At First Touch

by Dunman, Mattie

  That is not to say nothing happened; V.J., Carey, Jared, Mark, and I spent an increasing amount of time together, at lunch, between classes, after school. I became less reserved in their company, even finding without meaning to I could make them laugh. Aside from nasty but impotent remarks from Chasisity and her crew and vicious looks from Preston, I was easily accepted into the day to day world of Shank High, no longer a novelty or oddity. People stopped asking me about my wardrobe and began interacting with me like I was normal.

  I even allowed myself to excel in my classes, earning respect from the overworked teachers. Dad had developed a tentative camaraderie with several of his co-workers and had a standing invitation to Monday night football games. Apart from a single phone call from Agent Thrasher stating that the information I provided was useful and he would contact me if he needed anything further, we heard nothing more about Fitz or my involvement. We settled into a state of uneasy contentment, and I started going whole days without looking over my shoulder.

  Carey and I still hadn’t gotten to have our date; Dad was leery of sending me out alone with him. I think he thought that I would spill the beans if I had too much time alone with my ever-present hero. That, or maybe he was just being a cautious father. At any rate, most of our interaction was at school or when we went out as a group to see a movie or grab milkshakes at Mickey’s. He called me, too, nearly every night to talk for half an hour. I avoided looking into his file, for lack of a better term, in my head so that I could hear what he wanted to tell me from his own lips, not from my little quirk.

  It was the Thursday three weeks after my arrival in Pound that things started to change.

  I had noticed throughout classes that morning that there had been an increase in the giggling among the girls and knowing snickers from the guys. I had attributed it to some new rumor circulating, or maybe an announcement for a dance that I had somehow missed. It wasn’t anything that particularly concerned me, so I didn’t make any real effort to discover the source and headed into gym blissfully unaware, simply looking forward to another period spent with Carey.

  It was in the locker room that I overheard what must be the cause of all the whispers and laughing behind hands.

  “And then apparently he just…couldn’t! And poor Jessie tried everything, and I mean everything, but it just wouldn’t work. And she asked him if it had ever happened before and he said no, but I heard from Sarah that he had done the same thing with her!” Chasisity’s grating voice rose above the clatter of lockers slamming shut to announce her juicy tidbit.

  A gaggle of half-dressed girls stood around her exclaiming that they had heard something similar, laughing with scandalized looks on their faces. I could guess what they were referring to, but wondered how it had gotten out. When I had threatened Preston weeks before with the publicizing of his inability to perform with Jessie Cramer, a popular cheerleader, I had really been bluffing. I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to spread a rumor properly, nor would I want to. The whole thing just seemed sordid to me.

  But someone else must have found out, possibly from Jessie herself, and now Preston’s big secret was out. I shrugged and closed my locker. I just hoped he didn’t think I was the one to tell on him.

  Carey was waiting for me on the bleachers, a concerned expression darkening his striking face. When I sat down next to him with a cheerful greeting, he turned suspicious eyes on me. I raised my eyebrows at him, wondering why he was looking at me so accusingly.

  “Liz, I’m surprised at you. I thought you were done with Preston; I don’t understand why you would do this now. Has he said something else to you?” Carey seemed almost sad and I took a peek at his thoughts for a moment, furious when I realized what he suspected.

  “I’m surprised at you, Carey. I thought you knew me better,” I retorted, hurt and angry.

  I halfway expected Preston to confront me about his little secret getting out, but for Carey to think that I would maliciously spread gossip about someone just because I didn’t like him cut me to the quick. I had to remind myself that while I had a perfectly clear picture of his character; he only had what I showed him to go on. Still, I didn’t think that I had proven myself to be cruel or spiteful, and his censure stung.

  He looked at me doubtfully. “So, you didn’t tell Chasisity about Preston’s, uh, problem? I mean, that is what you threatened him with at the party, isn’t it?”

  Maddeningly, tears stung my eyes and I had to look away, unwilling to let Carey see how much he had hurt me.

