Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

  Unfortunately, it didn’t matter that April and I had managed to move on from last night. In a community this small, people talk. And if it weren’t for a certain commander’s daughter, things might have blown over easily. But she, of course, felt it was important to get her father involved.

  April fought to bite her tongue, when the two of us were practically dragged into the commander’s office. Michelle was all too happy to help the guards, assigned to bring us to her father. She wore this self satisfying grin on her face, that twisted her features so much so that it ruined all her natural beauty. And though I could tell that Commander Tate was irritated by his daughter’s presence, he didn’t force her to leave during our scolding.

  The commander first reprimanded us for disrupting his peaceful community with our drama, then went on to remind us that our living arrangements here were completely conditional. If we didn’t prove ourselves worthy of the community, we could easily be removed. My sister’s fists were clenched behind her back the entire time. But she kept her face neutral not saying a word, which was so out of character for her. I knew she was only doing it for me. She’d made me a promise and intended to keep it.

  After being chastised for nearly ten minutes, the commander turned his focus on April, and it became clear that he was blaming her for the previous night’s incident. I’d remained quiet the entire time. My focus had been on the smug look on Michelle’s face, but when the commander went after my sister, that was when I came out of my shell.

  “It’s not her fault. It was mine sir.” The look on Michelle’s face only grew more self-satisfied. It was like she’d been waiting for something like this. She didn’t care for April, but she loathed me. I still had no idea why.

  “Yours?” he questioned, not believing me.

  “Yes, I started the fight. And I’ve apologized for it. It was a spat between siblings. They happen sir. But it only got out of control because of me.”

  “Summer…” April tried to interject.

  “No April, you’re not taking the heat for this. It was my fault Commander Tate,” I said, turning my attention back toward him. “If I disturbed the calm of the community, then I’d like to find a way to make up for it.”

  The commander sat back down in his chair, staring thoughtfully at his desk. Michelle moved toward him to say something, but he waved her off with his hand. That look of pleasure faded from her face. When she glared back at me, it was like she was attempting to set me on fire just with her stare. I didn’t bother returning her glare.

  “They could use some help in the daycare centre,” the commander finally replied. “The kids are apparently getting in the way of the ladies working in the sewing group.”

  I swallowed, trying not to be obvious with my discomfort. It wasn’t that I didn’t like kids. It had just been a long time since I’d seen any non-infected ones. And back when I was a kid, I still didn’t really socialize that much outside of my family. I had all the friends I needed in my siblings. Whenever I was around younger children, I didn’t know how to interact with them. And the one time someone attempted to put a newborn in my arms, the kid had screamed bloody murder. I even refused to hold my own nephew until he was old enough to hold his own head up.

  Michelle looked pleased with my discomfort. Apparently, I wasn’t that good at keeping my emotions off my face. Maybe I’d have to get April to give me a few lessons.

  “How’s she supposed to help with kids when she can barely stand on her leg, let alone chase after little one’s?” There was April again, drawing attention to herself.

  “April, it’s fine. It’ll give me an opportunity to help out and meet more people in the community.” I was both trying to calm her and convince myself that this could be a positive experience.

  “I wasn’t planning on having her run after them or keep them in line. We have daycare leaders for that. But Summer you could assist with craft time, teaching some of the older children how to knit. There aren’t enough people in our community with these skills. Starting them off young will benefit us all.”

  I could practically feel April’s skin boiling. She didn’t like the idea of child labour any more than I did. However, the commander only wanted me to teach them to knit, not learn how to knit something useful.

  “Are we in agreement Summer?” he asked. I nodded. And when he didn’t respond to that, I gave him the ‘yes sir’ he was apparently waiting for. April probably would have thrown in a mock solute.

  When we were out of earshot of the commander’s cabin, April let loose. “You owe me big time for keeping my mouth shut in there.” I smiled back at her.

  “Trust me, even I had to fight to keep myself in check, so I’m very aware of how difficult that was for you. Thank-you.”

  She sighed. “You’re welcome. But I’m still going to require a favour someday.”

  I was afraid of that. It wasn’t the first time she’d held that kind of leverage over me. She’d been doing it for years. The first time she’d called on one of the favours I owed her, she made me help her sneak out of the house. As it turned out, she was sneaking out to go get hitched to Andy at the Court House. I still wasn’t sure the trouble I got in, was worth whatever I owed her that favour for. My parents grounded me for a month. I hadn’t even realized our father’s face was capable of that shade of red he’d produced, when yelling at me.

  ​

  Chapter Thirteen

  After all the drama our presence had caused, over the first few days we’d been here, we were eventually able to settle in. This place was starting to feel like home. I’d met at least half the population, which was just over three hundred. It was crazy to imagine that this big group could survive out here unscathed. Normally big groups were a death sentence; but they’d managed to make it work.

  One of the best things about this place was, that you couldn’t even hear the screeches the monsters made at night as they sought out their prey, which were us. I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I’d been able to enjoy a silent night. A couple nights this past week, I’d stayed up way later than I should have. Just so I could sit on the porch and stare up at the stars, enjoying the silence of it all. It was of course freezing, so I couldn’t last out there more than an hour; but it was worth shivering for.

