Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

  “You’re cold,” he said as he started to take off his Jacket to hand to me.

  “No keep it. You need it and it’s really not that cold to me anymore.” His coat was warmer than mine and probably would have helped with the cold, but that wasn’t why I was shivering. He eyed me curiously but zipped his jacket back up without further protest.

  We sat there silently for a few moments, just watching the snow fall to the ground. It looked like it was going to stick. The ground was certainly cold enough now for that. I could just imagine the eyes of the kids in the morning, when they saw the fresh blanket of snow on the ground.

  “Can I ask you something?” Jack asked bringing me back to him. I nodded with a smile. “Do you feel anything more than friendship for me? Before you answer, just let me say, if you don’t, I’ll be okay with that. It might take time, but I can get there. But this not knowing what you’re thinking, or feeling is really messing with my head.” I couldn’t help the giant grin that sprung up on my face. “What?”

  “You’re cute when you ramble. And yes, I do.” I bit my lip both out of nerves and excitement. This was what I’d been waiting for since the moment we met. I was beyond the fear at this point. He’d said he’d cared first and while it wasn’t the ‘L’ word, it was close enough for me. “I don’t know how it was for you, but for me it’s like I already knew you from before. When you got angry with me earlier, I thought that maybe you didn’t feel the same way for me.” I tried not to show the hurt on my face, but the memory was still fresh.

  “No that wasn’t it at all,” he said flustered as he took my frozen hands into his gloved ones. My cheeks felt warm despite the cold. “I was mad at myself for everything that was going on with Michelle, and embarrassed, and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care. Why are you smiling?”

  I giggled. “You’re rambling again.” He smiled back at me. My hands, though still cold, felt nice in his.

  “I can’t help it. With you, I get all flustered and it makes it hard to think straight. I’ve never felt like this before and I’m so afraid of screwing it up that…” I didn’t let him finish his sentence. I’d never kissed someone before, so I wasn’t sure I’d be any good at it. But I’d imagined kissing his lips nearly a thousand times since we met.

  At first when my lips pressed against his, he froze in place not knowing what to do. But it didn’t take more than a moment for him to figure out what was going on and without warning he began kissing me back. He certainly knew what he was doing. His hands released mine as he moved one to my face, cupping it gently, as his lips moved effortlessly with mine.

  My whole body sprang to life in that one moment. It was hard to focus on all the different thoughts and sensations flowing through me. I’d never felt so exhilarated in all my life. I’d always wondered what it would be like when I kissed someone for the first time. Would I like it? Would it feel natural? I loved it. I loved how every cell in my body yearned to be closer to him. The feel of his hand on my face, sent waves of pleasure travelling through my whole being.

  When we finally came up for air, I couldn’t help the smile on my face. I knew it probably looked horribly goofy, but he was wearing the same look, so I wasn’t too worried about it. He brushed a loose strand of air out of my face, again sending those little waves of electricity traveling along my skin.

  “Was that your first kiss?” he asked me.

  “Was it that obvious?” I felt a little embarrassed. It had felt good to me, maybe I wasn’t doing as well as I’d thought.

  “No, I was just assuming. It was my first too. Well at least my first real kiss.” I didn’t have to ask him who he was talking about, and he didn’t offer any further details about it. It was no longer something I was curious about. Whatever kiss he’d shared with Michelle, was clearly nothing like this one. At least he wasn’t running to get as far away from me as he could, like he had with her. “Do you wanna try that again?” he asked with a huge smile. I nodded.

  I moved a little bit closer this time closing my eyes, preparing for the sensations to flood me again. But before his lips could press against mine, we were both startled out of the moment. A sound I was all too familiar with, came rising through the cold night air, causing my whole body to feel like it was filled with ice. I hadn’t heard the screeching and howling that the monsters made, since I’d been here. Jack had told me it had been years since he’d heard their noises.

  I turned to Jack for an explanation, for reassurance. We were okay. The walls were safe. They had a moat. We had to be safe. But Jack didn’t give me any. Instead, he took off, running toward the sound, which was coming from the front gate.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It didn’t take me more than a moment to gather myself together, and then I took off in the same direction as Jack. Of course, Jack was running with two good legs and my busted one was screaming at me nearly as loudly as the monsters’ howls. My cane was not the easiest thing to run with, and it wasn’t taking any pressure off my leg.

  The sound was growing now; and it took every ounce of courage I had, not to turn back towards my cabin and cower beneath my sheets. I needed to know what was going on and I needed to know that Jack was safe. The kiss we shared, only moments before, felt like it had happened in a different world. That world was safe and protected. This was my past coming back to haunt me.

  Even though I was far behind him, Jack still turned around almost as if he sensed my presence. He stopped running, allowing me to catch up. I was out of breath by the time I reached him; and my leg wobbled beneath me. I pressed into the cane for as much support as I could muster. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Go back.” He wasn’t angry. I could see the fear in his eyes; and it wasn’t just from the howls on the other side of the wall. He was worried about my safety. It was too late for us. We’d told each other how we felt, and now neither one of us could stand to know the other one was in harm’s way.

