Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

  “But you do?” I asked, searching his eyes.

  “I do. I know it seems crazy to believe in an afterlife, in God, with all that has happened. But I still do.”

  “So do I,” I smiled back at him. I wasn’t necessarily sure about the supreme being stuff, but I did believe in an afterlife…or at least wanted to believe. There had to be something beyond this life. “I saw my dad. When I stopped breathing during the surgery.” I waited a second, looking at him to see if he believed me. He didn’t even seem surprised. “He gave me a choice. I could come back or go with him.”

  “That’s pretty brave of you to choose to come back to this,” he said smiling at me.

  I looked down at my hands. They were shaking. “You shouldn’t call me that.”

  “What?” He asked, gently lifting my face back to look into his eyes. Where his hand touched my face, it felt like little sparks of electricity were bouncing on my skin.

  “Brave.” The tears fell. “I didn’t want to come back. I was going to leave with him. The only reason I stayed is because I knew April would get herself killed if I died. I’m a coward. She’s done everything for me, and I would have left her.” I tried to turn my face from his gaze again, but he wasn’t letting go.

  “You are no coward,” he said firmly. “You came back to a world full of monsters to save your sister. That is very brave. It’s only natural that you would have thought of leaving. Heck if I’d have been given the choice, I probably would have thought of leaving too. You still chose to stay…don’t sell yourself short.”

  He wiped the tears from eyes, just like April liked to do. He let go of my face, which felt like it was on fire by this point. No one had ever held me like that. It felt nice, natural. I knew from that moment on, that I never wanted to leave this place, not while he was here.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Two hours. That’s how long I had to enjoy the serenity that Jack provided. Then April was back, and she was attacking Jack and Billy for not waking her. Poor Billy looked like he’d just managed to fall asleep, when she’d woken him up with her ranting, which could be heard throughout the whole clinic. Not that it was a very big clinic. Still, it was embarrassing all the same. Billy’s eyes were even redder than before, and he was struggling to think clearly.

  I tried to calm her down, but she wouldn’t even hear anything I had to say or anything anyone else had to say. She wouldn’t even stop yelling long enough for anyone to say anything. Jack was taking the attack well, just sitting back, allowing April to vent. Billy looked like he was seriously considering hitting her, even if she was a girl.

  “ENOUGH!” A loud commanding voice boomed. A tall middle-aged stranger, wearing military fatigues came rushing into the room. I jumped. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. My head ached from all the yelling. I tried rubbing it subtly, so no one would notice. “This commotion has upset the entire clinic. You will cease immediately, or I will have my soldiers remove you.”

  “I will not be removed again,” my sister said standing her ground.

  “April please,” I begged trying to calm her before she made the situation worse. This was so humiliating. Couldn’t she see, she was blowing the whole situation out of proportion?

  Finally, April seemed to remember that I was in the room. She moved to the seat beside my bed and started stroking her hand through my hair. “It’s okay. We’ll gather our things and be ready to leave in an hour.”

  “What?” My heart was pounding faster. It was getting harder to breathe again, almost like it was back in the days when I had my asthma attacks. Only this didn’t feel quite the same. My leg was nowhere near healed enough for me to even consider walking on it. I had no idea what time of day it was, but it wouldn’t have mattered if it were first thing in the morning. There was no way we would be able to find shelter before nightfall. What was she thinking? Certainly not of me. I couldn’t even figure out where her head was at. She’d never been this reckless before she lost Andy.

  “You can’t do that,” Jack said calmly. “You don’t need to leave. You can stay here.”

  She glared at Jack. “Why would we? So far, you’ve lied to me. Manipulated me to get me out of the room. Stolen from me.” Could she hear herself? It was all about her. I was in the room too. Didn’t my opinion matter to her at all?

  “Quit being so dramatic,” the military man grunted. “Nothing has been stolen from you. All weapons are confiscated from civilians when they enter our village. They will be returned to you if you choose to leave.”

