Bridge of Mist and Fog

by Nikki Broadwell

  Fehin’s gaze slid away. “A few but nothing major.”

  “I know all about drugs now. A lot of students are into them.”

  “I can’t believe you don’t have a boyfriend,” he said, picking up his cup again and turning to look at her.

  Airy stared wide-eyed. “I couldn’t do that to you. And besides, everyone thinks I’m a freak.” She shook her head trying hard not to cry. He’d been with other girls. “Promise me you won’t keep things from me.”

  “Airy, I’m sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know that. I’ve known for a long time. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  When Airy went into the bathroom to take a shower she took a look in the mirror. Her expression had changed but she couldn’t say how and she had a rash around her mouth from all the kissing. No wonder Carla had said what she did. And thank goodness she did because Airy wouldn’t have thought of it herself.

  She shuddered to think about having a baby right now. Her mother had never mentioned birth control or much of anything regarding this part of life. Maybe she’d considered Airy too young for such a conversation. Of course that was two years ago now. A lot had happened in between. Later today she’d drop by Planned Parenthood and find out what she needed. There was one very close to campus.

  ***

  It was late morning by the time Airy and Fehin left the house. Carla had gone off to her job in the local bookstore so Airy locked up, placing the key under the flowerpot. She decided to skip her classes for the day. Part of her never wanted to go back but she thought she’d talk it over with Fehin before making a final decision. Since her return to school her grandparents had been sending regular checks to her bank account. And of course they knew that Fehin hadn’t been around for over a year.

  Fehin sat in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood while she had an examination and spoke with the nurse. She got what she needed and then the two of them headed along the sidewalk in the direction of the school.

  “Let’s get a coffee,” Airy suggested as they walked by the local independent coffee shop. They had to push by several homeless people hanging around to get to the door.

  “I never turn down coffee,” Fehin said. “But I don’t have any money,” he whispered.

  “My treat,” she said, but by then Fehin had turned away to talk to a homeless man. Inside she ordered lattes, adding a few cheese buns and a couple of breakfast sandwiches to take out. Outside again she headed toward Fehin and two other men who seemed lost in discussion. “Here’s your coffee,” she said coming up behind him. Fehin turned and took the cup. “And I brought some buns for your friends.” Airy handed the bag to the closest man who took it, nodding perfunctorily. His eyes were dull and he wore a crazy patchwork of clothing and an army blanket around his shoulders. When Airy headed to the park across the street Fehin finally moved out of their midst and came to join her.

  “What was that all about?” she asked him once he was seated on the bench next to her.

  He looked at her quizzically. “You need to read the book Gunnar gave me. Those people illustrate perfectly what’s wrong with the system. They have no housing, no money and no jobs and no way to get health care if they’re sick. A lot of them have fought for this country and look what thanks they get. I told them I would do whatever I could to help. A stray dog gets more attention than they do.”

  Airy gazed at the little pond, the only thing left of the park. A plaque commemorating: SAVE THE PARK, had been embedded in a boulder right off the walkway. Airy knew that Carla had been instrumental in trying to keep this parcel of land away from developers. The pond and a few benches were all that was left of it, the rest given over to condos and fast food restaurants. The other three benches held sleeping bags occupied by those who hadn’t yet come under police scrutiny. “What can you do?”

  Fehin grimaced. “If I had magic I’d build them a village. Are you still talking to trees?”

  Airy laughed. “Yes, and lots of other things too.”

  “Meanwhile I have nothing.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  “It could be depression. Maybe it’ll come back now that we’re together.”

  “I bet it will, Fehin. You need to be happy to have magic.”

  “Is that your professional opinion, Dr. Fitzhugh?”

  Airy laughed. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? Our minds are so powerful. We talked about that before—how so many people are unhappy here. I’m sure you saw a lot of that.”

  Fehin eyes darkened as he gazed into the distance. “Yeah, I did, but I also saw people who should have been unhappy but were full of joy. There’s a lot of resilience in this country.”

  “Have you thought at all about our destiny?”

  “Not much. I’ve been too preoccupied with staying alive. I have to get a job.”

  “What about your bank account?”

  “It’s empty.” He swiveled toward her. “I’m sorry I took your money. I’m sorry I was such a jerk and I’m sorry I left, but I couldn’t stay. I was lost, Airy, and I stayed lost for a very long time.”

  “And now?” she asked, turning toward him.

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t go on without seeing you. I’m just glad you accepted me after how I treated you.”

  “It took me a while but I finally figured it out. You had to be alone. I mean seriously, you almost died. Just picking up where we left off wasn’t going to work. Do you think you’re ready now?”

  “I hope so,” he said, putting his hand out to touch her hair. “You have so much light in you, Airy.”

  Airy made a funny face. “Not sure what you mean but I’ll take it as a compliment.”

  “I didn’t really see you before. I mean I did until I got sick and then…well…” He shook his head. “Listen, if you have a class this afternoon I’ll go look for a job. I checked out the paper this morning and I have a couple of ideas.”

  “I want to go with you.”

  Fehin’s mouth quirked. He picked up one of her curls and twisted it between his fingers while he watched her. “Afraid I’ll run away?”