  “First off, don’t think just because I kissed you that gives you the right to tell me what to do.” He looked at me with surprise and awe. “And second, who else besides April here, has enough experience with the monsters to actually know what to do about them? You certainly didn’t. You guys let one right in through your gates the other day. I’m coming too. The safety of this place matters to me.”

  He sighed in frustration. “You’re right, I can’t order you, but I can ask you. Please turn around. I want you to be safe.”

  “Either we’re all safe here or we’re not. It makes no difference whether I’m at the wall or in my cabin. If the walls are breeched, we’re all screwed. And I can’t go back not knowing whether you’re safe or not.” I could see him muddling through it all in his mind. He wanted me as far away from the wall as possible, but he also knew I wasn’t about to budge on the matter. We could both stand here arguing until we were blue in the face, or we could go together to try and figure this thing out.

  “Fine. You win, this time. But don’t think this conversation is over.” He grabbed my free hand without any further argument. We slowly jogged the rest of the way to the gate. It took a lot of effort to supress my grin. It wasn’t really a time to be smiling anyway. But it was kind of nice to know I’d won our first argument. Hopefully, it would set a favourable tone for the rest of our relationship.

  I could tell it was killing him to go this slow. He wanted to be there quickly, but it wasn’t exactly easy running with a cane for support. It took a lot of strength to keep the pain off my face. There were a couple moments when my leg seized up slightly and it was all I could do not to scream out loud. I had to bite down on my lip once. I had to do this ridiculous run hop thing, that if the situation weren’t so dire, would probably have been quite amusing to see. But my focus was on trying to keep up with Jack and his was on making sure we made it to the wall quickly, but safely.

  We weren’t the first to arrive. There was already a contingent of soldiers lined up on the narrow walkway abo
ve us. I could see that all along the wall, the torches had been lit. Their flames danced as the wind brushed up against them. The snow was still falling just as heavily as before. It was making things difficult for those up top, peering into the darkness, to see what was coming our way.

  The soldier below, manning the elevator, gave us a curious look as we approached him. He held his gun tightly to his side ready to raise it at a moment’s notice. “We’re going up,” Jack said without bothering to explain. The soldier didn’t seem to think this declaration was valid.

  “I get why you’re here, but not her,” he said pointing to me with an accusatory finger. “She’s a civilian only, she has no training and no purpose here.”

  I wanted to snap back at him that I had way more training for this than he or any of the other soldiers. I knew a hell of a lot more about the monsters than he ever would. But Jack stopped me with a soft look. It was a look that told me he needed to handle this. I didn’t like not being the one to defend my position, but I didn’t question him. I may have known more about the outside world, but he knew a lot more about this place than I did.

  “She knows the monsters and the way they think and act, at least more than we do. She’s coming up as well. And the longer you argue here with us, the more danger you put us all in.” The soldier looked like he was having an internal debate on the issue. Jack glared at him.

  “Fine, but if Commander Tate has a problem with it, then it’s your neck, not mine. Understood?” Jack nodded. The soldier moved aside for us to climb onto the elevator. I was anxious for us to get to the top already. The little argument had only taken a couple of minutes, but in these situations a couple of minutes could mean the difference between life and death.

  The elevator hadn’t felt so slow last week, but now it was painfully slow. And it creaked something awful as the metal protested the cold. As we made our ascent, the snarls and screeches became alarmingly close. They were so loud that I instinctively moved my hands to cover my ears. The monsters’ screeches had been known to burst ear drums. Jack eyed me nervously, like he was reconsidering letting me be here. Even though it went against my instincts, I let my hands drop and allowed the sound to fill my ears. It made my skin crawl, my legs shake. Thankfully, it was dark enough that Jack couldn’t see how bad I was shaking.

  When we got to the top, Jack stepped off first, offering his hand to help me make the transition from the elevator to the stone pathway. Commander Tate was beside the draw bridge staring off in the distance, with his fancy night vision binoculars as one of his soldiers whispered into his ear. Jack tugged me towards the commander, which was the opposite of where I thought we should be heading. I was sure the moment the commander saw me he’d order me back down. But that wasn’t what happened.

  Instead, when he saw us approaching, it was like a light went off in his head. He looked excited to see me. He waved us towards him. We moved quickly. The commander pushed one of the other soldiers aside, to make room for us. That soldier gave me a nasty look, like I was taking up his valuable position and he clearly thought that was a waste. I ignored him.

  The commander wasted no time explaining the situation to Jack and me. We had a group out there still. They should have been back yesterday, but never arrived and this morning they radioed that they’d run into some trouble, but they were heading back today. But still, nothing until the screeching started. And that’s when they got some garbled message over the radio that there were casualties and only a couple of survivors, who were supposedly close by, trying to make it back to the safety of the village.

  “You’re not going to lower the drawbridge?” I asked. It came out almost like an accusation. To me that was the dumbest move they could possibly make. Well actually the second dumbest thing. The first, they’d already done by letting someone who’d been bitten back in.

  “That’s the conundrum I’m facing right now,” the commander responded. “I don’t like leaving anyone behind.”

