Love or Money?

by Carrie Stone

  Overcome with emotion at Zara’s support, Glenda wiped the beginning of tears from her eyes and sat back down, filling her in on her plans.

  Zara couldn’t believe that the excited, zealous woman sitting in front of her was Glenda. Listening to her plans of sharing a property with Bill and taking up pottery lessons she couldn’t help but feel enthused for her.

  “So he’s just waiting for the company to provide the housing budget and then we can start looking at options. We were thinking of going up to Cambridge next weekend actually. You know, get a feel for the place.”

  “Yes, that sounds like a great idea. When will the move be then? Once all the finer details are sorted?”

  “January 6th. They want him there for the first week of the New year, so we’ll be aiming to leave London straight after the Christmas holidays.”

  “Wow, so soon Glen!” Zara felt her baby kicking and she smiled. “At least you’ll be here for when this little one comes - I want him to meet you before you swan off to your new life in Cambridge.”

  Glenda laughed, her nervousness replaced with elation. She had been surprised herself when Bill had told her the timeframe of the move, but she’d come to terms with the idea. There was so much to look forward to within the next seven weeks, she could hardly believe the changes. Despite having to share her news with Fee, she couldn’t wait to see her daughter. She hoped that she’d be returning home more settled and content.

  In just under four weeks they had Zara’s little one’s arrival to prepare for. Not to mention the Christmas holiday season which was going to be a hectic time; especially as it was always spent with Zara, Steve and the children. And hopefully this year Bill would be joining them. It would be nice to have a final gathering before she prepared for her new start with him.

  Crossing her fingers under the table, she sent up a silent plea that Felicity’s arrival home would be the start of new things for her daughter. Her biggest wish was to see Fee at least as happy as she was feeling, if not happier. She desperately hoped it would happen soon.

  Owen heaved Felicity’s heavy suitcase onto the check-in weight counter, smirking at her as the counter displayed the exact luggage allowance she was entitled to. Much to her surprise he’d been correct in saying that she wasn’t over the limit.

  Passing the check-in attendant her passport and E-ticket, she clarified her details and waited for her documents to be returned.

  “Shall we go for a coffee before you go through to departures?” Owen asked, picking up her small hand luggage holdall and carrying it for her.

  The attendant passed Felicity her documents, highlighting her departure gate and wishing her a pleasant flight.

  “Yes, I have time before my flight. I won’t be getting decent coffee onboard for the next twenty-two hours, so I had better make the most of it” she joked nervously.

  She couldn’t believe how quickly her departure from Australia had come about. The past few days had passed in a blur and now she was about to board a long-haul flight home. She felt sick at the prospect. Her throat was aching with grief at the thought of her last minutes spent with Owen. Walking in silence side by side, they found a small coffee shop and sat in the quietest corner.

  Ever since she’d revealed her plans to leave Australia, Owen hadn’t been his usual happy self. It was as if an unspoken sentence hung heavily between them, neither knowing how to broach the subject of asking the other’s feelings. It had been a painful three days. She knew that he wanted her to stay and despite her hopeful jokey open suggestions, he hadn’t verbally given her any indication. His actions however, told a different story. She’d never seen him looking so distracted and weighed down.

  They sipped their coffee in silence, a heavy air of sadness around both of them.

  “What plans do you have for when you arrive home then?” Owen asked, breaking the silence.

  Felicity stirred her coffee, pondering the question. Although she was looking forward to seeing her mum and Zara, she hadn’t really thought past her arrival. There was, however, a sense of dread at the thought of returning to work. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why.

  “No idea, probably just catch up with my mum and then visit Zara. It’s a little strange thinking about going back into my old life. I know I haven’t been gone for long, but I feel differently about things. It sounds really silly, but I’m worried I might not fit in with people’s expectations any longer. I’m worried that…”

  She felt herself becoming emotional, the reality of her decision to leave Owen hitting her hard. She stopped talking, aware that her voice was becoming high-pitched and slightly hysterical.

