Devastate

by Valentine, Marley

  Finally, I make it back to my apartment and let my eyes glance over every surface. My sister, Erin’s personality might be wild and chaotic, but she’s obsessed with cleanliness. And to avoid her touching my shit, I’ve tried to make the place look like it’s a fucking display home. Originally I was going to pick her up from the airport, but with the lunchtime traffic, we agreed it would be better for her to catch a cab and meet each other here.

  I quickly type a text asking her if she’s landed and how long till she arrives, when a text from Evie comes through.

  Evie: Hope your sister arrives safely. Have fun.

  We text everyday now, and sometimes, like today she initiates conversation. It’s in those moments I’m thankful for the little cracks in her armor. The ones that allow me to squeeze through and not just be her friend, but someone she’s chosen to take the time to know and trust. There’s still so much ground to be covered between us, but I refuse to feel defeated. There’s nothing more I want than her to open up to me, to cross that invisible line that holds her back from showing me all that is Evie; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

  They say good things come to those who wait, and something tells me the wait for Evie will be worth it. Hard. Challenging. But definitely worth it.

  I type a quick thank you back and wait for Erin. Fifteen minutes later there’s a knock on my door, and a big ass smile on my face. She barrels in like a whoosh of color, and I realize how much I miss having her around. We’ve always been close growing up. Two years younger than me, she hung around my friends and I like a bad smell. By the time we were both in high school, it didn’t bother me and everyone looked for her when they saw me. We did everything together, not realizing how different our paths were until we gave each other the ultimatum to chase our dreams. Erin is an art teacher, working on teaching children with disabilities how to express themselves through art; she’ll venture into art therapy. Basically she’s a living saint. After my mom, she’s the most positive influence in my life. The patience and strength she has everyday is what encourages me to do better, to live a glass half full type of life.

  “Oh my God, it’s so good to see you,” she screams. Her arms around my neck, voice piercing my eardrums. I return her tight embrace and wait till we separate before answering back.

  “I thought you weren’t due to come in for another hour and a half.”

  “The airline called me and asked if I could board the earlier flight, my original flight getting canceled due to bad weather conditions at home,” she explains. “I was in such a rush I totally forgot to let you know.”

  “I’m glad I was home to open up, that’s all.”

  “It’s fine, a little waiting never hurt anyone,” she chides. We move out of the doorway and into the living room. “So tell me everything, show me your place. I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in so long.”

  I reach for her suitcase and cut off her rambling. “First let me show you your room and where the bathroom is and you can freshen up if you want, or we can head out to town for an early dinner.”

  “Okay, okay. That sounds good.”

  After a full apartment tour, half an hour in the shower and a nap that was two hours long instead of thirty minutes, we’re finally on our way to dinner. Erin’s taste in food is basic. She only eats cheese pizza and pasta with red sauce. Not necessarily bad, but it seems like a waste when there is such a diverse range of cuisine at our fingertips. I take her to Angelo’s Pizza, where the smell alone can fill up your stomach. We order a family-sized cheese pizza and a large bowl of pasta. I could get my own stuff, but their portions are huge and it would be a waste to order separate things. As we dig in, I begin my big brother inquisition asking her all the things I’ve been dying to know.

  “So, tell me about the school you work at. Are the people you work with nice?”

  “It’s so much better than I expected, Lior. I mean the staff are great, but the kids… They’re fucking phenomenal.” The awe in her voice lets me know she made the right decision and any worry I have is settled and replaced with pride.

  “Working with them, and letting them experience art with no filter and no restrictions is so rewarding,” she explains. “Some of the kids are nonverbal and the art tells me exactly what their mood is, especially when the words fail them.”

  She looks up at me with passion and admiration. “It’s so rewarding to see a side of a child that’s only reserved for you.”

  “I’m so glad it’s working out for you,” I say with a smile. “I worry when I’m not there.”

  “I am capable of taking care of myself, you know?”

  “I know you are, but it doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re always going to be my baby sister.”

  She waves her hand in front of her eyes as if she’s going to start crying. “You need to stop with all the mush, I need my annoyingly hilarious big brother back.”

  We both laugh and move on to all the other details of our lives. I tell her about work, and while it isn’t as rewarding as what she does. It keeps me sane and on the straight and narrow, just the way I like it.

  “Have you met anyone?” she asks. I wanted to avoid talking about Evie because Erin is a hopeless romantic and I don’t need any more encouragement when it comes to pursuing her. Anything else and she might run away from me.

  “I didn’t ask you about your love life.”

  “Ha. Because you know very well I would’ve blurted it all out with no coaxing needed from you. You’re obviously hiding something.”

  The waiter brings out our food and saves the day. “This isn’t over Lior. I just don’t want to waste my time arguing with you when the food smells this damn good.”

  I split the pasta between both our plates as she grabs her first slice of pizza. “I don’t think I’ve ever tasted something this heavenly. I never want it to end.” Once we’re settled into a good rhythm of eating and talking she broaches the topic again.

  “So, cut the crap and tell me about the girl,” she demands.

