Reach For the Spy

by Diane Henders

  “Oh.” He sat in silence for a while. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

  “I try not to.”

  After another short silence, he spoke again. “I don’t think your relationship is weird,” he said quietly. “After my wife died, I went through a time like that.”

  I turned to him in the half-light. “I’m sorry. I was so absorbed in my own drama, I didn’t even think to ask if you’d been married.”

  He shrugged. “It’s okay. It was twenty-five years ago. It’s old news.”

  “Twenty-five years?” I peered at him. “Jeez, how old were you?”

  “I was twenty. She was nineteen.” He sighed. “We had to rush the wedding a bit because she was pregnant, but I would’ve married that girl no matter what. I was crazy about her.”

  “What happened?” I asked softly.

  “She died in childbirth.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugged again. “I spent a lot of years afraid to get attached. I just found a warm body and took a little comfort now and then. But now, I’m okay with whatever happens.” He took my hand gently. “So I know where you’re coming from. If you just need a warm body some night, I can be that for you. No attachment.”

  I stared out over the darkening fields. I still felt fragile after the strain of the day. I could lie back right now on this warm, grass-scented hillside and let Tom Rossburn soothe my aching body under the big sky. Just a short chance to forget everything and take a little comfort.

  Not counting my late husband, Hellhound was the only man I’d slept with in... Jesus, nearly two decades. I deserved a chance to sample the herd, dammit. There was nothing stopping me. A nice, willing man was sitting right beside me. No strings attached.

  I sighed. There were always strings. It was too complicated. It was too dangerous for him. And I had a sneaking suspicion that despite his past, or maybe because of it, he was ready to get attached again.

  “Thanks, Tom. I’ll keep that in mind. But I don’t think it’ll happen.”

  “Why not?” He wasn’t demanding, just asking.

  “I just... can’t.”

  “Why are you being faithful to him when you know he won’t be faithful to you? You deserve better than that.”

  “I’m not being faithful to him. I just... there are other reasons.”

  “Aydan.” He leaned forward to meet my eyes. “Are you afraid of him? Is he abusing you?”

  “No!” I stared at him in shock. “Arnie would never hurt me. He’s the gentlest man I know.” I realized how implausible that sounded as the words left my mouth. With his ugly bearded face, tattoos, and biking leathers, Hellhound made a frightening first impression. ‘Gentle’ was not the first adjective that came to mind.

  “If he’s the gentlest man you know, then you need to get to know more men. He was rough with you today. If he does that in public, what’s he like when you’re alone?”

  “No, no, he was just horsing around. He’s not like that.” I threw up my hands. I knew I was sounding just like every abused woman on the planet, defending her abuser.

  “Tom, thanks for being concerned. I wouldn’t put up with abuse. And I don’t believe Arnie would ever hurt me. Or any woman.”

  “Okay.” He rose. “I have to get back.”

  I stood, too. “Me, too. It’s going to be another long week.” I peered through the falling darkness at him and hesitated. “Can we just... be friends?”

  He squeezed my hand. “Friends, for sure. With benefits, if you want that.”

  “Um… thanks. Good night,” I said awkwardly.

  “Good night.” He swung into the saddle and I listened to the receding thud of hooves.

  Chapter 12

  I dragged myself into the shower in the morning. After another night of desperately trying to run away while my dream feet refused to move, I was exhausted and edgy. Despite my determined effort at a positive attitude, dull dread of the day weighed down my body like lead chains.

  I caught myself at the breakfast table with my head propped in one hand, inches over my bowl while I mindlessly shovelled cereal into my mouth. I shook myself and sat up straight. Get a grip.

  Hoping for a boost, I brewed myself a cup of caffeinated tea instead of my usual herbal and headed out the door.

  At the Silverside Hotel, I perched in the grubby chair. After organizing the papers the previous week, I’d cleaned the desk and computer, so at least that was an improvement. On the downside, Bill Harks had taken to leaning on the back of my chair and breathing down my neck for extended periods.