  Owen grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Remember that you’re a Rose, you can bloom wherever you’re planted. Never worry about not fitting in or living up to other’s ideals. You’re a beautiful person Fee; you just need to let that softer side of yourself come out more. It is possible to be both vulnerable and strong you know. You don’t always have to try to be a warrior.”

  It was such an odd but beautiful thing to say. Felicity tried to swallow back the sob that was in her throat but she couldn’t fight it. Owen always had the ability to see straight into her soul. She didn’t want to have to be a cold, controlling person; she wanted to be the woman she’d become around him. Fun, easy-going and gentle. He brought out the side of her that she’d thought she’d lost touch with.

  “I’m going to miss you so much, Owen.” Hiccupping through sobs, she buried her head into his chest and felt his arms wrap around her. She waited for his words but they never came. Instead he rubbed her back and kissed her lightly on her forehead.

  “No more tears. Drink your coffee before it goes cold” he instructed with a sad smile.

  Trying to swallow tears with her coffee, Felicity did as she was told, all the time aware that Owen’s arms hadn’t been removed from embracing her. She wondered if it meant that he didn’t want to let her go.

  “I suppose I should go now. If I sit here any longer, it will only make it ten times harder to say goodbye when the time comes.” Breaking away from his embrace she searched in her handbag for a tissue, before blowing her nose and smiling bravely.

  “Nothing is forever, Fee. Just because we are saying goodbye, doesn’t mean we won’t meet again” he said, trying to sound his wise and uplifting self. Instead the words came out strangled.

  “Nice try, Owen” Felicity joked, standing up and zipping up her holdall.

  He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. Standing up, he stood facing her shoving his hands awkwardly into his pockets. For the first time ever, he looked like a lost little boy and his vulnerability shone through.

  “Ok, so on that note I am going to say thank you for the most amazing month spent in Cairns and the time we spent in Brisbane.” Felicity reached out and pulled his hands from his jeans pockets, holding them in her own. “Meeting you has been the best thing I could have asked for. I’m just sad it’s ending so soon. But honestly, Owen, thank you. You’ve made me realise so much.”

  A flash of confusion passed across his face, and Felicity felt his grip tighten in her hands. She leaned forward to hug him and before she knew what was happening, his mouth was on hers. The five weeks spent imagining how it would feel to kiss him bore no comparison to the waves of tender and passionate emotion that were flooding through her. His gentle and delicate way with her made her feel safe and secure. It wasn’t the kiss of a man in lust, it was the kiss of a man that wanted to taste and feel her on a deeper level.

  Drawing away from her, Felicity gently let go of his hands and for a few moments they stood observing each other without words. Owen’s green eyes sparkled before he broke into an enormous smile of delight.

  “You certainly know how to do goodbye’s” he joked, running his hands through his hair.

  Biting down on her lip to stop herself from grinning toothily, Felicity laughed at Owen, taking in his disheveled and awestruck appearance.

  “Well, I guess you should go.
You need time to get through departures and to your gate” he said, bringing her back to the moment with a thud. Felicity looked at him dumbfounded. How could he so casually disregard the kiss? It was clear he felt as shell-shocked as she did about the volume of chemistry they’d just encountered. Why once again was he fighting his emotions? Surely this changed things between them?

  Trying not to show her disappointment, Felicity nodded in agreement and picked up her holdall, unsure what to say or do. She was in love with a man who had kissed her as passionately as a soul mate kisses his better half. Why wasn’t he acknowledging it?

  Owen backed away from her further and picked up his jacket, swinging it over his shoulder. “So I guess I’ll see you when I see you, Felicity Harroway.”

  His offhand words hit her like bricks and the gap between them widened as he continued walking backwards. Looking at him through narrowed eyes and trying not to show her hurt, Felicity attempted a smile. See you when I see you? What kind of a goodbye was that?!

  Breathing in a long breath through her nose, Felicity began walking away from Owen, at each step feeling a desperate urge to run back and jump into his arms. Only when she felt there was a safe distance between them, did she finally turn back and wave.

