Unmatchable

by Sky Corgan

  I see a change in his demeanor—the same thing I saw when he was at Full Hearts Matchmaking Service the other day making his introduction speech. He has switched from casual mode to business mode.

  “Surely, you have an idea of what you want to do with the company,” Gene says.

  “Would you like to order something, sir?” A waitress walks up to our table and addresses Colton.

  He takes a quick glance at the drink menu before responding. “I'll take a martini, extra dirty.”

  I grin. “Very James Bond of you.”

  “I like what I like.”

  “So dish out the deets, Larsen,” Gene presses.

  “The deets?” Colton chuckles. “There's not much to dish, I'm afraid. This month, I have the company under observation. I want to paint a better picture of how it works. I already have a general idea, but a month should give my management team the time to learn the ins and outs—what works and what doesn't.”

  “So you're not going to be doing anymore firing and moving people around?” Gene glances at me when he mentions the moving people around part.

  I'll get to keep my office until Friday, though my position is currently in a strange sort of limbo. Jerry, the new office manager, had thought about switching me over to the sales team, but since it's been so long since I've worked in that department, I don't really remember what I'm supposed to do. Instead, he has me reading the sales team manual, basically taking a week off until Colton can have the tech people program the new chat system into the Full Hearts Matchmaking Service website. Then I'll be trained in how to use the system for a week before it actually goes live.

  The fact that I'll be in the CSR room with the rest of the sales people makes me a bit unhappy. It felt like I had earned my office, but now it's being ripped away from me and given to someone else, and I'm just going to be lumped together with the employees on the bottom of the Full Hearts Matchmaking Service totem pole even though I'm earning more than they are. The other CSRs will probably resent me for it.

  “I'm not planning on it,” Colton tells him. “As long as everyone does their job, things should be stable for a while.”

  “So you have no idea what direction you want to take the company in?” Kristi asks.

  “Well, I know that I eventually want to expand. Put offices in other cities. But first, I need to bring the Houston office up to a profitable state.”

  “I thought it was already profitable.”

  “More like breakeven. I have confidence that I can turn things around.” He smiles at her reassuringly.

  “I certainly hope so.”

  She doesn't seem convinced. In fact, a lot of my co-workers look a bit leery now, probably worrying about their job security. I'm not, though. After seeing the long list of companies that Colton owns, I'm fairly confident he'll be able to make Full Hearts Matchmaking Service profitable. Even though he's only supposed to be in observation mode, he's already working on making positive changes.

  Thankfully, the conversation shifts away from work. Colton gets his drink, and my co-workers eventually relax around him a bit. We order food and pig out, and it's a generally good time.

  Whenever we're all done eating, Colton leans over and asks if I'd like to walk around Hermann Park with him. I reluctantly agree. I do want to spend more time with him, though.

  He offers to drive me, but I tell him I'd feel safer in my own car, so he climbs into my Prius with me instead, and we head to the park. I pull into the lot off of Hermann Park Drive, and we get out of the car and start walking towards McGovern Lake. The second that Colton flanks my side, he slips his hand into mine, curling our fingers together. It makes warmth surge up my arm, though it doesn't reach my face. Somehow, I'm beginning to get comfortable with the fact that he's so forward with his affection. Lord knows I like it. It's one of the things that's quickly making me feel closer to him, but also one of the things that makes me realize I've already become too attached. I know that if he were to disappear from my life tomorrow, I would be hurt. It's a strange thing to think, especially since we haven't known each other for very long.

  “So, are you seeing anyone else right now?” I ask, knowing that the answer could be painful.

  “No. Are you?” He glances down at me.

  “No.” I shake my head, wondering if he's lying. “Have you ever been married before?”

  “Is it time to interrogate me with personal questions?” He grins, seemingly amused.

  “I just want to get to know you better is all.” I shrug it off.

  “I have not been married before, but I was engaged once. What about you?”

