Three good giants

by Franqois Rabelais

  For a wonder, the army got to the i v it.

  Palace a week before Gargantua reached

  GRANDGOUS1ER 3 ARMY

  CHAPTER XX.

  GARGANTUA S MARE SCORES A VICTORY.

  THIS was the army that followed Gar-gantua at daybreak and came up with him at the Ford of Vede. Gargautua was commander-in-chief in place of Grandgousier, who, being old, of course stayed at home. But that was a glorious early breakfast which the old King gave to the soldiers before they left; and he made it more glorious by promising great gifts to every man who would do some wonderful act of prowess. ' They will not have a chance to do anything," he whispered confidentially to his Chief Butler, whom he had raised to a level with his mouth. " My boy will be there!"

  The army crossed the Ford in boats and on bridges lightly made over smaller boats, which dipped to the water's edge as the soldiers passed over. After a short march they came upon the city, which was placed upon a high hill. There they halted. Gargantua called a council, and with his friends discussed all night what was best to be done next morning. Gyninaste was the first to speak to the point.

  " My lord," he said, tr I am in favor of attacking at once. You will do so if you know those French fellows as well as I do. They are terrible foes at the first assault, when they are worse than so many devils. But if they are kept idle, and dream too long of their sweethearts and their vines, they lose heart, and become worse than so many women."

  Gargantua was nodding approval all the time Gymnaste was speaking. He was quite sure, in his own mind, that, when once he would show himself on his great Mare, and with his huge tree held as a lance, Picrochole would lose the field. But he had no idea of putting himself forward just then. So he said nothing more than : " So be it! We advance at daylight."

  The advance-guard were stationed on the hill-side, while the main army remained on the . plain. Faithful Friar John took with him six companies a of infantry and two hundred horsemen, and, with all speed, crossed the marsh, and jf - gained, on the

  MOUNTING FOB THE FRAY.

  highway of London, a point just above the Castle. While the assault was going on, Picrochole and his people didn't know at first which was better : whether to march out from the Castle, resolved to conquer or to die, or to stay in the city, and let the enemy outside do their worst. At last Picrochole himself grew tired. He had done nothing during the whole war but take care of his own precious body behind the walls of the city, while his officers and soldiers slashed and killed the poor subjects of Grandgousier at their will. He had not heard a whisper of how Gargantua had come all the way from Paris, and was then actually in front. He swore roundly, over his cups, that Gargantua was not there, or he would have heard of it long before. " Ha ! ha ! Giants are too big to hide themselves. Victory shall be ours ! " he cried.

  This was what made Picrochole bold enough to make an attack. Once beyond the gate, he and his army were received with such a welcome of cannon-balls that they were for a moment confused. Picrochole looked around for the Gargantuists; he couldn't see one of them, as Friar John had taken his men back with him to the hills, so as to give the artillery room to work. Encouraged by this, Picrochole defended himself so bravely under the terrible fires, and advanced so steadily all the time on the guns, that the gunners were obliged to flee for their lives, and Friar John himself found it hard to keep him from charging over his small force.

  " Oh, ho ! Friar John," he muttered to himself, " thou thinkest thyself a fine soldier, truly ! But it is high time now to call the Giant." So he shouted w T ith the full strength of his sturdy lungs : —

  " Help ! help ! help ! Prince Gargantua to the rescue ! "

  One might live to be as old as Methuselah, and never see such a change in either a general or his army as that which took place in King Picrochole and his troops when they first heard the Friar's cry. The guns dropped from their hands, and all they could do was to turn with white faces and staring eyes towards the opening in the wood.

  Then appeared a fearful apparition !

  It was that of the Giant, holding, poised as a lance, the trunk of an enormous tree

  PICROCHOLE DEFENDS THE CASTLE.

  stripped bare of its branches ; his eyeballs swollen and blazing with anger; his legs drawn tight to the saddle, while he gave free rein to his Mare, and dashed with the speed of a cyclone straight down upon them. The Mare seemed as mad as the master, for smoke rolled and curled around her wide-open nostrils ; she gave short and horrible neighs, as if she couldn't get to Picrochole's rogues fast enough; her mane was still' and hard, while her broad tail, streaming like a comet behind her, whisked men right and left, high into the air, and jerked down such trees as were in the way as she swept thundering down the hill. So terrible a sight changed the whole field. For a moment or two the enemy seemed stunned. But, as the dreadful Mare came near and nearer, Picrochole's cowardice broke the fearful spell that had come upon himself and men. " It is the Giant! " he shouted ; " save himself who can ! " and dashed back into the open gates of the city, intending to escape, through another gate, into the country beyond. '" The Mare! the Mare! Save us from the Mare!" was all the poor men, as they tried to follow their king, could gasp.

