by B. B. Hamel
“Well, I don’t want a baby tagging along,” she says with a laugh. “Julissa can watch her.”
“Okay then. Whatever you want.”
She smiles at me. “But it’s sweet of you to invite her.”
“Hey, I get it. You’re a package deal. If I want t keep seeing you, I better make friends with your daughter.”
She nods a little, grinning more. “That’s right. And speaking of her, I better get going. Bedtime is soon and I don’t want to miss it.”
“Alright. Well, thanks for visiting me.” We stand up and I give her a rough little hug. “And never do it again, please.”
She laughs and walks off, waving as she goes.
I hate that she saw me in there, working that stupid retail job, but I think it’s a good thing. I want her to see me as a responsible person. She’s a mom now, and I bet she doesn’t want to risk letting some frat boy hockey player back into her life, let alone her daughter’s life.
It’s so strange. Addie makes me want to be a better person, and we’re not even together. Just being around her again is bringing out the best in me in ways I never envisioned.
I smile to myself as I head back to my truck, already starting to picture Addie in her little bikini.
13
Addie
I shouldn’t be too surprised when it’s a gorgeous day. For some reason, everything seems to work out when I’m with Will, and clearly that hasn’t changed at all over the years.
He grins at me as he pulls his truck into a space and kills the engine. “Hope you brought lots of sunscreen.”
“Enough to fill a baby pool.”
“Gross. But that would be effective. Just go roll around in there until you’re all set.”
I laugh as we climb out of the car. Will carries most of our stuff, which just leaves a chair and my bag. He’s burdened with his big, an umbrella, another chair, and a little cooler with drinks. We lug it all the way up the sandy path and nobody even stops us when we get out onto the beach itself.
It’s not too crowded, which is amazing. There’s a slight breeze coming off the ocean, so it’s nice and cool as we set up in a spot that’s a bit separated from everyone else. Although I know he’ll make fun of me, I immediately get out my sunscreen and start to apply. Can’t risk getting burned.
He grins but doesn’t say anything. He shakes out his blanket in the sun and lies down on it, hands behind his head, looking up at me as I cover myself.
I glance back at him and he doesn’t look away. I know he’s searching my body right now, and although it makes me totally embarrassed, I really like it. I brought out my cutest bikini for this, blue with floral print and black strappy borders. I wasn’t sure it would fit, but apparently I’ve lost most of my baby weight, which is good. I don’t feel like a total whale out here.
“Looking good, Addie girl,” he says. “I could watch you lube up all day.”
I glare at him. “This isn’t for your benefit.”
“Sure, I know, but I’m enjoying it anyway.”
“You really should put some on, too,” I say to him. “You’ve been in Russia too long. You’re not as tan as you used to be.”
He laughs at that. “Can’t deny it,” he says. “But that’s what todays supposed to cure.”
I roll my eyes. When I’m done applying sunscreen, I set my umbrella up and put my chair direct smack dab in the middle of the shade. I’m not messing around, not at all, and I even put on a big floppy hat. It’s overkill, but whatever.
He pulls his blanket closer as I take a book out of my bag. “What’s that?” he asks.
“Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Ever heard of it?”
“I think so,” he says. “It was like massively popular a few years ago, right? Big book.”
I heft up the relatively thick paperback. “I know. It’s good, though.”
“I haven’t read a book in forever,” he says, stretching out. I stare at his sculpted body for a second as he closes his eyes, hands over his face to shade it from the sun. He may be injured and he may not be a pro hockey player anymore, but he definitely has the body still. Will’s always been gorgeous, but he’s at the next level right now, and it’s driving me insane. As much as he says he likes to look at me in my bikini, I definitely like to look at him in his little swim trunks even more.
“Do you still remember how to read?” I ask him.
He glances at me, smirking. “Not books, no.”
“What can you read, then?” I ask, and instantly I regret it.
“Your body.” He winks and I groan.
