Unbearable

by Amity Cross

  Standing to his full height, he pounded into me, his breathing labored, his skin starting to bead with sweat. He never spoke once, never stopped to please me, never asked if I liked his cock, this was suddenly all about him.

  My orgasm splintered through me and despite the pain, I liked it. We'd had rough sex before, but this was another level…it wasn't personal and even as he fucked me from behind, I found myself wondering if this was how he did it with all those women. How he got off. No wonder none of them stuck.

  He slapped my ass hard, a sharp sting blossoming across my skin. Then he slapped the other side, thrusting harder, his cock striking deep and painfully. When he came, it was with a deep grunt and at the last second, he pulled out and jerked himself off, slapping the head of his cock against my red ass cheeks.

  It was like a fucking porno. All for show, all for his benefit. Selfish fucking bastard.

  Pulling off the condom, he stroked himself and didn't touch me again. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?

  "Get out," he said, reaching for his pants.

  My heart dropped into my stomach. "What the fuck, Savage?"

  "Get out," he said again, this time his voice dropping to sub-zero temperatures.

  "What happened?" I asked, not quite believing his sudden change in demeanor. "What did I say?"

  He glared at me as I straightened up, every little bit of warmth he'd gazed at me in the bar earlier was gone. "I've fucked you all I'm ever going to, so just get out."

  I felt my face heat as my mouth fell open in shock. I didn't know what else to do. Humiliated, I pulled on my jeans and T-shirt, scooping my bra and knickers into my hands. He'd just fucked me like it meant shit and now I was being tossed?

  I was afraid of this the moment he'd become aware of my feelings. He'd wanted me for all the wrong reasons and it stung like a bitch.

  Lowering my head and hiding behind the cascade of my black, tangled hair, I did the walk of shame right back to my room. A walk I'd been positive I'd never have to do.

  What a stupid fucking bitch.

  I thought I was humiliated the night Mick found out about my feelings. Turned out, I didn't know the definition of the word.

  I'd been kicked to the curb like a fucking groupie whore out for a little bit of banging. He wasn't just a manwhore, he was a lying, manipulative asshole and I couldn't believe I fell for it. I couldn't believe that he'd do it to me. I was Affliction's fucking manager. I'd never told him that I was only on temporarily. Only West seemed to have the brains to figure that one out, or at least, I thought he was. Mick had gotten his fix of my pussy, decided I was discardable and tossed me out.

  Just like that.

  I was such a stupid fucking bitch. If anyone found out, the fallout and the rumors were going to ruin my career. The label would drop me like a ton of bricks and I wouldn't even be able to scrounge up a gig at a tiny asshole of a club, let alone another label. I was done.

  So, I literally turned my phone off, shoved it and my tablet in a drawer in my hotel room and left. No one was going to touch me today. I wasn't going to run around for Affliction or anybody. They could suffer a day at the studio without me. It wasn't like we were in the midst of a tour or anything. I doubted anyone would miss me until they wanted something anyway. Didn't I feel like a special fucking petal?

  Didn't fucking help that I was tender right between the legs. I could feel where he'd fucked me like a whore and it was driving me mad. I couldn't stay at the hotel all day, so I went out, walking the streets, pounding the pavements of Los Angeles. I don't know where I went, what neighborhoods I passed or if I even left central LA. What the fuck was I meant to do? I couldn't hide forever…could I?

  I was only managing Affliction temporarily, maybe the label had other plans for me? Maybe they had another job I could take. Maybe I could just pack a bag and leave. In the space of five seconds everything had just imploded. I was numb. Was this what life felt like when you lost your heart? When it was smashed to the point it was unrecognizable? Did you just stop feeling? I fucking hoped so.

  When the sun started to set and street lamps started flicking on, I went back to the hotel.

  Stepping out of the elevator, my attention was drawn by a loud female laugh. Glancing down the hall, my entire body went cold. He stood in the doorway of his room, a woman in a little bitty dress gazing up at him with a smile. Her hair was all post-sex disheveled and my heart shattered. It actually felt like it was splintering into a thousand tiny pieces, but I couldn't look away. I watched a shirtless Mick kiss the nameless woman and she stepped away as he closed the door.

