Then, like a cleansing wind coursing through the room, she laughed. When she lifted her eyes to me again, they were vacantly bewildered but once again clear blue. Fearfully, I forced myself to meet her blank gaze and knew instantly. It worked.
“That’s strange. I know I had something important to talk to you about but...” her voice trailed, “it just slipped my mind… what was it?” Jane shook her head lightly in frustration tapping her fingernails on the counter.
After a few minutes of silence, she shrugged. “Oh well, I’m sure if it’s that important, I’ll remember it later.” She mumbled.
The pit of my stomach ached as I acknowledged the power and result of my wicked intention. I crept closer to her. Mounting a stool at the counter, I observed her carefully for several moments before breaking the silence.
“So, what’s for breakfast?” my voice cracked.
“Belgian waffles. It’s Saturday, we need something special to start the day don’t you think?” She responded exuberantly confirming her complete amnesia.
Shame seared my chest. I studied her face for signs of harm. It’s for her own good. I attempted to convince myself, though I couldn’t find the nerve to continue the conversation.
“What are you up to today?” She asked, busily preparing the batter.
“Oh, uh, I have a lot of homework to catch up on … then later, I’m going to hang out with Ren.” I mumbled absently. My eyes flitted around the room unable to focus on the face of my loving aunt.
“You are?!” A wide grin lit her face. Her innocent interest pelted me with guilt.
“Well, that’s kind of big news. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me earlier. So is this a date or what?” She probed delicately.
“Not a date. We’re just friends.” I said quickly.
“I’m so happy for you, Eliza.” Jane could hardly contain herself but mercifully tempered her exuberance.
“Is there any chance you two might be willing to swing by the restaurant tonight while you’re out? I’d really like to meet this Ren fellow.”
Jane really didn’t remember, I observed in awe, staring too long at her expectant face.
“Eliza? Of course, I would understand if you didn’t feel like it was appropriate, yet.” She said softly casting her eyes to the work of preparing the waffles.
“Oh no! We’ll definitely stop by. Ren’s looking forward to meeting you too.” I said, struggling to mask my brimming remorse.
Guilt settled over my shoulders like a cloak. I wondered how long I would have to shoulder such a burden, then miserably acknowledged that deceit would likely be a permanent resident in my new life.
Jane left shortly after breakfast. Weekends were the busiest time of the week at Viva. It was a relief to be alone. I felt like a revolver in Russian roulette, the barrel spinning out of control, the bullet inside me waiting to fire…again.
* * *
At five o’clock I was evaluating my appearance one last time in the mirror when a hum ignited my sensory system. I ran to the door. Ren’s steady jaunt echoed through the stairwell. I stood in the doorway, ready to greet him as he rounded the corner of the landing.
“Hey there.” I chimed.
“Hi Eliza.” He said cheerfully. With his cheeks flushed and hair tousled from the walk, he was so heartbreakingly attractive I had to remind myself that hope for a redux of last night wasn’t worth it.
“Come on in. I’m just going to grab my coat.” I said, turning quickly toward the coat rack. The nearer he got, the harder it was to resist the urge to touch him.
“So, what do you have in mind tonight? Do I need to bring anything special?” I asked.
Ren’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “A warm coat. It’s getting chilly out there.” He stated purposefully elusive as he followed me into the living room.
“Alright, then I’m ready.” I said, walking briskly toward the door.
We tramped down the stairs in silence. Stepping out to the street, the crisp evening air greeted us.
“Ren, before we head out, I need to talk to you about something.” I said and tugged his shirtsleeve to pull him toward a bench against the building.
“Sure.” He conceded easily.
“You know Jane was surprised to see you last night. I’m not supposed to have guys in the house when she’s not home.” I said quickly, heat rising to my cheeks.
“What I mean is… I’m alone a lot in the evenings because of Jane’s work. It’s ok because she trusts me. If she didn’t trust me, well, our life together just wouldn’t work.” I blushed deeper at this comment realizing that if Jane knew what I’d really done there would be no trust at all left between us.