  The fact that he's been engaged before bothers me. When I realize it's because I'm jealous of whoever this mystery woman was, I frown. It's illogical for me to get jealous over his past. That was then. This is now. Besides, I highly doubt we'll ever get to the point where he proposes to me. I'm surprised we've made it this far.

  “Who was she?” I press for details.

  “A girl I went to college with,” his tone sounds tense. That probably means he still thinks about her—still regrets that they're no longer together. Thinking that makes my chest throb with pain. I don't want him to still be emotionally attached to anyone. I want him to be mine. All mine.

  “What happened, if you don't mind me asking?”

  “I don't mind you asking. I'm just not so sure I want to answer.” His eyes fall to his feet, and there seems to be a new heaviness about him. “If I told you, you might think it's selfish. You might not like me anymore.”

  My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach as I piece it together on my own. “You cheated on her, didn't you?”

  He snorts, giving me a look of offense. “Well, you certainly seem to think highly of me.”

  “What? You tell me that you think I won't like you anymore because of it. Of course, that's the first thing that comes to mind.” I narrow my eyes at him.

  He sighs and tears his fingers through his hair with his free hand. “You're right. I'm sorry. That was rude of me.”

  “It's fine. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I just...I don't really know you very well.”

  “And that's my fault. I haven't told you much.” He leads me off of the walkway onto the grass to look out over the lake.

  There's a family enjoying the afternoon nearby. The father is standing next to his son, their fishing lines in the water. The mother is cleaning up the remnants of their picnic, putting empty containers into a cooler. Their daughter, who appears to be around four years old, feeds the ducks a few feet away. Colton stares at them for several minutes, lost in thought.

  “I told you that we met in college.” He keeps his eyes glued on the family. “Nina was a bit older than me, but she was also going to school for a lot longer. While I was finishing up my bachelors, she was just starting her doctorate. We'd been together for three years. I was ready to settle down, and I thought that she was too.

  “She got pregnant,” he pauses, focusing on the boy. He has a fish hooked, and the father is helping him reel it in. The excitement on both of their faces is enough to make anyone smile.

  “Did she lose the baby?”

  “No. She had an abortion.”

  “Oh. I'm sorry.” There's no question in my mind that it's not what he had wanted. The way he's staring so intently at the family, he was ready for kids.

  “I'm not sure I would have been able to forgive that, so I suppose I can't blame her for not wanting to tell me.” His gaze falls to the grass. “But she never even gave me the option of talking about it. I found out from her sister's husband at their baby shower.”

  “That must have been awkward.”

  “Oh, it was.” He smiles wryly. “That poor guy had no idea what a hellacious fight disclosing that information to me would start. I'm glad that, for whatever reason, Nina's sister forgot to tell him to keep it a secret, though. Most awkward baby shower ever. Those were the tensest three hours of my life waiting for it all to be over so I could lay
into her.

  “I brought it up the second we got out to the car. Of course, she had her reasons. And part of me honestly couldn't blame her for doing it. If she had had the baby, she would have had to take time off from school, and she was concerned that she'd get immersed in motherhood and not go back.

  “I think it was more the fact that she had kept it from me. We were a team, and she didn't come to me for support. Didn't want to consider other options.

  “Of course, I would have wanted to keep the baby. I had money. My family had money. We could have made it work. But she didn't care enough to ask. She didn't care enough to try.” He shakes his head solemnly before glancing back over at the boy. “My kid would have been seven now.”

  “Oh Colton, I'm so sorry. That's horrible.” I curl my fingers around his arm and draw closer to him. I want to hug him, but I'm scared of how he'll react. The fact that he trusted me enough to share this with me only makes me like him more.

  “That's why honesty is so important to me. Promise that you'll never lie to me, Ember, that you'll never keep secrets.” He looks at me earnestly, and I can still see the lingering hurt there.

  “I promise.” No other answer will suffice.

