Man of Honor, A

by Tina Leonard

  "Thank you." His palm was rough as he stroked her cheek, and she liked the contrast between them. She took his hand from her cheek to look at it before meeting his gaze.

  "Your hands are chapped."

  "Not much I can do about it in the winter. This is about as bad as it gets, though."

  She smiled into his eyes. "It doesn't feel bad to me."

  Lightly, she rubbed her fingers over the calluses on the ridge of his palm. Grooves lined his palm, evidence of hard work.

  "Yours is much softer. I like the way you feel, Tessa. And the way you look."

  Slowly, she released his hand, the tension burning too hot between them.

  "I don't know if it makes Mama's words true or not, but I find myself liking you, too."

  He digested her words.

  "I wouldn't worry too much about what Hester thinks, unless you feel you have to. I've never understood why she doesn't see you as you are, a daughter any mother would be proud of."

  "Pregnant and unmarried?"

  Shrugging, he said, "Tessa, even if Hunt had married you, her opinion wouldn't have changed. About anything. She just wants to be a hag where you're concerned. I keep looking for the good in her that she might be concealing, but it eludes me."

  "With the exception of dating Hunt, I've tried very hard to be a good daughter."

  "You're a fine daughter. Nan doesn't have any problem with you, and she's right down the hall watching TV, for crying out loud. If anybody would be shriveling up by coming in contact with you, it would be Nan. She's given you a job, tried to give you tips on cooking, cut your hair. All the things a mother might do. And she seems damn willing to do it. "

  "About the cooking tips..."

  His fingers returned to lightly slide along her cheek.

  "Tessa, you're beautiful. You're smart, an honor graduate of your high school class. You would have done well in college had your mom not needed you in the shop. You've done your duty by your mother, but you have none to do by me. I just like you, God help me. As much as I've tried not to, I do."

  He made her feel so good; womanly feelings she never knew she longed for blossomed under his acceptance.

  "I have nothing to offer you."

  "I have everything I need, Tessa. In the material sense."

  In spite of the wonder of his words, she still held back. "I feel guilty feeling the way I do because of Hunt. "

  His fingers gently lowered to skim her neck.

  "I know exactly what you mean. I would never do anything to hurt my brother."

  "Maybe we should quit while we're ahead. Before things get too out of hand." Her tone conveyed her reluctance to back away from what was growing between them, but also hesitation. "I know he's never coming back. I know he wouldn't settle down even if

  he did. And I know what was between us is over. Still..."

  "Still he stands between us. I know. It's a chasm I haven't quite been able to cross. Taking some time to think things through might be a good idea, if that's what you want. "

  It wasn't what she wanted. But going slow at this point made sense. She'd known she was starting to fall for Cord. But she was pregnant, which left the future uncertain. A man had turned up dead in the woods, which might make her reach for the security Cord offered. Hunt was gone for good. Her mother had let her disapproval be clearly known.

  "Let's take some time," she said slowly. "I want to know that whatever is between us isn't born of my fear."

  He stroked her collarbone, the sensation mesmerizing.

  "You have a lot to think about, but I know you're not really afraid of anything, Tessa. You're stronger than you realize."

  "Sometimes I feel strong and sometimes I feel like I'm right on the edge of being lost."

  "Me, too. That has to do with Hunt. Both of us love him and want him to be safe and happy. John's being murdered makes me worry that the same thing could happen to my brother." He shook his head. "I don't think we'll ever know. And that's the hard part that makes me

  feel helpless. I'll never know if he's all right or if he's lying facedown in a jungle somewhere because they finally got to him." His breath was ragged as he drew it in.

  "But he's doing what he believes in, and I've got to accept what he accepts. Because I love him."

  "It's so harrowing. And difficult."

  "I know. Even I didn't want to face the fact that the stakes could be this high." He snorted, his hand moving from her collarbone along her shoulder.

  "You wouldn't be the woman I thought you were if you still didn't care for Hunt, Tessa. I don't feel like you're moving on to me because you can't have him. I feel like something's happening between us even though I don't exactly know what it is."

