The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

by John Warren

  sheet bend

  Sheet bend — This knot is used to connect two ropes of different size or to connect a rope to an eye. Make a loop in the larger rope. Then run the smaller rope through the loop, around both portions of the loop and then under itself.

  That’s it. There are many other useful knots, but these are the basics. If you want to learn about bottle knots, Spanish bowlines or rolling hitches, I direct you to any book on knots.

  When tying and untying a submissive, you should always be aware of the rope ends. More than once, I have seen enthusiastic novices inadvertently smacking the subject of their attentions with the end of the rope while attempting to tie or untie a complex knot. When being pulled through a loop, a rope can move at substantial speed. As the end of the rope approaches the loop, it can easily be slingshotted to one side or the other. Three-eighth inch rope with a fused end can have a substantial impact under such conditions.

  Trying to work too fast can also lead to rope burns. While such burns are less common with the recommended cotton and nylon ropes, they can happen. Work slowly and carefully. When you must drag a rope across the submissive’s body, put your hand under the rope so you are aware of the potential for burning and are partially shielding the submissive from it. If your submissive is rope burned, clean the area with warm water and a mild soap. Then, disinfect the affected skin with alcohol or Betadine (povidone-iodine).

  A precise, careful dominant is a lot more impressive and gives far more pleasure than one who works fast but seems to be on the edge of losing control or, worse, actually injures the submissive because of ill advised speed.

  Bondage positions

  Of course, the tying is only part of a gestalt, the whole of which goes together to excite both of you. While a wonderful feeling of helplessness can be created by simply tying a submissive’s hands behind his or her back, there are positions that amplify that feeling by magnitudes.

  They can be as simple as adding an additional tie at the elbows to bring the arms closer together. This is particularly exciting with a woman because the position forces the breasts into greater prominence. However, there are two dangers with this position. The elbows should never be forced to touch. While some people can bring their elbows together behind their body, doing that with others can result in permanent shoulder injury. Also, a person should never be placed so that the body is resting on the tied wrists for more than a very short time.

  Another position that puts the submissive in a very erotic helpless position is with his or her hands up behind the neck. First, run a length of rope (climbing webbing is even better) behind the neck, bring it around in front of both shoulders and then back across the upper part of the back. With a female submissive, moderate tension on this rope will also make her bring her breasts into greater prominence. Then, with another length of rope, tie the hands together in front with about a foot of rope between them. Leave another foot of each end of the rope loose. Bring the hands up and over the neck and tie them to the rope across the back and neck.

  This position leaves the submissive completely helpless, exposes the entire body line, back and front, and can be used either standing or lying down. This is the position I use when I am doing a knife-stripping as described in the fantasy rape section of the “Making a Scene Sing” chapter.

  A very versatile position is to have the submissive sit on the floor, knees bent and leaning forward slightly. Tie the wrists to the ankles and the elbows to the knees. A spreader bar can be attached between the ankles, but in most cases, only the most flexible submissive will be able to bring the legs together in this position. Because the genitals are in forced exposure in this position, one of my submissives named it naked-making.

  Another position that many submissives find naked- making is to be placed horizontal on the ground or on a bed with their legs vertical and spread widely. I used to have ring bolts in my ceiling beam for just such a situation. A spreader bar attached to a single line also works, but I’ve found the feeling of helplessness is greater when each ankle is attached to a separate point. You may want him or her to wear boots (and nothing else) during this both for erotic contrast and to protect the tendons. If the tendons are protected, the legs can be left up and spread for quite a long time.

  A very secure position is “the fold.” In this position, the sub-missive’s hands are behind his or her back. The forearms should be horizontal and each wrist should be tied to the opposite elbow. This folds the arms behind the back. Next, have him or her sit cross legged in what the yoga people call the lotus position and tie each ankle to the opposite calf. Then you can take a ten-foot rope, fold it in half, loop the middle under the already-bound forearms and tie if off. This will leave you with two four-foot-long or so lengths of rope tied to the submissive’s forearms by bringing one length over the shoulders on either side of the neck. Next you can lean the submissive forward until there is a bit of stretch, but no discomfort, then tie each length of rope to a calf or to the ropes connecting the wrists and the calves. He or she can be left in that position to “mediate upon sins” or tipped backward, an action that exposes the genitals for casual play. Because the arms are bound in the small of the back, there is less pressure on them than in the conventional wrist-wrist tie.

  Hog-tying is a classic position, but it should be used with care. It can put a lot of strain on the back and knees. To start you can position the submissive on his or her stomach and tie the hands behind the back, wrists together, with enough rope so that you have a three-foot tail on either end after you have finished. Next, the dominant ties the elbows together with a number of coils of rope. You must take care not to put pressure on the shoulders doing this. As I wrote before, some people cannot touch elbows without severe injury. You want the submissive secure, not injured.

