Secrets & Surrender 2

by L. G. Castillo

  “I haven’t seen Nic around the past couple of days. Will he be here for the performance?”

  “No, something came up.” I couldn’t wait until all this was over so I could stop with all the lies. And here I was calling her a liar.

  Pot meet kettle.

  “That’s too bad. He’s going to miss Julian’s and your performance. Did you see the program? You’re set to go last as the highlight of the show. Isn’t that great?”

  “Yeah, great.” I swallowed as Julian hopped off the stage and headed in our direction. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to say that I was nervous about the performance and that was why my body was reacting this way. Deep inside, I knew that wasn’t true, and my heart ached with its betrayal.

  ELEVEN: Mandi

  “I so wish that you could be here, Cassie. You’ve gotta check out the outfit I’m wearing. It’s totally rad. Like seriously, my boobs look so cool.”

  I gazed into the mirror, forcing myself to smile. I didn’t want to be in the short red skirt or the sexy red midriff. Normally, I’d totally rock this outfit. Today, it was just too much, especially knowing how the outfit barely covered my body and Julian’s hands would be all over me soon.

  I was so nervous and confused. I couldn’t take my mind off what Kristie had said. I mean, if she could tell there was an attraction between Julian and me, Nic had to have seen it. Did he know?

  I had wanted to talk to him about it yesterday, but every time I tried, either he or I would change the subject. What made it worse was that he’d gotten a phone call from his mother last night when we were in the middle of a study session. He was unusually quiet after the phone call. And I was too afraid to ask why. The worst part was that I knew he’d found out about me attacking Kristie yesterday. And I knew that he knew that I knew.

  Yep, totally messed up. Talking on the phone with Cassie was probably the only thing keeping me sane right now.

  “I’m not buying it,” Cassie said.

  “Buying what?” I growled at my reflection. A strand of hair kept falling in my face. My hair was piled onto my head and held with the same rhinestone bobby pins that I’d worn on prom night with Nic. I needed one more to keep that stupid strand in place.

  “Something’s wrong.”

  Damn, she’s good.

  “Nothing’s wrong.” I grunted as I dropped to the floor on my hands and knees. “Just a little nervous about the performance.”

  “So tell me again why Nic isn’t going to be there to watch your very first college dance performance.”

  “He’s studying for an exam on Monday.” I crawled around the floor, looking under the bed for the bobby pin. Was I crazy? I had sworn I had at least a dozen of them. All but one was on my head, stabbing my scalp.

  “He can’t take off an hour to watch you dance? That’s not right, Mandi.” She lowered her voice and said gently, “What’s going on with the two of you?”

  I sat up on my legs at the sound of her voice. She sounded so worried. I tilted my head back, blinking the tears that threatened to fall.

  “Nothing,” my voice squeaked. I quickly cleared it. “Uh, really, Nic and I are fine. We’re just a little stressed out with classes. And how’s Cody Jr., still giving you heartburn?” I forced my voice into a teasing tone.

  “Oh my God, yes. He just keeps wiggling around in there. There’s no more room for him to move. I really hope you’re right and that he’s a boy. Though I have an idea for what we’ll name him. I was thinking about naming him after Cody’s dad and mine.”

  I smiled at the thought of Cassie’s baby. When she’d first told me about being pregnant, I wasn’t too happy that she had hid it from me for so long. “You know, I’m still pissed at you for not telling me sooner so I could throw you a baby shower.”

  “I know, I know. It’s just that, things got a little...complicated.”

  “Yeah, uh-huh. And that’s another thing, you haven’t exactly been forthcoming with what’s going on between you and Cody either.”

  There was a moment of silence at the other end of the line. “When you come visit, I promise to tell you everything. It’s kind of hard to do it over the phone.”

  “Well, be ready, home fry, because Nic and I will be visiting you over spring break.”

  “Really?” Her voice bubbled with excitement. “Don’t you two want to do the college thing and go to Padre Island or something like that?”