  “No. I didn’t,” I growled, getting swiftly to my feet.

  “Wait, Liz; I’m sorry, ok? It’s just, I mean that is what you said before…I just thought…” he left off, lifting his hands helplessly.

  “You just thought that I was petty and vindictive, and incapable of dealing with Preston like an adult. Yeah, I guess after all I’ve been through, my first instinct is to hurt someone else for no good reason. You read me like a book,” I said, my voice back to its old, familiar coldness, the shell of mistrust and detachment settling on me like a well-worn coat.

  Carey stuttered and started to get up, but I just walked away, finding an empty space on the bleachers to wait for class to start. I was surprised at how deeply hurt I was by Carey’s assumption. It had been so long since I cared what anyone thought of me beyond whether they suspected who I really was that the strength of my reaction shocked me.

  Then again, maybe the problem was that I had always cared what people thought, but was just used to being the weird girl, the one no one wanted to be friends with, the one everyone laughed at, who sat at home with her father every weekend, living in a bookcase, safely tucked away from the outside world. The taste I had of something different these past weeks had weakened my tough skin and thinned the outer shell that protected me.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carey get up and move towards me, a stricken look on his face, but I just scooted over and sat next to Quade, who chirped happily at my company. Paying him only the bare minimum of attention, I saw Carey halt, stand indecisively and then take his seat as Coach Dawson started class. We were still on volleyball, having class tournaments, and my group was playing. After a forty-five minute game which we narrowly lost, the coach dismissed the class and I darted off to the locker rooms before Carey could catch up with me. As I entered the short hallway to the girls’ locker room, I stopped short in dismay, seeing Preston hunched against the wall, a livid expression on his face. Sighing, I approached him warily, half afraid he was going to jump me.

  “You bitch! I left you alone. Why did you have to go spreading lies about me? It’s not even true, you know.” Preston got right up in my face, ignoring the growing crowd of onlookers on their way to change. I didn’t need to read his mind to know what he was going to do. “Just because I wouldn’t touch your skanky ass,” he spat venomously.

  “Preston, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said evenly. “I didn’t tell anyone anything about you. There’s no need to be disgusting.” His face only got redder and he walked me straight up to the wall. I clenched my fist automatically, but reminded myself that the satisfaction of punching Preston would be insignificant compared to the trouble I could bring down on myself, so I remained calm and detached, giving nothing away.

  “Preston, back off. She hasn’t done anything to you.” I heard Carey’s voice and felt tears burn my eyes again. Appalled at the idea of crying in front of this bloodthirsty crowd I simply used the moment to slip away, ducking into the locker room with significant relief.

  There was a moment of silence and then the room was crowded with girls, all casting curious looks my way; I changed swiftly and hurried out into the hallway before Chasisity or anyone else could give me grief. Carey wasn’t anywhere to be seen so I headed off to my next class, fuming inside at whoever spread the story about Preston, knowing the situation would only worsen and make school unbearable again, just when I was beginning to feel comfortable.

  V.J. was sitt
ing in her usual chair when I entered and she shot me a sympathetic look. I sat down next to her, blowing all my breath out in a huff.

  “Before you ask, no it wasn’t me that told about Preston. Like I care.”

  V.J.’s face stretched in surprise and she shook her head. “I never thought it was you! You’re not the type to be so mean,” she said simply. I felt a lessening of the pressure that had built tight inside my gut. At least V.J. didn’t think I was so nasty.

  “Thanks. Does everyone think I started it?” I asked, curious. I hadn’t thought that my feud with Preston was so widely known.

  V.J. grimaced. “Well, yeah. It’s mainly Preston’s fault. Apparently someone posted the, ah, information on his Face Book page and forwarded the link before he was able to take it down. Then he stormed in here today accusing you of making it up to get back at him for…uh, well,” she blushed, looking uncomfortable. I gestured for her to continue before class started. “Well, he said that you wanted to have sex with him and he turned you down.”

