“Don’t even say that. I’m just glad you’re ok.” Pete said, as his eyes dropped to his lap.
“Promise me you’ll tell Jane what happened?” He asked, his expression grave.
Pete had no idea how impossible his request was but I had to make sure he wouldn’t call Jane himself, so I lied.
“Promise. I’ll call you tomorrow ok? Thank you… for everything.” I said weakly. I hobbled out of the car and walked to the door, then waved before heading in and mounting the stairs. Pete waited until I was inside and waved down to him. He always insisted on that so he knew I’d made it inside. He was a good and true friend.
It was late but Jane wasn’t home. Friday nights were always busy at Viva and she usually didn’t get home until well after midnight. Sinking onto the couch, I opened my phone and typed out a text message to Ren. It was too late to call, he could be asleep but this was an emergency.
Something happened tonight. Need to talk ASAP.
After sending the message, the sense of urgency and anxiety continued to brew in the pit of my stomach. I had to find a way to calm down. I launched myself off the couch and charged for the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Just as I placed the pot on the stove, my phone beeped. Attacking the phone, my fingers fumbled on the keys.
Be there in 15.
He was coming over? My heart pounded against my rib cage. It had only been hours since I’d last laid eyes on him but in light of the evening events it felt like weeks. Almost instantly, the anxiety in my stomach began to ease. I stood very still at the kitchen counter, sipping tea, focusing on the details of the attack.
The chaos of those moments mixed with the fear and adrenaline in my system muddled my memory. Now it came back to me in snapshots rather than fluid action. I carefully pieced the pictures together in my mind.
The sensation originated in my fingertips and quickly accelerated, coursing through my arms and down my legs. The cicada hum, Ren’s calling card but he wasn’t here, not in this room at least.
I ran to the window and found his face, angular and shadowed, beneath the streetlight fixed in a mask of concentration. Seeing me in the window, a smile cracked his concentration. I motioned for him to come upstairs.
I unlocked the deadbolt and waited in my doorway. Ren rounded the corner of the landing, taking two steps at a time. His face flushed as he reached the top of the stairs, grinning.
“It worked, I take it?” He asked expectantly.
“If you mean that your ability to hijack my sensory system has now transcended concrete walls. Yes, it worked.” I couldn’t hide my relief at his nearness.
“Come on in. Jane isn’t home yet so we should be ok for at least an hour or so. Can I get you a drink? I just made some chrysanthemum tea or maybe something else? We have soda, coffee…milk?” I chattered nervously like a waitress on her first day.
Ren wandered around my living room looking at pictures and other decorations, something I hadn’t given him the opportunity to do the day he met me before school. His close inspection of my home made me self-conscious. There were pictures of me at all ages displayed on the bookshelves and mementoes from Jane and my life together scattered about. I realized how much Ren could learn about me just from observing these details.
“Tea is perfect. Thanks, Eliza.” He said distractedly as he studied a picture hanging next to Jane’s desk.
“Have you been to Peru?” He asked.
I had to lean over the counter to see that he was examining a portrait of a group of children Jane had taken during a hiking trip. I was surprised he recognized the children’s ethnicity so quickly.
“No, but Jane has been just about everywhere. Have you been there?” I asked surprised.
“Several times. Jane has quite an eye.” He gestured to the wall of framed pictures.
“Yeah, she’s talented.” I said proudly. Someday, I hoped to travel and be as brave as Jane.
Ren sauntered toward the bar and made himself comfortable on a stool. I handed him his tea. The memory of the evening events ran through my mind like images on a roll of film. Blinking back fear, I drew in a breath and launched into my story.
“So… something happened at the concert tonight.” I stammered, as a shiver ran down my spine.
Ren’s expression remained calm but he cocked his head slightly signaling me to continue.
“Ren, there are some things about me that I haven’t told you, yet.” I said hastily my throat tightening.
“After my mother disappeared, Cora cast the shrouding spell on me. But what I haven’t told you is why.” I explained, measuring my words.