  Then the dominant ties the ankles together, folding them up against the thighs. Run the rope tails from the wrists and tie them around the ankle rope. This positioning of the final knot makes it much harder for a SAM to reach it.

  hog-tie

  Hogtied submissives should not be placed on their backs nor should any portion of the tie go around the throat. This is a popular photographic subject, but is much, much too dangerous for real play.

  There is no hard and fast rule for how long a person can be left in bondage. Some positions are extremely stressful and should be used only for a few minutes. Others are so comfortable that sleeping in them is possible. Submissives’ tolerances also vary. It should go without saying that you should carefully watch anyone in bondage, and he or she should never be left alone.

  Aside from asking them how they are, you should check that extremities do not become cold and that they can wiggle their fingers and toes on command. Blue skin is a good indication that circulation is not all that it could be, as is a complete loss of sensation.

  This does not mean that a bit of circulation restriction can’t be part of the bondage scene. Some submissives love the helpless feeling a numb limb gives them and glory in the pins-and-needles effect of returning circulation. However, this sort of scene must be monitored even more closely than conventional bondage.

  For submissives who enjoy these feelings, I prefer to let gravity rather than ropes restrict the circulation. Anyone who has his or her hands held above the head can attest to how fast they go numb. After roughly a half an hour, most people begin to lose sensation in their elevated hands. Releasing them produces the sought-after tingling.

  Decorative bondage

  Many women enjoy having their breasts singled out for special bondage attention. Some report that the reduction of the circulation by the bondage increases the sensitivity, while others just like the way it looks. There are several ways to do this.

  An approach that is often the choice of bondage photographers is to encase each breast in a coil of rope. A thin rope, like parachute cord (1/4”), is easier to use for this than the thicker rope we have been using for immobilizing ties.

  You should have her lean f
orward, and begin with an anchoring loop over the shoulder and down under the arm. The rope then passes under the breast, up between the breasts and down the outside. Each successive coil should go outside the previous one. The rope should be tight enough to that it gets a good grip on the skin, but it shouldn’t be so tight that it will cut off all blood circulation.

  Repeat this for the other breast. Finally, tie the ends of each rope behind her neck for a very effective rope bra. As this will reduce blood circulation, it should not be left on for too long. Many women report that the breasts lose the extra sensitivity created by the rope bondage after about ten minutes.

  Some breasts are simply too small and firm to offer the rope a good grip. As this can be a very hurtful point for some women, your failure to achieve a solid decorative bondage with rope can have more impact than you realize. You can avoid this problem by doing a full chest binding.

  One way is to wrap several layers of plastic wrap around the chest. When the chest has been wrapped, take a pair of EMT or bandage scissors (do not use anything with a sharp point) and cut holes through which the breasts or just the nipples can protrude.

  You can also use coils of rope around the upper chest to provide a similar experience, except that you can’t simply cut holes in the coils. While you are wrapping, leave room between strands for the nipples to protrude.

  Naturally, since both of these techniques have the potential to interfere with chest expansion and, therefore, breathing, you must monitor the submissive very carefully while the bondage is in place and be ready to cut it off if she becomes disoriented or dizzy. Also, when a woman is menstruating or is about to begin her period, her breasts may be extra sensitive and what would be pleasant at another time becomes very painful.

  Men, of course, have cocks. For the female dominant, these can provide hours of delightful fun. In the scene, this is often known as cock and ball torture or CBT, and bondage is an important part of this specialty.

  Since this is a binding rather than an immobilization, parachute cord or other relatively narrow twine can be used. One scenario that parallels the previously described breast binding is to anchor the cord around the base of the genitals and then circle the scrotum with successive coils.

  The balls are forced further and further into the sack. The same approach can be used on the cock. However, its more uniform shape provides a surface for more artistic endeavors. At least one mistress performs macrame with a thick yarn over the cock and balls until they resemble a teapot in its cozy. Of course, eventually the cock will lose its erection and escape the bondage, providing an excuse for the mistress to punish her slave for this infraction.

  Another approach is, after making the loop around the base of the genitals, you can bring the cord around and between the balls, separating them and pulling them upward. This process is repeated until the series of X’s are in place.

  If the submissive has a tight little sack that makes getting a good grip difficult (fear often makes the balls retract), let them rest in a pan of moderately hot water. The reproductive system’s temperature control scheme will lower them right into your waiting hands.

  Some leather shops and bondage magazine advertisements have clever little toys for binding, restricting and clamping cocks and balls. The best of these lace rather than snap so as to provide a snug fit, regardless of the size of the endowment.

  As with any bondage that has the potential to interfere with circulation, you should undo or reposition cock and balls bondage every ten to 15 minutes.

  Suggested Reading

  Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, Hardy Haberman, Greenery Press

  Whole-body bondage and mummification

  A subspecialization of bondage is whole-body bondage. The goal is to extend the experience of binding over much of the body surface.