“That’s awful.”
“No, it’s right. Just deliciously right.”
“Get out of here.” I kick a little sand at him. “Don’t be a perv all day, okay?”
“How am I supposed to do that when you look so good?”
“Control yourself,” I say, although I know I’m smiling.
“I can’t control myself around you, Addie girl,” he says, settling back into his towel. “You drive me nuts.”
“I bet,” I say, grinning even more. I turn to my book and I think I read the same sentence over and over again.
I’ve been debating whether or not I wanted to do this ever since he invited me. I think what really convinced me was what he said about growing up. I’ve never heard him talk that way about anything in his whole life, but I find it oddly attractive.
Will’s always been talented, attractive, and outgoing. He’s the total opposite of me, although we do have one thing in common. Both our parents were abusive fucking pricks, and that’s what bound us together.
The difference is, he grew out of his abusive past, and I feel stuck in mine still. I want to get away from it and move on, but I still feel totally stuck. Every time I get close, I remember that basement, and I freeze up. Ever since college, it’s been one step forward and a dozen back.
Seeing him try and grow up gives me hope though. It makes me proud of him and even more attracted to him, but it also makes me think that it’s about time I get my shit together, too. I can’t live with Eleanor forever. She doesn’t want me to, and I don’t want to. I wish I could, since having Julissa help me has been so amazing, but I need to give that up sooner or later.
Getting a job was a good first step, but there’s still so much more I can do.
I glance over at Will again, eyes lingering on his body. My gaze moves up toward his handsome lips and I realize with a start that he’s looking at me and smiling. I quickly look away, back to my book, and I hear him chuckling softly as he turns over onto his stomach, face on his arms.
I’m embarrassed, but not embarrassed enough to stop myself from glancing over at his ripped back and his cute, tight, muscular ass. I’m such a freak for guys with fantastic butts, and Will’s is the best in the game.
I go back to reading and we spend a while like that. Will eventually puts on sunscreen and joins me under the umbrella, but the damage is already done. His skin’s slightly bronze and slightly pink, and I know he’ll be feeling that one later. I don’t give him shit, though, and he doesn’t complain. That’s another thing I love about him, he accepts what happens and moves past it.
“I’m sweating,” he says after another half hour of silence. “Let’s go in the water.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Aren’t there sharks?”
He laughs. “Seriously, this far north?”
I shrug. “Shark lives in the ocean. That’s the ocean.”
“There aren’t any sharks this far north,” he says, standing. “Come on. Get your pretty ass up.”
Reluctantly I follow him, leaving my hat behind. The water’s absolutely bone-chilling cold but he just ploughs right in, diving under a wave and hollering like a wild man. Meanwhile I’m standing on my tippy toes, arms wrapped around my torso.
“It’s so cold!” I say.
“Get in here you freaking baby,” he shouts back. People are looking at me and I feel really dumb, but it’s so, so cold. “Get in here right now you coward.�
��
“No way,” I say back. “Just let me read. It’s too cold.”
“I’m going to carry you in here,” he threatens, coming toward me. Waves wash around him and I suddenly think he’s Poseidon emerging from his domain.
“Will,” I warn, stepping away, but he has that grin, and I know nothing’s going to stop him. He comes toward me, all bristling muscle and six-foot-whatever. I turn to run away, laughing a little, but he’s too fast. He snatches me up and lifts me.
I’m embarrassed but I love that he’s touching me. He can throw me around so easily, and it’s actually pretty fun and a little hot. “Put me down!” I say, laughing some more as he throws me over a shoulder.
“Okay, if you want me to.”
He puts me down right into the water, and a sharp burst of freezing cold rushes over my skin.
“Oh fuck!” I shout, and he cracks up as I flounder. “Oh shit oh shitohshit, it’s cold!”
I’m jumping up and down like a moron. “Just go under,” he says.
“Cold!”
“Under!”
