Love or Money?

by Carrie Stone

  “Thank you. It was a lovely thought.” She kissed him on the lips.

  “Right girls, dinner will be ready soon. Go and play for a while until I call you. Daisy is watching television – go and give her her present Lexi.”

  The girls didn’t need telling twice, they were off like a shot – running from the room.

  “Did you have a good day, babe?” Steve asked, coming up behind her and putting his arms around her expanded waistline, nuzzling her neck. She giggled. “Yes, it was fine. It turned out ok in the end.” Steve breathed heavily against her ear and she felt him pushing himself up against her.

  “Steve, not now. I have to get the dinner on.”

  He laughed, kissing her on cheek instead. “I can’t help finding you sexy.” He backed away from her and shrugged off his jacket. “How about we get a takeout instead? Saves you cooking.”

  Zara looked at him in surprise. Could they realistically afford a takeout? She pursed her lips. No they couldn’t. “As much as I’d love to say yes, we shouldn’t splash out on things we can’t afford.”

  Steve grinned. As unsure as he was at raising the subject, he couldn’t wait to finally be able to share his news with Zara. He was tired of seeing her constantly worrying about money.

  He’d been nervous the previous day when Catherine had called him into her office. He hadn’t been expecting the praise she’d given him, or the permanent contract with more than generous basic salary, plus commission rate. She’d said he’d caught the eye of both area and team manager as having a natural flair for the role and they were interested in keeping him as an asset. He didn’t need much convincing; he’d signed the contract there and then. Combined with the considerable amount Felicity had loaned to him a few days previously to pay off their debts, he couldn’t help but feel a lot more optimistic about the future.

  “We’re getting a takeout.” Steve said adamantly. “Decide what you’d like and I’ll go and collect it. Anyway there’s something I want to talk to you about after dinner.”

  Zara noticed a twinkle in Steve’s eye and her enquiring mind went into overdrive. What was he up to? Why the presents and the insistence of a takeout? Something was definitely going on.

  “What do you want to talk to me about?” she asked curiously, noting a playful smile on Steve’s lips. Yet she couldn’t help but notice his anxious left foot tapping the floor. If she didn’t know better she’d say he was nervous.

  “It’s something important so I’d prefer to save it for when the girls are in bed.” He looked down at the floor and she felt her excitement fading. Steve wondered anxiously how his wife would react when he told her the truth. He hoped Felicity had been wrong in suggesting Zara thought he had been playing away.

  “I see.” Zara chewed on her lip thoughtfully. Could this be something to do with the trip to Manchester. And Catherine? Her pulse quickened and she was overcome with light headedness.

  Steve instinctively noticed the change and stepped forward, kissing her once again on the lips. “It’s nothing to worry about, babe. I promise you. I would never do anything to hurt you. In fact it’s good news but I’d prefer to tell you the whole story.”

  From the way he looked into her eyes with sincerity and honesty, Zara knew that there was something big that Steve had been keeping from her. It made her heart sink a little.

  “Now, let’s get the takeout ordered. What do you fancy?”

  Zara tried to be enthusiastic as she followed Steve downstairs but she couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling that she’d been left with. What had Steve been up to? What did he mean that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her - surely that meant he had a guilty conscience?

  What could possibly be good news if he hadn’t shared it with her sooner?

  Part of her didn’t want to find out – she had a feeling she wouldn’t like it.

  Felicity re-read the text message she’d typed. She’d already spent far too long debating whether to send it. She saved it to drafts and put her phone aside. It wasn’t so much that she was scared of the rejection - she’d certainly had enough of that in her lifetime to know that she could bounce back. It was the reaching out. If she sent it and he replied, she would always wonder why. Did he do so because he truly wanted to? Or simply out of politeness? That wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to feel special, to have made such an impact on his life that he couldn’t live without her – to know that she’d occupied his mind enough to drive him to distraction – just as he did hers. If Owen really wanted her, wouldn’t he be the one to make contact? Wouldn’t he be feeling the way she was?

  She picked up her phone again and deleted the drafted text, annoyed at herself for allowing him to take up so much of her evening.

  If it hadn’t been for Sylvia’s unexpected visit and the subsequent drama that followed, she was certain she’d have been happy enough working on her new business plan. Just like she’d intended. Still, at least she’d made peace with her mother. She hadn’t realised how much she’d missed her until she’d watched her fussing over Sylvia – trying to make her situation seem tolerable. Seeing how excited she was at the prospect of spending the rest of the day house-hunting in Cambridgeshire, Felicity had softened toward the idea of her mother moving. If it was going to make her happy, then all she could do was support her.

  The shock of Sylvia’s news had been quite a wake-up call; she had spent the afternoon thinking more about her life and what she really wanted from it. It had reminded her that things could change so suddenly and turmoil could come at any time. She felt grateful for her blessings, something that she’d always taken for granted before.

  It was also enlightening to find she no longer understood her own reasons for previously being embarrassed about falling for Dan. She wasn’t deterred anymore at the notion of being involved with someone that didn’t hold an influential position. Owen had proved to her that the simple things could make a relationship; the respect, the love, the compromise and the support. Not the money or the power. She’d been so blinded to think otherwise.