  “Kind of. After what happened last night I thought we’d spend the day together.”

  Fehin stood up and then bent to kiss her. “I’ll be back by five at the latest. Are you sure Carla doesn’t mind me free-loading?”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means taking advantage, not paying my way.”

  Airy shook her head. “You’ve spent one night there, Fehin. She’ll tell you if she’s unhappy about it.”

  “I’ll see you later.”

  Airy watched him walk away, struck again by the profound changes in him. She didn’t know this man and yet she could barely stand to be parted. “Hurry back!” she yelled.

  Airy left the bag of breakfast sandwiches on one of the occupied benches and then headed toward campus. Fehin had changed so much she hardly knew him. He’d been with other girls—‘women’ he’d called them. Would he be bored with her? She knew very little about the lives of the homeless, hadn’t had a conversation with one person about the ongoing problems. Mostly she was afraid of them and steered clear. It was only because one of her professors considered himself an activist and spoke often of rising up against the system that she knew anything at all. After seeing Fehin with those men she realized how much he’d been involved in that life during the year he was gone. He was one of them and they knew it. What if his magic never came back?

  37

  When he reached the edge of campus Fehin glanced over his shoulder to watch Airy. Her gait was deer-like, graceful and fluid, her hair a halo of gold/red as she hurried to her class. He hoped that what they’d done last night wasn’t a mistake. He had to admit that after his experiences on the street she seemed very young. He didn’t know if taking this step would help or hinder what lay ahead of them. But he couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried. The only thing that would have ended it was if Airy had said no. He gave her the o
pportunity but she’d welcomed him despite her obvious fear. And the experience with her was not like any he’d had so far—what happened between them was on a completely different level.

  He sighed. If he didn’t get his magic back it wouldn’t matter one way or the other. He loved her, that much was clear, and she loved him. He didn’t want to take away the sparkle of joy in her eyes or burden her with what he’d seen, and yet without doing so he wasn’t sure he could impress upon her what was at risk. They had to find a way to build a bridge, whatever that meant. And right now he was unable to come up with anything that made sense. Without his magic he was unable to contact Gunnar or send any kind of telepathic messages. He was stuck in the ‘real world’ and it was not one he liked.

  ***

  “How much experience have you had?” the stocky middle-aged contractor asked. He had thick forearms and a belly to match but he was definitely strong.

  Fehin had no references. “Tell you what, if I don’t pull my weight you don’t have to pay me.”

  The man studied him for a moment, his hand going to his chin. “You have three days,” he said. “Now grab a hard hat and follow me.”

  ***

  Fehin was not used to physical labor and was very tired by the end of the day. He left the construction site after promising to be back at eight o’clock sharp the following morning. He’d kept up with the work but felt Hank watching and assessing. He didn’t want to lose this job. It paid well and was a project that would last several months. If he could stick it out he might make enough to pay Carla for staying at her house and contribute to the household money.

  On the way home he caught a glimpse of someone in the shadows who he was pretty sure was following him. His first thought was Wolf. He hadn’t heard anything from his half-brother since Halston. But without his telepathic abilities he couldn’t make contact with him—not unless his brother made himself known. A minute after that thought went through his mind Wolf was standing in front of him.

  “Here I am,” he said.

  Fehin kept on walking, trying to skirt around him, but Wolf ran ahead, placing his bulky body directly in his path. “Why are you ignoring me?”

  “Why do you think? All you’ve done is make my life miserable. What do you want from me?”

  “You know what I want but from what I’ve observed you don’t have the power to give it to me. At least you have the girl now. Lucky you.”

  “No thanks to you. She almost died.”

  “That was a test which you failed miserably. Do you ever wonder why you no longer have magic?”

  Fehin didn’t answer, trying to move around him again but Wolf blocked him. “Your mind is so open, Fehin. It absorbs every thought, every feeling. Don’t you wonder why you’ve been in such a dark place?”

  “Are you saying you’re responsible?”

  “Only partially.” Wolf laughed. “This world is filled with darkness, or hadn’t you noticed?” Wolf bent toward him. “But you would have noticed while you were doing heroin and meth and crack and the rest of the shit you were into. Does your little girlfriend know about that?”

  Fehin felt a prick of fear. He was off the drugs now but it taken a supreme effort and many months to wean himself. How did Wolf know about his life on the street?

  “I was there,” Wolf answered, reading his mind. “You might not have seen me but I was right along with you, feeding you thoughts and helping you find what you were looking for. I watched you fuck yourself up and writhe on the ground like an animal. And the women you chose to take as partners.” He shook his head. “Does Airy know about them?” Wolf made a tusking sound with his tongue. “Whores and drug addicts. I’m surprised you didn’t catch some dread disease.”

  Fehin tried to remember if he’d had any inkling of his brother’s presence during those terrible months, but the memories were fuzzy and filled with drug-induced fog. Heroin had only been one of the dangerous substances he’d become addicted to. “Are you saying you were the one procuring the drugs?”

  “Maybe. I like those substances and how I feel when I’m on them. I can find them for you now, if you’d like.”