  Owen was already out of sight.

  Chapter Twenty

  Glenda glanced once again at the computerised arrivals board and restlessly tapped her foot against the tiled airport floor.

  “Come on Felicity, where are you?” she murmured to herself, checking the time on her watch. According to the board, the flight landed over an hour ago. So where was her daughter?

  Spotting an attendant nearby in a fluorescent orange waistcoat, she wondered anxiously whether to ask if there had been a problem with the flight.

  “Mum!”

  Spinning around in the direction of the excited voice, she did a double take as she spotted her daughter weaving her way through the crowd with her suitcase. “Well I never…” Glenda whispered to herself in astonishment. Gone was Felicity’s long blonde flowing locks and in their place was a shorter, messier, layered style. Teamed with her sun kissed skin and minimal makeup, she looked like a glowing beauty without a care in the world.

  Glenda rushed to her assistance, feeling overwhelmed at seeing her daughter’s new appearance.

  “Oh Darling, I’m so happy you’re home” she threw her arms around Felicity, kissing her on the cheek. Expecting her daughter to brush her off quickly, she was surprised when Fee hugged her back with the same enthusiasm and warmth. Standing back from each other, they eagerly surveyed one another from head to foot.

  “Mum, you look so different! You look really well – so much younger. Since when did you start doing your make-up like that? And your hair?!” Laughing, Felicity reached out and flicked Glenda’s honey highlighted layers.

  Glenda slapped her hand away playfully. “You can talk - you’re like a different person. I did a double glance when you called out to me. You look so beautiful, darling. Honestly, I haven’t seen you looking this relaxed and rested in a long time.” Glenda noticed a flash of sadness pass across her daughter’s face. “Come on, let’s get you home. You must be shattered.”

  Linking arms with her mum, Felicity felt relieved to be back on UK soil. She was home. All of the hurt and confusion of the last twenty hours had ebbed away as the jet lag had began to seep in and her body screamed out for sleep.

  “I can’t wait to get home. I need sleep.”

  Glenda rubbed her daughter’s arm. “You can sleep in the car, love, while I drive us back. Speaking of which, that GPS of yours came in so handy, I would never have made it here otherwise. Bundle of nerves, I was, on that motorway.”

  Felicity laughed tiredly. Despite her mum’s new appearance and a thousand questions that she wanted to ask, she was pleased that some things hadn’t changed. She needed her mother’s down-to-earth advice, now more than ever.

  “I also got you the special buffalo mozzarella that you like. Oh, and the bread with the pumpkin seeds, I picked you one of those up.” Glenda pointed inside the open kitchen cupboard to the neatly stacked goods.

  Felicity took a sip of the fruit smoothie her mother had prepared for her and smiled. She felt refreshed after a few hours of sleep and a shower, the long haul flight already seeming a distant memory.

  “Thanks. You needn’t have gone to all of this trouble. The place looks lovely by the way; I noticed the fresh gerberas in the hallway.”

  Glenda beamed with pride. Felicity hadn’t been back long and yet she’d received more compliments and commendations from her in the space of half a day, than she had in the last few years.

  “Well, you know I like to keep things tip-top.” She sat down at the dining table next to her daughter. “Anyhow, we have lots of catching up to do. I can’t say I wasn’t surprised to hear that you were coming back, love. I thought you were enjoying Cairns?” She reached out and rubbed Felicity’s knee affectionately. “What about your flat-mate Owen? What made you change your mind?”

  Felicity put down her glass and sank her head into her hands, the uncomfortable and confused feelings of the past twenty-four hours returning. “Oh, Mum, it’s such a mess. I don’t even know where to start.”

  Glenda reached out and gently pulled Felicity’s hands away from covering her face. “At the beginning is usually a good place, love.”

  Felicity sighed sadly. How could she even try to put into words the feelings she was experiencing?

