The Higher You Fly

by Debra Kayn

  "How are you doing, Jolene?" Dr. Virann tilted her head back looking through her bifocals.

  "Wonderful," she said, her stomach rolling.

  "Your parents were kind enough to fly me to the party and have expressed an interest in having you come back and see me." Dr. Virann lowered her voice. "The news that you've recently moved back to Federal and you could be exposed to harmful...elements, you can understand their concern. I think it would be best to touch base with you and see how you're dealing with the changes in your life."

  "You can tell my parents they have nothing to worry about." She moved away, changed her mind, and returned to Dr. Virann. "I understand that your friendship with my mother makes you feel that you have freedom to approach me in a social situation, but you don't. I haven't been your patient for the last eighteen years. Now, if you'll excuse me."

  She worked her way out of the room, through the kitchen, and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, closest to the side entrance. Her suitcase sat by the door.

  "You didn't waste any time, did you, Mother?" Jolene muttered.

  "Keep your voice down before one of the caterers hears you," said her mother, behind Jolene. "Thank you for coming."

  Jolene turned around. "Did I have a choice?"

  "Of course, you did." Her mother smoothed a wayward strand of Jolene's hair. "We'll talk later about you moving here. Your father mentioned the governor's office is looking for a female campaign manager and it seemed like Dwayne was charmed by you. You're already past marriageable age, and there are many politicians who are in their second and third marriages that would find you charming because you've retained a bit of youthfulness and what some would describe as quirkiness that older men appreciate and find endearing."

  "No." She leaned over and grabbed her suitcase. "I also don't appreciate you sending Dr. Virann after me behind my back."

  "Dr. Virann is a family friend, which you know quite well."

  "And, I'm a grown woman. Stop trying to create problems where there are none." She opened the door, thoroughly done with her once a year visit for her father's birthday party.

  "Think about the job, dear. Hiding away in the woods isn't healthy. At least sell that rustic old cabin and move into Federal where you'll be around others." Her mother's lips thinned as if she tasted something tart.

  Jolene tilted her head, having reached the end of her obligations. "I'll think about your suggestion. I've heard Caiden Hall lives in town and it's been years since I've seen him."

  Her mother's posture straightened, and she narrowed her eyes. Jolene grinned, knowing there was only one way to shut her mother up. All she had to do was mention Caiden's name.

  Jolene stepped outside and paused. "Goodbye, Mother. I'll see you next year."

  The cab pulled up as she reached the driveway. Not waiting for the driver to open the back door, she slid her suitcase across the seat and sat down, closing herself off from the toxic relationship she had with her family.

  Her mom and dad provided everything for her while growing up in their house and she loved them for the simple fact they were her parents and financially supported her until she was eighteen years old, but she'd distanced herself for her own sanity. Sense of duty was the reason she attended the party and put up with all the snobs and elbow nudging. Thankfully, her parents' new life as retirees kept them busy the rest of the year and every holiday, nothing else was required of her.

  She slipped off her heels and opened her suitcase removing her sneakers. Wiggling her toes, she sighed in relief. Tired and wound tight from the time spent in Arizona, she wanted to go back home to her cabin. Once she hit the airport, she'd change into jeans and a sweater to prepare for the cooler weather of Idaho.

  She ran her finger under her bracelet. It'd take the rest of the week to recover from the party and find her creative mojo again to work on the Quintessential Line. Though for the first time in a long time, her work wasn't what filled her head.

  Being honest with herself to rebel over the phoniness she'd had to display at her parents' house, she wanted to go back to Federal because there could be another chance to see Caiden. It was exactly for that reason why her mother paid to have Dr. Virann attend the party and proposition her.

  CHAPTER 10

  Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness. — Desmond Tutu

  The steam cleaner on the other side of the room shut off and the pinging of the garnets against the sides slowed to a stop. Jolene put down the tin lap and stretched her back. She'd lost track of time.