  As she passed me, her swollen lips curved into a sly smile. Slut.

  "Good time?" I asked like I needed the confirmation. Please fuck no.

  She gave me a wink. "A full eight inches and then some."

  Rage flared in the pit of my stomach and I felt my face heat. The woman giggled and disappeared into the elevator and I was left to seethe in silent fury.

  I couldn't pin point the moment where my grip on sanity loosened, but my vision blurred as I stalked down the hall with one thing on my mind. I hammered both fists on Mick's door. I hammered it so hard, I could almost imagine I was pounding on his face.

  The door opened a split second later, revealing a stunned looking Mick and before he could say anything, I punched him square in the face. Fury had overridden sanity and I wasn't sure what part I connected with - I think it was his eye and nose. My hand jarred painfully with the impact, but I was numb to it.

  He stumbled back into the door, clutching his face and I just let it fly.

  "You fucked her?" I shrieked. "After everything I confided in you?"

  "Fuck, Sasha-"

  "How could you? You fucking piece of shit. I should've known you'd toss me at the first sign of commitment. No wonder you're so fucking alone, Mick, you're nothing but a nasty piece of shit. Who'd want that? No one."

  "Sasha," he moaned, trying to grab hold of me. "Fuck. I-"

  I twisted out of his reach. "I can't believe I fell for it. I can't believe I thought I was in love with you." His face began to pale into an odd shade of grey. "I hate you, Mick Savage. I fucking hate you."

  Spinning on my heel I fled down the hall, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to overwhelm everything. Trying to fight the split in my heart from claiming me in front of him.

  "Sasha?"

  I almost ran smack bang into a shocked looking Blair and I'd never been so happy to see her in my whole entire life.

  "What the fuck's going on? Mick-"

  "Is a fucking lying cunt."

  "Sasha, wait," Mick called out, having had enough time to pull on a shirt so he could chase me for what seemed like the millionth time in the space of a week.

  Blair let go of the handle on her suitcase and stepped between us. "Lay off, Savage. Didn't that right hook tell you something?"

  "Fuck, Blair. Sasha, please. I fucked up..."

  "I can't," I hissed. "I can't...if you really felt the same way, you'd never go fuck some cheap slut."

  I couldn't stand there any longer in the presence of the man that had held my heart for so long and had obliterated it in less than a millisecond. I spun on my heel and stormed off, aiming for the sanctuary of my room.

  "Don't you even fucking dare, Savage," I heard Blair hiss at him. "Leave off. I think you've done enough, don't you?"

  "Blair, don't get in my way."

  "Want another fist in your eye? I'll rip your balls off too, if you want. I'm good for it."

  Swiping the key card, the lock flashed red and I tried again, my hands shaking. Their voices started to fade into a haze and I wasn't quite sure where I was anymore. I kept swiping the card but nothing was working.

  "Here." Blair was behind me, taking the card and letting us into my room. "He's gone for now."

  As she closed the door behind her, the reality of the situation began to crash down on me and I crumbled to my knees. I'd been numb to it since he'd tosse
d me out, but as the anger started to wear off the pain came in one sickening wave. A sob burst from my throat and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. My hand throbbed ten times worse than when I'd hit Dex and I knew I'd probably broken it.

  I didn't care. I didn't care. I didn't care.

  Mick had just plunged his hand into my chest cavity and ripped. There was no finesse or flair to it, it was raw and totally fucking agonizing.

  "Sasha." Blair was on the floor next to me, her arms curling around my back.

  "I love him," I choked out. "I love him and he fucked someone else. He promised. He promised."

  "Fuck, Sasha, your hand."

  Glancing down, I realized my knuckles were red. Not just red and swollen, but smeared with spots of blood where the skin had split open. As if I wasn't already in enough pain.