“What she came home to last night was definitely something that would shake her trust in me.” I said, the words choking up in my throat. The conversation was making me increasingly uncomfortable.
Ren’s eyebrow shot up with amusement. “I can understand why Jane might be concerned to find you alone with me.” He said with a sly grin.
I quickly shifted my eyes from his face to the ground and stared at my hands dancing around each other.
“That’s not really what I have to tell you. This morning, I was nervous because I knew Jane was going to be mad. I lied to her last night and lying is just something we don’t do. I was so upset that I wished she would forget all about last night and… she did.” The words tumbled from my mouth.
Ren’s flirtatious grin fell. “What do you mean?” He asked cautiously.
“Just what I said, I was upset... Then this feeling kind of took over. It was a little like the day on the dock but not quite as… intentional. Before I even figured out what was happening, it was already done. Jane’s memory of last night was gone.” I confessed.
Regardless of the degree of intention, the troubling factor in the scenario was clearly that intent existed at all. The possibility of destroying Jane’s memory crossed my mind and with intent, however small, I attacked her.
Ren looked concerned.
“I feel terrible about it! I mean, yes, I guess I willed it to happen but I didn’t know it would happen. I feel like a thief.” I stammered.
Shame burned my chest and throat. I stared blankly at the ground, unable to meet Ren’s gaze.
He spoke quietly, mindful of several passersby on the street.
“Eliza, that’s incredible! Mind manipulation is one of the most difficult skills to master. Many never accomplish it over a lifetime!” He said breathlessly.
I lifted my eyes from the ground astonished by his reaction.
“I don’t want to do this again, Ren. At least, not like this. I could have hurt Jane today and I couldn’t live with myself if I’d hurt her. What can I do to stay more in control?” I asked.
Ren furrowed his brow thoughtfully.
“You said that it felt somewhat like the sensation on the dock when you beckoned the water, right?” He clarified.
“Recognizing that feeling will help. Also, I have something for you. Something that will help you.” He said waggling his brows suggestively.
“But I need to take you somewhere to give it to you. Are you ready to go now?” He asked, his gaze intense.
Remembering the purpose for halting our progress, I shook my head. “No…not yet. Jane wants to meet you.” I added morosely.
Ren sat back looking puzzled then laughed, “Am I that unmemorable or are you just that good?”
I scowled back at him.
Ren rested his hand on my forearm, tickling my nerve endings.
“It’s going to be alright, Eliza. You’re a good person. As long as your heart and mind are good, your actions will not cause lasting harm to anyone.” He assured me.
I bristled at his words. But what if I’m selfish and cowardly? What if when cornered, I push back unfairly? I thought. I couldn’t in good conscience argue that what I’d done to Jane had been fair or right.
“Lasting harm. That makes me feel a whole lot better. Thanks.” I laughed sarcastica
lly.
Ren stood abruptly and pulled me to my feet. “Enough wallowing for one night. So we’re going to ‘meet’ Jane then? Show me the way.” He grinned encouragingly.
I took a deep breath before leading him in the direction of Viva.
* * *
At the restaurant, Ren marveled at Jane’s amnesia as I had earlier in the day. He charmed her… again. As we left that evening Jane winked and gave me a covert thumbs up sign.
Seeing Jane in her natural environment eased my concerns. She didn’t seem to be suffering from any lasting effects of the mind manipulation. In fact, she seemed perfect, brilliant and charming as usual. Though the sense of guilt lingered, it began to fade into curiosity and amazement. My mind wandered reviewing the event, recalling and capturing every detail for future study. Engrossed in thought, I followed Ren as he led me through town.
“Do you think that some minds are easier to manipulate than others? Like, do you think that maybe Jane was already wishing that last night didn’t happen and I just fulfilled her wish?” I asked, hopefully.