  Japanese bondage is one technique that combines the whole-body experience with an aesthetic exercise. Because it is, essentially, a binding, you can use almost any smooth, flexible material including twine, parachute cord or yarn. I tend to prefer my favorite 3/8” rope, and I will admit that sufficient rope to do a proper Japanese bondage can be rather bulky.

  Because this is a lengthy tie, you must have a pair of sharp bandage or EMT scissors handy. In the event of an emergency, this type of bondage cannot be untied quickly and must be cut. Also, because it is usually done with the submissive standing up, you should make sure that at no time the little rascal locks his or her knees. Locking the knees makes it easier to stand still, but it also makes it likely that he or she will pass out on you.

  One easy approach to Japanese bondage requires a minimum of fifty feet of rope or cord. Double up the rope. About a foot from the bend which marks the center, hold them together and tie a simple overhand knot (half a square knot). One end of the rope over should be placed over each of the submissive’s shoulders. The knot should rest, not press, against the back of the submissive’s neck.

  Then you should tie another overhand knot just below the ribcage and above the navel. The third knot goes about eight inches below the clitoris or the cock. The fourth knot goes three to four inches below that.

  Next the dominant passes both ends of the rope through the submissive’s legs and brings them up along the submissive’s back and tie another knot about half way up the back. Finally, the rope is passed through the loop made by the first knot (just behind his or her neck) All the rope is drawn all through this loop but don’t pull it tight. It will get tight soon enough.

  Passing each end of the rope around one side of the submissive’s body, you can “trap” the arms at this time or pass the ends under the arms and secure the arms later. Both ends of the rope go through the loop between the first (behind the neck) and the second (below the ribcage) knot, and then each end goes back around the submissive on the same side that it came forward. Thus, the rope that came around the submissive’s left side would go through the loop and then back around the left side toward the back. The whole point is that the rope is free to slide over itself.

  Pulling the rope moderately tight, the third knot should move above until it is just forward of the arse. Above the knot in the middle of the back, the dominant passes both ends of the rope through the two ropes and brings the two ends back around the same side. This time, the rope goes through below the second knot and, then, go back around the submissive’s body. This will bring the third knot on a woman right over her clitoris or on a man just under his cock. The other knot should be pressing on the arse.

  By now, you see the pattern, an interlocking series of diamonds progressively tightening the entire pattern of ropes. At this point, you should have plenty of rope remaining, and from this basic design, you can extemporize, looping and tying, until the submissive is a lovely piece of macrame.

  Because there is not enough constriction to impede blood flow, a submissive can remain in Japanese bondage for an extended period and can, with some designs, actually don street clothes and venture out in public while remaining in this exotic bondage. When the entire pattern is completed, any strain should be evenly distributed across the entire body so the submissive can be lifted off his or her feet by attaching a hoisting rope to the web.

  If the submissive’s hands are tied to the web, this should be treated as an immobilization tie, and appropriate precautions taken. For example, it is acceptable to web the entire arm to the body web with twine or narrow cord because the pressure will be distributed across several loops. However, if you are doing a wrist tie with a single strand, you should use a wider rope and knot the rope with a fisherman’s bend or use cuffs to protect the wrist from damage.

  Another whole-body bondage technique is mummification. Again, you should not try this unless you have a pair of sharp bandage or EMT scissors handy in the event the submissive needs to be released quickly. Because there can be a gradual build-up of heat during a mummification, you should regularly monitor the submissive’s alertness. Any faintness or disorientation is a da
nger sign, and if it occurs you should give him or her a cool drink and consider moving on to another activity.

  The simplest approach to mummification is to slightly dampen an ordinary sheet and roll the submissive in it. The moist sheet will adhere to itself and to the submissive. The submissive’s head should always be outside the roll.

  Another, similar technique is to use plastic wrap. The kind you get from the grocery store is acceptable, but many dominants like to buy industrial shrink wrap in 36- to forty- inch rolls. Simply wrap your submissive like a large leftover. You can then have the wrapped arms lowered and enclose them as you make turn after turn around the upper body. A hair dryer can speed up the shrinking action, but the submissive’s own body temperature will activate the process in any case.

  This material conducts heat, cold and impact very well. So you can whip or wax right over it with the well-wrapped submissive getting the full stimulation. However, you may enjoy using your EMT scissors to create openings through which all sorts of nice things can pop and be played with.

  Many dominants keep a supply of regular or elastic bandages available for whole-body bondage. The usual procedure is to start with a few turns around the upper body and apply the wrappings in overlapping turns. As each bandage is put in place, it is secured with butterfly clips, usually supplied with elastic bandages, or with adhesive tape. A figure-eight pattern is used over the nipples to leave them exposed as you don’t want to cut elastic bandages, and if regular bandages are cut, they tend to unravel at the most inopportune times.

  There is some debate about whether it is better to wrap the arms at the same time as the body, either crossed over the chest in Egyptian style or along the sides, or bind them separately. Those who prefer the same-time wrapping argue that it is more aesthetic to have a single package. The armsseparate school holds that keeping them separate allows more options in the continuing bondage process.