  "Shit," Blair hissed. "It looks nasty. I'm going to take you to the hospital okay? We've gotta get that x-rayed."

  "Don't tell West. Please don't tell him," I pleaded. "Nobody knows."

  "You were fooling around in secret?" Her eyebrow quirked. "Why?"

  "My job. I'm not...it's not permanent."

  I wanted the hard-ass Blair, I didn't want sympathy, but she gave me a kind look and didn't ask any more questions. I didn't want them, so at least I got that.

  "C'mon." She helped me to my feet, wiping my tears away with the back of her hand. "Grab your phone, blow that snot out your nose and lets get that hand checked out."

  Opening the drawer where I'd left my phone, I shoved it in my pocket and Blair held the door open for me. I hesitated, clutching my hand to my stomach.

  "He's not out there," she said, gesturing for me to follow. "I've got your back."

  So, that's how Blair put me into a cab and led me into the emergency room of the nearest hospital like a baby. I felt every single bit of pain as the cab bounced over pot holes and I knew I wasn't coming out of this without some scarring. What was I going to do now? I couldn't stay…I couldn't face him again.

  Blair was speaking with a woman in pink colored scrubs as I stood staring into the distance. They sat me on a seat, took my details and the triage nurse gave me a painkiller to take. All that was left to do was sit there in the harsh glow of the waiting room biding our time until they could see me.

  "I've gotta call West," Blair said, squeezing my knee. "He'll be wondering where I am. You gunna be okay for a second?"

  "Don't tell him," I croaked.

  She shook her head. "Secret girls business. He can fuck off."

  Giving her a thin smile, I watched her disappear through the automatic doors. I was in so much trouble. Closing my eyes, I willed everything to just go away. I wished I could take back that night at that VIP party. I wished I hadn't listened to West when he told me to have some fun and just stayed in instead. If I'd listened to my own instincts, then Mick wouldn't have seen and everything would be okay. Time would've passed and my crush would've faded into obscurity. I'd wasted three and a half years loving a man who could never love me. A man who could probably never love anyone.

  Blair's arm brushed mine as she sat down and I opened my eyes. "What did you say?"

  "Chillax," she said with a smile. "I told him I found you in the lobby and couldn't let you come on your own. He has no idea."

  "What did you do?" I asked, tears welling again. "When you found West?"

  Blair grimaced and glanced away, knowing exactly what I meant. She'd had it worse. She saw him during the act, I only got the aftermath. "You know what happened."

  "How did you deal? I feel like I'm coming apart."

  She was quiet for so long, I didn't know if she was going to reply, but she said, "I didn't deal, Sasha. West forced me to when all I wanted to do was disappear. You were part of that."

  "West isn't Mick," I said sullenly.

  Her lips thinned, but she didn't try and make me feel better with empty words. She knew as well as I did that this was different. West had been tricked into getting high with one of his 'arrangements'. That woman had gone in there with the intent to manipulate. Mick had been in total control the whole time. That was the difference.

  "Sasha Montgomery?"

  Blair nudged me. "They're calling for you. You want me to come?"

  I shook my head and rose to my feet. "Thanks, Blair. For everything."

  She nodded sharply. "I'll be here when you get out."

  The nurse took me through to x-ray and I followed all their directions numbly. Totally on auto-pilot.

  As I laid my aching hand on the counter underneath the sleek looking x-ray machine, I couldn't help the big, fat tear that spilled out and plopped right next to it. The technician gave me a sympathetic look, but I didn't care.

  I should've known better. I knew exactly who Mick Savage was before I went into this thing. He fucked and tossed and I'd stuck longer than the others, but the result was still the same.

  It hurt to admit it, but a leopard couldn't change its spots.

  Mick

  I didn't fuck her. That woman.

  She tried to rub one out of me, I stopped her before it went too far, but that was just as bad. Sasha and I had never been exclusive, but it was implied the moment I told her she was mine. That shit went both ways.

