Eliza's Shadow

by Catherine Wittmack

  I dashed out the door into the industrial stairwell and barreled down the stairs. Stepping out into the morning air, I sucked in a breath. The sun was shining and there was a chill in the air. The leaves on the maples and oaks that lined the town streets were just starting to turn, giving in to the crisp nights of the past month. My heart lifted as I walked as swiftly as my legs would take me down Main Street toward school.

  Early as it was, the storefronts were alight with activity and the sidewalks lively with the morning bustle. As I scurried down the street, I heard my name from an open door.

  “’Morning Eliza!”

  It was Jack Connelly, owner of Bishop’s Tea Room, one of my favorite spots on Main Street. With Viva as a second home, I tended to view Main Street as my living room and spent a lot of time curled up on one of Jack’s comfy couches with a book. I shook a hand vigorously behind me without slowing my pace. Jack would understand. He was accustomed to my always-late-for-something pace.

  Port Rune, Massachusetts was what magazines would describe as a charming seaside town. Most of the homes were stacked into the rocky coastal hills. Old growth trees, maples, oaks and evergreens lined the streets and filled natural spaces. Jane had decided to move north after evaluating options in Boston for her restaurant. She liked the idea of living by the ocean and our apartment was in the center of all the action. The high school was just a few blocks off the edge of Main Street. I could literally walk out the door and be at school within ten minutes, if I ran.

  By the time I reached school, the parking lot was full of cars and practically empty of kids. I ran, breaking a sweat, toward homeroom. It wasn't so much that I cared about being late, I just didn't want everyone staring at me as I came in.

  As I neared the door, I heard the din of multiple conversations. I'd made it with plenty of time to spare. I slipped inside and instantly spotted Bryn and Pete across the room with a vacant seat next to them.

  Bryn and Pete were my best friends, really, my only friends. Bryn and I met in grade school the year I'd moved to town. We picked up Pete in junior high.

  Bryn looked up and spotted me heading toward them. Her smile sent me rushing to her side to hear all about the concert I’d missed. At least I could live vicariously through her.

  "Eliza, it was so amazing... we missed you. They were sooo on, I'm still buzzing." She bubbled.

  Pete assessed the look on my face and spared me the details. "Did you know that they're playing in Providence on Friday? I can see if we can score some tickets to the show if you want to take a road trip." He inserted casually.

  Pete had an uncanny ability to problem-solve before I was ready to accept a solution. At times, that quality was aggravating and others, charming.

  "Sounds fantastic, I'm in if you're up for it." I responded gratefully. Thanks to Pete, maybe I didn't need to nurse the disappointment of missing the Saturday show.

  "I’m babysitting that night. Wish I could to go too! Pete you better find a ticket for Eliza. Seriously, you're gonna love it.” Bryn said with conviction.

  "Hey, I'm all over it." He said, and I knew he would be.

  The clock crept closer to 8:00 and Mrs. Hildebrand was getting herself organized at the podium. I cringed as the inevitable bell was about to ring. I could envision the five consecutive days of high school torture ahead of me. At least now I had something to look forward to. Let the games begin.

  The door cracked. Before I saw, I felt his presence like static before lightning strikes.

  The boy entered quietly and closed the door behind him.

  At the sight of him, my breath caught in my chest and a rush of acid welled in my stomach. My pulse quickened and my face burned. My body hummed like the drone of a hundred cicadas.

  His large dark eyes swept the room and unabashedly fixed on mine.

  The bell rang.

  I quickly averted my stare as I tried to soothe my rushing heart and breath. My palms were already sweating.

  I willed my face to remain still and banish the vivid blush on my cheeks, though it was definitely too late. He had to notice my sweating, scarlet face. What was wrong with me? It felt like my body had been hijacked. He was going to think I was a total freak and actually, he would be right.

  Beyond the pulsing blood in my ears, I heard Bryn faintly mumble. "He must be the new guy, hmmm."

  I vaguely recalled Mrs. Hildebrand mentioning that we would have a new student arriving soon. Why did I have to be so weird upon first glance? Angry that my body betrayed me in such an embarrassing fashion, I silently flogged myself. Lame, lame, lame.