Ren nodded, his eyes darkening in concentration.
“Everyone in Moco thought my mother left me on purpose - everyone except for Cora and me. Cora may have let the sheriff believe that but she took to casting spells all over our house as soon as she had a chance. She didn’t tell me that was what she was doing at the time, but now, I know what it meant. Then, one night, I had a nightmare. I was in the swamp and I saw my mother there. She was trapped and she was afraid. Something tried to pull me into the water too but I fought it and… I got away. I didn’t know it was anything more than just a dream but when I told Cora about it she got really concerned. That’s when she performed a kind of ceremony that I think was the shrouding spell. Not long after that she told me I had to leave Moco. She said she felt my nightmares trying to get to me. That’s when I moved to Port Rune, to live with Jane. Since I came here, I haven’t had another bad dream, until now.” I confided.
“But tonight, at the concert, I didn’t just dream. I was attacked. The women, the creatures from my nightmares, somehow crossed over… or I did. One minute I was at the concert and the next I was inside my nightmare. I was in the swamp and they were there, waiting for me. I fought and I told them I wouldn’t go with them into the water. I got away but, honestly, I don’t know even know how!” I said frantically. My hands were shaking and perspiration gathered on the surface of my skin. I felt cold.
Ren’s hand reached across the bar and clasped mine. Warmth spread up my arms soothing my distress.
When he spoke, his voice was soft and grave. “Eliza, I don’t know for sure but it sounds like you have a problem with a Shadow.” He enunciated the last word slowly then paused before speaking again.
My eyes grew wide in question. “Not just your ordinary shadow I take it?” I said wryly.
Ren chuckled sympathetically. “No, definitely not. There are loads of ways a predator can hunt and reasons for choosing a particular method. Whatever or whoever is hunting you either chose to send its Shadow or isn’t able to attack you physically and had to send its Shadow. Let’s just hope it’s the latter.”
“But why?” I whispered plaintively.
“Shadows can be convincing and sometimes they’re able to suck a victim into their dreamlike realm if the prey is weak. I guess this particular Shadow learned a lesson tonight when you fought back and escaped.” He said with a shrug.
“Yet, it’s strange that this thing keeps sending its Shadow time and again. You would have thought it learned its lesson years ago.” He said rubbing his chin in puzzlement.
“In any case, without knowing what’s behind the Shadow or its motive for hunting you there’s no way to tell when it will stop.” He exhaled and shook his head.
“Oh, what do they want from me?” I groaned with frustration.
“I don’t know, Eliza… but I can help in one way.” He said shifting his eyes from my face slyly.
“I know, for certain, you’re safe, at least for the next two to three days. We have time to make a plan.” He said confidently.
“Really? How do you know? Have you ever had a problem, you know, like a Shadow?” I asked hopeful that he could prove by experience that such a problem could be remedied.
“Well, no, I’ve never had anything hunt me aside from lions but that’s a different story.” He said matter-of-factly rolling his eyes. Then his tone turned more instructive.
> “As for defeating the Shadow, there is something to keep in mind. You are stronger than you know. Your powers, despite being hidden, have been growing in strength. What that also means is that the Shadow can attack you with more force than when you were younger.”
“Do you think that’s why the attack felt so real this time?” I asked horrified.
“Most likely.” Ren grimaced.
“That’s the unfortunate side effect of shrouding spells. They mask abilities from everyone, even the witch. Instead of gradually growing accustomed to your powers you have been completely shielded. Learning to control yourself now will undoubtedly be a chore.” His eyes looked distant as if contemplating the work we had ahead of us.
“Do you think there’s a chance that I won’t be able to learn to control my powers?” I asked nervously.
“Eliza, if what you’re asking is, ‘Are there mentally unsound, feral witches out there?’ the answer is yes. But there is no reason for you to become one of them. It isn’t called a craft for nothing. You’ll have to work, as I do too, every day to understand your power, tame it, and control yourself. If you don’t make the decision to accept this task your powers will start controlling you more than you can control them. Those that allow that to happen do not live pleasant existences.” Ren’s voice trailed.