  “She’s not going anywhere.” It was Billy’s turn to speak. He’d found his voice, but he was taking Jack’s cue and remaining calm, which I could tell was not easy for him.

  “You don’t have the right to tell me that we can’t leave.”

  “You are free to leave. In fact, I’d love it if you’d go. But she,” he said pointing to me, “is my patient and she’s not leaving until I’m sure she’s fully recovered. If you wish to stay, you will calm down or I will have you escorted out of here.”

  April tucked her chair in closer to my bed, clasped my hand and glared at Billy. I had to resist the urge to pull my hand out of hers. She’d grabbed the one with the I.V and was squeezing it rather tightly. Thankfully, she loosened her grip after a few seconds. Well at least she wasn’t yelling anymore. That was a start.

  “Well, now that we’ve calmed down, let me make my introductions. I’ve already introduced myself to your sister,” said the soldier. My sister huffed beside me. “I’m Commander Tate. As I explained to your sister earlier, you are more than welcome to stay. But we will not force you. This is a co-operative community. Those who live here, work together to provide supplies for the community. If you wish to stay, you’d be expected to contribute.”

  “Freakin’ Commies,” April muttered under her breath. I was pretty sure I was the only one that heard. Normally a comment like that would have made me laugh, but I was far too uptight to find any humour in the situation.

  “There’s no need for any decisions to be made now,” Billy said firmly. The commander looked put off, but quickly regained his composure. “My patient needs rest. When she’s better, she’ll be able to explore our village and make her own decision.” He added this last part while looking directly at my sister.

  “Of course. Now that everything is under control, I’ll get back to the important jobs I have waiting for me. I’ll leave a couple guards posted outside the clinic, in case you need to remove that one,” he said to Billy. Billy smiled. With that, the commander left the room.

  “Who does he think he is,” my sister started up again.

  “Please stop April. All this yelling has given me a headache.” She stroked her hand through my hair again. I wished she’d stop treating me like a child. But I didn’t swat away her hand like I wanted to.

  “It’s all going to be fine. We’ll leave in a couple of days.” I felt my chest tightening again.

  Jack opened his mouth to speak, but I spoke before he could. “Would you mind if my sister and I had a word alone.”

  “I really think…” Billy started.

  “It’s not a problem,” Jack interrupted as he jumped out of his chair. He ushered his protesting brother out of the curtain and closed it behind him.

  “What’s wrong? Are you in pain Summer? I can make them give you the good meds. Just say the word and I’ll beat them out of them.”

  I just shook my head. When had violence become her solution to solving all problems? She used to be such a pacifist. I guess we’d both changed a lot in the past six years and the recent situation was forcing me to see her through new eyes. Now if only I could get her to see me, really see me.

  The entire time we’d been on the road, I’d followed her lead. I’d trusted her completely, but I didn’t trust her now. How could she possibly think it was a good idea to leave the safety of this village? Jack and his brother had been safe for five years. They didn’t know what it was like to lie awake at
night, exhausted, because they were too afraid to sleep. I couldn’t go back to that life, now that I knew it could be different. But standing up to April had never been a strength of mine. Standing up to anyone really wasn’t my way, but I wasn’t going to be a follower anymore. I wasn’t a child anymore and if I wanted her to start treating me like a grown-up, then I needed to start thinking for myself.

  “I know your leg is sore right now but give it a couple of days and it will be good enough for us to leave,” April said, completely oblivious to the fact that her suggestion was giving me a mild panic attack.

  “No,” I replied firmly, looking intently into her eyes. I felt my breathing slow to a more normal level.

  “What do you mean, no?”

  “April if you choose to leave, I can’t stop you but… I can’t go back out there.”

  She wrapped her hands around mine and looked into my eyes, but when she said, “You are so brave,” I had to look away. “Look at all you’ve survived. We can make it out there.”