A wave comes and I don’t think about it. I just dive under, right into the freezing cold water. I pop up next to him, still freezing my ass off, but now I’m totally soaked.
“See?” he says. “All better, right?”
“No!”
“Aw, come here.” He swims over to me and grabs me again, pulling me against him. “Don’t be such a baby.”
“Now I kind of wish there were sharks,” I mutter through clenched teeth.
“Why?” he asks.
“To put me out of my misery.”
He laughs again. “It’s not that bad.”
“It’s definitely that bad.”
We swim side by side for a little bit, and although the cold never gets better, I do like being so close to him. Will keeps swimming over and nudging me, pushing me, picking me up, and basically taking every opportunity possible to touch me. I pretend like I’m fighting back but really I want him to keep touching me, keep brushing against me, keep giving me a reason to stay in this damn ice bath with him at all.
Eventually though, a big wave comes and I can’t take it anymore. “I’m riding this in!” I call out.
“Aw, hold on, I wasn’t done,’ he says, but I don’t answer. I’m too busy swimming fast to catch the wave.
I manage to get it just in time and I ride it forward. The wave breaks and I’m on top of it, so it propels me forward until I end up in the sand, very ungraceful, but alive.
“Good one!” Will calls to me as I stand up. I look back at him, and his eyes go completely wide, a huge grin on his face.
It takes me half a second to realize what’s wrong. My bikini is mostly off, just hanging one by a strap. I grab it and right it, and while the whole thing lasts no more than five seconds, the damage is already done. Will’s eyes are wide and his smile means he saw my breasts.
“Hell yeah!” he yells, whooping. “I love the ocean!”
“Asshole!” I yell back, which gets me a few glares, but I don’t care. I stomp back to our spot, thoroughly embarrassed now, although still smiling to myself.
Clearly he liked what he saw.
Will joins me not too long later. He lies out in the sun again, this time after covering himself liberally in sunscreen, and I’m pretty sure he falls asleep. I check my phone and there aren’t any messages from Julissa or Eleanor, which is good. I feel bad taking time away from Cara, but I really needed this. I can’t remember the last time I was a young person again. I’ve been a mom pretty much since I got pregnant, and obviously more so since Cara was born. Spending a few hours having some carefree fun is so amazing that it’s actually hard to explain.
The day slowly slips past. We go in the water one more time, and fortunately this time I don’t end up flashing him. We take a nice walk, although Will takes it nice and easy, but mostly we just sit in our chairs and make stupid jokes. He brought sandwiches again for lunch, and even snuck a little vodka into a coke for both of us, so by the time the end of the day comes around, I’m drowsy and satisfied.
We head off around six. I help pack up the truck and we sit there in the cab together for a minute before he gets going. He looks over at me, leaning across the center console.
“That was fun,” he says.
“Yeah, it was.” I cock my head, moving closer to him. I feel dizzy with desire, excitement, and pure fun. That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and of course it was with Will. He’s the only person I’ve ever met that can actually make me get outside of myself and loosen up.
“Listen, about earlier,” he says softly.
“Are you about to talk about me flashing you? We made an unspoken promise never to speak of that again.”
He grins and shakes his head. “No, not that. I was thinking about out at our spot, when I went down on you.”
My eyes go a little wide. “Really?”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about it.” He reaches out toward me, pulling me closer. “Kissing you. Tasting you. Addie, do you even know how fucking gorgeous you are?”
“No,” I say stupidly, which is the truth. I don’t think I’m gorgeous at all.
He kisses me softly, and I can hear a moan escape my lips. I feel so stupid, but I can’t help myself. I push myself into the kiss, letting his tongue touch mine, our lips moving together. His big hand is in my hair and I want to climb across the cab, straddle his lap, and let him push my bottoms aside until his cock sinks inside of me.