  “No way. I can do drunken debauchery any ol’ time. It’s not every day I get be an aunt. Plus, it gives me a chance to shame Cody into making a decent woman outta you and marrying you. Seriously, what’s taking him so long? He already gave you the ring. Set the date already!”

  “You just want to play wedding planner.”

  “Hell yeah! I have a shoebox filled with ideas. I’ll bring it with me. We can go over them while the baby’s sleeping.”

  “There’s no guarantee that he’ll come out when you’re here. He’s not due until late March.”

  “Oh, he’ll pop out when I’m there. I always get my way, you know that.”

  “Boy, do I ever.” The line was silent for a moment. “When you do come, we’ll talk. Don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject there.”

  Crap!

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Look, I have to go.”

  “Break a leg!”

  “Well, how rude!”

  “That means good luck in show business.” She chuckled.

  “Oh, okay. See you in a couple of weeks.”

  Giving up on finding the mysteriously missing bobby pin, I stood and glanced over at the mirror one final time. My makeup was perfect. The four-inch heels made my legs nice and long. The outfit hugged every single curve on my body. It was perfect. And the one person I wanted to see it wasn’t going to be there.

  I was going to need all the luck I could get.

  * * *

  My heels clicked against the pavement as I walked across the quad toward the auditorium deep in thought. One more dance. Just one more dance and this would be all over. I wouldn’t have to be near Julian ever again.

  My heart pounded as my mind filled with visions of us dancing together: his muscled arms wrapped around my waist, my body pressed against his, his dark eyes looking deeply into mine. I shook my head, trying to shake the images out of me head.

  In my mind, I saw his rippled muscles and the tattoo of the Aztec princesses in the warrior’s arms, and I heard Spanish words whispered in my ears.

  Stop it! I walked faster, as if I could get away from my thoughts. It was hormones. That’s it. Hormones. The moment I stopped seeing Julian everyday, he would be forgotten and life for Nic and me would go back to normal.

  There was a cluster of people outside of the auditorium. They were all dressed up in suits and dresses. There were families with children running around and parents laughing and hugging the students who were in the show as they took pictures. It was a happy day despite the gathering clouds over head. I sighed, thankful that I had convinced my parents not to take pictures of me until after the performance. I was anxious enough as it was.

  I headed to the back of the building, where the performers were to enter backstage. When I turned the corner, I froze.

  Nic waited by the door with a bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed roses. He looked so handsome in the familiar blue blazer and khakis. He stared into the distance, his face appearing sad. He looked so different from the boy I’d first met so long ago. I missed him. I missed the cocky smile and the confidant air he always had about him.

  Did I do this to him? Did I break him? My stomach twisted into knots.

  “Mandi!” His face brightened when he saw me. “You’re stunning.”

  This was the first time I had worn the costume, preferring to wear my regular clothes during rehearsals. His eyes drank me in appreciatively. When his eyes finally locked with mine, I saw a glint of hurt behind them. My chest ached at the unspoken questions in his hazel eyes.

  I gazed
at him, hoping he could read my mind and the words I couldn’t say to him.

  It’ll be over soon. It’ll only be you and me from now on.

  “Thank you.” I tipped my head up, giving him a light kiss. His hands carefully wrapped around my waist, hesitating, as if not sure whether to touch me.

  “I was on a study break and wanted to make sure you got these before your performance.”

  “They’re beautiful.”

  “Not as beautiful as you.” His hand cupped my cheek, stroking it with the pad of his thumb. “I love you.”

  “Nic, I...” The words stuck in my throat.

  Why couldn’t I say it, damn it. Why?

  “You don’t have to say anything right now,” he murmured, kissing my forehead. “Go inside. We’ll talk later. I’ll be in my room, waiting for you, okay?”

  He looked at me as if he knew what was coming. It was as if he was saying goodbye.

  Was I too late? Did I screw our relationship up so badly that he’d finally given up on me?

  “I know I’ve been distracted lately.” I pulled him close, gazing deep into his eyes, hoping he knew that this wasn’t goodbye for me. “It’ll all be over after today, and we’ll have more time to spend together. Just you and me. I promise.”