  Some were lucky enough to gain the city-gates. But before Gargantua could rein in his powerful steed, she had bitten and trampled many to death, to say nothing of those she had swept into the air with her great tail. Gargantua had good reason to be pleased with his victory. It was a decisive one, and gained by himself alone, and the Mare. He rode all over the field, petting the good Mare

  THE DEFEAT Off P1CKOCHOLE.

  meanwhile, and never ceasing to look among the killed for Picrochole. Of every officer that returned from pursuit of those who tried to escape he asked : —

  THE FLIGHT OF PICROCHOLE.

  " Hast thou caught Picrochole ? "

  No, nobody had.

  " With all my heart I am sorry," said Gargantua, "that Picrochole is not here. For I would have made this little king know that it was not for any riches or for my name that this war was made. As he is lost, let the kingdom remain with his son. But, as this child is not yet five years old, he should have governors. Let Ponocrates govern those governors."

  Then, under his breath, the Giant muttered : —

  "Ho! a pretty king, this Picrochole, to be lost in battle." And a giant's mutter is louder than a small man's shout.

  CHAPTER XXI.

  SHOWING WHAT GARGANTUA DID AFTER THE BATTLE, AND HOW GRANDGOUSIER WELCOMED HIM HOME.

  WHEN Gargantua, after the battle, made his triumphant entrance into the city, it was easy enough for him to find the Palace where Picrochole had stopped, but not quite so easy to get hold of the King himself. And when he reached the Palace, he heard that those wicked advisers and councillors of Picrochole, who had done their best to keep mischief alive, — Swashbuckler, Durtaille, and Smaltrash, — had all managed to escape helter-skelter from the city, just six hours before the battle.

  Gargantua's first duty was to order a muster of his troops, by which he learned, much to his satisfaction, that they had not suffered greatly in the battle, the four soldiers who had been killed happening to belong to the band of one of his officers, Captain Tolrnere. He had the pleasure of shaking his old master Ponocrates by the hand on his lucky escape in having his doublet, instead of his portly body, jagged by an archer's bolt. It was a mild shake, for a hearty one would have made a jelly of it. The Chief Treasurer was ordered to see that all his brave followers should be feasted, each with his troop, at the Prince's expense. He directed, moreover, that, after the feast, the army should assemble in the great Square before the Palace, and receive a full six months' pay on the spot.

  This being joyfully done, the next order was for the assembling of all that remained of Picrochole's party. All his princes and captains being present, Gargantua made a speech, which was as full of wisdom as it was rich in praise of his good old father, King Grand-gousier. He concluded with these words, spoken in a st
ern voice : —

  "I impose on those who have wickedly attacked us but one condition. They must deliver into my hands that knave Marquet, who was the groundwork of this most unjust war."

  Marquet, who had been a great man all during the war, and who had strutted around, crowing and looking wise, and had been con-

  GARGANTUA S CAPTIVES

  suited, and patted on the back, and stroked on the head, ever since his fight with Forgier, had been silly enough, instead of running away as fast as his legs could take him, to go to the assembly to hear what the Prince had to say. The moment Gargantua mentioned his name, quiet, well-to-do neighbors, who had all along been vexed at the airs he had put on, — being on every side of him, — pointed him out with their fingers, slily, wickedly whispering, "You want Marquet, — there he is, that man over there !" The wretch was at once seized by a dozen strong and willing hands, and hauled and hustled about, till, at last, he stood, breathing hard, before Gargantua. The Giant, towering above him,— there was no chair in the Palace large enough for him to sit comfortably in, —looked at him for a moment with scorn.

  " So it is thou who art Marquet, art thou?"