  I was doing my best to settle into the routine here, but it was still strange. For years now, I’d been surviving day to day and now I was living. I had a job that I had to show up to do every day, despite April’s protests that I was still too weak. We had an actual home that was becoming more ours with every day.

  April kept her promise. She’d kept her mouth shut when situations normally would have driven her to hostility. I’d seen her on more than one occasion, walk away from a person, rather than throw a punch and that was a big deal. One of those times was with Billy of course. He should have counted himself lucky, but he still complained to me afterwards about how unreasonable my sister was. Apparently, their truce from the other night was over. They were back to bickering with one another, only now, it was on a much lesser scale.

  April was still struggling to let go of her mothering role. I had to remind her nearly every day, that she could back off and that I wanted her too. She kept trying to poke her nose into every part of my life and particularly my rehabilitation treatments. While we’d progressed to her keeping her mouth shut during the sessions, she still insisted on being there for them. She wasn’t the only one who showed up for my rehab sessions.

  It seemed that Jack intentionally took a later lunch break than the rest of his crew, so he could be there during my sessions with his brother. While I normally liked having Jack around, I didn’t care for the audience during my treatments. I was embarrassed by how weak I had become. And I wasn’t progressing nearly as quickly as I thought I would have. Billy had given me realistic expectations, but I hadn’t really listened to him. This was going to take a lot longer than I had hoped to heal. I thought April struggled with patience. It clearly wasn’t my strong
suit either.

  I still required the almost daily use of the golf cart, at least to go to work. The building I worked in, was quite far away from my cottage and I always found that in the morning I was stiffer. Jack would drive me to the sewing cottage to work in the morning, after I’d already done the trek to the dining hall and back to my cabin to get ready for the day. I’d walk to the dining hall for lunch and then after lunch I’d work with the five oldest children in our community, to teach them basic knitting skills for an hour. Then I walked myself back to the clinic for rehab. After the trek to the clinic and my session with Billy, my leg was normally so sore I could barely stand on it. Just walking back to my cabin, was all that I could do. April would go fetch our dinner from the dining hall in the evening and we’d eat in our cabin on our own. I didn’t like being antisocial, but I could tell April found that time for just the two of us, to be a relief.

  April complained about the days being completely predictable and mundane, but that was what I loved most about them. Predictable was safe and easy, and I thought we deserved to feel both those things after the six years we’d spent in fear. Although she complained a lot, I knew she secretly loved the opportunity to work in the gardens. That was where she’d been assigned. We’d both grown up working in our family garden with our mother. And while I had a black thumb and could kill even the sturdiest of plants, April was the complete opposite. She could practically bring the dead back to life…at least the plant life.

  For me, the best part of my days were always the small golf cart rides to work with Jack. It was always over way too fast, but I enjoyed the time while it lasted. We’d talk and laugh and though nothing serious was developing, I had hope that maybe we were on our way. We were at least getting more comfortable with one another. I thought I was the shy one, but there was something about the way he acted around me, that made me wonder if he was just as shy. He seemed nervous around me, though he did his best to hide it.

  My nerves were growing less and less with each day. The moment I heard the cart stop outside our door; my heart would start racing with excitement. I’d never felt this way before. It was exhilarating. Just to see him smile, would light up my day.

  There were a couple of times during this first week, that I thought maybe we were growing closer to something more than friendship, but something was always in the way. Well, it was more like someone. It seemed that every time we were on the brink of a real connection, that Michelle would pop up out of nowhere to ruin it.

  The first time, she threatened Jack. She said she’d report him to her father for the misappropriate use of our limited vehicle reserve. I saw the effort it took him to restrain himself with her. It was a lot like the way April had to fight to maintain control. But unlike April, it wasn’t in Jack’s nature to lose his temper. I was pretty sure Michelle was the only one in our community that could push his buttons like that. With the vein silently pulsating in his neck, he’d told Michelle that Billy had already gotten permission for the use of the vehicle, to aid in my attending my work schedule.

  Michelle didn’t like that at all. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t like the fact that we already had permission and therefore she couldn’t tattle on us, or if she just didn’t like that she was out of the loop. She liked to be in control of things around here. Kaia said that she walked around like she ran the place most times, but the moment her father was around, she’d back off. For the most part at least.

  After that encounter with Michelle, there was no coaxing a smile back out of Jack. No matter how hard I tried. I didn’t like the way she got to him. And I certainly didn’t understand it. She was annoying, but essentially harmless. She acted like she had power, but really, she had none. It made no sense to get upset over her little power trip. That was at least the way I was looking at it. I probably should have just asked Jack what the deal was with the two of them, but anytime I came close to talking about Michelle, he’d switch the subject right away.

  I decided to ask someone that I knew, with enough coaxing, that I could get the truth out of. Kaia and I were becoming good friends. She even stayed with me to help teach the younger children, after her workday was technically done. I think she just liked hanging around someone who at least had all their adult teeth.