  For the first time in three years I was actually relieved to hear Mrs. Hildebrand start roll call.

  "Welcome! You must be Ren Alden!” Mrs. Hildebrand chirped with a smile at the boy. “Class, I’m sure you will all make a point of welcoming Ren, our new student who just arrived this week from abroad. Please, take a seat, Ren.” She said kindly before continuing. “Alright now let’s get started.... " She mumbled.

  I trained my eyes on my empty desktop, wincing as the painful hum raced through my body. I focused on the sound of Mrs. Hildebrand’s voice and the cadence of her words. I tried to stop the bizarre and embarrassing physical response I was having to the new guy sitting two rows away from me. I willed myself not to look at him.

  When the second bell signaled first period I quickly picked up my bag and dashed through the other desks to the door. I nodded and waved in response to Bryn's shout, "See you at lunch."

  A breeze created by the stream of students bustling down the hall cooled my damp face. I darted into the crowd, grateful to become a part of the anonymous surge.

  As the day wore on and I shuffled from one boring course to the next, the episode in homeroom faded but refused to disappear altogether. No classes with this Ren character, I thought with relief and an annoying twinge of disappointment. As much as I wished I could forget the rush Ren’s presence provoked, my subconscious was bent on stalking him like a lioness on the hunt. It circled the memory of him over and over again, inspecting every detail captured in those seconds after he walked through the door of homeroom.

  Dark brown unruly hair on a head bent in deference toward our teacher, small gentle motions unexpected from a person so lanky, and most of all, that gaze. Large obsidian eyes directed at me with such purpose it made me flinch just thinking about it. There was something about his gaze that left more than just the star kissed feeling of a crush, it was a sensation much more unpleasant. Like the aftertaste of rancid sushi, momentarily gross but, more importantly, a sign that even worse events were to come.

  Despite my newfound paranoia, by lunchtime, I was ready to be myself again with Bryn and Pete and desperately hoped they hadn't noticed my strange behavior in homeroom. We usually claimed a discrete table in the back corner of the lunchroom. On nice days, we sat outside under the oaks in a common area called, The Quad.

  Pete was already sitting by himself, listening to music and flipping through a book when I reached our retreat. His light brown hair stuck out in a million different directions making him look like he’d had a brush with a lightning bolt. He jumped when I plopped down beside him. Evidently, I'd interrupted his thoughts. He recovered quickly.

  "I found tickets for the show in Providence." He said proudly.

  "Awesome! Are you sure you don't mind going again?" I asked tempering my excitement just enough to ensure Pete would answer honestly.

  "No two shows are alike. I'm psyched. You just gave me the excuse I needed to go." Pete assured me.

  Bryn appeared out of nowhere and sat down next to Pete. I sensed with a hint of dread that she was simply bursting to talk about something juicy and with Bryn that always meant one thing… guys.

  "Sooo, what do you think about the new guy?" She asked, painfully trying to act nonchalant before taking a bite of her sandwich. I could practically see the wheels spinning under her blond curls.

  "I haven't thought about the new guy. Why would I?" I snapped too quick
ly, feigning indifference.

  Pete put his book down and leaned back in his chair crunching on potato chips. "Seems cool to me. Wonder where he’s from." He responded offhandedly.

  Bryn quivered with excitement.

  "He’s so… exotic. Pete, maybe you can befriend him and then introduce him to me." Bryn suggested coquettishly.

  Despite the fact that Bryn never dated, she frequently entertained unrequited crushes. It could be annoying but part of me enjoyed it. At least she was hopeful and it made me feel almost normal being around her.

  "Or maybe you could just befriend him yourself. I'm not a professional taster but I don't think he's poisonous." Pete smirked.

  Pete loved teasing Bryn. They started talking about the show again and Pete brought up her reaction to some guy sitting in the row ahead of them. I finished my lunch and felt a compulsion to get out of the loud crowded lunchroom, thinking that a little fresh air would help me put things in perspective.