Tension ignited the air around us. His warning felt like a challenge to me that I didn’t appreciate. I’d reached out to him for consolation, in response he revealed more than I could absorb at such a late hour. The emotions I tried to hide began to rise, powerfully from the pit of my stomach. My reserve cracked.
“Are you alright?” Ren asked suddenly alarmed.
“Am I alright? A week ago, I had a normal life. Boring maybe, but I knew myself and had a pretty good idea of what to expect. Over the last few days, my sensory system has gone crazy every time you get close to me, I’ve been drenched by a wave I told to appear, and attacked by an evil Shadow. Now you’re telling me I might not be able to learn to control myself and doomed to a miserable life. I’m terrified that any minute these Shadows will suck me into the swamp and I won’t be able to find my way back. All I know is that I don’t know anything anymore. So, no, I’m anything but alright!”
Tears flowed freely, soaking my face. My breath heaved in my chest. Knowing I should feel ashamed for such a childish display of emotion, over the last evening, I’d traveled too far down a lonely road to care. Despair penetrated my bones. I was alone in this journey. It was only my mind, my life that was really at stake.
Wallowing in my own personal black hole, Ren’s presence faded away, leaving me to face my fear alone. Yet, after a time of cathartic sobs, warmth encased me. Ren’s arms wrapped firmly around my back enveloping me in security and sending soothing vibrations through my body. My head instinctively collapsed against his chest. The smell of his skin, clean and musky like jasmine and sandalwood took me by surprise. My heart raced. The nearness of him disabled my ability to think clearly and banished my feelings of despair.
I could feel his heart beating fast and his hands tightened around me, exploring the muscles of my back. His breathing sped up sending a jolt of excitement through me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you... more than you already are.” He said softly into my hair.
I remained limp unwilling to do anything to sever the moment between us.
“Please forgive me.” He said apologetically.
“I forgive you.” I choked.
His grip around me loosened. I resisted the urge to pull him closer.
I looked up.
His face was angled so close to mine that his halting breath bathed my cheeks. Our eyes locked. Instinctually, I leaned closer. I was caught in his orbit and all I wanted was to crash into him. His hands flexed and slipped down, to rest on my waist, pressing into the skin. With my hands on his back, I gently pulled him down, urging him closer to me.
He sank down easily, responding to my touch. We hovered close, our breath mingling hot between us, our eyes fixed on each other in anticipation.
Then suddenly, his brow furrowed and his eyes clouded with conflict. He blinked and drew in a breath, sucking mine away from me. He pulled away.
“We can’t, Eliza.” He said softly, looking tortured.
I blushed, embarrassed and shocked. I’d let my guard down, shown him my heart and he was rejecting me. I quickly withdrew my hands and averted my eyes.
He reached out, grasping at the air between us.
“No! Please… it’s not because I don’t want to.” He said apologetically.
I looked up, searching his face for meaning.
“I’m your pharos. It’s a rule… Nan warned me of it. She said the Heka Council strictly prohibits anything beyond friendship between a pharos and their protected witch. We’d get in a lot of trouble… if anyone knew.” He explained sadly.
Too mortified and disappointed to come up with a response I remained silent.
Ren took a step forward and reached out letting his hand run the length of my arm.
I shrugged off his touch.
“No… it’s ok. I understand. It’s just embarrassing. That’s all.” I mumbled, the blood pounding in my head.
We stood close in awkward silence. At once, I wished nothing had ever happened and rejoiced that it had. At least now I knew. He wanted me too, even if it was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.
Ren’s hand reached gently for me and I allowed his fingers to tangle with mine.
I looked up to find a hangdog smile on his lips and longing in his eyes.
I couldn’t help but smile shyly in return.
“Friends then?” I offered with a resigned sigh.
