The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

by John Warren

  Suggested Reading

  Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play, M.R. Strict, Greenery Press

  Fisting

  While neither anal nor vaginal fisting is a BDSM activity per se, both are commonly used by members of the scene as part of their play.

  Naturally, the first rule is “play safely.” The human body is a remarkably resilient device, but the linings of the anus and the vagina are much more delicate than the skin. A jagged fingernail can create havoc.

  Prior to the AIDS epidemic, in the lesbian community, even more than the red handkerchief in her left pants pocket, the mark of a fister was a right or left hand with short, carefully filed nails. Now, of course, any responsible fister dons latex gloves before beginning, so the length of the nails is of less importance.

  The best gloves are individually packaged surgical gloves. They not only fit better but they are a bit longer than the laboratory gloves which come in large packages. If you are going to do anal fisting, which often involves deeper penetration than vaginal, you might like to use a “calving glove,” which has a longer sleeve. These are available from farm supply stores. Anal scenes should also be preceded by one or two enemas to clean the area.

  There are two requirements for a fisting: Lubrication and patience. There is no such thing as too much lubrication. I tend to favor ForPlay, Probe or Elbow Grease, but any thick sexual lubricant is satisfactory. KY tends to be a bit too thin and dries too quickly for my taste, but others use it.

  Crisco, an icon of the fist-fucking scene, is rapidly fading from popularity because it is an effective culture medium for bacteria. Those who still use it are careful to avoid contaminating their supply jar. Before the scene, a quantity of Crisco is placed in a smaller container, or containers if there is to be more than one submissive. If there is any left after the scene, it is discarded.

  The secret of a good fisting is to seduce the body into doing something it doesn’t expect that it can do. Fiction may show the dominant smashing a dripping fist into someone’s arse or cunt, but in real life, it is a much more gradual process.

  A single finger at a time, you touch and tantalize. Only when the body is comfortable with the intrusion do you add another finger. The process is not a simple progression. For best results, it is more a series of advances followed by slight withdrawals. Both verbal and tactile communication should continue throughout the process with the intent of soothing the submissive’s very real fears and building the sexual tension.

  The crux comes with the insertion of the thumb and the advance of the knuckles through the quivering ring of tightly stretched muscle.

  The alignment of the hand should be up and down rather than horizontal at this point, and generally entry can be made with a gentle rocking motion rather than a direct push.

  Once you feel the muscle closing around your wrist, pause for a moment and reassure the submissive that everything is all right. Then, begin a gentle series of motions with your encased fist. One of my favorites is to slowly and gently open and close my fingers.

  The hand’s strongest muscles are flexors in the palmar fascia which are responsible for closing the fingers. The extensor muscles on the back of the hand are relatively weak. However, I have found that they can be strengthened somewhat by enclosing the thumb and fingers with a heavy elastic and exercising by repeatedly opening the hand against pressure.

  You can also use a push-pull motion or rotate the wrist. The important thing is to do everything slowly and carefully. You want to stretch and stimulate, not tear.

  At this time, if you are fisting a vagina, you can also slide a lubricated gloved or cotted finger (a finger cot is a condom for a finger) into her ass. It is best if you plan this ahead of time. Putting on a latex glove with the other hand trapped in a vagina is an exercise in creativity and frustration.

  Don’t get overenthusiastic. A little goes a long way. One or two fingers is plenty. Once your other hand has touched the ass, do not use it to touch anywhere near the vagina.

  When the session is over, removal should be gradual so as not to shock the system or in the case of anal fisting, prolapse the rectum, in effect turning the submissive inside out.

  The opinions on a slight amount of blood from an anal fisting vary. Some individuals feel that it can be ignored. Others insist that any blood at all is cause for major concern. My gut feeling (yes, I meant to say that) is that fecal material and blood just don’t mix. Peritonitis is a lousy way to die. There is no disagreement about a significant amount of blood. Go to an emergency room, immediately.

  The vagina is a bit safer environment so a smear or two of blood is probably nothing to be concerned about. However, again, a significant amount of blood is a sign that something very serious is going on. Go to an emergency room.

  Suggested Reading

  A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

  Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing, Bert Herrman, Alamo Square Distributors

  Cutting, pricking and play piercing

  Contrary to what most vanilla people think, ordinary cuttings and temporary piercings (“play piercing,” “temporary piercing” and “pricking” are all the same thing – which expression you use depends on what part of the country you live in) are not extremely painful. The primary impact of the scene is in the submissive’s head. Having metal penetrate our skin touches something deep into our primal instincts. Of .course, some of the more creative approaches also can cause intense stimulation that could easily pass the pleasure/pain threshold.

  Cutting and pricking should be done only after the most careful consideration of the risks and ramifications. The skin is the body’s first line of defense against disease. While this has always been true, AIDS and hepatitis have made it, literally, a matter of life and death. In fact, anyone who is planning to do this activity should seriously think about getting vaccinated for hepatitis B.