  He was quiet as his eyes scanned my face, as if committing it to memory. “I only want what’s best for you, Mandi. If you want to do more things, even if they’re without me.” His voice caught at the end.

  No! Don’t say that. The words screamed in my head. I wanted to tell him to stop being silly. I wanted to press him against my chest and tell him that there was no one else in my heart and that all I wanted was to be with him.

  “Well, I’ve always wanted to try fire walking. It looks cool on TV. Think your pampered toes can handle it?” I teased. Way to confront the issue, Mandi.

  Not!

  He gave me a weak smile. Then his eyes flicked up. Looking over my shoulder, his face hardened.

  “Julian.”

  “Hey, Nic.” I twirled around to face Julian. He was in costume, wearing only tight white pants and a red sash tied around his narrow hips. Tied to his upper arm was another red sash. The ends touched the tip of the Aztec princess tattoo.

  I gawked at his bare chest, rippling muscles flexed as he moved toward us. Shamed at my reaction, I reached out for Nic’s hand.

  “So are you coming to see the show? It’s free for all the student volunteers.” Julian smiled.

  Nic’s jaw flexed. “I can’t. Got too much to do. Just came to give my girl some flowers and wish her luck.”

  Julian’s eyes glanced at me and then back to Nic. “Mandi’s very talented. I’m sure you know that. You’re a lucky man, Marcelli.”

  Nic dropped my hand, taking a step forward, his eyes blazing. My breath caught as he flexed his hands, curling and uncurling his fingers into fists.

  Nic and Julian eyed each other hard, as if daring each other to make the first move. Then a group of school children caught his attention as they passed by. There were high-pitched giggles followed by oohs and ahhs at the costumes Julian and I were wearing.

  “Yes, I am,” Nic finally said, turning back to me. “I’ll see you later?”

  I nodded as he kissed me gently. Without another word, he disappeared into the growing crowd, leaving me alone with Julian.

  TWELVE: Mandi

  My mind was a blur as Julian placed a possessive hand on my back, guiding me inside. Everyone was frantic, getting the sets ready, and helping each other into costumes. Chela was running around the stage with a clipboard in hand, barking out orders.

  “It’s about time,” she said when we walked in. “We have a minor emergency with Pablo. He decided at the last minute that he doesn’t want to do the Mexican hat dance. Something about his shoes. I need you to deal with it.”

  “Come on, Chela, do I have to do everything?”

  “Uh, yeah. Pablo won’t listen to me. So yeah, you need to deal with it.”

  “Okay, give me a moment with, Mandi.”

  “Hola, mamacita. You look sexy!” Chela exclaimed when she finally glanced over at me.

  “Thanks.”

  “Do me a favor and give this to Carla when she gets here.” She handed me a Ballet Folklorico dress. “Crazy ass girl got chocolate all over hers during dress rehearsal and didn’t have time to get it cleaned. She’s lucky we had this extra one. Hey, you! That doesn’t go there.”

  “Sure,” I called out to her as she chased after one of the stagehands.

  “Are you okay? You look a bit out of it.” Julian looked at me with concern.

  “Yeah,” I said, fussing with Carla’s dress, avoiding his eyes.

  He placed a finger under my chin, lifting my head. “Why can’t you look at me?”

  “I can look at you. See. I’m looking at you.” My heart slammed into my chest when my eyes met his.

  “I know you’re confused. It’s okay.”

  “I’m not confused about anything,” I snapped.

  “Let it go, Manuela.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And call me, Mandi, damn it!”

  “Manuela. That’s your name. That’s a part of who you are. Stop fighting your true self. You’re only fighting your feelings for me because I remind you of who you really are.”

  I barked out a laugh. “You’re so arrogant, Julian. I feel nothing for you.”

  Liar. I was going to Hell for sure.

  “Yes, you do.” He dipped his head and my breathing quickened. “I’m exactly right for you. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself just to be with him, to pretend to be someone you’re not.”