  "I don't, either." She moved away from him because his touch was bringing her dangerously close to feeling an excitement she wasn't sure she was ready to feel. Sexual attraction built in her, almost washing her common sense away in the sudden uncontrollable wave of desire.

  "Maybe when this is all over, we'll both feel different. When the murderer is found, and I can go home, and we have a little time apart..."

  He stood behind her, gently cupping her shoulders in his hands. She could feel his heat behind her and she wanted him - wanted him so much. But was it him? Her mother had said she threw herself at Hunt. Cord had said - in anger, of course, bitter words he'd apologized for – that she'd really loved the thrill of Hunt's life. Would she know true love after growing up with Hester? Would she recognize emotion that could last a lifetime?

  "You're right," he said. "There's no point in moving too fast. Because if there is anything

  here worth having, it will still be here when you're ready for it."

  Tears filled her eyes unexpectedly. She turned into him, seeking his embrace.

  "I wish I had the courage that you think I have. But for the first time in my life, I'm afraid.

  It seems like I'm afraid of everything. The woods, dark rooms, guns, sometimes even stupid things I'm too embarrassed to tell you about."

  He rubbed her back, pressing her tightly to him. She let her hands discover the broadness of his back through his denim shirt and the narrowness of his waist. She was desperately afraid of falling in love one more time out of need. The truth was, she wanted her feelings to be real for Cord. She thought they were because they felt stronger than anything she'd ever known.

  But it was so sudden after Hunt, her nerves raw from the months not knowing about him. She didn't want to be an emotionally scarred woman. With Hunt, she had known fun.

  This time, she wanted a lasting commitment.

  Cord kissed her forehead, but it was the kiss of comfort one might give a grieving soul. "I heard once that women suffer fears during pregnancy because of their protective feelings for the baby. Natural instinct."

  "I'm suffering from natural instinct?" Tessa wanted to laugh because it sounded so absurd on the surface, and yet so true to her feelings.

  "Maybe. Have you seen a doctor to discuss any of these feelings?"

  "I had prenatal care in Dallas, but I wasn't suffering from anything unusual at that time, so no. I haven't talked to a physician about my fears. And I'm due soon, so maybe the worries will go away then."

  "How soon?"

  "If the doctor in Dallas was correct in estimating how far along the pregnancy was, I should be between seven and eight months now."

  He reached to encircle her stomach with his hands, feeling the roundness with wonder.

  "I guess I didn't think you were that far along."

  "My height hides a lot of sins."

  "This is not a sin," he said sternly. "This is my niece or nephew, who is getting an examination from the local doctor tomorrow. Someone I can trust to put your fears at

  ease."

  "Cord"

  "No." He held up a hand to ward off her protest. "You are going into town tomorrow to see Doc McPherson, and that's the end of it."

  Tessa hesitated.

  "I really didn't want to
have Doc McPherson see me. Mostly, I don't want to have my baby delivered in Crookseye."

  "You're worried about gossip?"

  "Frankly, yes."

  "I'm more worried about your health and the baby's. Tomorrow, you'll ease both of our concerns by seeing the good doc. "

  Against her will, she smiled.

  "You're determined when you make up your mind."

  "I am very determined." He turned away, going to the phone beside the bed and pulling a phone book out from the nightstand.

  "Make an appointment and have Nan go with you. I'd be happy to do it, but I think you'd feel better discussing things with a woman. "

  "You're not worried about us leaving the ranch?"

  "You should be fine for an hour in town. You and Nan will be together, and Doc's office is right on the main street."

  While she enjoyed the security of living in Cord's house, she wasn't sure how long she could exist between four walls without going crazy.

  "I hope they find the colonel's killer soon."

  "I do, too." Cord's face turned grim. "I want him punished and I want us to go back to living normal lives. I don't like being used as bait to force my brother out of hiding."

  His eyes narrowed, and suddenly, Tessa saw herself looking into the same thing she had seen many times in Hunt's eyes. Danger. Cold resolve.

