Cruel Temptation: An Age Gap Romance (Cruel Beauty Trilogy Book 1)

by C Standing

  “I’m about to reach through the screen and throat punch you in a minute,” Lydia grumbles.

  “Please,” Mali mutters. “That would mean actually showing a backbone.”

  My brows furrow in surprise. “What’s up with you? Your bitchiness is on a whole other level today.”

  “Yeah,” Lydia grumbles. “And as per usual, it’s all directed at me.”

  “Nothing,” Mali says curtly, but the way she’s avoiding my gaze tells me there’s more to this than meets the eye. “I’m just trying to make sure at least one of my best friends is happy. I can’t deal with your brooding asses any more. It’s seriously harshing my vibe.”

  Learning over, I squeeze her hand. “Well, I appreciate your back-handed way of trying to save my relationship.”

  She throws back the rest of her drink. “As fun as this has been, I’m out. I’ll speak to you bitches in the morning.”

  “That’s if I answer,” Lydia grouses.

  “Would you stop?” I lightly admonish her.

  “Later, bestie. Baby doll, call me when you’ve removed the stick from your ass.”

  Lydia mumbles something inaudible before muttering a terse goodbye and logging off.

  The gate to my back yard shuts, and once again, I’m all alone.

  Why did I feel like I’ve come full-circle?

  As much as my best friends frustrate me with their bickering, I still love them to pieces, and they’ve played a key part in keeping my mind off the fact the man I love has destroyed my trust and broken my heart.

  Thanks to working freelance, I don’t even have the luxury of escaping these four walls to go to work. I sit in my office all day, trying not to let my mind wander.

  I’ve barely slept because I hate the thought of sleeping alone.

  Food seems to have lost its taste.

  The only thing that gives me any comfort, is knowing that he’s suffering just as much, if not more than I am.

  Heading inside, I’m just locking up when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

  Turns out, I’m not great at giving you space.

  For the first time in a week, I smile.

  Turns out, I’m not great at receiving it.

  Shutting off the lights, I grab a drink and make my way upstairs to bed.

  Being without you is driving me insane, baby.

  I miss you so fucking much

  Yeah, I know the feeling.

  Rick made me feel whole again, and now I feel like there’s a part of me missing, and I don’t know how to get it back.

  The feeling is mutual, City Boy

  Yes, I love him, and yes, I miss him like crazy, but I’m not ready to extend an olive branch just yet.

  He hurt me, more than I want to admit.

  I didn’t realize until I left just how deeply I’ve fallen for him. The thought of never feeling this way again scares the hell out of me. The thought of never seeing his handsome face, or kissing his lips, or feeling his body on mine makes me feel nauseous.

  But I can’t give in. Not yet.

  I love him, but I can’t trust him.

  Maybe I’m overreacting? But what woman in her right mind would be okay with finding out the man she’s crazy for married?

  My phone buzzes again.

  Fuck, I miss hearing you call me that.

  I’m just about to respond, when another message comes through.

  Can I Call you?

  I need to hear your voice

  I shouldn’t like the way that makes me feel, but I do.

  I shouldn’t love the way my heart pounds in my chest just from reading those few words, but I do.

  I shouldn’t want or do a lot of things, but apparently, I do them anyway.

  My fingers are poised over my screen when he texts again.

  Did I go too far?

  Fuck, I’m sorry, baby. I’m swimming in unchartered waters here.

  Just tell me what you want me to do? I’ll do anything.

  God, I can feel his pain from here, and it’s excruciating.

  But I can’t give in.

  If I give in now, I’ll keep giving in, and that kind of negates my need for space.

  I’m not going to lie, it would be so easy to press call and hear that raspy, spine-tingling voice. But I don’t want easy. Nothing that’s easy is ever worth having. I want him to prove to me that he can do as I’ve asked.

  Otherwise, what’s the point?

  When the time comes, and I’m ready to forgive him, I want him to fight for me. Fight for us. Because that’s exactly what I’m doing.

  I may have asked for space, but I needed some time away from him to heal. I needed to focus on myself so eventually we can find each other again, and be bigger and better versions of ourselves.

  And as much as I miss him, a week isn’t long enough for the wound in my chest, and pain in my heart to heal.

  You didn’t push too far

  I’m just not ready for that yet.

  Give me time, okay?

  Sighing, I drop down onto my bed, feeling utterly helpless and wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Setting my phone aside, I pick up the selfie I’d had framed of me and Mom, letting my fingers drift over her beautiful face. The moment wasn’t particularly important, we were just goofing around at home, but we’d been so happy, and I’d wanted to capture it.

  I cradle the frame to my chest as tears sting the backs of my eyes. I miss my parents constantly, but it’s times like this when I need someone to talk to—when I need my mom—that I miss her even more.

  We may have had our differences, but she was always the one I turned to when I needed something. She was always the one I could rely on. Dad was great, too. But girly chats about boys and heartbreak wasn’t exactly his forte.

  The first tear slips free as I think about all the amazing moments I had with her, and how much I need her now.