  “Stop it,” I cried, as I tried pulling my hand out of hers, but she was holding on too tight. “Stop pretending that the life we’ve been living is normal. I want to do more than survive. I want to live. Every night, I lie awake for hours listening to the shrieking of the monsters, just praying that they won’t find us. Knowing that if they do, I’ll die instead of turning into one of them.” Tears that I’d been holding back for years rolled down my cheeks.

  My sister looked at me like she was finally seeing me. “But…” she tried to interrupt me. Now that I had found my voice, I wasn’t going to be silent any longer.

  “No. You need to hear me. You need to see me. I live in fear every second of every day. I fear for my own life; I fear for yours. I fear for the day that I might have to go on alone because something happens to you. These people have safety. It’s something I didn’t think could possibly exist.”

  “But at what cost?” April asked.

  “Whatever the cost, I will pay it,” I responded firmly. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Please, I don’t want to stay here alone, but I can’t leave with you either. Please stay with me. Let’s make a life here.”

  April stood up and looked out the window that was behind my bed. She stared out for several minutes, saying nothing. I watched and waited patiently. All I could do was hope that my pleas made it through her thick head. She needed to see reason. We needed to stay. Finally, she turned to face me. There was a tear on her cheek. This was a new record for her. Crying twice in less than forty-eight hours.

  She sat down on the bed beside me. I moved over to make room for her. She wrapped her arm around me. “For you, I’ll try. But I don’t trust these people. I will stay for as long as you want to stay. But I’m still hoping that we can find our family. Don’t you want to find them?”

  I thought of our dad, of what he had said. Have Faith. It was possible that some of them were still out there. But I couldn’t continue looking for them. Not only was I physically too weak, but emotionally I was on the brink of a total nervous breakdown. I could feel it slowly taking over.

  “What are the chances that they are even still in D.C? We’ve been trying to make it there for years and look where we are, Montana. We’re no closer to making it there. Maybe someday a miracle will happen, and we’ll find our way back to each other, but I can’t hold out for that miracle any longer. I need a home, a community, safety. I need hope. This place offers those things. I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave.” She didn’t respond. “You know if we’re going to make this work, you’re going to have to learn to be nice to these people.”

  Her lips curved into a wicked grin. “But I love being mean.” I laughed. She hugged me tightly. “Okay. I’ll try. For you, I’ll try. Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?” She asked looking into my eyes.

  “I didn’t want to burden you. Not after…what you lost.”

  She leaned her forehead against mine. “I’m the one who swore to protect you. When did we switch roles?” She sighed. “I promised our parents the last time we got to talk to them, that I would keep you safe no matter what. You’re right. This place is safe. I don’t care for the way it’s run. But it’s safe. And if I must sacrifice some freedoms to keep my word, then I can do that.”

  “They’re not all bad you know.”

  “Please tell me we’re not staying here because you’ve got a little crush,” she scolded cheekily.

  I blushed and shook my head. He wasn’t the only reason, but he was a good incentive. “No, of course not, but if I were to have a crush on him, he’d be worth having one on. Especially after what he did for me.” I reached over to the side table to pull my iPhone onto my lap. April gasped as the screen came to life. She grabbed it from me so fast, that she nearly dropped it. She thumbed through the pictures as she cried. Three times now. “Well?” I asked.

  “Maybe you’re right. They’re not all bad.”

  We were left alone for a little while, which gave us the time to reminisce over the people in the photos. We laughed and cried. It was wonderful to remember, but also sad realizing what we were giving up, at least for the time being. She was right. This was a sacrifice. Perhaps it was a little selfish to want to hold onto a semi-normal life, instead of trying to find them. But I needed to be selfish. Maybe we’d stay forever or for the winter. I didn’t know how long it was going to take until I’d be ready to face the fear again. But I was trusting in the message I’d received from my dad. I was going to have faith that something great was on the horizon, not only for me, but for April as well. This was a fresh start. A chance to find peace and happiness and I was going to fully embrace this opportunity. I only hoped that April would be able to do the same.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Billy insisted that I stay in the clinic for another three days, despite my protesting. I’d never really been one to just sit still, even before the world went down the crapper. When being idle was an option. I hated it even more now. I was going stir crazy in the tiny little room I was in. There was very little sunlight, no fresh air. And not much to do but eat and sleep. Jack brought me a couple of books to read, but I’d never been much of a reader and just couldn’t get into them.