Instead, some kid shouts nearby, and I pull away like a shot. There’s a family coming down the sidewalk toward the car parked behind ours, and I’m blushing like mad. I can’t believe I was just about to throw myself at him and practically beg him to fuck me.
He doesn’t say anything. He just starts the truck and we drive back home together. We end up chatting about nothing, just some new super hero movies that we’re both totally sick of, but I keep thinking about that kiss and that desire. I can’t keep trying to pretend like it’s not there. I’m practically buzzing for him, and when we pull up in front of Eleanor’s house, I just jump out of the truck.
“Thanks for today,” I say as he rolls down the window.
“Sure,” he answers. “I had fun.’
“Me too.”
“See you again soon?”
“Yeah, uh, sure.” I grab my stuff from the bed and hurry toward the house.
I don’t look back as he pulls away, but I want to. I can feel his gaze on my ass, and I know what he’s thinking.
He wants the same thing I do. He wants to relive that night, the best and the worst night of my life. I’m afraid if I don’t get away from him, I’m going to do it, and it’s going to happen soon.
14
Will
I need to know the truth. It’s driving me absolutely fucking insane, almost as much as this intense desire for Addie herself.
The closer we get, the more I want to ask the question, but I’m afraid of the answer. I wanted to invite Cara to the beach for selfish reasons, and not just the ones that I was admitting to myself.
I want to know who her father is, because the more I see that little girl, the more I think I know.
The week after our little beach excursion, I have that Thursday off. Fortunately, Addie’s working that day, so I take the opportunity to go do a little digging the only way I know how.
Eleanor answers her door with a surprised smile. “Will,” she says. “Lovely seeing you.”
“Hello, Eleanor. How are you?”
“I’m good, I’m good. Addie’s not here.”
“I know. I’m actually here to see you.”
She looks surprised, like I knew she would. “What could a handsome young man want with an old lady like me?”
“Hardly old,” I say, grinning at her. “I was hoping you could make me some of that amazing tea.”
She gives me a sly look. “Well young man, apparently you know exactly how to play me. Come on in, make your
self at home.”
I follow her into the kitchen and sit down as she busies herself with the tea. We make small talk about the weather, about her garden, and about Addie in general.
“She’s in a much better mood since you came home,” she says, giving me a sly smile.
“That’s good to hear. Was she unhappy before?”
Eleanor shrugs. “Not unhappy. But she had no direction.”
“Can’t be easy, having a baby without a father.”
Eleanor glances at me, the quickest and barest glance, and my heart does a quick step. She looks away just as fast. “Sure, being a single mother is hard,” she says without looking at me.
She comes over with the tea and places a cup in front of me. I wanted to work my way up to this, but this is my chance, and I can’t pass it up.
“What do you know about him?” I ask her casually, sipping my drink.
Eleanor shrugs. “Nothing, really. Addie kept him from me for a long time.”
“You didn’t know who it was?”
“She doesn’t like talking about it.”
“I’ve noticed,” I say. “But she did eventually tell you?”
“Yes,” she says, a little hesitantly. “Listen, Will, I’m happy you’ve stopped over for a visit. But if you’re here to do some digging, I can’t help you.”
I laugh a little bit. “Am I that obvious?”
“Yes,” she says sincerely, “but it’s okay. I know you care about her. You’re the only person in the world that can bring that girl out of her shell.”
I feel strangely proud, hearing those words. Part of me knows it’s true, but it still feels good being reminded of how much she cares for me, because the feeling is mutual.
“I just worry, is all,” I say. “Cara seems like a sweet girl.”
“She is,” Eleanor confirms.
“I just worry about who the dad is and why he’s not around. I mean, it must be pretty complicated. How is she dealing with it?”
Eleanor’s silent for a second. I sip my tea again and favor it’s musky, earthy flavor.
“Not well,” she says finally. “Not at first, anyway. But what’s it matter? She’s doing better, Cara’s growing up great, and we’re all happy. We don’t need to discuss the past.”
