Bridesmaids

by Zara Stoneley

  Rachel rolls her eyes, but all the distractions have turned her back to her normal pink colour.

  ‘Oh, and your father has sent an email, sacking that man.’ Adds Rachel’s mum.

  I raise an eyebrow. ‘Sacking?’

  ‘That was another thing,’ Rachel says sadly, ‘he begged for a job with dad, so he could be a proper part of the family. I didn’t realise that he’d been practically sacked from the other place. His firm said they’d give him a good reference if he went quickly and quietly.’

  ‘Oh.’ Just how bad a person was Michael?

  ‘Well, it’s over and done with now, Rachel. Stand up straight, dear so I can check the hemline.’ The dirty hem has been cut away, and the new edge sits on her toes. Not that I think anybody will be notice, they’ll be looking at her lovely legs.

  ‘Right girls.’ Her mum claps her hands at me and Maddie, who has just arrived, slightly pink and breathless, and for a moment I think we’re going to be attacked with the shears. ‘Off you go, put your evening dresses on! Shoo, shoo.’

  After all the commotion and tears, it’s nice to be mothered, and easy to not think and just follow orders and do as you’re told.

  I glance out of the window to see that Jack and the ushers are assembled on the driveway and are already directing people to the main entrance of the castle.

  ‘Oh my God, so many people are arriving!’ Rachel has gone as pale as her dress. No doubt the reality of it all has just hit.

  ‘Shall we send them home?’ I’m worried it will all be too much. ‘Last chance?’

  ‘No.’ She downs the rest of her G&T in one. ‘We’re going to do this.’

  ‘I’m off to find your father, dear.’ Her mum checks her reflection and pats her hair. ‘So much more exciting than a normal wedding! Good for you, darling.’ She kisses Rachel on the cheek and hugs her, then whispers conspiratorially in her ear. ‘Now that horrible man has gone, your father has asked them to bring the good wine out instead of that cheap stuff! Right,’ she brushes her hands together, ‘they’ve put us in the grand hall for reception drinks, instead of that draughty tent.’

  ‘Marquee, Mum.’

  ‘It’s a tent where I’m from dear.’ See? That’s what I mean about Rach’s folk, they’re very grounded and normal, as well as obscenely rich. ‘But we’ll eat and dance in it later! See you down there, don’t rush, we’ll get the party going. Another hour and they won’t even remember they were expecting a wedding!’

  ‘Oh, I think they might.’ Says my mother. ‘Why didn’t you do this, Jane? We can start a trend!’

  ‘Well, I hope you’re not letting that man have any of these presents!’ Great Aunt Mabel has parked herself in the entrance hall and appointed herself receiver of the gifts. Ignoring the fact that Rachel’s mum seems to be trying to get people to take them away again.

  I’m not sure what Mabel and Rachel’s parents have said, but apart from a few extra tight and prolonged hugs, everybody seems determined not to mention ‘that man’ or why we’re really all here.

  The meal actually goes without a hitch – after Jack, at the very last minute, notices the display of Michael photos that Rachel has assembled and hides them under the table.

  The remnants of cake have been swept away, along with everything that might allude to a bride and groom, and the staff have miraculously replaced the ‘top table’ with a normal one. And we’ve all decided to sit wherever we want, which means Sal and Beth have been dragged off by Aunt Mabel and hidden on a table behind Rachel, and Jack has positioned himself behind a marquee pole so that Sal can’t send him the evil eyes. Unfortunately, my mum and Rachel’s are sat next to each other – which could be asking for trouble, but at least it means our dad’s can quietly consume the vintage wine without being told off.

  ‘I think I’m a bit pissed.’ The tables are being moved to one side, which means we’ve had to stand up.

  ‘Me, too! Look.’ I nudge Rachel, which is a mistake as we both stagger.

  Maddie is standing next to the bar giggling girlishly and looking radiant, and no prizes for guessing who she is gazing at.

  ‘They look cute together, don’t they?’ Says Rachel.

  I nod. ‘I’m glad Jack and Sal finally had the guts to face up to things, they both deserve better.’

  ‘Like you and me, eh?’ Rachel high-fives me. ‘Back in a sec, just off to get another drink.’