  Chills ran over her skin, and she backed away a step from him. Had she been blind to the same thing in Cord that she'd thrilled to in Hunt?

  Had she mistaken Cord's kind, patient ways for lack of dangerous depth? Safety - had she been reaching for safety to cover her own fears?

  They were brothers. Though they were outwardly very different, at some deeper level they were bound to share some inner convictions. Just because Cord had chosen to remain on the family ranch didn't mean he was any less of a warrior than Hunt. She had mistakenly seen only his peaceful tendencies - and the fury in his eyes was clear evidence of her error.

  Cord would avenge his brother if he got the chance. She knew it as surely as she knew her baby would arrive sooner than later. Someone was on the loose with a grudge against Hunt, someone who had targeted her for use in his capture. Cord intended to make certain that didn't happen and he would seize the opportunity to end this threat to Hunt.

  Cord could be killed.

  Her heart curled up cold and tight inside her, laced with fear of theunknown. He was her last buffer between looming danger - and if he got in the way of an assassin's bullet or the strange death blow used on the colonel, she would be alone in the world.

  She hated the thought of being alone - but she despised the fact she'd thought it even more. Until she knew for certain that her feelings for Cord were real and true, and not a buoy for her emotions, there could be nothing between them.

  Tessa left the room, sharply aware of her growing attraction to this man - and how much more it would hurt if she made the same mistake twice.

  Cord felt Tessa's emotional withdrawal from him the instant she recoiled. He recognized that the intimate moment between them had elapsed as if it had never been.

  It had been, and it was strong. There was an attraction, a responsive chord drawing them together. Yet deep doubts kept them off balance.

  Tessa would now resort to putting emotional distance between them, and he would let her.

  She had witnessed the unbound rage in him as he had recently perceived it himself. Forces beyond his control forged this change in him, stoking an anger that anyone would threaten those he loved. He could no longer be the quiet shepherd, the live-and-let-live guardian of

  good.

  Better for her to see this side of him and run from it. He did not want to hurt her with an illusion of honor. Honor was lost to him.

  He had always known in his heart that Tessa would never be his. It was a burning, impossible desire. His heart had known the flames for so long he wondered how it kept beating - and yet it beat on.

  But the flames would sear his heart, consume it, if the colonel's murderers took Tessa from him for good. He had to focus on the rage inside him - and not allow himself to be distracted by the softer beckoning of love.

  Chapter Twelve

  "Let's walk to your house," Tessa told Nan breathlessly after leaving Cord's room.

  "It's not that far, and police cars are still in the area. We'll be safe enough."

  "Cord didn't want to give us the keys?" Nan asked.

  Tessa shrugged into her heavy coat, "I forgot to ask."

  "Is something wrong? You seem upset." Nan peered at her, a cigarette in her hand.

  "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm jittery over everything. A walk will help." She glanced toward Cord's bedroom, where he remained.

  Her nerves jangled more wildly.

  "I'll leave Cord a note so he'll know where we're going and that we'll be back in ten minutes."

  "Fine by me." Nan put on her coat, following her out the back door. "Do we take poochie?"

  "Not this time. She might run off again, and with all the cars around, I know she'd get herself flattened."

  "Probably."

  Tessa scribbled a fast note, leaving it on the kitchen table. Then they hurried across the field between the two ranches. Nan's frequent visits had tamped a nice path in the snow so the walking was easy. Gray clouds overhead threaded a white sky, and Tessa wondered if she'd ever see a sun again that wasn't painted winter's hazy silver.

  "My pregnancy keeps my body temperature up, but I feel frozen straight through." Except for when she was around Cord, and then she felt total, satisfying warmth. Don't think about it, she commanded herself.

  Nan nodded, her hands in her coat pockets and her cigarette in her mouth.

  "I'm sure the cold kept the colonel's body pretty well preserved. Maybe they'll be able to find out now he met his death."

