The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2

by Amanda Egan

  Only Fenella!

  A very peculiar evening was spent, with me cooking supper for Fenella, Josh and the kids, sipping champers and chatting to Fenella as she lounged on the sofa in her kitchen.

  Josh put in a call to Ned to see if he wanted to join us but, naturally, he refused under the circumstances.

  As I cleared away and began to make my way up to bed, Fenella beckoned me to the sofa.

  “Sweedie, thanks so much for everything. Soz for calling you a useless bitch - I’m always vile when I give birth. When I had Todd, I called Josh the C word several times so I think you got off quite lightly.”

  Kissed her goodnight and told her all was forgiven.

  Left the room to her calling out, “… and you’d better not tell anyone my ‘lady garden’ was in need of a trim! I was sodding well booked in for a wax tomorrow and now there’s no point in going!”

  Friday 6th March

  Really feel I need to get back home now that the baby is here - it’s not easy for anyone and I don’t want to push our friendship to the limit and outstay my welcome.

  Contemplated ringing Ned several times but chickened out at the last minute each time.

  Was just about to bite the bullet and make the call when I heard my mobile and read ‘Home’ on the caller display.

  Ned was frantic and could barely get his words out quickly enough. “Lib, you need to come home. We’ve lost Dog, and Max is beside himself.”

  Saturday 7th March

  Bloody men! You leave them alone for five minutes and they go and lose a dog. I suppose I should be grateful that it wasn’t Max he lost but really …!

  Josh took me back home where we found distraught husband, son, Dot and Stripe. The house was in chaos and its occupants started vying for my attention all at the same time.

  I hugged Max whilst stroking the two dogs, who were obviously delighted to see me but still wondering where their real mum was.

  While doing this I tried to establish what exactly had happened and to what extent they’d gone to try to find him.

  Ned said he was just putting the rubbish out and Dog had made a run for it. “You know he’s never done that before, Lib. He’s really been off his food the last few days. I think he might have been pining for you.”

  Bit my tongue to stop myself from saying, “Oh that’s right, lay all the blame at my door!”

  He went on to say that he’d called all the local vets and the police station and no stray dogs had been picked up.

  “What if he gets run over, Mummy? He doesn’t know to be careful crossing the roads like we do, does he?” Max asked, starting on a whole new bout of tears.

  Decided to call Skunk and Silver and get out there looking for him. Josh said he’d take Max, Dot and Stripe back home with him so that we could cover more ground and Todd, Charlotte and Darcy would take Max’s mind off things.

  “I’ll call you as soon as we find him, Max. I promise,” I told my boy.

  I’ve never made a promise to my son before and not kept it - I just prayed that I could deliver on this one.

  Sunday 8th March

  Well what a weekend that was!

  We roamed the streets until nearly midnight on Friday, scouring as much of the local area as we could. We had several false alarms when we had the shit scared out of us by foxes and, with every new corner we turned, my heart was sinking further into my boots.

  What if we never found him? That was the only thought going through my mind. How would we ever be able to tell Max?

  Skunk told us to go home and get some sleep and that he and Silver would continue through the night but I really didn’t want to do that - I had to find him.

  We’d left Mrs S back at our place in case he decided to return but we’d had no call from her to say that he had.

  Just as I thought my heart would break with the worry of him being out in the cold all night, I heard my mobile. ‘Fenella’ flashed onto the screen.

  Feeling terribly guilty that we’d probably kept them all from their beds, I answered hurriedly, “I’m so sorry Fenella, we’ll come and get Max and the dogs now. Let you all get some sleep.”

  “No, Mummy, it’s me.” I heard Max’s little voice. “Dog’s here! He came here to find me. It was just like when he decided to live with us. We found him scratching at the door just a minute ago!”

  Felt faint with relief.

  Maybe he had been pining for me and he knew instinctively where I was staying from the times that we’d taken him to visit his other offspring. Who knows but the main thing was that he was safe.

  Fenella came on the phone then and said that they were all going off to bed and that Max and the dogs were more than welcome to stay the night. “Might give you and Ned a bit of much needed time to talk, eh Lib? And Dog’s so knackered he’s curled up snoring already.”

  Returned home with Skunk and Silver and had stiff brandies to warm ourselves up and celebrate. Mrs S was snoring on the sofa (would have been totally useless if Dog had returned - but what can you do?) and when we woke her she declined a night-cap as she’d already had four Babychams and needed her beauty sleep. “I am very much happy that Dog has returned to the fold. Now I am thinking that you too should be doing so Libbybeta.”

  Obviously nothing gets past Mrs S.

  And she shuffled off, leaving Skunk and Silver looking confused.

  Monday 9th March

  Ned and I stayed up most of the night talking after Skunk and Silver left.