  Inhaling slowly to calm her nerves and mind, she began to tell her mother about her trip, from her arrival in Sydney to her kiss with Owen. Neither woman noticed that the hands of the clock were hastily ticking by. Only when Felicity stopped speaking and Glenda sat wide-eyed in shock, did they realise that the evening darkness had arrived.

  Switching on the kitchen halogen lights, Glenda mulled over Fee’s admission. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting in the slightest. Her Fee in love with Owen the volunteer? She couldn’t get her head around it. The woman that had sat next to her for nearly two hours, animatedly telling her about days spent in butterfly sanctuaries and cable carting up to an aboriginal rainforest village, hardly bore any resemblance to the Fee that had left her eight weeks previously.

  “In honesty, love, I don’t know what to say. You’ve changed so much, Felicity. I never in a million years thought you’d return and tell me that you’d fallen in love with someone.” Glenda opened the fridge and took out a pie she’d prepared the previous day, shaking her head in amazement. “Don’t get me wrong, this Owen from what you’ve said, well, he sounds a lovely person. But it doesn’t make sense, love, that he didn’t ask you to stay.” Glenda pursed her lips. What on earth was wrong with the man?

  Felicity watched distractedly as her mother opened the oven door and put the large tray of pie onto the middle shelf. “I know. That’s why I just feel so confused. Honestly, I don’t know what to think. When we kissed it felt so right. It sounds ridiculous, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way when kissing someone. Not even with James.”

  Still wearing an oven glove, Glenda sat back down at the dining table. “The best thing you can do for now is to put him to one side. Whatever’s meant to be, Fee, it won’t pass you by.” She looked at her daughter’s downcast mouth and tried to raise her spirits. “Perhaps he needs to realise his feelings for you. You’ve done the best thing by coming back – it’ll give him a bit of time to consider things. If you’re supposed to be together, he’ll come looking you. You wait and see.”

  Felicity got up and hugged her mother tightly. Being with Owen and getting more in tune with her emotions had made her realise that she didn’t show her mother just how much she appreciated her. Australia had taught her that distance made you value the ones who are special in your life. She knew that Glenda would have a wise opinion on the matter and she deeply hoped she was right about him. Maybe he would come to value her now that she wasn’t there.

  “Goodness, I don’t know whether
to laugh or cry.” Glenda said in jest, breaking away from her daughter’s affectionate cuddle. “I would have sent you to Australia when you were fifteen if I’d known then that you’d come back so different.”

  Felicity giggled and picked up the used glasses, taking them over to the dishwasher. “Enough of me. I want to hear about everything that’s been going on with you. Don’t try and tell me there’s nothing new because I can tell that there is.” She looked toward her mother and noticed a faint blush spreading across her cheeks. “And I’ve noticed you haven’t picked your thumbnail or stuttered once since I’ve been home.”

  Glenda’s heart pounded strongly in her chest and she felt her hands begin to tremble ever so slightly. It was the moment she had been dreading. Turning her back on Fee in an attempt to buy herself more time, she fidgeted nervously with the switches on the oven.

  “Yes, there’s been a few changes with me.” She chose her words carefully, not daring to turn and look at her daughter. “I met someone, you see.”

  “Met someone?” Felicity was instantly at her mother’s side, staring directly at her with a startled expression.

  With no choice but to answer her daughter face on, Glenda took a deep breath trying not to rush her words. “Yes, his name is Bill, he’s a very good man and we are very much in love.”

  She leaned against the oven, feeling the heat travelling up the back of her body but not daring to move as she warily registered Fee’s reaction.

  Putting her hand across her chest in a subconscious movement to calm her beating heart, Felicity wasn’t sure how to respond. Her mother was in love? When had it happened? Why hadn’t she noticed?

  “My word, I don’t know what to say.” Felicity was speechless. Overcome with emotion, she felt suddenly uneasy and drained of energy.

  Moving away from the cooker, Glenda’s mothering instincts took over, steering her daughter back toward the dining table and indicating for her to sit down. “I know it’s come as a shock, love, and believe me you’re not the only one who is surprised by it. I really wasn’t expecting it either.”