  Tessa winced at the mumbled words. Glancing toward the woods, she imagined all the concealing places.

  "I think you should curtail walking in the woods for a while."

  "Count on it. Not even the sight of a yellow-bellied sapsucker could lure me past the clearing. I swear, all the beauty I used to see in those trees, even in the bleakest winter, is gone. Now it feels downright eerie." Nan shuddered. "I can feel a hundred eyes on me."

  "Don't say that!" A chill raced up Tessa's spine and intensified the coldness. "My skin is creeping enough as it is."

  "You'll feel better inside my house." Nan dug out a key and stuck it in the keyhole.

  "Oh, I didn't lock it." She frowned, trying to remember. "That's right.When I was leaving, I just hurried out the door. I was too addled to think about locking it. "

  She pushed the door open, and suddenly, Tessa felt as if she were stepping into another world. Nan's little house was feminine and cheery in an old-fashioned way, very different from the dark woods and heavy furniture at Cord's ranch house.

  She'd felt such an overwhelming need to get away.

  "Ah, home sweet home." Nan smiled as she looked around her cottage.

  Lace doilies decorated chairs, and crocheted snowflakes served as coasters on plain wooden end tables. Tassels made of fancy cording hung from swathed drapes unlike any Tessa had ever seen, and needlepoint pillows adorned every sofa and chair.

  "I didn't realize you had such a creative gift. Nan." She moved forward to pick up one of the snowflakes. "I would never have the patience for this. "

  "Oh, you will when you're my age. Once the children have gone away and the winter stretches long..." Nan's eyes softened with reminiscence. "I can't understand Hester being how she is. Wish my children had settled close by. I'd be so glad to have them around I believe they'd have to shoo me away constantly."

  "I don't think they'd shoo you away." She sent her friend a warm smile. "Well, I can be as nosy and overbearing as the rest of them."

  Nan winked at her saucily.

  "Now, then, getting a decent pair of scissors to touch up your do wasn't the only reason I dragged you over here."

&
nbsp; "Oh?"

  "You've noticed my fingers itch to keep busy."

  Tessa nodded.

  "I took the liberty of sewing up some baby goodies, if you haven't already got your eye on something in a store."

  "I ... I don't." Tessa hadn't even thought past a crib. She knew the baby would need things, but there was no one to talk to about those needs, and finding herself stranded in Madrid had left her in a strange, lethargic limbo. It was difficult to plan the future when everything had turned so uncertain - although now it was more uncertain than ever.

  "I haven't planned for anything. "

  "Maybe you'll like some of what I've been working on, then. Let's let you eyeball it. Walk back here with me. "

  Tessa followed Nan with some wonder and a lot of trepidation. Planning for a baby was such a big question mark, a foray into the unknown. She felt guilty that Nan had undertaken to remedy what she had been avoiding.

  The elderly woman turned on a light and opened a door off the main hallway.

  "What do you think? It's just some odds and ends, but"

  "It's adorable!" Tessa's lips parted at the sight of a white wicker bassinet delicately adorned with hanging eyelet lace.

  Dainty pillows of the same fabric lay propped against a snuggly inner cushion.

  "I can't believe you did this for me," she said softly. "Thank you so much. Nan."

  "Well, I did it for me, too. I'd rather be busy, and it was no trouble anyhow. I still had some patterns from when I made these for my grandkids."

  Tessa hugged Nan to her. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

  "Tessa! Nan!" a male voice hollered into the house, making them jump nervously.

  "We're down here. Cord!" Nan yelled back, poking her head down in the hall.

  A second later, he was in the small room with them. Tessa's pulse raced dizzily. His eyes settled on her, the anger in them bright.

  "Lord have mercy, Cord, a bellow like that could cut about five years off my life," Nan teased.

  Ignoring that comment, he said to Tessa, "Do you mind not taking off like that? You could at least warn me that you're leaving. If I hadn't seen your footprints, I wouldn't have had any idea where you were." He held a wriggling Ellie between two large hands as she made a valiant attempt to lick his chin.