  While pricking almost never leaves a scar, cutting, depending on a person’s physical makeup, may. This is particularly true of those with an African genetic heritage. People from that part of the world seem to have a marked tendency to develop keloid tissue over cuttings. Therefore, the possibility of a permanent marking from even a small cutting cannot be ignored.

  Never penetrate the skin casually. While the preparations for a relatively safe cutting or pricking may interrupt the flow of a scene, aesthetic considerations have to give way to safety. Cleanliness is a primary consideration. Both the area to be played with and the tools you are going to use must be absolutely clean. Despite sterilization procedures, you should never use the same tools on different people.

  The submissive must be absolutely immobile. For any initial play of this type, regardless of a submissive’s certainty of her ability to remain still or our mutual experience with other forms of stimulation, I insist on using stringent bondage techniques. A futon frame is perfect for this because its slats provide a multitude of tie-down points.

  Later, as I become more familiar with the submissive’s ability to handle this specific stimulation, I may forgo the bondage. However, I always remain acutely aware that a single, unexpected, involuntary movement on the part of the submissive could have serious repercussions.

  Always wear latex gloves (or nitrile if you or your submissive is allergic to latex). Not only are you breaching your submissive’s skin, you will also be exposed to his or her blood. In today’s world, anyone’s blood has to be considered a bio-hazardous material. A tiny hangnail or scratch on your hand might expose you to an unacceptable risk. However, keep in mind that gloves do not provide a protection against needles or blades. Anything that can penetrate skin can go right through latex. A moment’s carelessness with a needle or a blade can still be fatal.

  The best gloves are surgical gloves that come packaged in separate, sterile containers. Ordinary lab gloves are sufficient, although they do not provide the tactile sensitivit
y of surgeon’s gloves. Also, remember lab gloves are not sterile, and you should wash your hands with Betadine after putting the gloves on.

  Be generous with the antiseptic when sterilizing the part of the submissive’s body with which you will be playing. Betadine is cheap, and the submissive shivers so delightfully both at its chill and what it promises for the future. Some dominants use the surgical antiseptic Betadine for sterilizing the skin. Betadine does a better job than rubbing alcohol but has a distinctly unappetizing color. However, you can first sterilize with Betadine and, then, after a minute or so, clean it off with alcohol, and have a fairly sterile area.

  Whatever you use, spread it around with your gloved hands. This is both sensual and helps makes sure that any airborne bacterial that have landed on the gloves will have a short and unhappy life.

  In my opinion, the best toy for a cutting is a surgical scalpel. It is easy to handle because it is designed for exactly what we are setting out to do. Also, it is much sharper than art or utility knives. Sharpness is very important. A sharp blade is less likely to result in an unintentional scar. Also, you want to be able to work as smoothly as possible. One piece scalpels are intended to be discarded after each use. Others are made so that the blade can be replaced with a new, sterile one. In any case, you should never use the same edge on different individuals. Straight razors with disposable blades are also used by some dominants. These can be obtained from beauty-shop supply stores.

  I met a west coast dominant who carried a tiny knife in a locket between her breasts. Seeing her extract the knife from the hidden scabbard was a distinct turn-on, but I think I’ll still stick with my scalpels.

  I like to use acupuncture needles in my pricking scenes. They are very thin and easy to use. For more intense stimulation, I like standard hypodermic needles. Other dominants use medical suturing needles or those designed for carotid angiography or arterial catheterization. The popular sizes of hypodermic tips range from quite small to quite large.

  Except for those packaged for medical use, the needles must be sterilized. The ideal sterilization tool is an autoclave, a device that disinfects with live steam. However, if you don’t work in a hospital or a laboratory, you can use a pressure cooker. Keep the pressure up for at least forty minutes.

  Needles should be thrown away after each scene, and in no case, regardless of sterilization, should a needle that has been used on one submissive be used on another.

  Naturally, neither cutting or pricking should be done in any area where joints, nerves or blood vessels are close to the surface. Safer, but not absolutely safe, places are the upper arms and legs and buttocks.

  When cutting, hold the blade perpendicular to the surface of the body. Begin with light pressure and increase it only to the point that the blade breaks the skin. You are doing a shallow, erotic cut, not dissecting a frog in biology class. Take your time, and allow the first cut to clot before you begin the second.

  When you are finished, lightly swab the entire surface again with an Betadine-soaked pad. Some people, to make the cutting permanently visible, put a bit of autoclaved ink on the skin before wiping it. The ink is then trapped under the skin when it heals and makes a tattoo-like mark. Remember that this is permanent. It will not go away, and surgical removal is troublesome and not always effective.

  In the pre-AIDS/hepatitis era, it wasn’t unusual for a dominant to taste the blood from a cutting. I greatly enjoyed doing this. In the day, it was a powerfully symbolic bit of eroticism. Today, doing such a thing outside a monogamous or fluid-bonded relationship is a form of feeble-minded Russian roulette.