  She thought back to Sylvia and hoped that Phillip would make the right choice and stand by her; it had been surprising to see that her friend was genuinely in love with him. The way she spoke about him was far removed from the conversation they’d had before she’d left for Australia. The baby seemed to have brought out the best side of their relationship and given it the foundation it had clearly needed. However, she wasn’t so sure that Sylvia was strong enough to deal with the current situation alone. As far as she could recall, Sylvia’s life had been quite privileged. She had never faced true challenge. Felicity wondered how she’d fair with this one.

  Her house phone rang and she got up from the sofa, noticing that once again she’d been sitting in relative darkness except for the muted television. She glanced at the clock, struck that it was already close to nine in the evening. She switched on a table lamp and picked up the handset.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me. Steve’s told me everything.”

  Felicity’s breath caught in her throat as Zara’s icy words hit her.

  “I don’t appreciate that you followed him without me knowing and I certainly don’t appreciate that you kept your suspicions from me.”

  Felicity was lost for words. She had never heard her friend speak so coolly towards her.

  “Zara, I’m sorry. I was only thinking of you. I didn’t want to risk you being upset in your condition.”

  “It wasn’t your place, Fee. It’s my relationship. Mine. If I wanted your help I would have asked for it.”

  “But I only did what I thought was..”

  “You interfered. That’s what you did. And quite frankly, I think that’s rather rich coming from somebody who hasn’t the foggiest idea what a real relationship even is. You’re so scared of allowing anyone to come close that you’ll be the forever alone. You push away every man you meet. You’d be better placed to worry about your own lack of relationship - instead of mine.”

&
nbsp; Felicity felt like she’d been slapped in the face as the bitter words struck a nerve, making her feel instantly inadequate and exposed. She felt a wave of melancholy wash over her.

  “I’m sorry you feel that way, Zara” she said quietly, struggling to keep the pain from her voice.

  Zara immediately regretted her outburst, quickly trying to lessen her harsh retort. “I didn’t mean it like that, Fee. I meant that...”

  Felicity cut her off. She had heard enough to know that her friend had spoken her true feelings in a moment of anger. “It’s ok. You don’t need to backtrack or explain. You’re right. I should never have interfered and I won’t be doing so again. You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. Nothing further needs to be said.”

  As much as it crushed her to do so, Felicity gently hung up the call before Zara could respond.

  Moments later in their respective homes, both women burst into tears - wounded by the other’s actions and each wondering the same thing. Was there any way back from crossing a boundary so sensitive? Both were filled with regret.

  Unfortunately, neither woman knew what to do to make things right again.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Zara carefully packed the last of her emergency supplies in her holdall and zipped it up. The house was in stillness, except for her husband’s gentle snoring from the bed. Another wave of pain swept through her and she clenched her teeth tightly, fearing making a noise and waking the sleeping girls. She’d already phoned Glenda who hadn’t hesitated at Zara’s request to come over and watch the children, despite the early hour of the morning. The contraction finally passed and she prodded Steve urgently.

  “Steve, wake up. The baby’s coming.” She couldn’t quite believe that with three weeks still left of the pregnancy she was going into labour. None of the girls had made such an early appearance and even though it was her fourth pregnancy, she couldn’t help but be concerned. She briefly wondered if it could be partly attributed to the commotion of the previous night, but she pushed the thought away. The contractions were fast becoming more frequent and she suddenly regretted not waking Steve sooner.

  “What?” Steve opened his eyes slowly and tiredly, trying to focus in the dimly lit room on Zara, standing fully dressed and prepped beside him.

  “The baby” she replied with annoyance as he yawned for a second time. In all the other pregnancies he’d been more of a hindrance than help during her labour, faffing around panicked and unsure what to do. This time she’d thought that by leaving it until the last moment to wake him, it would keep the situation more controlled. She wasn’t sure now that had been such a good idea.

  The realization hit Steve like a lorry as he jumped out of the bed naked and searched hurriedly for his jeans. “Why didn’t you wake me sooner? How far apart are the contractions? What about the kids? We need to get Glenda.”

  Zara bent forward and gripped the bed stand as another contraction took hold and she wished Steve would stop his incessant questions. “It’s done” she managed to say through gritted teeth as she took deep breaths to help her cope with the tide of pain beginning to peak inside her.

  Steve tied his trainers and grabbed his jacket from the wardrobe, glancing thankfully at the zipped holdall by the door and noticing his wife’s obvious discomfort. He watched as she seemed to relax again and he knew enough to know they didn’t have long before the baby would be arriving. He was more than relieved that the hospital was less than a ten minute journey.

  A set of headlights illuminated the bedroom and he rushed to the window glancing down at the taxi which Glenda was stepping out of.

  “Glenda’s here already. Let’s get going.” He picked up the holdall and took his wife’s arm.

  “Get off, it’s fine” Zara said irritated. “I can walk. I have got legs.”

  Steve didn’t dare to argue, he had learned throughout his girls arrivals not to rile his wife more than necessary. Besides, she was bound to be telling him she hated him soon, when the contractions got worse. He’d heard it all before.