Ren paused deliberating over his response.
“There are people who beg for others to tell them what to do both consciously and unconsciously. Then there are circumstances when people, whole lots of them, are so desperate because of poverty, starvation, or pain that they long for direction and become prey.”
He turned to me abruptly, “Eliza, what you can do is fantastic but it is a gift that must be used wisely, something you already know. Some of the most evil acts our kind has inflicted upon others through the centuries have been a consequence of mind manipulation.”
“But as long as our intentions are good, it shouldn’t be too much of a concern, right?” I asked alarmed.
“Right. But if we’re making it our business to interfere with another person’s mind we should inspect our intentions. Don’t you think?” He challenged me gently. Though his eyes lit with a playful twinkle once again.
“Of course, that goes without saying.” I muttered defensively.
“Can you manipulate minds?” I asked cautiously.
“Nope. Don’t have the foggiest idea as to how to pull that off.” He conceded with a shrug.
“And exactly why do you think you’re my pharos again?” I asked sarcastically.
Ren sighed. “It would be more convenient if my strengths were the same as yours but that’s not how this works. We all have our own bag of tricks. Besides, maybe we’ve been lumped together so that you can teach me a few things.” He said and paused.
Oblivious to our surroundings, I suddenly found myself standing next to a shiny black coupe. Ren opened the passenger door.
“Hop in.” He said, his lips curved in a half grin.
I sank into the cold leather seat.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I asked.
“Just up the hill, it’s a spot I think you’ll like.” He responded vaguely.
We snaked up the hillside through narrow streets before escaping town and heading north. As we crept out of town, the road grew narrow and rough. The ambient light of town faded behind us as we forged into the deeply wooded hills.
Ren squinted at the road, periodically scanning the thick foliage flanking our path. My eyes flickered in the same direction but I decided not to ask him what he was looking for. As we bumped along down the road, I assessed the impenetrable darkness beyond the glass. Living in the city, I rarely experienced true darkness and had never explored a dark wood, that is, aside from my dreams. I shivered at an image now imbedded in the fabric of my being, a dirt road beneath my feet, dense Southern woods around me, and Shadows at my side.
“Is it far?” I whispered, struggling to harness my increasing anxiety. Our headlights pressed forward.
“It’s just a few more meters up the road.” He said quietly, distracted by navigation.
Several minutes later, the car slowed. Ren steered us slowly down a single lane gravel path. Stones pelted the exterior of the car, echoing violently in the cab.
“It’s so dark. You’ve been here before, right?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
“Yes. There’s nothing to worry about Eliza. It’s remote which is why, for us, it’s safe.” He conceded, with a stern gaze as if I should understand why we needed solitude.
I turned my face to the road and peered out the window into the night wondering what might be staring back from its depths. Ren suddenly pulled the car to the side of the gravel path and stopped. He exhaled audibly, revealing that the drive had also been taxing for him. He turned to me.
“From here, we have to walk. It’s not far. Eliza, do you trust me?” His voice was a husky whisper.
The heat rolling off his body stroked the surface of my skin. The cab was still except for the sound of our breath.
“I’m just not all that used to deep dark forests, that’s all.” I said with a weak laugh.
The key clicked in the ignition and the lights vanished. I found myself floating in pure darkness. My only comfort the heat and energy reaching to me from across the car.
“Let’s go then.” Ren’s voice lifted with excitement.
As my eyes adjusted, I saw the blue light of the moon streaming through the break in the trees above the road. The gravel path glowed bright in the ethereal light. The sight awakened emotion in my heart. Positive energy surged through me drawing me out of the car and into the forest.
Ren opened my door. A pack was strapped to his back and he carried an unlit lantern in his hand. Stepping from the car, I left my anxiety behind as I entered the calm of the moonlit forest.
“I’ll light the lantern when we reach the footpath. The moon should help until then.” Ren said peering upward.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I marveled at the crystalline light, reflecting on the back of my hands. It was so much brighter than it appeared in the city.