  When I'd gotten up the next morning, my eye was already a deserving shade of blueish-black and when I'd walked into the studio, it was the talk of the town. Who'd beat me up? Who was I out fighting? I didn't say how I'd gotten it. West was smart enough to leave it alone when he saw the expression on my face. The explosive rage that would've bubbled over if they pushed me too far.

  I'd fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me. The best someone that had happened and why? Because a part of me still wanted to hold on to my freedom. Fuck, my freedom to what? Fuck random birds and wake up alone?

  Mick Savage you stupid fucking cunt.

  When Sasha didn't turn up, I didn't ask any questions. When she didn't turn up the next day either, I couldn't hold it in.

  "Where's Sasha?" I asked West, who was the first one in for a change. With Blair around to crack the whip, he'd obviously gotten a lot better at being on time.

  "She's at a meeting with the label bosses," he replied.

  "What do you mean? Why?"

  "They want her to manage some newbie band or some shit."

  "But she's our manager..."

  "She never really had the gig, mate," West said, eyeing me suspiciously. "It was always temporary. The label have final say over who manages us, you know that."

  "Fucked they do," I spat. "She's a million times better than Furlough ever was."

  "Did something happen between you guys?"

  I shook my head. She was leaving? Were they making her, or was she volunteering?

  "Mick, I saw you with her the other night at the bar."

  "What?"

  "I saw you."

  "You saw shit."

  "I saw you kiss her, mate. Then whatever you did broke her fucking heart. You know she's got a broken hand from punching your stupid face, right? Do I have to break something of yours to make it even?"

  The blood drained from my face and I felt like puking. "She broke her hand?"

  "Two hairline fractures. Blair took her to the hospital and she pleaded with her not to tell me, but I worked it out on my own. It wasn't a stretch, believe me." He stood up to his full height, his expression total darkness and I totally thought he was gunna thump me one. I'd had fisticuffs with him before and no guesses who came out second best. "Screw with her again and you'll have to deal with me. Got it?"

  I never knew West was so protective of Sasha, but he would, wouldn't he? She was there for him when everything went down after Furlough ratted him out to the press. She was there helping him win back Blair. Of course he'd look out for her.

  "She's gunna take the job," I whispered.

  "To get away from you. You fucking know she's the best manager we've ever had and you ruined that, mate. This is all on you."

 
From the look on West's face, I knew if I didn't fix this I was out of the band. Once Joe and Rob caught wind, then my entire life was over. I'd lose the band, the guys - my family and the woman I was falling for, all because of my stupid fear of commitment. Spinning on my heel, I stalked across the studio. There was no way I was going down without a fight.

  "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" West called out behind me.

  "To tell her exactly how I feel."

  Sasha

  I sat awkwardly in the reception of Galaxy Records, LA, my right hand in a stark white plaster cast. They'd stuck it in some fancy to-do sling at the hospital and told me to keep it on for a few days. I had two hairline fractures, but somehow it seemed worth it. It was day two post-asshole-beating and I was still trying to comprehend the number that had just been pulled on me.

  Blair had been true to her word and hadn't mentioned a thing to West, or at least I hadn't heard anything and I was relieved. I couldn't handle anymore drama right now, especially since I'd gotten a phone call the day after everything had imploded with Mick. A phone call that could change everything.

  When I'd gone AWOL walking all over LA, there had been a message waiting for me. A message I wished with all my heart that I'd gotten a week ago. The label had something exciting they wanted to discuss with me and I hoped to god it was a gig managing some other band. I didn't care who it was as long as it was anyone but Affliction.

  Even though I was wearing my heart on my sleeve right now, I could write it off on the cast on my hand. I'd thought up a plausible enough story to explain its presence and hoped it would fly because telling your bosses you punched one of their precious 'artists' in the face would really sell my skill set.

  "Miss Montgomery?"

  I glanced up at the male voice and instantly recognized the face that was smiling at me. I hadn't met him in person, but I recognized him from the numerous photographs that were constantly splashed in tabloids and music biz magazines. He was taller than I'd expected, dressed in a sharp black suit, sans-tie and open collar.