  I go back to leaning against a pole and staring at Jack and Maddie. If there is such a thing as a happy couple today, it has to be them. They do look cute. They look like they are two halves of a perfect whole and would never be quite the same without each other.

  Maddie catches me watching her and waves, then says something to Jack before running over and wrapping me in a bear hug.

  ‘Looking cosy there?’ I hug her back.

  It’s funny, but she’s so excited she doesn’t do her normal looking bashful, or blushing. It all just comes spewing out.

  ‘Jack insisted I help him tell everybody about the changes to the plan.’

  I nod.

  ‘We got talking.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And he told me he was sorry for believing me when we split up. I mean, it’s stupid, it was my fault, he was supposed to believe me.’

  ‘You’re funny, and obviously a good actress!’ She does blush then, I’m happy for her.

  She looks down at her feet, then under her eyelashes at me. ‘Did you know him and Sal were having issues?’

  ‘I had an idea they weren’t one hundred per cent. But you know Sal.’ I shrug. ‘She hates to admit defeat. If anybody was going to make him stay and suffer, she would!’

  ‘You cheeky cow!’ The sound of Sally’s voice makes me jump, and makes Maddie look guilty.

  ‘Oh, Sally … Oh, I’m so sorry, I—’

  ‘Oh, shut up, Maddie.’ She shrugs. ‘I’m only going to say this once. Okay? So don’t ever expect me to admit it again, but he looks at you in a way he’s never looked at me. Once we moved back here and bumped into you it was so bloody obvious.’

  ‘Oh, Sally.’

  ‘Of course I am devastated, you idiot.’ She says it affectionately though, none of the old Sally malice. ‘But I’ll get over it. Plenty more fish in the sea,’ she raises an eyebrow, ‘just not that particular sprat. Right I’m off to find another cocktail, and,’ she winks, ‘you can tell him I’m going to be keeping the handcuffs and vibrators!’

  ‘What?’ Maddie opens her mouth wide in shock. Sal sniggers and sashays off.

  I hug her. ‘Joke Mads. You know what she’s like. And anyway, who wants second hand vibrators?’

  We both shudder.

  ‘Sally is going to be okay, isn’t she?’

  ‘She is.’ I nod. ‘I never thought I’d say this, but she is. Funny isn’t it how you can get people wrong?’

  ‘It is.’ Maddie is talking, but I know she’s not really tuned in to me, she’s only got eyes for Jack, who is still waiting at the bar for her.

  ‘Talk about eyes meeting across a crowded room. You better get back to him before you both make me feel a bit icky.’

  ‘Do you think we should stay away from each other for a bit, you know, to be fair to Sally? I mean, I’m sure she’s really upset and just putting on a brave front.’

  ‘I’m sure she is upset.’ I nod. She will be, I know what it feels like to split up with somebody, even though you know deep down it wasn’t right. It still hurts. ‘But I reckon her and Jack have known this was inevitable for a while. Don’t miss your chance Maddie.’

  ‘Sal came and told us that she’s been offered another job you know, back where she used to work. If Jack hadn’t done something now, she’d have persuaded him to move, then I’d have never seen him again.’

  ‘It figures, she always did like to be organised.’ It doesn’t surprise me, once Sal makes a decision that’s it. She goes for it. It wouldn’t have mattered if Jack had kissed her feet and begged for them to give it another go, she w
ouldn’t have. ‘I’m glad I got it totally wrong about Jack.’

  ‘Wrong?’

  ‘You know! About the baby. Me and Rach must have been mad thinking it was Jack!’

  ‘True.’ She smiles.

  ‘Can I ask something? At the party after the rehearsal you said Jack and Beth were talking about the baby, and he hugged her. That’s why we thought …’

  ‘Ahh, well, she was upset, and he was being nice, trying to help.’

  ‘Right.’ I nod. I hold up my hands. ‘It’s all my fault.’

  It’s all coming back to me. Her words. The words I misunderstood. I can hear them in my head. Gawd, it’s no wonder Maddie was chilled about it, she knew Joe wasn’t Jack’s, she knew he was Michael’s! And there was I thinking she’d gone all Zen and was behaving like a bit of a drip. Along with Jack. Two drips.

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ says Maddie, with her reasonable face on, ‘Jack told her it was better to come clean, you know be honest about it?’