  We’d just gotten back from the dining hall and were setting up for our lesson with the older kids. The kids ranged in age from seven to ten. There were only four of them, but still I was grateful for the back-up Kaia offered. It was silly really, but I was afraid of kids or not necessarily kids themselves, but something about them made me feel so awkward. I never really knew why.

  If I was going to get Kaia to open up about what was really going on with Michelle and Jack, then I was going to have to do it before the little ears showed up for their lesson. “So,” I started a little too casually as I laid out the balls of yarn, “you know a lot about the people here, right?”

  “Yes,” she replied suspiciously.

  “And you know about the drama that’s gone on in the past.” She eyed me knowingly. I think maybe she’d been waiting for this for a while. She laid out the knitting needles, trying to avoid my eyes. “Oh, come on Kaia, I should know what’s going on. I mean Michelle’s had it out for me since day one. Were they lovers or something?” I’d gone over all the possible reasons for the hostility between Jack and Michelle and kept coming back to that conclusion, as unbelievable as it appeared. But maybe at one time she’d been someone worth loving and it had ended badly and now she was just a crazy jealous ex-girlfriend.

  Kaia sighed as she sat in one of the rocking chairs, with her needles and yarn in her lap. “Not lovers. It never got that far, but she certainly tried to take it there.”

  I sat down next to Kaia, feeling both relieved and anxious to finally be getting to the bottom of everything. “Then they dated?”

  Kaia smiled. “Well, she would probably say yes. He would say no.”

  “Okay, now I’m just confused.” Kaia laughed.

  “Michelle was obsessed with Jack from the moment he showed up here. Jack didn’t really notice her. I think his mind was still on his family that was out on the East Coast. Dating was the furthest thing from his mind.

  “But after a couple years of persistence, Michelle finally wore him down. I’m pretty sure Billy tried to warn him against it. At least that’s what my grandmother told me. I think he knew that his brother didn’t have any real interest and he could see the instability in Michelle. Heck I was a kid, and I could sense it. She wasn’t as nasty back then, but she was well on her way. He didn’t listen to his brother’s advice and went on the date with her. And to say it didn’t go well, would be an understatement. I don’t really know the details. All I know is, that he left the date early. She chased after him and spent twenty minutes screaming and banging on his door, before her father finally showed up and dragged her off.”

  “Okay I’m still confused. That sounds like one bad date, not a relationship. How can Michelle think they had a relationship?”

  “Because she fantasized about it in her head. It became so much a part of her daily life, that she thought it was real. She imagined that he reciprocated her feelings. And after that bad date, she still tried to get him back. She kept talking about fixing their relationship. The only reason she finally stopped was because Billy went to her father and told him what was going on. He of course was livid and humiliated. He made her stop. But that hasn’t stopped her obsession with getting revenge on Jack, and anyone he might have a thing for.”

  “But Jack and I aren’t anything. At least not really and she hated me from the moment I met her.”

  “Jack pays attention to you. And really, you and I both know, it’s just a matter of time before you two get together.” My mouth dropped open. “Come on, it’s obvious by the way you two look at each other, when you think the other one isn’t watching. Everyone sees it.”

  It didn’t really matter unless Jack saw it and wanted it. And while it was nice to finally unders
tand why Michelle held such animosity for me, I was still worried. I was worried that with Jack’s negative experience with Michelle, that he’d fear even trying to see if we could have potential. Every time we got close, Michelle was there to ruin his mood and he’d pull right back.

  Kaia could sense my mood and I think she wanted to assure me that things could and would, work out. Before she got the chance, we were joined by our students. I did my best to push my thoughts about Jack and Michelle, to the back of my mind. Our lesson was only an hour, but it dragged on for me today. Partly because we were learning to read and follow a pattern, and that wasn’t going so well. But mostly it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack.

  When the hour was finally up, I was the first one to start packing up. Normally it was the kids who were eager to run off for their gym time they had scheduled in the afternoons. I was hoping that the pain of my rehab session, would push away all insecure and negative thoughts. And it might have worked, had Jack not decided to surprise me by picking me up in the golf cart.

  Normally I walked on my own to the clinic. But today, Jack had insisted on having the entire afternoon off. What excuse he gave, he didn’t tell me, and why he wanted the time off I couldn’t guess either.

  I think he sensed something was off with me, from the moment he knocked on the sewing cottage door. I’d been uncharacteristically quiet. Normally Jack was the one quiet one, but today he was the one trying to engage me in conversation, which I just couldn’t participate in.

  I felt guilty for asking Kaia about Jack and Michelle. Jack really should have been the one to tell me. True, he wasn’t the most forthcoming when it came to talking about Michelle. But knowing what I knew now, I guess I could understand his embarrassment. Here he was stuck in a village with a crazy woman, who thought that they were ex-soulmates with no way to get rid of her. And anyone he even attempted to develop a relationship with, became a target. If I were in his shoes, I don’t think I’d be ready to tell someone I barely knew about the drama that would inevitably flood into their lives.