  As he lumbered into the office yet again, I squelched my irritation and concentrated on my entries. Even at nine o’clock in the morning, I caught a whiff of alcohol on his breath when he loomed over me from behind. I’d been working and trying to ignore the sound of his breathing for about ten minutes when I felt the touch on my hair.

  It wasn’t noticeable enough for me to comment, and in fact I thought I’d imagined it the first time. A couple of minutes later, though, there was no mistaking the feel of his hand stroking down my back.

  I stood immediately and turned to face him, Eddy’s warning ringing in my head. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Geez, you’re uptight. Relax.”

  “Get away from me. I don’t work until you leave.”

  “I’m paying you.” His hard little eyes squinted even smaller. “Sit your ass down in this chair and give me what I’m paying for.”

  “I am giving you what you’re paying for. You’re not paying for the privilege of touching me.”

  “Well, I’m paying more than anybody else in town. Seems to me I should get some extra services for that.”

  Shit, I’d had a bad feeling that extra charge was going to come back and bite me. But I was exhausted and on edge, and I was feeling distinctly threatened. My temper flared despite my best efforts to control it.

  “You’re paying extra because your working conditions are disgusting. If you want to pay regular price, you’ll have to let me take the work home.”

  His enormous hand shot out, remarkably fast for such a big man. He crushed my wrist in his grip and yanked me toward him. “You’re gonna work here. And I’m gonna get what I’m paying for.”

  Adrenaline flooded me as I glared up at him from close range. “You have exactly three seconds to let go of me.”

  “Or what?” He grabbed my breast and squeezed. Hard.

  Pain and fear turned into violent rage in a split second. I didn’t even consciously aim the vicious kick that connected solidly with his crotch.

  In the second that it took for the impact to register in his brain, I was already jerking my arm out of his grasp. As he started to fold, I locked my fists together and used my coiled-up momentum to unwind into a whistling two-handed blow that caught him in the side of the face.

  The desk rattled when he hit the floor. Completely out of control, I snatched up the ledger book and flung it savagely at his head.

  “I quit, asshole!” My voice was harsh and unrecognizable even to my own ears. I stood panting for a few long seconds, fists clenched, using all my willpower not to kick him into a bloody pulp while he lay there clutching himself.

  At last, control won by a tiny margin and I let out a wild roar of frustrated fury and stomped from the room.

  I shoved past the two incoming staff members and forged straight out to my car to burn rubber out of the parking lot, mindlessly heading for the highway.

  Common sense whispered that I was far too upset to be driving.

  I pulled the car over at the small community park and got out, shaking all over. Still driven by a massive overdose of adrenaline, I launched myself into a berserk sprint, circling the park until my heart threatened to burst from my chest.

  My knees suddenly gave out between paces, and the jolt of my body hitting the ground knocked some sanity back into me. I lay sprawled where I’d fallen. My pounding heart darkened the edges of my vision while I gasped for air.


  The ground vibrated with the rapid thudding of feet approaching at a run.

  For shit’s sake, could this day get any worse? I’d thought I was completely alone, and the park was surrounded by trees. Nobody should have been able to see me.

  I groaned with the sheer injustice of it all and resisted the urge to pound my head against the ground. For one thing, it would be embarrassing to get caught doing that. For another thing, I couldn’t lift my head yet.

  “Aydan!” Kane’s voice. “Aydan!”

  What the hell was he doing here?

  I concentrated instead on the more urgent question of how to drag more air into my burning lungs.

  Then his large hands were rolling me over and brushing my tangled hair back, his tense face hovering above me.

  “I’m… fine,” I gasped.

  He whipped out his phone and punched a button. “I’ve got her.”

  He hung up and stared down at me, his fingers on my pulse. “What happened?”

  “In... a minute,” I panted. “Gotta catch... my breath.” I sucked air a while longer while he frowned down at me, still holding my wrist.