  ‘That was what they were talking about? Why he was hugging her?’

  Maddie nods. ‘And I agreed, I mean it’s better to be honest and open isn’t it? And the father should know, and Joe deserves …’ Her voice tails off. ‘I just didn’t think she’d do it today!’

  ‘Nope. Maybe not the best timing, but you know how impulsive Beth can be.’

  ‘I certainly do. But I still like her.’ She grins, and I grin back. ‘Thanks for telling me Jack still cared.’

  ‘Cared? Don’t you mean fancies the pants off you?’ I hug her. ‘Now go on, go and ask him about those handcuffs!’

  Maddie giggles. ‘You okay?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m off to find Rach.’ I’m not that okay really though. Seeing Jack and Maddie together has made me realise how much I miss Freddie. Right now, I’m missing him more than I ever thought I could miss anybody. I tell him everything, he’s the person I turn to when I need to talk stuff over, when I’ve had a shit day, when I’ve had a good one and want to celebrate.

  And I miss holding his hand. We only had a few days hand-holding, but it was good. I flex my fingers, trying to remember how it felt and instead I remember the touch of his hand on my waist, my stomach, the way he touched every inch of my body before slowly making love to me.

  My eyes water, my fingers go to my throat. Oh, no, I mustn’t cry, not here. Not now! I’ve not cried yet, and I’m not going to.

  He’d made my eyes water in an altogether different way an hour or so later, when we’d made rough, passionate love. We’d also broken the bed.

  The smile tweaks the corner of my mouth. It could only happen to me and Freddie.

  He’d grabbed hold of the headboard with one hand to stop it banging on the wall, and a few thrusts later it was on my head.

  Weakened screws I reckon. But Freddie swore it was his pure macho strength.

  I need to find him, ask him if he’ll do it again – before he leaves for Scotland for good.

  We need to end on a good note, because everything else between us up until now has been too wonderful to destroy. I want happy memories, even if I can’t have a happy ever after with Freddie.

  Sally is dancing with the bartender, who she’s been making eyes at since he mixed her first drink. She looks happy, more girlish I guess as she flirts with him. I reckon now she’s made the decision to walk away from her marriage she feels a whole lot better.

  Okay, maybe Sal and I are never going to be bosom buddies, but I reckon she’s not so bad, and she will find somebody she can truly love – or at least find a career she can.

  Rach has kicked Michael out of her life for good, and Mads, sweet, patient Mads hasn’t barged in and upset anybody else’s marriage. She’s waited.

  I’m proud of my friends. They might be a little bit mad, a little bit reckless, but deep down in their hearts they’ve done things for the right reasons.

  And Beth? I still like Beth, and I guess she did try to do her best to get herself out of the mess she’d created.

  Maddie drags Jack on to the dance floor and I can’t help but smile. He’s terrible. He looks awkward and self-conscious, but he doesn’t care. He’s there because she wants him to be.

  Chapter 37

  ‘The things you do for love, eh?’

  There’s a fan of warm breath on my neck that makes me feel weak and dizzy. I must finally be going mad, all this emotion has finally sent me doolally. I’ve always said too much excitement isn’t good for me. I close my eyes. But the feeling doesn’t go away. Instead warm hands rest on my shoulders.

  I freeze. Then glance to my right, then my left. I know those fingers. Oh, my goodness, do I know those fingers! Just like I know that voice, that smell.

  But this can’t be happening, they can’t be real. So, I pinch the back of his hand.

  ‘Ouch!’ He laughs. ‘Is that some kind of ancient greeting ritual I don’t know about? Or does it mean piss off?’

  I spin round on my chair, which clearly isn’t meant for spinning.

  ‘Oh, bugger.’ I’m on the floor, and scrambling like mad, getting tangled up in the chair legs and then finally managing to grab his. Leg that is.

  I drag myself up it in a very inelegant way. Tuck my hair behind my ear, as I’m pretty sure I look a complete mess and heave myself upwards. Past non-designer rips in his jeans, past knees that feel familiar, circumventing a crotch that definitely looks familiar and finally reaching the top. ‘Freddie!’ I prod his face, just to be sure. ‘You’re here.’

  ‘Ouch. Yes. Nice hair!’ I think he’s commenting on my orange stroke hint-of-spice highlights, which have been expertly toned down since he last saw them, but still have a bit of a way to go on the blending in front.