  Jack, seeing how frustrated I was with my situation, tried to sneak me out once while Billy and April were off arguing about me. Jack managed to steal a wheelchair from the supply room for me. We’d made it all the way to the front door before they caught us. Billy was pretty pissed with his brother, but April only scolded us a little. I think she liked the fact that I was ignoring Billy’s instructions. It gave her perverse pleasure to see him irritated.

  Billy kept an annoyingly close eye on his brother and me after that. Not that I got to spend as much time with Jack as I would have liked. Billy reminded him, that he had a job in the community to go back to. I thought he worked in the clinic with his brother, but as it turned out, he, along with everyone else, took nursing shifts in the clinic. Everyone learned basic first aid or assisted the doctors if there were actual patients. For the first couple of days, I was the only one in the clinic. There really wasn’t a need for him to be there, except for the fact that I wanted him there.

  It was more than a little scary, just how fast I was falling for Jack. For the longest time, I’d given up on the idea of love. It just didn’t seem possible to have genuine feelings for anyone in our world. People couldn’t be trusted. Everyone was out to use you for something. But not Jack, he was genuine. And though April cautioned me against getting too attached to anyone here, I couldn’t help myself.

  There were only two things that broke through the monotony of my days. Jack and rehab. At least I was allowed to get out of bed and walk around a little. Sitting around all day wasn’t an option. Billy was adamant that if I wanted to recover faster, I needed get moving as much as possible. It killed me to put any pressure on my leg, and I didn’t care for the old-fogy walker I was forced to use, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Even though my leg was lo
oking much better, it was still quite weak. It scared me how weak it was. April tried to make me feel like I was making progress, but I could tell even she was growing impatient with my limited success. She figured the sooner I was able to get out and live in the village, the sooner I’d be ready to leave.

  April was at least on her best behavior, despite not having me there to control her mood swings. Not that she didn’t snipe at Billy or try ordering him or the others around. She just kept it to a minimum and never raised her voice once. Another new record for her.

  My days in the clinic were uneventful. I walked around at least every hour. I ate, I talked with April, joked with Jack. The nights weren’t as scary as they were on the road, but I still wasn’t entirely secure. I only managed a few hours of sleep at night.

  I should have felt safe where I was. From what I understood, there was a large wall protecting us from the rest of the forest. And as for the clinic, it was equipped with heavy metal shutters on the windows, which they sealed at night. The front door was large, heavy, and made of solid iron, it too was bolted tight at night. There was a hatch in the floor, just down the hall from my curtained off room. It was left open at night, in case of an emergency. It led to a bunker. Jack tried to assure me that it had never been used. But the sight of it lying open, waiting for something to go wrong, only intensified the nightmares.

  On the third night, I was having one of my usual nightmares. All I could see was blackness, except for three pairs of blood red eyes. There was a rhythmic grunting breathing that slowly grew louder, until it turned into an ear-piercing shriek. I tried to run, but it was pitch black. I couldn’t see a thing, but I knew the monsters could see me perfectly. I stumbled over something…no someone. My heart felt like it was about to leap out of my chest. I stared through the darkness, trying to adjust my eyes to see who it was that I’d tripped over. It was my sister. She was twisting and writhing beneath me. I shook her, trying to get her to focus on me. Her eyes met mine. The chocolate brown of her iris slowly turned to a deep shade of blood red. She screeched as she clawed at my face.