  Between her Dremel tool, cutting, and the steam cleaner, she'd soon have clean garnets to shine into drops of absolute beauty. She hummed, excited for the progress she'd made over the last week. Surprisingly, she'd come back from Arizona with enough energy for two people.

  It was a constant struggle to slow down. One fracture to a gemstone and she'd waste a valuable piece, rendering it useless. Her goal was to create three pieces of jewelry. Each one unique. Then, she hoped to gain contracts with the retail merchants for more. She needed patience and steady hands through the process.

  Her stomach growled. She counted the garnets and the one in the steam cleaner. Knowing the three pieces she worked on were all there, and the garnets still in their raw form were in the container, she walked out to the kitchen and poured milk into a mug before putting it in the microwave.

  A solid thud against the house drew her attention, quickly followed by another thud. The rhythmic sounds came from outside. She hurried over to the window beside the door and found a black pickup parked at the end of the porch with the bed loaded with firewood. She pressed her head against the glass, unable to see Caiden or what was making the noise.

  Just then, Caiden stepped up into the back of the pickup. She jumped away from the window and instantly moved forward again out of curiosity. One after another, he tossed wood toward the side of the house.

  The microwave beeped. She startled. Nervous laughter escaped, and she covered her mouth, afraid Caiden would hear her inside the house and think she'd gone completely crazy.

  There was no rational explanation why Caiden's arrival caused anticipation to bubble inside of her or why having him at the cabin again exceeded the excitement she felt toward her work. She retrieved her warmed milk, added sugar and cinnamon, and stirred until foam covered the top.

  Setting her drink aside, she made a mug of coffee adding a spoonful of sugar. She had no idea why she acted as if Caiden came for a visit, but if there was a chance that he'd stop being mad at her, she wanted to have him around.

  She put on her coat, slipped her feet into her boots, and carried both drinks outside. The scent of pine clung heavy in the fall air. She inhaled through her nose, sparking more pleasure in her stomach.

  "Hey." She waited at the railing until he turned around from stacking wood against the side of the cabin and then held out the coffee. "It's hot."

  He removed the glove from his right hand and took the coffee. She cupped her mug. The warmth in her stomach kept the chill in the air away from her, and she hadn't even taken a sip of her warmed milk.

  She leaned her hip against the railing. "Can I ask you something?"

  "Can't stop you." Caiden sat on the tailgate of the truck.

  She looked over at the woodpile stacked against the side of the house. "Why are you bringing me wood?"

  He took a drink. "You'll go through a lot of propane over the winter. Wood can offset your bill. Besides, there's nothing like wood heat to cut the chill. It's a different kind of heat and will warm you faster and deeper than propane."

  Goosebumps broke out under her clothes. She brought the mug up to her lips. He was talking about heat, but her thoughts went in a different direction. "Thank you."

  He slapped his glove against his leg. She stared at his bare hand, fascinated all over again how dangerous a human fist could be and in the next instant provide the softest touch.

  She sipped her milk, content to be with Caiden, even when
he was silent. There were a hundred different reasons why he showed up, brought her wood, and pretended to care if she stayed warm this winter. His helpful actions often contradicted his angry attitude.

  It was the first time since moving back that Caiden seemed at peace. There was no hostility toward her, and she wanted to surround herself with the comfort he brought her.

  "Where do you live?" she asked.

  He looked up at her, and for a split second, she thought he wasn't going to answer her, and he said, "Remember the Gillian's house?"

  "Hm." She thought back to her high school days. There was a Steve Gillian in the class ahead of her. "Is that the small house with the deck overlooking the town on High Street before you turn to go down into town?"

  He nodded.

  "I bet the view is wonderful right now. All the fall colors are really starting to pop." She set her mug on the railing and tucked her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.

  "There's no yard." He drank the rest of his coffee and set his mug on the railing beside hers. "It's too close to town and the noise, and there are thirty stairs just to get to the front door. But, it's a roof over my head and close to the gas station, so it serves its purpose."