  “Help me, Mom,” I whisper, brokenly. “Tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

  Not ready to part with the picture, I curl over onto my side and hold it close. Just as my eyes close, the light from my phone startles me.

  I pick it up and see a message from Rick.

  I love you always

  A stifling pressure settles over my heart as I read those four beautiful words, because while I love that they’re from Rick, I know they’re also from my mom.

  Suddenly that single tear turns into a torrent.

  My sobs wrack my body in violent waves as I cling onto the picture and my phone.

  I love you, too, Mom.

  “Daddy?” Skylar's timid voice asks as we lay on the couch watching Frozen for the millionth time, my three-year-old looking like a true Queen in her Elsa dress. I’ve watched this movie so much; I practically know every frame and lyric.

  Every time Anna sings Love is an open door, Skylar jumps off the couch and bursts into singing a song.

  It melts my fucking heart.

  “Yes, Pumpkin?”

  “Why you sad?” Her big blue eyes stare up at me expectantly.

  God, kids have a sixth sense with this stuff, I swear.

  I’m sad because it’s been seven agonizing days since I last heard from River, and the silence is fucking killing me.

  Every hour, I’m checking my phone hoping to see something from her. Each day without her in my arms makes me crazier.

  She asked for space and I’m trying to respect that, but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

  I wake up aching for her.

  When I do finally manage to sleep, all I do is dream of her.

  I spend my entire goddamn day thinking about her.

  Fuck, if it wasn’t for Skylar, I would’ve turned into a drunk, trying not to think of her. Trying to drown out the memories that flood my mind and taunt me twenty-four-seven.

  River’s my girl. She should be here with me, living in my home, getting to know my daughter, and making new memories together.

  Instead, she’s on the other side of th
e country, needing space.

  I tighten my arm around her slight frame.

  “Daddy’s not sad, Pumpkin.” I’m fucking drowning. “I have my little Pumpkin. Everything is perfect.”

  Everything is far from perfect.

  I can’t exactly tell my three-year-old that I fell in love with an amazing woman, and her bitch of a mother drove her away.

  Her little face looks up at me affronted. “I’m not punkin, Daddy! I’m Princess Skylar!” she chirps, enthusiastically.

  Tickling her sides, I blow raspberries into her stomach, making her squeal. “You’re my Pumpkin.”

  Squirming in my arms, she laughs hysterically. “Daddy, stop! Stop!”

  My fingers are poised over her like claws, ready to attack, when Elsa starts signing the opening lines to “Let It Go", and she springs into action, prancing around the living area.

  The barely beating organ in my chest warms as I watch her dance, and it’s just another painful reminder that instead of watching this with the woman I love, I’m watching it alone.

  Once the song’s finished, my red-faced, panting little girl comes to slump by my side. “I love you, Daddy.”

  Feeling as complete as I can without River and my son, I smile into her hair and hold her close. “I love you more, Pumpkin.”

  A few days later

  “You going to tell me what’s crawled up your ass?” Christian asks sternly, as I stroll into the kitchen after a workout, and grab a water from the fridge. “You’ve been off since I got home.”

  He’s been home for a couple of days, and he’s done nothing but get on my case.

  “Nothing’s up.”

  The look he gives me tells me he’s not buying my bullshit for a second. “Right, and I’m Santa Claus. Next lie?”

  Wiping the sweat from my brow, I break the seal on my water and unscrew the cap. “It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

  Standing, he edges around the kitchen counter, leaning a hip against it. “I know we don’t talk much, but I am here for you.”

  Seriously? How was I blessed with such amazing kids?

  Thankfully, neither one of them takes after their mother.

  I take a hearty gulp. “I appreciate that, but there’s nothing to talk about.”

  Christian studies me for a moment, his eyes narrowing like he’s figuring everything out. “Is it a woman?”

  My eyes snap to his.

  How the hell—?

  “What makes you think that?”

  He crosses his arms. “I have eyes, Dad. You’ve been fucking miserable since I got here, and I know if you were pissed at me, you’d make it known.”

  He’s got a point. I’ve never been shy about telling him when he’s fucked up. Just like I never hold back when he’s done something that’s blown my mind.

  “I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re detached. Distracted.”

  That’s because half of my heart is with the woman I can’t stop thinking about.

  “You’re just going through the motions, and it’s not like you. You have everything you could ever want…” He looks up at me. “Except a woman.”

  Damn kid is too smart for his own good.

  “Fine.” I sigh, pulling out a seat and twisting it backward. Straddling through chair, I rest my arms on the back. “I met someone in New York.”

  Christian follows suit. “It’s about damn time.”

  Shaking my head, I remove my cap and run a hand through my hair. “She’s fucking amazing, Chris. Sweet, smart, and so goddamn beautiful it takes my breath away.”

  His brows pull together in confusion. “What happened?”

  I pin him with a look. “Your mother happened.”

  “Fuck.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “What did she do now?”

  “She told her we’re married.”