Ren drew in a breath, his eyes filled with conflict but before he could respond we were startled by the sound of footsteps echoing in the hall outside the door. A key turned in the lock and in an instant, Jane’s golden face appeared in the entryway.
9
Morning light beamed through the crack in the curtains of my window. I watched dust particles float gently in the ray of light and struggled to render myself from a deep sleep. Details from the night slowly resurfaced.
The scent memory of Ren’s skin tickled my nose and warmed my skin. I thought of his hands, the comfort of his arms and his breath on my cheeks. No. I pushed my growing desire for him away. It wasn’t possible and I had to accept that. He was my pharos… and my friend. That had to be enough.
Clinging to that thought, I rolled out of bed and stumbled toward the bathroom. The hot water of the shower smoothed the tension in my neck and loosened my limbs. My thoughts turned to Jane.
Naturally, she had been quite shocked and unhappy to discover me at such a late hour, halfway locked in an embrace with Ren, my face streaked and eyes swollen from crying. Ren had acted quickly apologizing for staying so late. He made a point to compliment Jane on her photographs, which allowed me the time to come up with the excuse that I had gotten in a fight with Pete and that Ren had driven me home from the concert.
It was a weak alibi. Jane was well aware of Pete’s mild temperament. The idea of a fight so intense that I would ask someone else for a ride home was fishy. That I would be so upset to cry hours later must have seemed even stranger but it was all I could conjure on the spot. It wasn’t the circumstance that would bother Jane the most it was the obvious lie and the question of what was I hiding?
Lying to Jane turned my stomach in knots but telling her the truth was out of the question. Not only was it murky and confusing, I worried that it could expose her to some kind of danger. Until I understood more, I couldn’t risk pulling her into my mess.
Still, it would be very difficult. I could tell from the expression on her face that she only accepted my explanation because it was late and she didn’t want to get into a deep discussion in Ren’s presence. Alone, she would grill me. I had never in all my time with Jane crossed her or given her reason to distrust me but I feared that now, doubt would enter our relationsh
ip.
After the shower, I quickly slipped out of the bathroom and into my room managing to avoid meeting Jane in the hall. I dressed slowly, dragging out the time before facing her. Finally, summoning strength, I strode toward the great room.
I caught Jane’s eye immediately. She stood working at the kitchen counter. Purple crescents hung warily below her eyes. The deep hurt clouding her face struck me. I had never seen her like that before. We gazed intensely at each other for some time, my lie, her knowledge of my lie, stretched across the space between us.
My heart pounded uncomfortably in my burning chest. Acid welled up my throat. She didn’t move. Her lips pursed in a line waiting for me to say something.
As time lapsed, her eyes bored into my soul and my anxiety mounted. I tried to concentrate on generating a way to soothe the tension but the hurt plastered on Jane’s face and the expectation hanging in the air muddled my thinking.
With my anxiety rising to the level of panic, the desire that she would simply forget the night before quickly dominated my thoughts. The idea raced like a carousel around and around in my mind.
Forget… forget… forget…
I tried to ignore the ridiculous notion but the stream of concentration gained strength and speed. My breath matched the rhythm of the cyclical wish. My vision grew dim, narrowing to a tunnel with Jane’s face on the other side. My palms became sweaty and cold. The speed of the carousel increased, my breath and heart pounded sickeningly keeping pace. The beat echoed in my ears.
Suddenly, Jane’s crystal blue eyes turned as black as eight balls as her pupils expanded to an unnatural size. I gasped in horror but she didn’t respond just blankly gazed back at me before shifting her gaze to the window. The invisible cord that tethered me to her snapped nearly pitching me to the floor. My heartbeat slowed and I began to breathe normally. I flexed my hands, feeling weak and spent.
“Eliza, I just don’t understand…” She began with a sigh then paused. Her brow furrowed. Her gaze fixed on the sky beyond the window dropped to the kitchen counter.
Eliza's Shadow Page 8
