Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

  “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I have a plan.” The nervousness in his voice was moving through the rest of his body. He was shaking as he stirred his latest batch of pancakes.

  “You’re not instilling a whole lot of confidence in me,” I whispered back, though I probably didn’t need too. The people who had been eyeing us earlier were now fully engrossed in their tasks. The dining hall was now full, with people going about eating their breakfast. The sound of their conversations travelled back to the kitchen, making it difficult to hear anyone’s conversation, let alone our own.

  Normally a comment like that would have earned me at minimum a smirk, but I got nothing from Jack. He kept staring at his pancake batter. It almost seemed like he was intentionally avoiding eye contact with me. I couldn’t wait for our shift in here to be over. Thankfully, we weren’t on clean-up duty today. It would be tight, but we could manage to escape from the others for a half an hour before he had to head to work beyond the wall.

  I hated the idea of him out there. They weren’t sending anyone on runs anymore, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t still tasks to do beyond the wall. He and his crew were responsible for checking on the stability of our defences. And he took that task very seriously. Anytime he went beyond the wall, I struggled to focus on my own tasks. It reminded me a lot of when Andy used to go scavenging for supplies and he’d leave April behind to watch me. She always tried to act like she wasn’t terrified, but I didn’t need to be a mind reader to see the fear in her eyes.

  As breakfast was wrapping up, Jack and I grabbed a quick bite to eat. I didn’t really bother tasting my food as I shoveled it down, so we could go to our secret spot as quickly as possible. The spies were back to watching us, but unlike us, they were on clean-up duty today. When we took off, they were forced to stay behind. The entire time we walked, Jack kept looking over his shoulder to make sure we weren’t being followed.

  “You’re scaring me,” I whispered as we moved beyond the main part of the village.

  “I don’t mean to,” he whispered back. “But we need to be careful. Now more than ever. If she finds out, she’ll have her dad put a stop to it.”

  “A stop to what?” I asked completely confused. He just shook his head. He wasn’t going to say anymore to me out here in the open. Once we were beyond the rest of the villager’s view, we both went into a full out run. My bad leg protested the entire time we ran. It had been acting up again with the change in temperature. It was nothing like it had been before, but still I had to fight to keep the wincing off my face. We didn’t stop running until we were safely behind the brush.

  I took in a deep breath of freezing air, as I moved next to the hot spring, hoping to capture some of its warmth. Even it wasn’t enough to thaw out the fear growing inside me. I turned around to face Jack. He was pacing back and forth in front of me, not willing to look at me.

  “Please just tell me what’s going on,” I begged him.

  He took in a deep breath as he stared at the tiny little spring. “Michelle’s convinced her father that our population growth isn’t enough to sustain our society. She’s talked him into a forced coupling program.”

  “A what?”

  “A program to encourage an increase in birthrate. He and the council are planning on introducing the program tonight at dinner. People who aren’t married, who are over eighteen will be matched with what the council considers to be their ‘ideal match’.” I stared at him still confused. Nothing he was saying was sinking in. “They’re going to force us to reproduce with whomever they pick for us. And guess who I’m matched with.”

  I swallowed hard. “Michelle. But he can’t force you to…or anyone else. The people won’t allow it. He’d have a mutiny on his hands.” There had been only a couple births in the village since its foundation. People were in no rush to start families these days. Even though these people had been protected by the walls all this time, they weren’t fools. They knew the world was treacherous and no place to raise a child. No one actively tried to have children anymore.

  Jack shook his head. “Do you remember the contract you signed?” I stared at him, the reality finally sinking in. “You said that you’d follow him and the council and all the laws of our community. Everyone else signed the same thing. If you, or I, or anyone else for that matter, goes back on the contract, we would be kicked out. It’s the middle of winter. No one’s going to risk getting kicked out of the village in this cold. It would be a death sentence.”

  He was right. No one would risk that. Not even April would risk that now. And Michelle knew that. It was why she suggested this plan to her father now. By the time the weather changed, the anger over the new law would probably have passed. People here grew complacent quickly.

  “If you’re matched with Michelle, then what about me?” I asked not really wanting to know the answer.

  Before Jack was all fear, but as he thought about the answer, I could see the rage building inside of him. “She got him to put you with Billy.”

  I felt sick inside. True, there were probably worse people in the village that I could have been matched with. But putting me with Billy was the ultimate cruel act for Michelle. To force Jack to watch me with his brother. But then, how could they force people to reproduce. Sure, you could match people but that didn’t mean they’d have sex with each other. There was no way Jack would willingly sleep with Michelle. She had to know that.

  Jack appeared to read my thoughts. “There’s a time limit. Conceive in three months or get kicked out. Oh, and they’re also disposing of all contraceptives in the village. They’re conducting inspections this evening while everyone’s at dinner. There’s going to be a big bonfire for burning them all.” He looked just as disgusted as I felt.

  I collapsed to my knees. I didn’t even care that the cold of the snow was biting through my jeans. Michelle’s smugness was justified. She’d won. The tears poured down my frozen cheeks, burning where they touched. Jack knelt in front of me and placed his hands in mine.