  I wonder what the best way to explain Evie and I to Erin is. How to justify what seems like a strange infatuation with a woman who may or may not ever want more than friendship.

  “I’ve told you about my friend Elliot, yeah?”

  “Elliot. Elliot. Elliot,” she repeats while tapping her nose. “Yes,” she exclaims. “The guy you met at the gym.”

  “Yes, that’s him.” I take a sip of my Coke, and hope Erin can make more sense of this than I can. “He’s always speaking about this woman he lives with named Evie. I noticed he never mentioned they were together but she was important to him. I go with the flow, I’ve never met her and it’s none of my business.”

  “Tell me you met her? Was it love at first sight,” she squeals.

  “Calm down.”

  “I can’t. You know I love this stuff. Tell me, already.”

  “I met her, and no it wasn’t love at first sight. But it’s something.”

  “On a scale of one to Jennifer, what are we talking?” she asks. Jennifer is my ex-fiancée. I was one hundred percent certain she was the one. I didn’t think I would ever love anybody more. Together for five years, I gave her everything she ever asked for. But when my mom got sick, she changed. And not for the better. She complained I didn’t pay enough attention to her, couldn’t understand that my dying mother was a priority. Safe to say by the time I found out she was cheating on me with one of her work colleagues, I was very much over her and her selfish ways. We broke up a few weeks before my mother died. I’ll never forget what she said when I told her.

  “Lior, just because I’m sick doesn’t mean you can’t tell me what’s wrong,” she says. “Come and sit next to me.” She pats the empty space beside her. “At least keep me company watching this God-awful show your father keeps thinking I like.” You would think I would be used to seeing her laying in bed all day, but the sight of tubes helping her breathe, her missing hair and sunken eyes is like a slap to the face every single time. The voices
coming from the TV fills up the silence, and a few minutes pass before she grabs my hand and squeezes it.

  “Tell me,” she whispers.

  “Jen and I broke up.” With her hand still on mine, her thumb grazes my skin continuously. Encouraging me to keep on talking, because words wear her down.

  “It was inevitable. She’s been so different and distant since you’ve been sick, and today I found out she’s been cheating on me.” Her hand grips mine, she squeezes as tight as she can.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” I look at her and tears are rolling down her face. “Why are you crying?” I ask her.

  “You’re my son when you hurt, I hurt.”

  “I’m not hurt, Mom. Maybe one day; right now I’m just mad,” I admit.

  “Don’t be mad. This is a good thing.”

  “It is?”

  “I never really liked Jennifer.” Her breaths become shorter and quicker. “She was a nice enough person. She just wasn’t right for you.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

  “Some lessons need to be learned, honey. And the difference between your first love and your last love is one of them.”

  “Ez, I can’t shake her,” I say, using her childhood nickname.

  “What am I missing? Why would you need to ‘shake’ her?” she asks me, confusion written all over her face.

  “I don’t know all the details, but I want Evie to be the one to tell me. She’s been through a lot.”

  “Haven’t we all?” she retorts.

  “She’s a widow.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yep.”

  15

  Evie

  “Lior wants us to go to dinner with him tonight and meet his sister. You in?” Elliot asks.

  “Just you and me?”

  “Don’t sound so excited,” he says with a chuckle. I roll my eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

  “I’m pretty sure he wants you to bring Courtney too,” he adds. “We know she’s the key to getting you to leave the house.”

  “She is not,” I argue.

  “It’s not a big deal Evie, we all get it. Plus, we all get along. For the most part.”

  “It makes me sound like a child, and what do you mean for the most part? I know you’ve got a thing for Courtney,” I taunt.

  “Firstly, you’re not a child and nobody thinks of you as one. Secondly, I don’t have a thing for Courtney.”

  “Whatever. Where is dinner?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “I’m not sure. I don’t know if Lior was joking when he said they’ve eaten at Angelo’s every night.”

  “Okay, I’m going to keep watching this documentary on Netflix,” I announce. “I’ll text Court and let her know, then get ready when she arrives.”

  His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, you’re addicted to this shit.” I can’t help but smile and shrug. “I know. And it’s all your fault.”

  * * *

  We arrive at Angelo’s and I can’t help but laugh at the thought of coming here and eating pizza and pasta five days in a row. However I’m slowly starting to see Lior is the type who would sacrifice for the happiness of someone else, so I’m not surprised in the slightest if what Elliot mentioned earlier is true. The closer we get to the table, the more nervous I become. Courtney and Elliot walk ahead of me bickering about the pros and cons of living in the city. I keep my head down and fidget with the buttons on my coat. The more I see him, the more confused I become. It’s a constant battle of whether to run to him or from him. I’m eager to meet his sister and to hear about him from someone he’s close with. It’s my one opportunity to find out things I’m too nervous to ask about myself. Our texting is more frequent and I’m more comfortable initiating conversation. I love sharing random tidbits of information I’ve collected off of the documentaries I’m obsessed with, but I’m still very much hiding behind that cell phone. Face to face is confronting, and as much as I hated Elliot’s observation, he's right. Courtney is very much my security blanket, I don't like leaving the house without her.