  I ignore him and glare. ‘You’re not lying in a ditch dead!’

  ‘Erm, no, not yet, though from the look on your face you’d quite like me to be?’

  ‘Where the hell have you been! I’ve been calling, texting!’ Now that the shock of knowing he’s actually here has eased, I am flooded with anger. Practically hopping mad. I can’t stand still. There are too many words trying to get out of me. If I wasn’t gripping his arms I’d have taken off and joined the designer balloons that are bouncing about in the roof space. ‘I spoke to Rob!’

  ‘I’m so bloody sorry …’ He pauses. ‘For everything.’ It’s then I realise that he’s actually out of breath, and all hot and sweaty. Which can be a bit eugh, unless it’s somebody that you like to be hot and sweaty with. ‘I’d promised Rob I’d go back, but I got back here as quick as I could. I needed to talk to you, I needed to see you.’

  ‘As quick as …’ I am speechless. ‘You’ve been away for days!’ Okay, not totally speechless. ‘I thought you’d gone for good!’

  Freddie takes a step away from me, and my heart takes a dive. I don’t want him to go.

  ‘For good?’ He frowns. ‘I wouldn’t, I can’t. I swear …’ he pauses, and crosses himself, ‘… on Louie’s life, I would never just walk out on you.’

  ‘Speaking of Louie, where is my bloody cat?’ I look around, even though it’s pretty unlikely he’s come to the wedding.

  ‘At home. I’ve brought him back, to stay? I know I said some stuff, but I was kind of hoping you hadn’t gone off me? Us? Maybe, if you’ll still have us both back?’ he takes a deep breath, moves back closer, which is nice, and put his hands on my forearms.

  ‘I’ve not gone off Louie! But you left without talking to me!’

  ‘I left a note!’

  ‘One bloody note, then ignored me.’

  ‘I wasn’t ignoring you! I wanted to speak to you, honest. I know I was stupid not telling you about Lexie, but I’d never lie to you, Jane. Never.’

  ‘But you said you were leaving, for good. Going to Scotland!’

  Freddie brushes his fringe back from his eyes and I’m transfixed by those beautiful eyelashes, those dark eyes that look slightly sad right now, those lips that I know are firm and warm.

  ‘I was a jerk. It was stup
id, spur of the moment, I was jealous!’

  Freddie, jealous?

  ‘That rehearsal party was hell! Michael had been watching you all night and Andy couldn’t take his bloody eyes off you! I thought at one point he was about to drag you off.’

  ‘I’m not easily dragged Freddie, I’m quite solid.’ Freddie was jealous!

  ‘And I just wanted us to get away from it all, give us a chance.’

  ‘We’ve got a chance without moving Freddie.’

  He carries on as though he hasn’t heard me. ‘I didn’t stop to think about your friends, and your work, and needing to be here. I was being selfish, I was just scared that just as I thought we had something it was all going to disappear again.’

  ‘You’ve never been selfish Freddie.’ He hasn’t, not ever.

  ‘I wasn’t trying to undermine you.’

  ‘I know.’ I sigh. Freddie has always been ultra-supportive, why should that have changed now? ‘It’s my fault, I was running scared and just jumped to conclusions. I kind of thought that you agreed that I was crap, that Andy was right it was all just a pipe dream, a silly game and a waste of time.’

  ‘You’ve never been crap Jane.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I just overreacted, thinking I was getting myself into the same kind of relationship all over again.’

  ‘I’d never do that to you.’

  I put my hand up to stop him. ‘I know, listen I—’

  ‘I’ll stay here, I don’t need to move, it’s only a job.’

  ‘It’s not only a job, Freddie, it’s your job and it’s important. And so is mine. I was going to say that I know I don’t need to be here forever. You can take your job, and I can do mine, we can work it out. But I do need to be here now, just for now until I’ve got going. I know I can do it – you made me see that.’

  ‘So we’ve still got a chance?’

  ‘We always had a chance Freddie, except I was scared, about you, and your bloody perfect woman.’ Isn’t the green-eyed monster a total pain in the arse? She only appears when things are serious, when it really matters. Sticking her oar in where it’s not wanted. ‘What if I can never live up to her?’