  "Yes, may it please Your Most Gracious, Most Merciful Highness," gasped Marquet, stuttering horribly, and turning very pale.

  " Gymnaste," said Gargantua,"! make thee responsible for this wretch, and his safe delivery to our Headsman for immediate execution."

  Gymnaste, after bowing respectfully, collared Marquet and marched him off.

  After the rogue had been borne away to the block, Gargantua ordered that all who had been killed should be honorably buried in the Black Soil Valley. For the wounded, he made ample provision in his Royal Hospital. To the survivors, he did no other hurt than to put them to work on the printing-presses which he had lately set up. When leaving, he graciously thanked his weather-beaten, if not warbeaten, veterans, and sent them to winter-quarters with rich gifts for each one ; for, even though Picrochole had run away, there was no telling but what the Bunmakers might make another fight, and so it was thought wiser to keep the army together for a while. But to this rule he made special exception of those of his legions who had had the good luck, during the pursuit, of doing some gallant deed. There were a good many of those brave soldiers who had marched, rank upon rank, after the staff of the Giant himself, and had done some brave action upon Picrochole's men, while their master's great Mare was switching her terrible tail, and knocking men down with the right whisk and the left, and driving from the field all who were lucky enough to get out of her way.

  The Giant breathed a rumbling sigh of relief at getting through so much hard work. '' I start for home at daybreak," he said. "Let my staff and these brave men, worthy of laurels, follow me."

  The distance between Roche-Clermaud and the Palace of his father was not so very great; so that, leaving at daybreak the next day, Gargantua, with his staff and a long line of the brave officers and soldiers who had done such good service,

  REWARDING THE ARMY.

  following, reached the Palace very leisurely by sundown. It was a joyful day when Father Grandgousier, who, since Gar-gantua had left, seated so grandly on his great Mare, had been all the time praying for his safety, was told by the sentinels at the gate that the Prince, with a large retinue, was coming near. The old man at once hastened, in high glee, as fast as his gouty feet could carry him, to the court-yard, so as to be ready to receive his son. The moment Gargantua rode in through the gateway,

  Grandgousier shouted out : —

  "Ho ! ho ! ho ! ho ! So thou art there, my boy ! Come quickly to thy Father's arms ! " Even while he was saying these words he was whispering aside to Snapsauce, the Very Fattest of the three Very Fat Cooks: —

  "Get up, thou rogue, within two hours, the finest supper that has ever gone down mortal throats since the days of niy cousin King Ahasuerus ! My boy has come back a conqueror ! "

  Gargantua had already leaped down from his Mare and had rushed towards his father. It was truly a meeting of Giants, which the little men around could only manage to see by craning their necks in the air. After embracing, Grandgousier and Gargantua passed up the broad stone stairs which led to the main hall. They had not long to wait upon the three Very Fat Cooks, who, by the way, had sent out messengers miles and miles along the road by which their young master was to come, and had known half a day before Father Grandgousier himself did, the very hour when the Prince would reach the Palace. Cunning Very Fat Cooks ! — they had only to send up the finest supper that had ever been seen since the days of King Ahasuerus, which had been all ready to be served long before the King had even thought of ordering it.

  Everybody was in good humor, none more so than the jovial old King himself. When the huge table was cleared of all its rich viands and its sparkling wines, and the guests were about leaving the hall, Grandgousier distributed to each of the deserving soldiers the ornaments on the sideboard, w T hich, in the mass, weighed eight hundred thousand and fourteen golden besants worth in great antique vases, rich pots, basins, superb cups, goblets, candlesticks, comfit-boxes, anc other such golden plate. In addition to this princely gift, Grand gousier caused to be counted out from the Royal Coffers, to each hero, twelve hundred thousand golden crowns ; and, as a further mark of his special favor, he directed that to such as he named should be granted, in perpetuity for themselves and their heirs, if they should happen to have any, certain castles and neighboring lands.

  To Master Ponocrates, he gave Roche-Clerrnaud.

  To Gymnaste, Le Coudray.

  To Eudemon, Montpensier.

  And so on with the favorites.

  "Ho ! ho ! my boy ! " suddenly cried Father Grandgousier, tapping his big forehead with his mighty finger. 'We have forgotten some one, and him « .

  our bravest, too ! "

  "Whom?"