  “I told you I had a plan.”

  “What plan? Leave? We can’t do that. It’s too dangerous.” I knew Michelle could be cruel, but the commander, the council. What were they thinking? To force this on people and in such a short time frame. It was ridiculous. If their plan worked, there would be a massive population boom in less than a year. That would put a lot of people out of working condition. Michelle didn’t care about such logistics, but the commander should have.

  Jack shook his head. The nervousness was back in his voice as he spoke. “We’re not going anywhere. We don’t have to. If you marry me.” I stared at him, not sure if I heard him right. “Marry me. I’m not just asking you this to save myself from Michelle. I would have asked you eventually anyways. This just sped things up. A lot. I love you Summer and I want to be with you, for whatever time I have on this Earth.

  “If we marry before the announcement is made, then the commander won’t have any choice but to reorganize his coupling list.” He stared at me nervously, waiting for my answer.

  When I woke up that morning, a proposal was the last thing on my mind. And had Michelle’s threat not been looming over us I probably would have said no. I wasn’t ready for marriage. I loved him and I wanted to be with him. But this was moving way too fast. And what the commander had planned. I didn’t want kids. Even if I thought I could have them, which I didn’t. I didn’t want to bring children into this world. I’d given up on the idea of marriage and family years ago. I didn’t like the fact that this was all being forced on me now. I didn’t blame Jack. If this was the only way to be together, then I was going to marry him, ready or not.

  I was just opening my mouth to say yes when April came bursting through the bushes. “She’s not marrying you.” My sister looked furious. “How could you ask her such a thing?”

  I stood up and rushed towards April, before she could throw a punch at Jack. Her fist was all bawled up in anticipation. “April, have you been listening the entire
time?” She wouldn’t look me in the eye, giving me her answer without a word spoken. I placed my hands on her shoulders. The fear and the sadness I felt earlier disappeared. They were replaced by a strange emptiness. I simply didn’t feel anything. This was, what it was. “April it’s the only way we can stop her and the only way we can be together. I’m going to marry Jack.”

  I didn’t bother looking back at Jack. I couldn’t. I knew my lack of emotional response to his proposal would disturb him. He might even be tempted to back out. My sister could see it in my eyes though and she probably knew exactly why I felt this way.

  “You don’t have to do this Summer. The law is for those over eighteen. You’re not eighteen yet.”

  “You’re not eighteen?” Jack asked in surprise as he dared to move towards my sister and me. My sister’s anger flared, but she didn’t look ready to hit him anymore. Her focus was on me now.

  “I will be, in less than two weeks. I think the fact that I’ve already been paired with Billy, says they don’t care about two weeks. Besides, I thought we already established that you were going to treat me like an adult, capable of making adult decisions. This isn’t your decision to make April. It’s mine.”

  “You’re seventeen?” Jack asked again. April and I both rolled our eyes at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were seventeen?”

  “Because I didn’t think it mattered. You’re only a couple years older than me. I didn’t see the big deal. And neither did April and she’s the overbearing sister here.”

  “Hey!” April protested.

  “Why didn’t you put up more of a fight?” Jack asked April.

  “I did, remember? I’ve tried to keep you two from going too far too quickly this entire time. But Summer is right. Two years in this world isn’t a big difference, especially given how fast people are forced to grow up. But that doesn’t mean I think either of you is ready for marriage.”

  “Were you ready when Andy asked you?” I asked my sister. Her eyes got misty, like they often did when Andy’s name was brought up.

  “That was different. We’d been together for two years. You two have only known each other a couple of months. You shouldn’t be forced into a marriage you’re not ready for.”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Jack protested. He was talking to me this time, not April. “If you don’t want this, it won’t change how I feel about you. I promise you that Summer.”

  The truth was, I didn’t want this. At least not like this. This wasn’t how I’d imagined my proposal playing out. When I was younger, I used to imagine the day the man I loved would ask me to marry him. The scene changed often in my imaginings. Sometimes it took place in an old forest, sometimes on a white sandy beach. I’d imagined being proposed to in front of waterfall a time or two as well. Though the waterfall in my imagination was always much grander than the tiny one over our little hot spring here. But no matter the location, the proposal always came from a deep desire to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate. Never had I imagined being proposed to, in order to keep some psychotic manipulative cow from interfering with my love life. This was all wrong and I hated it. But I wasn’t going to let Jack see that.

  I held my hands out for Jack and he took them in his. With all the strength I had, I managed to push back the sorrow that was threatening to surface. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want to be with him. He wouldn’t understand that I was giving up on a dream that I didn’t realize I still had. I wasn’t going to have the beautiful white gown. My dad wasn’t going to walk me down the aisle and there wasn’t going to be a big party celebrating my marriage. No, now I was getting married quickly, in secret. It was a lot like what happened with Andy and April. I’d never thought about how April felt, missing out on all those parts that are supposed to make your wedding day so special. She got married in jeans and a t-shirt at the courthouse.

