlfriends. From there, he went on to cash forged checks at banks around the world and to perfect his impersonations. Between 1964 and 1969, he passed himself off as a university professor, a lawyer, a pediatrician, and a pilot for Pan Am Airways. He always changed his name and stayed a few steps ahead of the FBI.

  But in 1969, when Abagnale was 21 years old, a man in France recognized him from a wanted poster. The French police finally caught him and eventually sent him back to the United States for a trial. He spent less than five years in prison, though, because he agreed to help the FBI track other forgers and crooks. One of the conditions of that job? He couldn’t get paid. So he started his own business (to help companies protect themselves from fraud) and wrote a book about his crimes, called Catch Me If You Can. That book became a movie in 2002, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

  For scholars only: Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart was a 1999 book by Jim Dawson.

  And just for the record, Frank Abagnale Jr. didn’t always cheat. He legitimately passed the Louisiana bar exam when he was 19…or so he says.

  THIS GUY CAN HACK IT

  Kevin Mitnick started hacking into computers when he was 12. That’s when he figured out how to rig his bus pass to get free rides on the Los Angeles transit system. Then in high school, he used a computer to make free long-distance telephone calls. By the time he was in his 20s, he was using the Internet to steal cell-phone service and breaking into companies’ computer systems to steal their software.

  He was arrested twice, in 1988 and 1995. The second time, he went to jail for five years and was on probation for another eight. The rules of his probation: he couldn’t use the Internet at all for the entire time.

  Today, all that’s behind him, and Mitnick runs a computer security company in Nevada. His clients actually pay him to break into their computers—but now it’s to find out how real hackers might do it so the companies can protect themselves against computer crime.

  ONLINE FUN

  When Uncle John gets tired of writing and feels like goofing off, where does he go? To some of his favorite Web sites.

  PANDORA

  Tell Pandora what bands you like, and it tailors a streaming audio feed for you based on those. It’s like your very own radio station where you hear the music you like and discover new, similar music you’ll probably like too. (pandora.com)

  EHOW

  You can learn how to do virtually anything here—from how to take a photograph to how to potty-train your new puppy. (ehow.com)

  KONGREGATE

  Hundreds of video games you can play for free online. ’Nuff said. (kongregate.com)

  You can buy emu jerky from Australian vending machines.

  I LIKE TOTALLY LOVE IT!

  This is a site full of ridiculous stuff
you didn’t know existed that might become ridiculous stuff you absolutely must have. For example: a bar of soap that looks like a Popsicle, a wallet that looks like a piece of toast, and hot pink toilet paper. (iliketotallyloveit.com)

  VIRTUAL BUBBLEWRAP

  Do you think the best part about getting a package is popping the bubble wrap? (We do.) Well, on this site, you can pop all the bubbles you want. All you have to do is point your mouse at the bubble you want to pop and click—it pops! The bubble even makes that great popping sound and looks “popped” when you’re done. It also includes a timer to try to beat your time for completing a whole “sheet.” Pop till you drop! (virtual-bubblewrap.com)

  SPORCLE

  This site is home to hundreds of quizzes on every subject, from history and geography to music and sports. Can you name all the presidents, planets, and Sesame Street characters in the time provided? (sporcle.com)

  FUNOLOGY

  Bored? This Web site has plenty of ideas for things to do to pass the time…and almost all of them involve not sitting at a computer. You’ll find things like puzzles, magic tricks, science experiments, and scavenger hunts. (funology.com)

  The world-record jump by a kangaroo: 42 feet.

  WILD (WEST) CHILD

  You may know that Buffalo Bill Cody became famous for his rodeo tricks. But few people know he went on a heroic journey when he was just 10 years old.

  ROUGH BEGINNINGS

  Bill Cody grew up in Kansas in the 1850s. Back then, the area was a battleground for the fight over slavery. The violence became so intense that people called the state “Bleeding Kansas.”

  Bill’s father, Isaac Cody, opposed slavery. But the family’s neighbors were mostly for it, and often used violence to intimidate people who disagreed with them. When Bill was eight, several neighbors stabbed his father during a town meeting. Isaac Cody didn’t die, but he received even more death threats, and that drove him into hiding.

  The rest of the family stayed on their farm, and over the next few months, pro-slavery raiders stole their horses and livestock. Other gangs set their crops on fire.

  BOY HERO

  Two years passed, but the bad blood between the two groups continued. One day, when 10-year-old Bill was at home and sick with the flu, he overheard a friend tell his mother that pro-slavery hoodlums had tracked down his father and planned to ambush him. So the boy got up, saddled his horse, and took off to warn his father. After Bill had ridden for eight miles, the gang started chasing him. But the boy kept going.

  Penguins pant to cool themselves off.

  Bill dug in his spurs and made it nine more miles to a friend’s house. His pursuers finally ran off, but by then, Bill was very sick—he’d thrown up and could barely stand. So he spent the night with his friend and took off again in the morning. He reached his father the next day—and the gang started chasing him again. But he and his dad hid out until the men were gone.

  THE REST OF THE STORY

  Bill Cody grew up to live a wild life. He was a scout for the U.S. Army and a buffalo hunter—that’s how he got his nickname. But he’s most famous for the Wild West shows he produced. Those shows included exciting acts and tales of thrilling escapes, and when Cody wrote the story of his life, he talked about many of the tales as though they’d actually happened. But in reality, he exaggerated the facts and “borrowed” most of the adventures from other cowboys he met. The one story he never exaggerated, though, was how he left his sickbed and rode more than 15 miles to save his dad.