  "I have to cram for my history quiz so I'm gonna head to The Quad for a few minutes before class. Do you think you'll survive without me?" I asked with exaggerated sarcasm. Pete and Bryn rolled their eyes in unison.

  Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I ambled toward the exit. I leaned back briefly, winding up for the push necessary to force the heavy metal doors open but just as I hurled my full weight toward the doors, they swung open. Missing my target, my shoulder rammed into a body on my left.

  My mouth fell open to spout an embarrassed apology but before the words could escape, an unnatural wave of heat passed through my shoulder and down my core. The cicada hum electrified my cells sending a visible shiver through my whole body. This time, I couldn't avoid his face. I looked up, too disoriented to be mortified.

  Ren's dark eyes met mine with an unspoken intention that took me off guard. "I’m sorry… Are you hurt?"

  "Uh no, sorry, I just didn't see you." I mumbled and began to back away from him.

  He smiled knowingly and his eyes searched my face. "Leaving so soon?" He asked amused.

  As if we met here on purpose?

  "I… have to study for a quiz." I sucked in a breath and felt the heat of embarrassment slide across my cheeks. I stumbled forward a few feet in an attempt to escape. Then gathering my wits, managed to assume a smooth gait down the hallway.

  "Later then." I heard him remark to my back.

  I crossed the atrium and headed for the exit to The Quad. My heart was racing and wings of panic fluttered against my ribcage. As I stepped through the doors, I had to resist the urge to run away and not stop until I was safely in my room under my comforter. Instead, I sank onto a bench nestled between two large oaks in a quiet corner of the yard. Ignoring the bustle of students strolling between the buildings, I plummeted into thought.

  What was happening to me? A cyclone of emotions whirled in my chest. Like a human magnet, I was powerfully drawn to Ren and equally repulsed… even afraid.

  Then I felt something else, something old and hidden. Icy fingertips along my spine, like the touch of death, a warning before it takes you.

  I began to shake before I even comprehended the gravity of what was happening. Like lava from a dormant volcano a searing tide of memories oozed from deep within my psyche. Long buried emotions burned through me, scorching my chest. I was going to be sick.

  Jane will call. She'll take care of this, I reasoned as I started to walk slowly across the yard and away from school, then quickly as the tears spilled.

  3

  The walk home was a blur. I ran like I was being chased, though I knew what lingered on my heels was not something I could ever outrun. The air stung my cheeks and made my face itch where the tears dried. I dashed by all my usual stops, the town library where on a normal day I would have stopped off for a couple of hours to finish homework and then moved on to Bishop's Tea Room to lose myself in a novel before heading over to Viva for dinner with Jane. When I finally reached my building, I charged up the steps desperately seeking the solace of home.

  Jane wasn't home. Yellow afternoon light filtered into the living room through the large windowpanes overlooking Main Street. Relieved to be alone, I allowed myself to give in to the pain that roiled in the pit of my stomach and curled into a ball on the couch. Pulling a crimson throw around me, I sobbed. My tears didn't provide an immediate sense of relief but as they slowed the ache subsided. By the time my eyes cleared, the light in the room had changed and it was evening.

  I allowed myself to turn inward. It was as if a secret panel to a vault deep within me had cracked opened and all the contents lay in the darkness waiting to be explored. To find out why Ren Alden’s arrival blew the cover off the vault, I had to look inside. I had to remember.

  I closed my eyes, breathing deeply and stepped inside.

  Within moments I was back in Moco, hiding under the covers in my mother’s bed, the night she had disappeared. I had prayed that when the storm cleared, my mother would be home. Despite myself, I had slipped back into sleep cocooned in the warm scent of my mother’s blankets. When I woke, clear light streamed through the windows. The craggy branches of the live oak outside the window bobbed on a gentle breeze, bearing the burden of the wispy Spanish moss draped over them.

  A familiar scent drifted through the bedroom door. My heart quickened and I slipped out of bed racing for the stairs. I heard a sizzling noise the moment my feet hit the landing at the top of the stairs.

  “Mother?” I called out.

  No answer came.