  April never complained about not having the wedding of her dreams. When she talked about marrying Andy, she always said that it was the best day of her life. It wasn’t the fanciest, but it was the best. She always said that it was the marriage that mattered, not the wedding. So as much as it hurt to give up on the dream, I was going to learn from my sister’s example.

  I smiled at Jack. “I want to marry you. I wouldn’t say yes if I didn’t. I love you too and this is what I want,” I said turning to face April. “Can I have your support?” I asked my sister. “I want you to be there for me.”

  A tear rolled down April’s cheek. I didn’t know what thoughts were running through her head. Whether she was sad I was growing up or for what I was giving up. Maybe she was thinking about Andy. But when she finally responded, it was with a smile on her face. “Always,” she said.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I knew it was killing April not to talk about what just happened, about my impending marriage. In just a few short hours I’d be Jack’s wife. I still needed to get through my workday and act like everything was normal. April was having a hard time with the acting normal bit. The entire time in the bathhouse she kept shooting me weird looks. If people didn’t know she was my sister, they might have thought she was checking me out. I ignored her of course. I had my own worries to deal with.

  We needed to act normal so Michelle wouldn’t be tipped off. Jack was going to go talk to the pastor and arrange everything. I was worried that Pastor Lewis might get in trouble for aiding us in our conspiracy, but Jack assured me he’d only tell him just enough. He was leaving out why we were rushing into the marriage and just asking him to keep it secret so that Michelle didn’t cause a scene. If she found out, she’d cause more than a scene.

  I dressed in silence, while my sister kept trying to pry into my mind. Despite my rushing about to get to work, April and I were the last ones in the bathhouse. We’d shown up later than the rest of the women and I was shivering from the rushed two-minute shower I’d endured. April tried to engage me in conversation, but I turned on my hairdryer to tune her out. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her roll her eyes at me.

  I didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe April was going to try to talk me out of this or maybe she was going to give me her blessing. Either way, I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to get through the day. By this evening, it would be over. It was an odd way to feel about my wedding. But I just wanted it over with. I wanted Michelle’s threats gone and I just wanted to stop feeling all the stress. Maybe tomorrow I’d be able to celebrate being Jack’s wife, but for now, I just wanted to feel blissfully numb. And April was threatening to ruin that.

  Before she could engage me in conversation, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and rushed out into the cold to escape her. On any other day, she probably would have run after me, calling my name, and making a big scene. But she knew better than that. She let me go and went off to the greenhouses to do whatever it was she did all day.

  Normally my day spent in the sewing cottage was something I looked forward to. Now I was just watching the clock slowly tick away the minutes as I barely managed to make any progress on the child’s sweater I was currently knitting.

  I’d been tasked with making some warmer winter wear for the children in our community. It was already going slower than I wanted. Knitting hats, gloves, and scarves were easy enough, but a sweater wasn’t something I’d done in years. And today my focus was off. I’d already undone my stitching five times in just the first hour. Sofia offered to help me, but I knew she had her own work to do, and I wanted to be able to do this on my own.

  Kaia was off at school this morning, which was a good thing for me. She was very in tune to my moods, and she would have probably been just as annoying as April, trying to find out the cause. I couldn’t tell her and that killed me. She was my best friend and if the world were normal, she would have been one of my bridesmaids. But I wasn’t having a normal wedding. I was getting married in secret with just Jack, Pastor Lewis, and my sister in attendance.

  I tried desperately to find comfort in the fact t
hat what I was about to do would mean I could be with Jack without risk of Michelle interfering. But it did little good. By the time lunch rolled around, my mood was at an all time low. If Michelle had stumbled across my path, she would have surely thought it was because she won.

  I wanted to grab my lunch and head back to my cabin to mope in solitude, but both Jack and April were already at the dining hall when I arrived. There’d be no sneaking out. I tried my best to put a smile on my face, but even I felt its weakness. Jack saw right through it. Maybe he thought I was just stressed about Michelle possibly finding out. But April knew me better. She knew the true reason for my sadness.

  Jack tried to engage me in conversation while we ate. Even though I responded to every question, it was obvious, even to him, that something was very wrong with me. He would have tried to get me to talk about it if we weren’t in such a crowded room. We could both feel the eyes on us. Michelle’s spies weren’t really that great at being inconspicuous. There were at least three people that I noticed watching us. Anytime I made eye contact with any of them, they’d quickly look away. This whole day was making me sick to my stomach.

  Billy joined us close to the end of mealtime. He could feel the tension from the moment he sat down. He tried to ask what was going on, but Jack just gave him a simple shake of his head. I looked at Jack and gave him a look that said, ‘you haven’t told him.’

  “Not yet,” he whispered in reply. Now Billy was really confused. “We’ll talk later,” he told his brother. I could tell Billy didn’t like leaving things unspoken anymore than April did. It was crazy how similar the two were.

  Billy wolfed down his food in hopes of getting Jack to spill the big secret before the two of them had to go back to work. All four of us left the dining hall at the same time. And I was just about to head back to the sewing cottage when April pulled Jack aside a little more harshly than she meant to. Billy took up his big brother role and was there in second to intervene if he needed to. My sister let go of Jack’s arm, realizing that she’d crossed the line.