  * * *

  Real Headline: MAN GLUED TO TOILET SEAT STICKS TO STORY.

  Great men never feel great. Small men never feel small. —Chinese proverb

  COPYCATS

  Being a copycat in school can get you into loads of trouble. But for many animals, insects, and plants, copying is a great way to survive.

  YOU STINK!

  The corpse flower—which can grow to be taller than most humans—gives off a smell that mimics the stench of a dead, rotting animal. That may seem gross to us, but it’s inviting to flies, carrion beetles, and other insects that feed on dead animals. And corpse flowers use these insects to reproduce. When an insect lands on a corpse flower, its pollen sticks to the bug’s legs. As the insect goes from flower to flower, it drops bits of pollen into each new plant, which allows the flowers to make seeds and grow new stinky plants.

  EIGHT-LEGGED COWBOY COPYCAT

  The bolas spider makes use of a scent copycat trick, too. Its favorite nighttime snack is a male moth. So how does a spider catch a flying bug in the dark? Female moths use special scents called pheromones to attract their mates. The bola spider can produce chemicals that mimic the scent of the moth’s pheromones. When male moths pick up the scent, they fly toward the spider. But instead of finding a lady friend, they are greeted by a hungry spider with a secret weapon: the bolas spider holds a short thread of silk with a sticky blob on the end. When the moth gets close, the spider swings the sticky thread like a lasso, catches the moth, and reels it in for lunch.

  President Chester A. Arthur owned more than 80 pairs of pants.

  COPYCAT-ERPILLAR

  No animal would want to eat a nasty splat of bird poop, right? That’s exactly what the swallowtail butterfly caterpillar counts on. This caterpillar has gray-brown skin with white and black spots, and from a distance, it looks like an unappetizing pile of dry bird droppings. During the day, the caterpillar rests and barely moves at all, so most predators simply mistake it for a pile of poop…and pass it by.

  COSTUMED COPYCAT

  Another animal that uses poop to its advantage is the Borneo crab spider, which creates a bird-dropping costume to attract butterflies. First, it spins a few strands of white silk around its black body. Then it tucks in its legs so it looks like a white-and-black blob. Then it lies in wait. When a butterfly lands nearby to sip some salt and minerals from what looks like fresh bird droppings, the crab spider grabs the butterfly with its front legs and makes a meal of it.

  Step aside, Mickey: Walt Disney’s first cartoon character was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

  SCIENCE GOOFS

  Throughout history, so-called scientists proposed a lot of theories that just weren’t true.

  A PUMPING…LIVER?

  Today, everyone knows that the heart pumps blood throughout the body. But in ancient Greece, doctors believed the liver was actually the center of the circulatory system. Most historians give Englishman William Harvey credit for being the first to correctly explain how blood circulated in the body; he wrote about it in 1628. But Arab physician Ibn al-Nafis performed many dissections on human and animal bodies, and actually identified the process in the 13th century.

  IN A FIT OF SELF-ABSORPTION

  The ancient Egyptian astronomer Ptolemy said that Earth was the center of the universe and everything revolved around it. He was wrong, of course, but for more than 1,000 years people believed him. Finally, in the 1500s, Polish scientist Nicolaus Copernicus had a completely different view: the Sun was actually at the center and Earth revolved around it. (Copernicus probably wasn’t the first to say this, but he was the first to widely publish his findings.) Then, in the early 1600s, Italy’s Galileo Galilei invented the telescope and proved Copernicus’s theory. It took about 100 years, but eventually, the Sun-centered theory caught on.

  “Spaghetti” comes from the word spago, Italian for “cord” or “string.”

  HAVE LEAD, NEED GOLD…HMMM?

  During the 12th century, men studying the field of alchemy had some interesting ideas. Many of them were looking for the “elixir of life,” a substance with magical properties that could make a person live forever. (They never found it.) They also believed that, by using a series of chemical reactions, they could turn lead into gold. (They had no success with that, either.) Today, scientists know that you can’t turn one substance into another that has completely different chemical properties.

  PLEASE PASS THE DIRTY SCALPEL

  It wasn’t until the 1860s,
when French biologist Louis Pasteur proved that germs caused diseases, that hospitals even considered sterilizing their surgical instruments. Before that, doctors believed that infections just sprang up spontaneously. It didn’t occur to them that using unwashed scalpels on multiple patients might be part of the problem.

  * * *

  Thumper: Your heart pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood every day…and 48 million gallons in a lifetime.

  Ouch! Leeches have three sets of jaws and 60 to 100 teeth.

  DON’T SPIT OUT THAT GUM!

  It’s might actually be good for you.

  IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR BRAIN

  In 2007, researchers at England’s University of Northumbria conducted a study on the effects that chewing gum has on memory. Seventy-five people were given a memory test, and 25 of the participants were also given gum to chew. The findings: on average, the gum-chewers had 35 percent higher scores. The scientists think it’s because the activity of chewing gum slightly raises the heart rate, which increases blood flow to the brain.

  IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR EYES

  Chopping onions makes you cry because cutting into the vegetable releases enzymes into the air. Those enzymes dissolve in the water of your eyes, converting the enzymes into sulfuric acid—a painful substance that makes your eyes water. Some professional chefs chew gum to avoid the pain. The chewing makes you breathe through your mouth, which in turn makes you breathe in more of the fumes, keeping them out of your eyes.