  “I do not!” I slapped his hand away from me.

  “Oh, really? Then tell me why was my family celebrating with your family during Christmas. Where was his family?”

  “They were busy.”

  “And I’m sure they accept you, don’t they?”

  I shut my eyes at the thought of Mrs. Marcelli basically threatening me to stay away from Nic.

  “Don’t hide from it.” I opened my eyes when Julian’s warm hands caressed my cheeks. “Nic and his kind are different. They’re not like us. People like him don’t know what it means to sacrifice for their family. Not like we do. All they care about is their money and power so they can wield it over people like us.”

  I froze at the familiar words.

  People like him.

  People like her.

  And then it hit me. Julian was just like Mrs. Marcelli.

  “Get your hands off me.”

  He dropped his hands, taking a step back. “You’re angry now, but you’ll see better when you cool down.” He smiled.

  “Julian!” Chela yelled.

  “We’ll talk later.” He slid a finger down my cheek before jogging off to find Chela.

  The nerve of that man! I wanted to kick his ass. I wanted to kick my own ass. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it before. He was just as bad as Mrs. Marcelli and her prejudices. And I thought I had actually fallen for Julian! Ugh!

  I had to go to Nic and tell him that I loved him before it was too late.

  I peaked out from the stage curtain. The auditorium was packed.

  I groaned. I couldn’t leave. I’d leave everyone hanging.

  I found my mother sitting in the third row with a squirming Selina on her lap. Juan sat next to my father, looking board. Dad was trying to entertain Miguelito by tossing popcorn into his mouth one kernel at a time.

  As if sensing me, Mom looked to the stage. She broke out into a smile and then her face fell. She tilted her head, furrowing her brow with worry.

  How did she do that? It was as if she knew something was up.

  Then her lips curled into a warm smile and her voice whispered familiar words in my mind, “Set your heart free.”

  She knew! She knew I’d choose Nic. Why, oh why couldn’t she have just told me that before?

  “Ooh, Mandi, you look gorgeous.”

  I spun
around and choked back a laugh. Kristie was in her full costume, including a brand new pair of red stockings, yellow shorts, and a pair of matching yellow sneakers. The hood was pulled over her head, yellow antennae bobbing as she spoke.

  “I love those shoes. They make your legs look so hot! You have to let me borrow them sometime.”

  I gazed down at Carla’s bright yellow dress in my hands and fingered the purple ribbons lining the hem. If this wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. Kristie knew all of the dance moves to the Lambada. I was so glad she had talked me into teaching them to her.

  “What about now?”

  She blinked. “What?”

  “I need you to take over for me.”

  “What are you doing?” she squealed, her eyes darting around the stage when I stripped out of my clothes.

  “Put this on.” I threw the skirt in her direction.

  “What do I tell Julian?” The skirt dangled off one of her antennae.

  “Tell him he can go screw himself.” I threw Carla’s dress over my head.

  “Oh, that’s not nice.”

  “Look, I can’t explain, but I’m doing this for Nic, okay. Can you take my place and dance with Julian?”

  Kristie took the skirt from off her head and placed a serious expression on her face. “Yes. I’ll dance the Lambada in your place.” The antennae bobbled in agreement. “Go do whatever it is you need to do for Nic.”

  I probably could’ve stayed. I was going to meet up with Nic in just a few hours anyway. But I couldn’t let another minute go by without telling him how I felt. He loved me. Even though I’d held back pieces of myself from him, he still loved me. I had to set things right between us, and I had to do it right now.

  THIRTEEN: Mandi

  I paced the length of the way too small elevator as it climbed up to the top floor of the dorm, trying to catch my breath after running across campus.

  “What?” I snapped at the two guys who were in there with me. I was tired of their gawking.

  I caught my reflection on the elevator door. I was a mess. Most of my hair was falling down, having come loose from the rhinestone bobby pins. I tugged at the high collar of the dress. Carla’s dress just had to be yellow. I looked like a giant marshmallow Peep.