  She looked at the porch. He'd always loved the woods, the privacy, the history of the cabin, still standing after a century. She'd bought the cabin without him to hold on to the memories, never dreaming he would be living in Federal with an outside view of her life. Needing to change the subject to something safer, she said, "It's going to snow soon."

  He stood and put on his glove. "Have you thought of how you're going to get out to the county road? They don't plow the forestry roads."

  "The realtor recommended a guy named David who owns a plow. I called him a couple of weeks ago, and he's agreed to do upkeep on Black Bear Road this winter for me." She inhaled, raising her shoulders. "He seemed nice, if not very talkative."

  "That's Kurt Ramchett's son." Caiden jumped into the back of the pickup. "He goes by the name Poppy."

  "Little Poppy?" She laughed softly. "Wow. I had no idea. He was only a toddler when..."

  She looked down at the coffee mugs sitting side by side on the railing. Time had slipped away from her. For a moment, it was as if she and Caiden were at Bantorus clubhouse and laughing at the little boy who used to wear his dad's boxing gloves around and mimic his father.

  Caiden tossed wood out of the pickup. Every time he leaned over, his coat pulled tight across his shoulders. She had many questions to ask him, and most of them were unsafe topics. He probably wouldn't want to talk about his years in prison. After he was arrested, her biggest fear was that he'd die inside. Being moody and having a temper, she worried his strengths would get him in trouble.

  He'd survived, though. From what he'd shared, he'd made a success of his life, and he'd settled down.

  Caiden jumped out of the truck and picked up two logs and stacked them against the house. "Where were you?"

  "Huh?" She tilted her head.

  "Last Friday night and Saturday, you were gone." He picked up more wood.

  Was he checking up on her? She moistened her lips. Any talk of her parents had always pissed him off and put him in a bad mood. He could never understand why she allowed them to control her life and forbid her to see him.

  "Were you with your boyfriend?" Caiden turned his back to her and rearranged the stack of wood.

  "My boyfriend?" Understanding dawned on her, and she looked off into the trees. "I lied before. Casey is a friend. A very married friend with children. His wife and I shared an apartment years ago. He's also my distributor and takes my jewelry pieces to retailers and sets up the displays for the shows that showcase my lines."

  He turned around and glanced at her on his way down to pick up more wood. "That doesn't explain where you were."

  She sighed. "I was out of town."

  "With a real boyfriend?" He stopped what he was doing and nailed her on the spot. "Who were you with?"

  "It's not like that." She shook her head. "And why do you want to know? I haven't asked if you have a girlfriend or wife. I don't know anything about you anymore."

  "You know me better than anyone ever has." He stepped forward. "That's why you don't have to ask if I'm with someone. What I want to know is where you went. You're living out here alone. Anything could happen, Jolene. Soon, you'll be lucky to get to town once a week through the winter. What if your car went off the road or you decide to go for a drive on one of the remote roads and run into trouble? Who are you going to call? Who will come to your rescue?"

  "I, um, should let you finish. I've got things to do inside, too. When you're done, come inside, and I'll pay you...for the wood."

  Escaping into the house, she stood in the kitchen out of view from the side window in case he looked in and could see her calling herself all kinds of stupid. How could it be so easy to fall back into feeling comfortable around Caiden, as if his prison sentence meant nothing and her difficulties after he'd left never happened?

  He acted as if it was his right to push his way into her life, asking the questions he wanted answers to, but giving her no answers to the questions she had for him. He brought her wood and lectured her about the dangers of living by herself away from others. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes. God, she'd come so far, and with him showing back up in her life, she was sinking further and deeper into herself. Back to where she started fantasizing about what could've been again.

  She groaned and opened her eyes. Caiden was real.

  He'd kissed her. He'd come over several times for different reasons. He'd looked at her. Not a simple look or a curious look. He looked at her as if she still belonged to him.