  Ned had so many questions and I felt I owed him the answers to all of them.

  I could see, feel and almost touch his hurt - I’d betrayed his trust and that was clear. If I could turn back time, believe me, I would. I honestly don’t know what came over me. I have, and have always had, the most perfect marriage and I almost blew it.

  We settled with our brandies and I took Ned’s hand - at least he was allowing me to do that again, so I knew we were taking steps in the right direction.

  I started really slowly, hoping that I said the right things and that everything made sense in my head. This was bigger than an Oscar acceptance speech. I had to make sure that every word counted and that I got the right message across.

  My marriage depended on this and I knew it.

  “Ned … I am so, so sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you. It’s unforgivable but I hope, if you love me as much as I love you, you will forgive. To say that I don’t know what came over me is pathetic but I think I always knew that I wouldn’t let it go too far. What we have is too precious to mess with, we both know that. I just think losing our baby played with my mind a bit and that’s the way I dealt with it - it wasn’t big or clever and, when I think of what I could have lost, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Please say we’ll get through this.”

  Ned rubbed my hand and looked at me. “Don’t talk to me about being sick to the stomach, Lib. I’ve been through hell these last few days. If anyone had ever told me that my marriage would struggle, I’d have laughed in their face. But the fact of the matter is, I can’t begin to imagine what you went through when you lost our baby but it hurt me too, you know. It hurt me because I saw your pain while I was feeling my own and it hurt me because I couldn’t get in to help you - all you ever did was push me away until, I guess, I got to the point where I stopped trying. So maybe some of this was my fault.”

  Tried to tell him that I didn’t agree with that but he carried on, “Lib, you know I love you and Max with all my heart. I’ll do anything to get us back on track but I need to know that it’s most definitely over with ‘Mr Bollock-Chops’ and that it really didn’t go any further than you said. Please. You owe me that much.”

  I looked at the sad shadow of my gorgeous husband sitting at our kitchen table and began to cry all the tears I’d been holding in for so long. I couldn’t believe the pain I’d caused to the man I love most in the world. I just wanted to roll back time and be the old Libby and Ned we used to be. I knew we’d get there but I didn’t want our battle scar
s to continue the journey with us.

  This will now sound really corny, but we made up in the most romantic way possible. We went to bed and for the first time in almost six months we made love.

  And, you know what? It felt perfect. There were no ghosts or doubts - just us reconnecting and doing what we should have done a very long time ago.

  Shit a brick, I’ve been stupid!

  Tuesday 10th March.

  All in all, it’s been an odd few days but they’ve been the happiest we’ve known since last summer.

  Ned’s taken some extra time off work and it’s been great just taking Max off to school and spending time together talking and (sometimes) going back home to bed!

  I’d actually forgotten how good we were at it and I think we’re both making up for lost time.

  But the thing that’s been the absolute best (OK an orgasm or two is lovely but there is more to life!) has been actually talking properly to one another - about what we want and what we don’t.

  I’ve explained to Ned that I definitely don’t want to try for another baby. I think we should be grateful for our lovely, happy and healthy boy and put an end to the stress of worrying and waiting. Some people are destined to have only one very special child and I think we should accept that.

  Ned only wants to do what makes me happy where that’s concerned so we’re booking him in for the snip - no more doubts or wondering.

  “Perhaps we’ll get two for the price of one if Josh is getting it done too,” he joked. “We could have a double celebration when it’s over. You know what Fenella’s like, anything to pop those corks!”

  But I think the biggest surprise in all our talking was that Ned wants to move house. I could understand all his reasons but I still wasn’t convinced.

  “Look, Lib. We’ve got the money now. I’m not talking a massive ‘Fuck Off House’, just something a bit bigger and drier. This place costs us a fortune in heating and repairs. It makes sense. And to be perfectly honest, it feels like the right time for a fresh start.”

  And I just knew that we were back to being totally tuned into one another when he asked me what was holding me back and I only had to voice the words, “Mrs S”.

  He nodded his head and agreed. You’re right, Lib. I hadn’t considered her. It can wait.”

  Oh I just love my husband!

  Wednesday 11th March

  Patience was not looking a happy bunny at the school gates this morning so I ran over to see what was up.

  “Bloody, buggering, sodding men, that’s what’s up!”

  Didn’t want to look too smug and loved-up in my new state of regained happiness, as I thought I might find myself on the receiving end of a black eye, so I rubbed her arm and looked suitably sympathetic.

  Luckily, before I could say anything that got me into any trouble (because she was definitely looking for it), I received a text from Fenella:

  PLEASE COME ROUND AND KEEP ME COMPANY. THE WEEPIES HAVE HIT ME AND I NEED LOVE NOW X

  Told Patience we needed to get to Fenella quickly. “Looks like a bit of post-natal depression may have set in and we’re needed. Come on, Anti-Meemies to the rescue!”