  Unlike a cutting blade’s vertical position, needles should be put into the skin at a very acute angle. The intent is not to penetrate deeply, there is little sensation below the skin, but to produce the desired stimulation. Grip the needle firmly close to the tip to minimize any wiggle and insert it smoothly. I use a hemostat to get a good grip. If you want to insert it further slide your grip further back and push again. You can have the tip come back out through the skin. When the needle is removed, it is important to re-disinfect the area.

  Some people create further excitement by making several prickings and then connecting them with sanitized thread or monofilament. I’ve observed very erotic scenes wherein several submissives were connected with threads running between their temporary piercings.

  Permanent piercings

  A friend succinctly summed up the difference between non-pierced people and pierced people. She said, “Pierced people don’t wonder what it would be like not to have a piercing.”

  While some people do permanent piercing as part of a scene, I prefer to leave that to professionals because the puncture will remain open for a significant length of time, and because there are considerations regarding placement and such that requires experienced judgment.

  You’ll find that most piercing professionals are very obliging if not active members of the scene, and they’ll usually go out of their way to accommodate any ritual or such you want to include with the piercing.

  Almost any area of the body can be pierced, but I’ll list the most common types of piercing. For both men and women, aside from the ear, the nipple is probably the most common kind of piercing. Aside from aesthetic considerations, nipple piercings often make the nipple more sensitive.

  In India, nostril piercing is as common as ear piercing, and it is becoming more common here. The most customary type of piercing is through the outside of a nostril, but a ring or bar in the skin at the end of the septum, the piece of cartilage separating the two nostrils, is being seen more and more.

  The mouth is not a particularly clean place; therefore, tongue and lip piercings require special care when they are healing. However, they are show stoppers. Also, members of the oral sex cognoscenti have been known to rave about the effect of a tongue piercing.

  Less common piercings are seen in the eyebrow, on the bridge of the nose and in the navel. The latter is another piercing that requires special attention when healing. Clothing rubbing against sore skin may be exciting for a few minutes, but even the most dedicated masochist can get very tired of it over a few weeks.

  There is something about a cock that has drawn the eye of piercers for centuries. The Kama Sutra, India’s equivalent to The Joy of Sex, mentions the apadravya, a vertical piercing of the glans, or head, of the cock. The ampallang is similar but horizontal. The apadravya can also be made behind the glans in the shaft. According to legend, the women of Borneo refused to have sex with men lacking one of these piercings. The dydoe is a piercing through the ridge of the glans. Dydoe piercings are often done in pairs.

  Foreskin piercings were developed in ancient Rome as a means of enforcing chastity. According to some authorities, they retain that function today.

  The frenum is a piercing through the skin of the cock just behind the glans and often includes a cockring. The Prince Albert is a piercing that goes through the urethra and exits behind the glans. Legend has it that Prince Albert, Queen Victoria’s consort, had it done so he could strap his cock tightly against his leg and avoid spoiling the fit of his tight trousers.

  A piercing through the outer skin of the scrotum is called a hafada, and it originated in the near east where the piercing went considerably deeper and was part of a rite of passage. Finally, the guiche is a piercing in the flap of skin that connects the anus and the scrotum. Because of its proximity to the anus, there is a significant danger of infection while this particular piercing is healing.

  Although a woman’s genitals are less “outstanding” than a man’s, they afford a number of interesting sites for piercings. The hood of the clitoris is often pierced. However, authorities and aficionados have mixed opinions about piercing the clitoris itself. One group holds that it is unwise to puncture something with such a concentration of nerve endings. The others argue that this is exactly the reason to do it. In any case, all agree that piercings in this area increase the sensitivity of the clitoris. However, some wo
men have had the piercings removed, reporting that it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

  Although both the inner and outer labial lips can be pierced, most people prefer piercing the inner. Paired piercings on both lips provide an opportunity to put a lock or seal across the opening as both a symbolic and practical chastity belt.

  A piercing that goes from the end of the vagina toward the anus (much like a guiche) is called a fourchette. This piercing has the same inherent dangers as a guiche.

  Earring jewelry should never be used in a body piercing. The wires that hold earrings can tear the skin if the jewelry catches on clothing or, as has happened, part of your lover. Body jewelry is expensive, because it is handmade in small quantities. However, one piece per piercing is quite sufficient. Body jewelry isn’t changed regularly like earrings. You don’t need different sets for the office, dates and formal affairs.

  Generally, jewelry is made from gold, niobium or stainless steel. Other metals can be used after the piercing has completely healed. However, some people show negative reactions even to niobium and stainless steel.

  There are several types of common jewelry used with body piercings. The most common is the bead ring, a simple ring that is straightened, inserted in the piercing, and then bent back into a circular shape. The break in the ring is held closed with a bead. Occasionally, the bead is not attached to the ring, but simply held there by tension in the ring. This is called a captive-bead ring.

  A barbell is a bar with a screw-off bead at each end. Sometimes the barbell is bent into a partial ring. Another variation substitutes a fine wire for the screw-off beads.

  If you choose to have a permanent piercing, remember to carefully follow the piercer’s instructions about afterpiercing care. This may mean a period of sexual abstinence. However, everything nice has its price, and infections are not fun.