  We've reached the table and Lior's sister eyes can't find me fast enough. Her face beams at me. “You must be Evie?” She throws herself at me and embraces me with not a care in the world that we just met. Lior is right behind her, looking at us cautiously. My face must give away my surprise, because he mouths a, “I'm sorry” in my direction. I lift my arms up and hug her back lightly, while smiling softly at Lior. I'm not a complete weirdo.

  “I'm Erin,” she says.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “Not as nice as it is to meet you.” Her suggestive comments noticed by all. As she continues with the introductions, I use all my courage to walk up to Lior and say hello.

  “Hey,” he says, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek. My skin tingles and I can't help but reach for my cheek, pressing my palm against it in surprise. He gets a little bit bolder, and more assertive every time we meet in person.

  “Hey,” I respond. He pulls the chair out for me, and I take the invitation with no hesitation. Soon enough everyone takes their seat, Elliot comfortably between both Erin and Courtney.

  Agreeing on a set menu, there’s not too much fuss when it comes to the choice of food. We all sit around the table and comfortably pick on some appetizers, while Erin and Lior share the spotlight with their constant taunting of one another. Elliot and Courtney alternate between asking them questions, it’s a live game of twenty-one questions.

  “Okay, okay. I’m next,” Court announces. “How come you got such a normal name like Erin and your name,” she points at Lior, “is basically an enigma?”

  Lior clears his throat. “Besides the fact that I am unique,” he says with a smirk. “Our mom chose our names based on what they meant. So the short version of how it went down is, Erin’s name means peace and my name means light.”

  It’s in that moment my drink decides to go down the wrong pipe and a coughing fit ensues. I know it’s partially the shock from hearing how accurate his name really is. It’s like his mother was a psychic because light is the perfect description for Lior. It fits like a glove.

  “Shit, Evie are you okay?” His hand tapping the middle of my back like a steady drumbeat.

  “Yeah, just went down the wrong way.”

  I notice Court dragging her chair closer to Lior and I. “Are you okay?” She pushes Lior’s hand away and rubs circles instead.

  “Yes, mamma bear, I’m fine thanks.” When she doesn’t look at me or respond with a sarcastic comment I follow her eyes and realize she’s using me as a scapegoat while she stares at Elliot and Erin, and tries to eavesdrop on their conversation.

  “What are you doing?” I hiss.

  “Do you think she’s his type?”

  “Honestly, what goes on in your mind half the time?” Her and I are going to have to talk about whatever this thing with Elliot is. “They’re just having a conversation.”

  Lior leaves his seat and crouches down, his face popping in between us. “If it’s any consolation. He’s not her type.”

  “Do you have any boundaries?” Courtney asks. “Never mind this was a private conversation, explain yourself.” I purse my lips together to stop myself from laughing at their interactions. I’ll never get enough of the way they’ve seamlessly placed themselves into my unrefined version of a life.

  “Let’s say we will be going home and there’s more of a chance she’s going to talk about how gorgeous you two are than how attractive Elliot is.”

  It takes a few seconds for Courtney to understand him. “She’s into girls?” Her eyes light up when she finally puts two and two together.

  “What’s it matter anyway, you’re just going to gawk at him from afar,” Lior teases.

  Her head turns towards me. “Why do you insist we hang out with this guy?”

  I bury my head in my chest so I don’t have to look at Lior. She really has no filter.

  �
�You insist?” he asks.

  I shake my head, determined not to lift my head up. He squeezes my shoulder and stands up.

  “I’m off to find the server and ask for the bill,” he says.

  “He’s gone, you can lift your head up now,” Courtney advises.

  I shake my head at her, a look of disapproval written all over my face. “You’ll thank me one day,” she says, before dragging herself and her seat back to its original spot.

  We all leave the restaurant together with no real plans to call it a night. Erin wants to walk till her feet fall off, and we’re all comfortable letting her do what she wants on her last night here. My hands are buried in my coat pockets when I feel someone link their arm with mine. I know it’s Erin straight away, the others know to wait for me to come to them.

  “So, how did you like dinner?” she asks.

  I figure there’s no point in beating around the bush. I know her and her brother are close, it’s only normal to want to get to know more about his life away from yours.

  “Starting with the easy questions, are you?”

  She laughs. “Well I don’t want to scare you off, Lior would kill me.”

  “I’ll take your word for it. How you liking the city so far?” I ask, trying to avoid any sisterly motivated interrogation.

  “I don’t mind it, I was more excited to come and see Lior than anything else.”

  The love she has for her brother is evident in the way she talks about him. It’s just another thing to add to the ever-growing list of reasons why Lior is an amazing human being

  “How long hadn’t you seen him for?” I ask. Maybe I should reverse our roles and interrogate Erin. This is a whole lot less awkward than asking Lior questions.

  “I left Colorado first, so about seven months,” she states.

  “I’m guessing it’s the longest you two have been apart?”

  “Yes. But we speak almost every day.”

  “Why did you both decide to leave?” My curiosity making me a lot more talkative than I like to be.