  “Wait.” He holds up a hand. “You’re still married? I thought you guys got divorced long ago.”

  Christ, how simple would life be if I’d just divorced her all those years ago. I wouldn’t have had to put up with half this shit.

  “I couldn’t divorce her, Chris. She would’ve ruined us, and I wasn’t allowing that.”

  “How would she have ruined us?”

  “Trust me, she has her ways.” If my week in NYC taught me anything, it’s that she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants.

  So will I.

  She underestimated how far I’d go to protect the people I love, and now she’s paying the price.

  You don’t fuck with my family.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I shrug, completely in the dark about what I should do. “No idea. She said she wants me to give her space, but I’m at my wit’s end.”

  He rolls his lips and nods. “Yep. I understand that. Women are hard work.”

  I chuckle. “They are, but the benefits are worth the agro.”

  His lips curl up in a slow smirk. “Yeah, they are.”

  Fucking horndog.

  “Are you going to fight for her?”

  Is that even a question?

  “Do you even know your father?” I ask, appalled he’d ask me that. “Since when have I ever given up without a fight?”

  “True. Tenacity is your middle name.”

  I wink at him. “How do you think I got River in the first place.”

  Strangely, a wrinkle forms in his brow. “Her name's River?”

  I take another swig of my water. I haven’t run in a few weeks, and today kicked my ass. “Yeah, why?”

  Christian pulls out his phone and taps away at it. “Bear with me for a moment, but I think I may have a plan.”

  I blink, confused.

  My son has a plan to help me win back my girlfriend?

  Fuck, I’ll take it.

  Later in the evening, I’m sitting at my desk, trying and failing to focus on going through some emails, when I feel my phone vibrate.

  Tell me something about you, City Boy?

  River.

  I’m so fucking happy, I let out a guttural groan.

  Thank God.

  Smiling like a loon, my fingers fly over the keypad.

  Tarsiers weird me out.

  Not even kidding.

  Those little fuckers are creepy as hell.

  LOL, what the hell is a Tarsier?

  Relaxing back into my chair, I chuckle as I type back.

  They’re found in South Asia.

  Part of the primate family with huge fucking eyes.

  I’m telling you, they’re freaky as hell.

  I watch impatiently as the little type bubble pops up.

  Type faster, baby.

  It feels good to laugh again.

  Tell me about it.

  It feels good to breathe again.

  Tell me something else. Something serious.

  She wants serious? I can do serious.

  You’re all I think about, River McKinley.

  24. Fucking. 7.

  A few minutes go by before she responds, and any hope I felt before sinks like a rock in my stomach.

  Fuck, I did it again.

  I pushed her too far.

  Several more minutes go by, and I’d just about given up, when another text comes through.

  And this one seals the deal for me.

  Same, City Boy. Same.

  Setting my phone on my desk, a million thoughts invade my mind as I try and calm my racing heart.

  But one thing is abundantly clear.

  We aren’t over.

  Not by a long fucking shot.

  You’re all I think about, River McKinley.

  Joey and I are walking into town to grab a coffee. She’s chatting away next to me but all I can focus on is Rick’s hypnotizing words from a few days ago.

  27. Fucking. 7.

  Good God, that man has a way with words.

  “IwantyoutomeetChris'sdad!” Joey blurts out as we walk into the coffee shop.

  How can he pack so much emotion into th
ree freaking words—Wait, what?

  “What did you just say?” I ask, still dazed.

  “Chris is coming into town with his father soon, and I really want you to meet him,” she says again, a lot calmer this time.

  “Your boyfriend is coming into to town?” I blink, puzzled. “Why?”

  Her eyes narrow and she lifts her shoulders in a shrug. “Because he’s my boyfriend, and he wants to spend some time with me over Christmas?”

  “I thought we were spending Christmas with Mali?”

  Seeing as Mali is estranged from her parents (her tale to tell), she usually visits Lydia for Christmas. But with Lydia still trying to repair her marriage, we decided it would make more sense if we spent this year together.

  Just us girls.

  Apparently not.

  “We still can,” she rushes to reassure me. “But maybe we could go out for dinner the day after Boxing Day? Everything will be back open then.”

  Well, shit.

  I didn’t think they were this serious.

  “You guys are that serious?” I ask, joining the end of the short queue.

  “We’ve been together since the start of term, Rive,” she mutters, deadpan. “It’s not like we spent a week together and fell in love.”

  I shoot her a glare. “That’s not funny.”

  We slowly make our way to the front of the queue, and she loops her arm through mine, resting her head on my shoulder. “So, will you? Please?” She looks up at me with those goddamn doe-eyes, and like always, I cave instantly. “Fine,” I groan. “But you owe me for this.”

  “Thank you!” she squeals, doing a little jig. “I can’t wait to tell Chris; he’s going to be so pumped.”

  Yeah, yeah.

  “What is the guy’s name, anyway?”

  Joey looks over at me sheepishly. “His dad’s?”

  No, his freaking dentist. “Yes, his dad.”