  “But you have a whole village to protect,” I replied. He smiled back at me. I wasn’t aware the commander was even capable of smiling. At least not a big genuine smile.

  “Yes. It’s the whole ‘many vs. the one,’ scenario. Is it worth risking an entire village for two men?”

  The answer was simple, at least in my mind. No. When Jack opened his mouth and said, “Yes,” I was shocked.

  “We can’t put everyone else here at risk. From the sound of the screeching, there are at least a dozen monsters, maybe more. Do you have any idea what kind of damage that large a group could do to us? And we don’t even know if those men are even still alive or if they’ve been bitten for that matter.”

  “We should at least be ready to lower the drawbridge in case they make it,” Jack argued.

  Jack wasn’t alone in his belief. Several other soldiers spoke up echoing the commander’s earlier sentiment, about not leaving anyone behind. They were fools. The world wasn’t so cut and dry anymore. Sometimes you had to leave people behind. That’s how you survived. April, Andy, and me had done it more times than I cared to remember. If we hadn’t, we’d either be dead or turned. But I didn’t speak up. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the way Jack was looking at me, like he was worried that I’d been out in the world too long to possibly recover from the trauma. Instead, I just threw my hands in the air. “Fine, don’t take the advice of the person who knows more. Do what you want and when we’re all turning, I’ll be sure to tell you I told you so.”

  This earned a laugh from the commander. And not just a chuckle, but a good hardy laugh. “I like you. You should stay…your sister, I’m still on the fence about. But you’re definitely a keeper.” I tried not to take offence to the idea that he was willing to toss my sister out. At least he was warming up to me and that was a good thing. “Okay everyone shut-up. There’s only one person here who gets to make this call. And I trust that the decision will be made when the moment arises and not before. We need to know what we’re dealing with; before we go and make a decision that can impact so many. And no one from this village is qualified to make that decision.”

  “Well then who’s going to decide?” The soldier who’d given me the stink eye earlier asked.

  “She is,” the commander said pointing to me.

  “Me?” I wasn’t the only one taken aback by that answer. There were many sets of eyes trained on me, some suspicious, some just looked pissed.

  “Yes. You’re the only one qualified to make this decision. I trust you to be fair. You’re not going to just leave our people out to be taken if they can be saved. But you’re also no fool. If there’s danger, you’ll be the first to spot it. Just like you did in the clinic.”

  I wasn’t so sure I deserved the credit he was giving me. The soldier in the clinic was obvious. He was already showing the early signs of turning and he had the tell-tale bite mark. It was really something that any moron should have been able to figure out.

  The commander held out his fancy binoculars for me. I looked to Jack to see what he thought I should do. I could tell he was still a little leery of what I’d said earlier, but he didn’t challenge the commander’s decision. Nor did anyone else.

  With trepidation, I moved forward taking the binoculars from the commander. They were lighter than they looked. The commander moved aside, so that I could take his spot above the drawbridge.

  I pulled the binoculars to my eyes and looked through. It was amazing how clear everything was. Even with the snow, I could see every detail of the landscape. The moat below us rippled a little with the wind. The screeches continued in the distance, drawing closer to us. From what I understood, it had been years since the village’s boarders had been challenged by one of the monster hives. Apparently, that was at an end. They had a plan, and I was positive it involved the men who’d called in the mayday on the radio.

  I couldn’t see anything down the long winding road, which had been made by all the vehicles that had travelled down it over the years. As I surveyed the woods, th
ey seemed completely devoid of life. That wasn’t a good thing. There was always wildlife around these parts, particularly deer. But there was nothing. Not so much as the hoot of an owl. The only sound coming through, was that of the monsters.

  I stared intently looking for any signs of our people. I could feel Jack behind me. He was breathing warm air on the back of my neck, not that he intended to do so. It felt nice compared to the cold. My hands were freezing, but I resisted the urge to shove them back inside my pockets. We all waited in silence for five minutes, ten minutes. Nearly twenty minutes passed by like that. And then I saw them.

  Two men, limp-running towards the village. They were far off still. They kept their heads low to the ground as they trudged along. They were both covered head to toe in winter gear. It was hard to make out any part of their features. It was a cold night, so that made sense. Except that they’d supposedly been running for a couple of hours now. Even in super cold weather, if I’d run that long, I wouldn’t have had that many layers on me by the time I’d reached the two-hour mark.

  They were running like they were scared. They kept looking over their shoulders as the sounds of the beasts drew nearer. They were only a quarter mile away when they began shouting for us to drop the gate. I didn’t respond. And the commander had said it was my decision. I couldn’t make it yet. This didn’t feel right at all. I had no evidence that they were infected, but my instincts were screaming at me to keep the gate closed. The soldiers around me began whispering.

  “Shut-it!” the commander yelled at them. Turning back towards me he said, “What’s your call?”

  “We need them to get closer. I have an idea. A test really, but I need them to be closer.”

  Jack was beside me whispering so low that only I could hear. “If we wait until they’re right here, we may not have the time to lower and raise the bridge again.”