  The glass from the shattered picture frame was gone. But my heart sank when I saw the damaged portrait resting on a table in the hall. It hadn’t been a nightmare after all.

  That was the first time I laid eyes on Cora Jones.

  She stood in my mother’s place in the kitchen, moving slowly between the stove and the sink. She was plump and brown like so many of the Gullah women I’d known. Her clothes and hair were swathed in a bright blue fabric that reminded me of hydrangea blossoms.

  There was nothing remotely menacing about Cora but her presence still sent me into a complete panic.

  Hearing my footsteps, Cora turned around slowly, drying her hands on a dishtowel. She smiled but everything else about the set of her face confirmed my alarm.

  “Where’s my mother?” I demanded, my breath catching in my chest. My heart beat so fast I thought it might explode.

  Cora’s smile wilted as she glided across the room. Her arms stretched toward me.

  “Come child. Let’s get you some breakfast.” She cooed soothingly, avoiding my demand.

  When her smooth warm hands graced my arms, I shook them off defensively.

  “Where is she? And who are you?” I demanded growing increasingly angry that she hadn’t yet explained herself.

  Cora sighed and sauntered to the small white kitchen table, easing her large countenance into a chair. Her expression softened then and in it, I saw defeat. She gestured for me to join her.

  I crossed the room stiffly and climbed into my usual chair. My nerve endings bristling, I noticed that the pool of water that had been on the floor the night before was gone.

  Cora’s eyes softened as she took me in. “My name is Cora Jones. I’m an old friend of your mama’s.” She said simply.

  My heart throbbed, pounding against my ribcage.

  “Where is she?” I asked my voice cracking.

  Cora shook her head despondently. “Don’t know, child. She called last evenin’ sayin’ she’d like me to look in on you. Wasn’t expectin’ that call. By the time I arrived, she was gone.”

  A knock on the wood of the screen door interrupted us. It was Nathaniel Jackson, the sheriff. My stomach flipped and I thought I’d be sick.

  Cora looked up unsurprised and pressed her hands against the table to lift her heavy frame out of the chair, “Mornin’ Nathaniel. Thank you for comin’ by.” She said seriously.

  I tried to listen to the conversation between Cora and the sheriff but a thick buzzing noise filled my ea
rs, making it hard for me to concentrate. “Missing… some kind of trouble...leave child… ” The pounding of my heart became painful and it was hard to breathe.

  The next thing I remember I was stretched out on the floor. Cora and the sheriff’s faces stared down at me. Cora’s soft arm was beneath me and a cool washcloth lay over my forehead.

  “That’s right, child, keep breathing. You just had a sinkin’ spell.” She said softly.

  The sheriff frowned, “She goin’ be alright, Miss Cora?” he asked.

  “Just fine.” She said, a reassuring smile stretched across her face.

  The sheriff sighed. “Whelp, we got a lot of mess to clean up today but we’ll work it up. If you hear from Nia, give us a holler.” He said, directing his comment to Cora.

  “Uh hum, thank you, Nathaniel.” Cora said shortly without looking up.

  Then his face disappeared from my line of sight and I heard the screen door slam.

  I took a deep breath and sat up.

  “Easy now, child. Let’s get you some breakfast. You need something to settle yourself.” She said decidedly.

  I crawled back up to the kitchen table and obediently consumed the sausage biscuits Cora placed before me. It occurred to me that both Cora and the sheriff were under the impression that my mother had left me on purpose, a possibility that was utterly devastating.

  While I ate, I dazedly watched Cora fuss about pulling an array of jars from a paper grocery bag on the floor. Some were large and filled with colored powders, others held dark, wrinkled mysteries, and some of the jars were so cloudy I couldn’t tell what was inside.

  “Let me know when you’ve finished. We’ve got us some work to do.” She said, all the while inspecting the windows and doorframe of the kitchen.

  “Mmm, hmm, not a bit of protection on this house. Not a bit.” She mumbled shaking her head.

  “I’m finished Miss Cora.” I said wiping crumbs from my lip with the back of my hand.

  Cora looked at my clean plate and smiled wide showing off a set of perfect white teeth.