  I had thought something of the sort; after all, Preston’s ego was a fragile thing. I wasn’t really even that mad at him, not having expected much more from someone with his imagination. I rolled my eyes, earning a smile from V.J.

  “Anyway, so he’s been telling everyone that, but no one believes it,” she hastened to reassure me. “Everyone knows you‘ve been seeing Carey and there’s no way you’d want Preston when you had him.” She grinned at me and I managed a weak smile; I didn’t know whether I could count on Carey as an excuse much longer.

  “But they do think that I’m the one who started it,” I reiterated. She shrugged and gave me a helpless look.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think anyone does. Apparently Jessie confirmed it this morning though, so he’s really pissed off.”

  “Yeah. I noticed,” I whispered, leaning back in my seat as the bell rang and class began. I spent most of the period trying to explore the ramifications of the whole mess and eventually decided it wasn’t important. Preston would go around for a few days spewing insults about me while everyone else laughed at him, but eventually people would forget. I agreed with V.J. I doubted anyone believed Preston’s version, especially if Jessie had weighed in against him. The only lasting damage I could perceive was to my relationship with Carey. I simply couldn’t believe that he had jumped to the worst conclusion about me so quickly. I found it hard to forgive.

  V.J. and I left for lunch together, as usual. As we drew closer to the cafeteria I could see Carey waiting anxiously, remorse written all over his face. I balked and turned to V.J., my lips pulled tight in anger.

  “I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll go see the nurse,” I said, moving away before Carey could see me. V.J. eyed me with understanding.

  “Go ahead. I’ll call you later.” I nodded and turned away, not wanting to have it out with Carey in front of the rest of the school; Enough attention had been focused on me for one day. I made my way through the halls looking for the darkroom where I had slept off my headache the first day of school. I was nearly to the end of the hall that led to it when a stentorian voice called for me to wait. I paused and turned around, surprised to see Nurse Nora hot on my heels. I suppressed a groan and waited obediently, hoping that whatever she wanted wouldn’t take long.

  “Well, well, the elusive Miss Hannigan. C’mon.” She kept on walking past me, her flowing skirt trailing behind her, long hair caught up in a tightly woven bun at the nape of her neck. I hesitated for a minute, wondering if I could just duck down the other hall and miss her when she called out again for me to follow. I sighed heavily and obeyed.

  She stopped at the door of her office and waved me in. Puzzled, I went in, hovering awkwardly in the center of the cheery blue room. She closed the door behind her and took a seat at her desk in a white wingback chair that seemed ridiculously out of place in a school nurse’s office.

  “Sit down, honey. There’s a chair,” she said, picking up a coffee mug still steaming comfortingly. I looked around and saw a rolling armchair off to the side; I dragged it over and perched on it, hoping I would soon be permitted to get up. Nurse Nora ignored me for a moment, apparently savoring her coffee, and then put the mug down, fixing me with an intelligent gaze.

  “How’s your head?” she asked. I cocked an eyebrow questioningly and then shook my head.

  “Oh, I nearly forgot. It’s fine, it’s been fine. The bruise only lasted a few days,” I replied, my voice slightly tense. She gave me a toothy grin and gestured for me to relax. I kept my straight-backed vigil.

  “Well, that’s good, that’s good. How are you getting along here? I meant to catch up with you sooner, but I’ve been distracted.” I shifted my eyes back and forth, completely befuddled. What did the woman want?

  “Nurse Nora, did you want to see me for something in particular?” I asked politely but with an edge. Her clear gaze and strange appearance made me feel uneasy.

  She raised an eyebrow and gave me a knowing smile. “My goodness, you’re good at putting a wall up. No, nothing in particular. I just thought you might need someone to talk to. I’m an excellent listener, and I give the best advice,” she said, laughter evident in her voice.

  I watched her for a moment, trying to figure out what she was after. Finally I admitted defeat and replied, getting to my feet. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. Was there anything else?” I shifted on the balls of my feet, eager to get away from her insistent stare. She frowned slightly and leaned back in her chair.