  “Thank you.” He turns and pulls me into an embrace.

  I rest my forehead against his chest, inhaling his scent and falling into a sense of security that I never thought I would feel with him. This moment we're sharing is so raw on an emotional level. It makes me want to open up to him more—makes me feel safe to bare my soul to him.

  “Let's keep going. I don't like thinking about these things.” He disengages from the hug, taking my hand to pull me back onto the walking trail. “What about you? You never told me if you've been married before.”

  “I think you know the answer to that from my employee file. I've never been anything other than Miss Washington.” I swing our arms a bit, wanting to lighten the mood.

  “I'm surprised. You have such a brilliant personality.” He grins down at me.

  “Don't be a dick, Colton.” I bump shoulders with him, glad that he seems to be coming out of his funk.

  “I'm always a dick, Miss Washington. This is something you should know about me.”

  “You mean you always like thinking with your dick.” I glance down at his crotch.

  “Oh, are we really going to go there? Because I'm sure I could find a tree somewhere to ravage you behind.” Now he's full out beaming. It makes me feel good to know that I made him smile.

  “Keep it in your pants, Larsen.”

  “Serious voice.” He mocks me.

  “I am being serious. I said what I meant and I meant what I said. We're going to take things slow.”

  “I'll take it however you give it.” His expression softens, making my heart flutter.

  “You know, you're nothing how I expected you to be.”

  “I take it that's a good thing.”

  “It is. You've pleasantly surprised me.”

  “I hope I can continue to do so.”

  We walk in silence until we get to Pioneer Memorial Obelisk, a jutting structure that points like a finger straight to the sky. Colton stops in front of it to read the plaque attached to the granite surface as if he's never been to this spot before.

  “So, Miss Washington, I shared something very personal with you. Now it's your turn to share something personal with me. That only seems fair,” he says as he leads me toward the reflection pool.

  An unpleasant feeling balls up in my stomach as I think of all of the horrible things I could tell him. My past is an absolute nightmare. That's why I moved to Houston. That's why I've been in counseling almost since I came here. Thinking about any of it downs my mood.

  He's right, though. What he shared with me was intensely personal, and if I was a different person, I could have judged him harshly for it. A woman's body is her temple, and I've always thought that no man should have a say in whether or not she decides to abort a pregnancy, but he should have at least known. He deserved that right—the right to voice his opinion.

  Telling me that could have scared me away, but it didn't. Maybe sharing some of my skeletons is safe. Maybe he'll take into consideration that I've been open-minded and be open-minded about my issues as well.

  “Is there something specific you want to know? I have years worth of stories.” I stare at the lightly rippling water of the reflection pool.

  “I want to know whatever you're willing to share.”

  “You're the first person I've dated...well, ever.”

  “What? Really?” He seems genuinely surprised.

  “Yes.” I give him a look that tells him I'm dead serious.

  “Wow. But you're what, twenty-four?”

  “Twenty-one. About to be twenty-two.”

  “That's hard to believe. I mean, you're so beautiful. And I'm not just saying that. I mean it.”

  “Thanks.” I force a tight-lipped smile, too busy thinking about the why to take much appreciation in the compliment. “It hasn't been from lack of guys trying, trust me.”

  “You just haven't wanted to date up until now? Been too career focused?”

  “I told you before that I haven't had the best experiences with sex.”

  “Yeah.” He nods.

  “That's because...I've never had sex with someone who I actually wanted to.”

  “What?” He stops dead in his tracks before turning to face me, his expression filled with concern. “Did someone hurt you? Tell me who it is and I'll make them pay.”

  “It's not that.” I avoid his gaze. “Well, it kind of is that, but you'd have to go a long way away to get who hurt me, and I'm not sure I'd want that person hurt anyway.”

  “Tell me who it is. I'll go to the ends of the earth. I have resources, you know.”