  Nobody could tell her differently or that the last two months were all in her head. She wouldn't believe them.

  The front door opened. Two seconds later, Caiden stepped into her house carrying an armload of wood and some kindling. He scanned the room and found her standing in the kitchen. "I'll show you how to start a fire."

  There it was. The look.

  She walked into the living room. Unsurprised that Caiden walked into the cabin without an invite. She expected him to feel at home, even though it was her house now.

  Caiden wiped his boots off on the throw rug in front of the door and motioned his chin toward the hearth. She sat in front of the fireplace.

  "Do you have any newspaper?" He joined her and set the wood off to the side.

  "Yes." She jumped up and walked into the kitchen, taking the small stack of paper out from the recycle bin under the sink, and returned to him. "Is this enough?"

  "Yeah." He split the stack in two and handed her one. "Wad it up tight."

  She crinkled the paper, following his lead, and put it on top of the grate. When they'd used all the paper, she looked down at her hands. They were tinted black.

  "Go ahead and lay the kindling on top of the paper." He picked up the three larger pieces of wood and topped the pile off. Then, he reached into his coat pocket and brought out a lighter, handing it over to her. "Go ahead and light the paper."

  She flicked the spindle until she'd achieved a flame and moved the lighter forward. He grabbed her wrist. "Wait."

  The flame went out.

  Not letting go of her, he reached up inside the fireplace. A clunk came from the chimney. "The damper was closed. It's ready now."

  He let go of her. She shook so much from his touch, it took her three tries to get a flame. Lighting the front corner of the paper, she watched the flame grow bigger, flickering against the kindling.

  She held out the lighter to him. "Thanks for showing me."

  "Keep the lighter. You'll need it to start your next fire." He stood.

  She followed him up. "Let me wash my hands, and I'll give you some money for the wood."

  Hurrying to the bathroom, she turned on the faucet and soaped her hands. Her time with Caiden continued to come more frequently. He'd been almost civil to her today.

  She gr
abbed her purse off her bedroom door handle and reached inside for her wallet. "I have three hundred dollars on me. If it's more, I can run into town and use the ATM at the bank."

  Walking into the living room, she looked up. "Caiden?"

  His truck outside started. She hurried to the door and ran out on the porch only to catch the tailgate of his truck getting smaller and smaller.

  She inhaled deeply. Her sense of loss killed her mood. Would he ever stay long enough to forgive her?

  CHAPTER 11

  If you are bitter, you are like a dry leaf that you can just squash, and you can get blown away by the wind. There is much more wisdom in forgiveness. — Vusi Mahlasela

  A truck pulled into the last available bay in front of the tire shop. Caiden stopped the propane delivery truck in the street, looked in the rearview mirror, and backed up. He pulled into the side parking lot and walked inside the building. Four customers stood at the counter.

  He should've come in last week and not waited until the last minute to have the snow tires put on the truck. Instead, he'd cut and split firewood for Jolene. All because he needed an excuse to go over to her house and find out who she'd spent time with out of town.

  He never did find out, but at least that guy who'd been at her house wasn't involved with her. At least winter would curb her social life. At least she'd come home alone.

  There was snow in the forecast for Friday, and it appeared as if everyone in town had waited until the last minute to change their tires. He stepped up as one customer left the counter. If he would've thought ahead, he could've asked one of his employees to pick him up. As it was, he'd probably be here for a couple of hours waiting when he had shit to do back at work.

  Five minutes later, he stepped up to the counter and slid over the key. "I've got the propane delivery truck out in the parking lot that needs the snow tires put on. They're loaded on the truck."

  "Name?" The man moved over to the computer.

  "Hall. Caiden."

  The man raised his brows and looked at him again. Caiden's fist curled. He received the same reaction from most of the people in Federal. Shock, curiosity, then fear. They knew his name and background.