  ' Why, our gallant Friar."

  " Oh ! as for Friar John, trust him to me, Father. / shall take care of him !"

  "What wilt thou do, my boy?"

  "What will I do ? Why, I shall build for him a Monas-terv a hundred times more magnificent than those Convents at Bonni-vet, Cham-bourg, and Chantilly, that are the boast of the world. Our Friar shall be the Abbot of Theleme, and he will make a famous Abbot, too !"

  THE WONDERFUL WINDING STAIKWAT.

  And so Gargantua built for his friend Friar John a Monastery greater than the Convent at Bonnivet, and the Convent at Chambourg, and the Convent at Chantilly; for his had nine thousand, three hundred and thirty-two chambers. But its greatest beauty, after all, was a wonderful winding stair-way, up which six men-at-arms might ride abreast, with their six lances at rest, to the very top of the Abbey.

  CHAPTER XXII.

  GRANDGOUSIER'S DEATH. — GARGANTUA'S MARRIAGE. — PANTAGRUEL IS BORN.

  AFTER the war of the Bunmakers, all the kings and princes and nobles, for hundreds of miles around, carne to congratulate the two mighty Giants. It was a time of royal feasting, and the Palace smelt more strongly of old, rich, dead dinners and suppers than ever before. For a whole year, its walls rang with laughter and joyous shouts, and then the kings and princes, nobles and friends, took to horse and returned to their homes, leaving Grandgousier and Gargantua in peace, with the love of all their subjects and

  the respect of their neighbors, for many happy years, over which there was but one cloud, the death of the kind old Queen Gargamelle, During all these years, more than I can now tell, Grandgousier was, of course, getting old, and at last grew so weak that he was forced to take to his bed.

  "Gargantua, my boy, thou art already getting on in years," the old man said one day, after a fit of weakness, when he felt that he could not long live. "Why dost thou not marry, my son?"

  "To tell the truth, Father, I have never once thought of marrying. Thou hast been so good to me that thou hast driven all thoughts of women away from me. Yet, if thou sayest the word, then shall I seek a wife."

  " Seek, then, my boy, the Princess Badebec, the beautiful daughter
of my good friend, the King of the Amaurotes, in Utopia. Make her thy wife if thou lovest thy Father. And thy Father's blessing will be on thee forever!" The good old King had scarcely whispered the last word when he feebly placed his hand on the head of Gargantua, who was kneeling by the bed. Then he stretched out to his full giant-length, gave a deep sigh of content, and died.

  Gargantua was then at an age which would, in our day, be looked upon as quite venerable. He was just five hundred and twenty-one years old on the day when he buried his Father. He mourned him two years to the very month, day, hour, and minute. At the end of the last year, he charged his Prime Minister with a solemn proposal of marriage to the charming Princess Badebec. None so lovely as the Princess Badebec had, up to that time, ever been seen outside ot Utopia.

  Gargantua was five hundred and twenty-three years old when his nuptials with the Princess were celebrated in great state, and he had just turned his five hundred and twenty-fifth year, when he had at once the great joy of hearing that he had a son, and the deep sorrow of losing his dear wife, the lovely Queen Badebec herself.

  The babe first saw the light at a time when there was such a drought over the whole land that there had been no rain for three years, three weeks, four days, and thirteen hours. But to understand clearly the reason why the little fellow was christened PANTAGRUEL, it should be said that, during the awful drought, the sun glared down so fiercely on the baked earth that all the country around became barren. Never had there been felt such heat as then. There was not to be found a tree on which a leaf or flower could be coaxed to grow; the grass was sickly and yellow; the rivers seemed to vie the one with the other in laying bare their sandy beds ; the fountains ran dry ; the poor fish, with no water to keep them alive, floundered gasping in the muddy sand, until they died ; the birds, little and big, some giving the shrillest of despairing shrieks, others the most plaintive of dying twitterings, all dropped dead in mid-air for very want of dew ; and wolves, foxes, stags, wild boars, deer, hares, rabbits, weasels, and such other beasts as were unfortunate enough to roam about the forests, were to be found stiff" in the fields, by the side of streams long dried up, and of fountains which no longer ran, with their red and swollen throats and mouths gaping wide open.