  “I wouldn’t like,” Fehin said, muscling by him. “Get the fuck away from me.”

  “You’ve changed, I’ll grant you that. But dealing with me is not so easy.”

  “I don’t have any magic to help you with. What else could you possibly want?”

  “I want what you have—a beautiful girlfriend, a nice place to live and a good job. Is that too much to ask?”

  “What are you suggesting?”

  “You get me a job with Hank and I’ll leave you alone. If you don’t help me I can’t be responsible for what I might do.”

  “Why in hell do you want a job?”

  “I need money and so far no one will hire me. They act like I’m some kind of circus freak.”

  “And so you are.”

  “Don’t fuck with me Fehin. Imagine what I could do to Airy and then give me your answer.”

  Fehin stared at him. “I’ll talk to Hank,” he finally said.

  “See you tomorrow at the construction site,” Wolf said, leering at him.

  Fehin hurried away, his thoughts scattering like frightened birds. The idea of Wolf working alongside him was completely insane. Damn it! He needed his magic. At least that way he could contact Gunnar. Now he had to worry about Airy finding out about his life on the streets. If she knew the truth she wouldn’t understand—it would be the end of what they’d just begun. The light in her eyes would disappear, perhaps forever. He couldn’t stand the thought of that. And if that bastard did anything to Airy he would find a way to kill him.

  ***

  “Just in time,” Carla said cheerily when he walked through the door.

  “Where have you been?” Airy whispered. “You said you’d be back by five.”

  “Sorry,” he whispered back. “Some things came up with Sam.”

  “Sam? Is he your new boss?”

  Fehin nodded, heading into the kitchen to help with dinner.

  ***

  “What is going on with you?” Airy asked once they were in bed. “You were weird during dinner and now you’ve got your face in a book.”

  Fehin looked up, closing the book about the 21st century and turned toward her. He felt a burning need to come clean but he couldn’t. “Sorry, I’m just tired. It was a long day. You should read this book,” he added, handing it to her.

  Airy took it and placed it on the bed between them. “I understand that you’re tired but the look in your eyes scares me.”

  “What look?”

  “The last time I saw it was when Wolf was around. Is he here?”

  Fehin sighed and then got out of bed. He wanted to tell her so badly.

  “He is, isn’t he?” Airy jumped out of bed and came around to grab his arm. “Tell me the truth!”

  Fehin wanted to say no, but he couldn’t lie to her. “Yes, he’s here.”

  “What are we going to do?”

  “You aren’t going to do anything. I’m going to find a way to kill him.”

  “Fehin! You can’t be serious! You don’t have magic and he’s twice your size.”

  “He’s blackmailing me into getting him a job at the construction site.”

  “Blackmail? What does he have on you?”

  Fehin cursed himself for revealing this. “Let’s just say I’ve done some things.”

  “What kind of things? Do you mean like murder?”

  “No, nothing like that. It happened while I was living on the street. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Airy was facing him now, her eyes narrowed. “How does Wolf know?”

  “Jesus, Airy. Can we drop it?”

  Airy turned away and then climbed into bed. She pulled her knees up, and wrapped her arms around them. “I thought we said we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other. I don’t want to start the trust issues again.”

  Fehin sat down next to her. “It has nothing to
do with you. It’s in the past. Apparently Wolf was following me. I didn’t know, I never saw him. He’s responsible for a lot of the shit that was going on in my head at the time. He was feeding me dark thoughts.”

  “Fehin, I’m not a child. You can tell me what happened. Whatever it is I forgive you. If you keep this to yourself there’s no hope for us.”

  When Fehin met her gaze he realized she was right. Just because he’d lived on the streets and she hadn’t didn’t mean she was incapable of understanding or forgiveness. If he didn’t tell her the truth they couldn’t continue. They were connected and she could see right through his lies. He sighed heavily and then leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes. “You may decide you don’t ever want to see me again,” he began, keeping his eyes closed.

  Airy’s fingers touched his hand and then she twined them through his. “I can’t think of anything that would make me feel like that—even if you’d murdered someone. Because I know if you did kill someone it had to be for a very good reason. I know who you are, Fehin, even though you think I don’t.”

  Fehin opened his eyes and leaned forward. He took her face between his hands and kissed her softly on the mouth. “You wouldn’t like the person I was during those months, Airy. I’ll tell you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  38

  Airy turned to face Fehin as he began to speak. Her heart was pounding and her hands had begun to sweat. She kept them folded together as she waited to hear the worst.

  “I’ve done drugs, Airy, very bad ones—heroin, crack cocaine, meth, a bunch of hallucinogens. I’m lucky to be alive. In my defense I have to say that losing my magic made me kind of crazy. The drugs helped, especially the hallucinogenic ones.”

  “So far I forgive you,” she said, her eyes meeting his. There was pain there and it made her heart hurt to see it. “How did you get off them?”

  Fehin let out a long breath. “It took half a year. I was a miserable mess. But I knew if I didn’t I’d be dead. After a point there’s no coming back.” He looked up, his eyes dark. “I saw a lot of people die.”

  Airy watched him, trying hard not to cry. The idea of him drugged out with no one to turn to made her feel sick inside.