  His macho act is endearing but completely unnecessary. While I loathe the man who did this to me, I don't have it in my heart to have him killed, even though he honestly deserves it.

  “It was my older brother, and you're not going to harm him.” I pull out of Colton's grasp and keep walking. He's rooted in place for a few moments processing what I said before he finally jogs to catch up with me.

  “Your brother? Your brother raped you?” His eyes narrow into slits.

  “He didn't rape me. He sold my body for drugs. Repeatedly.”

  “And you let him?” The audacity in his voice makes me cringe.

  “I'm not sure you understand the position I was in.”

  “I'm sorry.” He shakes his head. “Please explain.”

  I sigh. “It started when I was fourteen. He was sixteen. My brother has always been a bad kid. He started smoking pot when he was twelve. By the time he was fourteen, he became addicted to cocaine. By the time he was fifteen, he had joined a gang and things just went to shit from there.”

  “It sounds like things went to shit way before then.”

  “I know it does, but that's when he turned into a bad person. Before then, he didn't drag anyone else into his bullshit. He just...did his own thing.”

  “And your parents didn't try to get him help? Did they know?”

  “There's a big difference between knowing and caring. We don't all have great parents.” I glance up him. Colton is staring at me intently in interest. He seems completely engaged as if he's watching a captivating show on television. “It got to a point where he would lie, cheat, and steal to get money. He didn't have a job, so when he wasn't out causing trouble, he was home most of the time with his friends.

  “Our parents didn't care. My mom was more concerned with being the cool parent than actually doing her job as a mother. She'd drink and smoke and do drugs with my brother and his friends. It got to the point where our house was a party house. No one took life seriously. Every day there would be new people coming and going. It was insane.

  “One day, Nelson was jonesing really bad, and he didn't have any money to get his fix. We lived in a small two-bedroom home, so he and I shared a bedroom. My younger brothe
r slept in the bedroom with my parents. I was sitting on my bed doing my homework. Nelson was trying to hash out a deal with one of his dealers. The guy offered him some meth to sleep with me. Nelson bought into it.

  “Of course, I said no initially. The dealer tried to sweet talk me. I still said no. Nelson begged me, and when I wouldn't go along with it, he threatened me. I was a virgin at the time,” I say solemnly. “When I continued to resist, he jumped onto the bed and started wailing on me. He was a lot bigger, so every punch felt like getting hit with a brick. Eventually, I gave in, trembling and shaking and hating them both.” My eyes burn from the tears brimming them. Talking about it in such detail, I'm transported back to that moment. I feel the same fear and pain. It's more than I can handle.

  “I don't want to talk about it anymore.” I withdraw from Colton, wrapping my arms around myself and facing the pool. The tears fall like little beads of fire trailing down my cheeks. To cry in public is humiliating. All I want to do is run for the car, but we're so far away from it.

  “Come here.” Colton steps up behind me and pulls me into an embrace, whispering softly into my ear. “You don't have to be ashamed. It wasn't your fault.”

  “I know it wasn't. I'm just mad that it happened.” I wipe my face on the back of my arm.

  He turns me around to face him, his eyes boring into mine. “Listen to me, that's over now. No one will ever hurt you like that again.”

  “I know. Because I won't let anyone ever hurt me like that again. I'm a stronger person now. That still doesn't change that it happened.” I allow him to pull me against him, and I silently let the tears spill down against the front of his shirt.

  Feeling his strong arms around me and listening to his steady heartbeat is soothing. I've been through dozens of therapy sessions, maybe over a hundred, but none of them have ever been more healing than this. Colton seems like he actually cares, and that makes me feel less like I have to bear this burden alone.

  “Once Nelson figured out that he could buy drugs with me, he didn't stop using me. It was easier to sell me off than to risk his own safety by stealing things. I became the cash for many of his drug dealings. And none of the experiences were good. No hand that has ever touched me has been kind. That's why I hate sex. That's why I'm scared of men.”