  “You don’t let anyone near, do you? Someone has hurt you terribly. I’m sorry for that,” she said quietly, her voice eerily soothing. I straightened and trained a cold look on her.

  “Thank you for your concern, but I don’t need anything from you. Are we done here?”

  “Yes, we’re done. But you can come to me when you need to. And you will, my dear. You will.” She shifted in her chair and picked up her coffee in a desultory manner. “And don’t worry. I know how to look after Carey,” she said enigmatically. I stood there another moment, totally thrown off by the weird conversation with this pushy and yet intuitive woman.

  “Thank you,” I said curtly and sped to the door, slipping out into the hallway, more than a little unnerved. I checked my watch and saw that I still had twenty minutes to the end of lunch; without any further vacillation, I sped off to the darkroom and found it locked. I reached into my backpack for a special pin I keep with me at all times and, looking around to make sure I was alone, jimmied the lock, slid inside to the welcoming darkness, and re-locked the door behind me. I smiled to myself, thinking that every now and then, being me had its rewards. I had learned the lock-picking trick from a street tough in New York; it had come in handy many times.

  Feeling my way in the pitch darkness, I eventually found the switch for the red light and flipped it on. Sighing, I pulled out a chair and sank into it gratefully, overjoyed to have solitude for the first time that day. My mind was still puzzling over Nurse Nora and her last, tantalizing comment about Carey. With a shrug, I closed my eyes and looked for any memories of the eccentric nurse buried in Carey’s corner of my mind.

  What I found surprised me. Carey had first met Nurse Nora three months into his freshman year. He had little need for medical care up until that point; thanks to his abilities, he was difficult to injure and was almost wholly resistant to common diseases. This was a good thing, because the older he got, the more difficult it would have been to treat him. It seemed that while Carey could be injured like anyone else, cut or bones broken, it required incredible force to cause the injury.

  Over time, Carey’s skin had become a little like Kevlar, nearly impossible to penetrate except at close range and with significant strength. This was one of the reasons his parents had uprooted their family from their native Massachusetts and relocated to a small, insignificant town in rural West Virginia.

  Before the start of sixth grade at his private boarding school, Carey had been sent to the doctor
for a physical and a round of immunizations. The doctors found that while he was extremely healthy and slightly further along in development than other boys his age, their needles were nearly unable to penetrate that seemingly fragile envelope that encased his veins. After a battery of tests, most of which were inconclusive, the doctors determined that Carey had too much calcium in his system and explained away the oddities of their findings. It was after this little brush with science that Carey’s family made the decision to get him away from prying eyes and installed him at Pound Middle School. Since that time, he had only had one injury; when he met Nurse Nora.

  It had been the Monday after the party at the barn where he discovered Preston taking advantage of a classmate. He and Preston had it out again while in shop class and Carey took his frustrations out on the carved wooden table he was building. While to everyone else in the class it had appeared that the poorly constructed table had simply cracked down the middle and collapsed, in reality Carey had punched his hand through it and lodged a large splinter in the fleshy part between his thumb and index finger. Unfortunately, due to the makeup of his skin, the splinter was trapped, rather grotesquely sticking out, but resistant to removal.

  Afraid to let anyone see, Carey had excused himself and wandered the halls, desperately pulling at the splinter without result. Finally, Nurse Nora had spotted him cradling his hand and yanked him into her office before he could protest. The ensuing conversation had revealed that the nurse was aware that there was something different about Carey; she quite methodically went about removing the splinter using pliers and then treated the gaping wound with antiseptic. It was healed within the day.

  They had had a long conversation, during which Nurse Nora revealed she had her own peculiar talent; she was able to “read” people, notice if they were different and where those differences lay. From that point on, she and Carey had a relaxed relationship. While he never again needed treatment from her, he would go and sit with her sometimes when things became too much for him, knowing that she would understand.