  They made their way quietly down the stairs and got to the street door just as Glenda tapped on the glass pane. Steve opened the door wasting no time on pleasantries.

  “We’ve got to rush. She doesn’t look like she’s got long.”

  Glenda took one look at Zara’s ashen face and ushered both of them to the car. “Don’t worry about the kids, I’ll take care of everything. Just look after her and let me know when the baby’s here” she replied, noticing that Zara was bracing herself for another contraction.

  “Thanks Glenda.” Steve handed her the house keys and helped Zara into the car. He couldn’t believe that he was moments away from meeting his son.

  Felicity scrambled tiredly from her bed, her heart racing as she reached for her house phone, its weak blue display light flashing at her from the darkness. She glanced at the time as she held the receiver to her ear. Three forty seven am. She felt instantly alarmed.

  “Hello?”

  “Fee, it’s me. Sorry to wake you, love, but I thought you’d want to know. Zara’s gone into labour. I’m at hers now. She told me to tell you.”

  She gripped the phone tighter. “Already? But she has another few weeks yet? Is she ok?”

  Glenda sensed her daughter’s concern and calmly soothed her. “No, she’s fine love. It’s natural to go a bit early when it’s not your first. She’ll be fine, I’ve no doubt about that.”

  Felicity let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, I hope so.” Her mother’s words suddenly dawned on her. “You said Zara told you to tell me?”

  “Yes, well she called me in a rush apologising for waking me and asking me to come quickly because the labour had started. You know me; I was up like a shot. Anyway, before she rang off she asked me to let you know. She looked ever so pale by the time I arrived. I shouldn’t think this labour will be a long one.”

  “Well let’s hope not. I remember how hard she had it with Daisy’s birth.” Felicity replied, suppressing a yawn as she spoke and grimly remembering the trauma of the delivery she’d been a part of.

  “Anyway, there’s not much we can do. But I wanted to let you know as no doubt you’ll want to go to the hospital first thing in the morning. Best to go back to sleep now and I’ll speak to you properly tomorrow.”

  Felicity hung up the phone, unsure of her mixed emotions. She’d barely been asleep for a few hours after tossing and turning and her head was already pounding again with a migraine.

  She’d tormented herself after the earlier phone conversation with Zara - replaying it over and over in her mind, each time feeling more and more uncertain of their friendship. She couldn’t imagine her life without Zara in it. She hated being on non-speaking terms with her friend. Yet she’d been at a loss as to how to make things right.

  But now – the baby was coming early. She felt overwhelmed with guilt. Could it be her fault? Had the stress of their falling out affected Zara so much that it’d prompted the onset of the labour?

  She climbed back into bed, wrapping the duvet around her and feeling thankful for the silence and darkness. If Zara hadn’t wanted her to be involved in her life again, then she wouldn’t have told Glenda to let her know. She was relieved that their friendship wasn’t broken. She wanted to be there for her friend and couldn’t wait to see the new arrival. However, she couldn’t shake off Zara’s words. They had been right. It was time to concentrate more on her own life. Her own needs.

  It didn’t take long before she drifted off to sleep for a second time. Her final thought before she succumbed to the suspension of consciousness, was of Owen’s smiling eyes.

  Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Car and bike horns beeped all around him and he moved out of the road, ignoring the tirade of Thai abuse shouted in his direction. The first splattering of rain fell heavily from above him. Cursing, he tried to take cover nearby, sheltering his mobile.

  “Listen mate, thanks for letting me know. I’ll call you again later. Got to go as it’s abo
ut to piss down here.”

  He flipped his mobile shut and put it in his pocket, his mouth watering at the smell of a nearby street vendor. He glanced towards the wheeled cart, Andy’s news momentarily forgotten as he eyed the freshly cooked Pad Thai and Pork Satay.

  “That two-faced bitch” he said aloud, suddenly realizing the connection to the money. It all made sense now. The texts. The voicemails. The emails.

  Sylvia’s messages had been the final straw. Her crazy ramblings were enough to drive any man insane. Now he understood. He couldn’t help but feel grateful that Andy had warned him of the situation.

  He had definitely made the right decision to come to Thailand. Although it wasn’t quite the easy transition he’d assumed it would be, he felt grateful to be out of the public eye. How would he have coped seeing his face splashed across the papers? Luckily he didn’t need to find out. He hadn’t even seen an English newspaper since his arrival. His old life was well and truly left behind.

  Walking towards his rented beach cabin, he thought of his newly acquired bar and the array of Thai women that were falling over themselves to get his attention each night. He certainly hadn’t pulled the short straw.

  Sylvia on the other hand, he thought – feeling a little guilty and responsible – well she definitely had, if Andy’s story was anything to go by.

  Feeling disgruntled and put out, he decided that the only way forward was to forget the entire fiasco. It wasn’t worth brooding over. Besides, the most satisfying part was to know that regardless of everything – he’d been the one to benefit the most.

  He turned a corner, coming face to face with a life-size Bhudda statue and almost walking directly into it.

  Irritated, he crossed the road. Why all the Buddhist references everywhere he looked? For a moment his mind was filled with thoughts of Karma. What was it they said - what goes around comes around?