  We needn’t have bothered making a mad dash to Fenella’s with cakes and pastries because, to be perfectly honest, she looked calmer than the two of us put together when we arrived. Darcy was sleeping peacefully in her crib in the kitchen, Fenella was showered, dressed and made up, wearing linen trousers and top and generally looking cool, calm and collected.

  “OK so I told a little white lie! I’ve never felt better but I’m so bored. I just wanted a bit of company.”

  Told her she deserved a good slap for panicking us like that but she did a bad job of looking contrite. “Boredom is just as bad, you know. It can play terrible tricks on one’s mind and if I’d been left on my own a minute longer who knows what might have happened? I could have tipped over the edge in a split second. Oohh, Patience, Sweedie, I think you look like the one in need of the TLC. It’s certainly not me or ‘Mrs Multiple Orgasm Face’ here!”

  When I opened my mouth to reply she hushed me with “Don’t bother trying to defend yourself. I know that look and it don’t come from jogging, girlfriend!” Then she kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, as she made her way to pour the coffee, “I’m so happy for you both, Lib.”

  Once we’d settled with our coffee, Patience told us that she’d finally met with Pritesh last night and he was still doing his ‘proud man’ routine.

  “I tell you, I could have dined out every night since the news broke and the only person I really want to spend time with is being a complete prick. I just wish I’d kept the whole thing quiet now. And, I swear, if I get one more dodgy text from Letchy, I won’t be responsible for my actions!”

  Fenella and I shuddered as we sipped our coffee and both tried desperately to come up with some comforting words.

  For once, I was the first. “Patience, you know how keen he is but you hadn’t been with him long enough to realise that he can also be stubborn. Ned and I have just been going through a bit of a wobble of our own and I just think that, sometimes, you have to stand back and give these things time.”

  That was when Patience burst into floods of tears. “That’s just the thing! I don’t know how much time I’ve got. I’m pregnant!”

  Thursday 12th March

  For me, there’s a positive that came out of Patience’s news.

  I didn’t feel one pang of desire or jealousy - I really don’t want another baby. My miscarriage had almost cost us our marriage and I’ve come to realise that I value what I already have with Ned and Max above anything.

  That doesn’t help poor Patience though. She’s done the whole single parent thing once before and she really doesn’t want to go through it again. She’d told us “It’s a lonely business and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think it’s fair on the kids. Solomon’s never met his father and I’m not proud of that. I don’t want to put another child through that.”

  I can so see her point of view but wouldn’t want her to make any hasty decisions - certainly not before Pritesh knows what’s going on. And I really think she owes him that much. Because I’ve got the feeling he’ll be over the moon and his macho pride might just fly out of the window.

  Oh God! Mrs S! She’ll be beside herself if all this works out for the best.

  But she must never know if it doesn’t. I honestly don’t think she could take it.

  PM

  Had a lovely Nigella recipe (‘Sausage in Cider’, always gives us giggle!) and we opened a bottle of wine and lit candles just like the old days - we were probably trying to save on electricity back then but now we do it for the romance!

  Told Ned all about Patience and swore him to secrecy.

  “Course I’m not gonna say anything, Lib. But … well … you know, how are you really with all this? Seems like we’re being surrounded by babies at the moment.”

  Explained my revelation and he breathed a sigh of relief. “I had a sudden fright that this might tip you over the edge again, Lib. Guess I need to stop thinking like that.”

  Kissed him on the head and told him I was fine, just fine.

  And I really am - no more lies, deceit or madness. Just me and my Ned back to the good old days.

  Friday 13th March

  (no more unlucky Friday 13’s for me!)

  We’ve booked a flight to go to the villa for Easter and this time it will be the three of us. Nic and Rick are having the dogs, as their life seems to have become a breeze since they’ve had Olga on board.

  “Honestly Lib, she might look like a Russian shot putter on steroids but she’s an absolute dream. I never thought I could love a lesbian but I’ve fallen for her hook, line and sinker. And do you know, she’s been doing some research into Hunter’s Syndrome so that we can be on the lookout for signs. I know you shouldn’t Google stuff like that because you usually end up convincing yourself you’re dying of some rare disease but, I hate to say it, I
think there’s a distinct possibility that the doctors could be onto something. We’re off for more tests next week and that’s all down to Olga.”

  I’m glad that Olga has been gently guiding them in the right direction as my suspicions regarding Mikhail have continued and I hadn’t wanted to be the one to raise the sensitive subject again.

  PM

  Just back from an evening at F&J’s.

  Good grief, how can that woman look so good whilst effortlessly floating through preparing a three course meal, just a little over a week after giving birth? She’s even lost most of the hippo-bulk! Doesn’t seem fair, somehow.