  Finally, I drew a deep, unsteady breath and shoved myself into sitting position. My T-shirt was stained with sweat and coated with prickly grass clippings from the freshly mown lawn. Apparently I’d scraped my elbow when I fell, and I noticed a small bloodstain on the shirt, too. Great.

  “Aydan, what the hell?” Kane demanded. “Your heart rate was nearly two hundred. What happened?”

  “Long story.” I was still a little breathless.

  “I’ve got time,” he assured me grimly. “Can you walk to the truck?”

  “In a minute.”

  I brushed the grass off my shirt front and jeans while he did the same for my back. He started to pick the grass out of my hair, but I stopped him. “Never mind.” I delved into my trusty waist pouch and pulled out my hairbrush.

  When I’d divested myself of most of the grass, I heaved myself up onto trembling legs and let him escort me to his Expedition. At least we had no audience. Gotta love a small town on a Monday morning.

  Kane settled me into the passenger seat and went around the vehicle to swing into the driver’s side. He fixed me with a stern eye. “Now. Everything. Start to finish.”

  I sighed. “I had a bit of a disagreement with one of my clients.”

  “So I heard. From the RCMP.”

  “Oh. Shit.” If I’d had any adrenaline left in my body, I’d have panicked. Fortunately I’d used up the year’s supply, so I achieved faint dismay.

  “What happened?” he asked again, his cop voice firmly in place.

  “Bill Harks at the Silverside Hotel hired me last week. He decided he wasn’t getting all he was paying for and decided to help himself. He grabbed my boob and hurt me. I kicked him in the nuts and hit him in the face and left. Oh, and I threw a book at his head, too. Is he dead?”

  “No,” Kane said, his expression unreadable. “But he’s angry. He wants to press charges.”

  I slumped forward and beat my forehead gently against the dashboard. “Please, shoot me now.”

  “I don’t think that will be necessary. It was clearly self-defence on your part. A sexual assault charge will settle him right down. I’ll deal with it.”

  I left my forehead on the dashboard and mumbled, “Thanks,” to the floor.

  “But, Aydan, what were you doing here? Why were you lying there in the middle of the park? I thought you’d been shot or something.” This time, the cop voice couldn’t conceal the edge in his tone.

  I sighed and stared at the floor some more. “John, I’ve never been so close to beating somebody to death in my life. I just couldn’t... could barely control it.”

  I realized my fists were clenched when he took one in his hand and stroked it until I released my fingers.

  I took a deep breath. “I just had to blow off some steam. I wasn’t even safe to drive. I don’t know what I would’ve done if anybody had gotten in my way. So I just came here and ran in circles.”

  I spoke into his silence. “I know. Pathetic. Sorry. I’ve just been on edge lately.”

  “Aydan.” His hand tightened on mine. “You’ve had the week from hell. You were attacked, and you reacted. You took out a man twice your size. You are absolutely not pathetic. You’re amazing.”

  I was grateful for the curtain of hair that hid my flaming face. “Thanks,” I mumbled to the floor.

  He held my hand for a few moments longer. “Do you need help to sit up, or is that just a comfortable position?”

  I groaned. “Both, actually. Kidding,” I added as he reached for my shoulders. “I can manage.”

  I heaved myself upright and slumped against the passenger door. “How the heck did you find me? Better question, why did you even know you should look?”

  “I’m a spy.” His mouth quirked.

  “Funny man.”

  “One of the employees at the Silverside Hotel called the RCMP. Witnesses placed you charging out of the hotel looking furious, leaving Harks lying beaten semi-conscious in the office. They knew who you were, obviously. You’re easy to identify.” He gave me a wry look.

  “The closest officer was down at the detachment in Drumheller,” he continued. “So they called me, since I was in their records as the officer in charge when you were abducted in March. As soon as I got the message, I fired up the tracking system and locked onto your cell phone.”

  “Thanks for rescuing me again,” I told him. “Do I have to go and talk to the RCMP now?”