“That’s why we’re here.” Ren said his smile sparkled ultraviolet.
He took my hand. When we touched my skin tingled and my arm ached in response to the fingers that wrapped around mine, warm and firm. It was the first time Ren had really touched me since our discussion the night before and it felt strange, knowing that he wanted to be close to me, knowing that he knew how much I wanted him, and knowing that our twined hands meant only friendship, nothing more. But nonetheless, it felt good and I chose to relish it rather than dwell on the loss of what could be. Ren pulled me close to his side and guided me down the path. We tread softly, interpreting the path in the shimmering light and merged with the forest, listening to the hooting of owls, chirping crickets, and the crackling of small feet scampering across the forest floor.
At the base of a narrow footpath, we paused and Ren struck a match. The warm yellow light flickered eerily in the blue moon forest. He held the match to the lantern and it sucked the flame greedily transforming it into a torch. Standing in the glow of the lantern, the surge of energy connecting me to the forest evaporated. I felt exposed, set apart from the other creatures of the night. I quickly wound my arm around Ren’s.
My heart accelerated. Ren held the lantern ahead of us and we plunged boldly down the footpath into the deep woods. As we walked, I could feel the sinewy muscles of his chest shifting. Every cell in my body reached for him, responding to something akin to gravity.
Branches cracked in the dark on the edges of the path. I made the mistake of looking into the woods at my side and caught the glassy glow of eyes peering at us from the dark. With a cry, I nearly leapt from my skin.
“They have more to fear from us than we from them. Believe me.” Ren whispered calmly.
Firmly planting my gaze on the path ahead, I swallowed my fear. The path climbed sharply northward forcing me to study the ground to avoid the gnarled roots and branches along the way. As the ground began to level, I looked up to see the moonlight illuminating a grassy field.
I sprinted toward the opening in the distance, still gripping Ren’s arm tightly. He l
aughed and matched my pace. Our breath ragged, we broke free of the trees and stepped into the clearing. The silvery field stretched out before us. The fuzzy tips of the grass glittered and swayed gently in the moonlight. Beyond the field, the rocky shore dropped sharply into the ocean. Moonbeams slithered over waves.
“This is incredible.” I gasped.
“I thought you’d like it.” He said softly.
Releasing my arm, he ventured forward setting down the lantern and backpack. He pulled a thin blanket out of the bag and spread it carefully on the grass.
“Come, sit.” He waved his hand invitingly.
I collapsed onto the blanket and stretched my arms to the sky. The hypnotic glow of the moonlight rippling across the sea enchanted me.
“I can’t believe that a place this beautiful is just a few minutes from my house and I never knew about it.” I said with a hint of sadness.
Ren lay stretched out on the blanket, his head rested casually on his pack. His gaze turned toward the sea, the angles of his square jaw and cheekbones accentuated by the flickering lantern light.
“You just have to know where to look. One night I was sitting on my roof and caught a view of this rocky face in the distance.” He said gesturing toward the ocean and the plunging coast ahead of us.
“I decided I wanted to see the ocean from this peak. So, the next day, I looked at a map and found my way here. The day I found it, I immediately thought of you. I knew I would bring you here.” His voice dropped.
“I’m glad you did.” I mumbled shyly.
We sat in silence listening to the waves slapping against the rocks in the distance. The air grew still, allowing the coastal sounds to drift undisturbed across the field. My heart fluttered at the sound of a large wave thundering into the coast. I imagined its spray splattering the rocks and showering the air with a frothy mist. The salty brine of the ocean tickled my nose.
Ren had surprised me by bringing me to this place, for caring to show me something that he found moving and thought I’d like too. I found myself watching him, rather staring, wondering about all the things I didn’t know about him and wanting to know more. The tips of his thick eyelashes and lower lip glistened in the lantern light.
Eliza's Shadow Page 9