  “No, I’ve taken your statement, and I’ll straighten it out with them. I don’t think there will be any problem, under the circumstances.”

  I sighed. At least there were some advantages to working with spies. The ability to make assault charges go away, for one thing.

  I looked at my watch. “Guess I’d better get over to the Greenhorn.”

  “Are you sure you’re all right? Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”

  “I don’t want to skip Jeff and Donna’s work. And I need to get back into that sim this afternoon. I swear that pile of files is breeding and multiplying.”

  Kane eyed me seriously. “Don’t push it. We need you for the long haul. Don’t burn out in the beginning.”

  The thought of the long haul sent a cold chill down my spine as my stomach clenched. I pushed away the dark cloud of dread and straightened up. “I’ll be fine. See you this afternoon. And thanks again.”

  I got out and headed for my car.

  Chapter 13

  The Greenhorn was pleasantly quiet and predictable. My huge expenditure of energy had left me so drained that even moving the mouse was an effort. I kept my eyes open with difficulty, and made a mental promise to recheck all my entries when I came back the following week.

  I ate, barely tasting my lunch, and dragged myself back out to my car. By the time I parked at Sirius Dynamics, I had to bite back the whine that threatened to escape.

  I shook my head vigorously and briskly patted my cheeks, trying to awaken some initiative.

  Apparently initiative was heavily drugged and refusing to answer the door. Or maybe it had packed up and headed out for a quick vacation in Rio. I compromised and awakened dumb stubbornness instead.

  Down in the lab, I clasped my hands together so the tremor wouldn’t be so noticeable and turned to Kane. “Any emergencies today?”

  “No, you can go back to the files from Harchman’s. I’ll stay here until two, and then Webb will take over with you for the rest of the afternoon.”

  “Okay. Signal me when you do the shift change. I’ll be ready for a break by then.”

  I propped myself up in the chair again and stepped into the network.

  Bill Harks lunged at me, his face contorted with rage.

  I let out a shriek and leaped backward through the network portal.

  Uncontrollable screams wrenched from me as my body convulsed, flailing in a desperate attempt to escape the torture.
Fire burned my skin and boiled inside my veins. A maelstrom of colours churned around me as I fell. Nausea ripped through my gut. The endless screams lacerated my throat.

  An eternity later, the suffering began to abate. The swirling colours faded and my screams trailed off into raw whimpering. As awareness returned, I silenced myself and concentrated on opening my eyes.

  Kane’s voice called my name again and again, and I finally summoned up the strength for a hoarse whisper. “I’m okay.”

  I felt a cessation of tension, and realized he was holding my tightly curled body while he alternately stroked my hair and massaged my head and neck.

  One by one, I relaxed my clenched muscles until I was sprawled on the floor. I had managed to squint one eye partway open, and I finally achieved both eyes simultaneously as he rubbed the pain away from my temples.

  I groaned and tried to sit up. His strong arm supported me, and I managed a semi-vertical position slumped against his broad chest.

  “Aydan, what happened?” he demanded. “Did you get kicked out of the network?”

  I breathed deeply for a few seconds while I tried to force my brain to formulate an answer. It reluctantly began to function again and I sat up a little straighter and rubbed my hands over my aching face.

  “No, I didn’t get kicked out,” I croaked. “I was just stupid. I came through the portal too fast again.”

  He peered down at me. “Why? You just went in. It was literally seconds before you started screaming. What happened?”

  “I wasn’t paying attention to where my thoughts were going. All of a sudden, Bill Harks was there, and I forgot it was a sim and jumped back through the portal. I just wasn’t thinking. My fault.”

  He held me close and stroked my hair wordlessly for a few moments. Then he stood, lifting me to my feet. “Come on. You’re done for the day.”

  I rolled my sore shoulders and cracked my neck. “I’m okay now. I’ll just be more careful with my thoughts this time.”

  He pried the network key’s small box out of my hand and put it in the drawer. “I’m your handler. And I say you’re done for the day.” He ushered me firmly out the door and up the stairs.