Never the Same

by Michele L. Rivera

Lennox chuckled. “Oh really?”

  Paige quickly regained her wits and backpedaled. “Huh? What? No. I’m dry. Why?”

  “You’re only wearing a hoodie. This weather is bleak.” Lennox got under the canopy with Paige.

  “It’s a fleece-y hoodie.”

  “Meaning?”

  “It’s water repellent,” Paige said.

  “Waterproof is the way to go. It’s sturdier.”

  “It’s more expensive.”

  “It’s worth the investment,” Lennox said.

  “It’s gratuitous. See, I’m a Bostonian, so when it comes to inclement weather, I’m resourceful.” Paige pointed to the tarp above them and smirked. “And who are you to talk? You have on a windbreaker.”

  Lennox laughed. “It’s not a windbreaker. And I’m a Vermonter, so I’ll have you know that my jacket is as hi-tech as they come. It’s insulated, waterproof, and durable. I’ve had it for years.”

  “I bet you have because 1990 just called and they want their windbreaker returned to them. Ahahaha!”

  Lennox gave Paige a sportive push. “It’s an actual jacket. Would you like me to strip to show you that the rain didn’t seep through it?”

  For a split second, the imagery of a nude Lennox breached Paige’s thoughts and her giggle abated. Crimson perfused her cheeks.

  Lennox cleared her throat. “As I was saying, you should be more prepped for the inconsistent New England elements.”

  “Right. Um. Maybe we should go inside now.”

  “Okay,” Lennox said. “And let the discomfort commence.”

  “Pssht. There’s no discomfort. We’re just friends going to shoot the breeze over drinks.”

  “Yeah. Sure. Friends.”

  Paige gestured to the entrance. “Ready to do this?”

  Lennox glimpsed at the building’s exterior. “Hmm. A bit lavish for a café, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Ah. ’Tisn’t a café though. ’Tis a tea bar.”

  One of Lennox’s winged eyebrows arched at Paige. “Are you going to be using fifteenth century language for the duration of our…get-together?”

  “No. That’s all I’ve got.”

  “Good. Then I’m ready.”

  “Alright.” Paige pushed on the door and moved to the side, holding it open for Lennox. “After you.”

  Lennox expired an incredulous breath. “Seriously?”

  “Told you I was gracious. Also, I was given a lesson in etiquette the other day. Had a phenomenal tutor. Learned a few things.”

  “And you’ve chosen our meet-up to illustrate your graciousness?”

  “My chivalry is constant, undemanding of a cause,” Paige said.

  “Oh. Well, in that case…” Lennox passed through the doorway and into Steep with Paige at her tail.

  The two girls looked around.

  “Where do you want to sit?” Paige asked.

  Lennox pointed to a polyester-upholstered settee at the rearward of the tearoom. “How about there?”

  “Works for me,” Paige said and they walked to the couch. Paige took off her carrier bag, placed it on the table in front of the sofa, and sat down. Lennox put her satchel on the floor and seated herself beside Paige.

  Lennox petted the furniture. “It’s comfy.”

  Paige nodded at Lennox. “Sure is.”

  “Welcome to Stee—Paige?” the woman standing before them said.

  Paige glanced up and instantaneously identified the bleached hair. Paige’s muscles tensed. “Hanna. Hi. What are you doing here?”

  “I’m employed here,” Hanna said.

  “Since when?” Paige asked.

  “Last week. Bark’s Books cut my hours so now I’m a teaster a couple nights a week.”

  “A whatster?”

  “A teaster. It’s a divergence from barista.”

  “How original,” Paige said.

  Hanna shrugged. Her gaze then flitted between Paige and Lennox. She smirked. “Paige, aren’t you gonna introduce me to your friend?”

  Paige looked at Lennox, who was leaning against the corner cushion, smiling curiously at Paige and Hanna.

  “Hanna, this is Lennox. Lennox, meet Hanna,” Paige said.

  Hanna grinned and reached over to shake Lennox’s hand. “Hello, Lennox. Did anyone ever tell you that you have the face of an angel and—”

  “Alright.” Paige grabbed Hanna’s forearm.

  “Wait. Let her finish,” Lennox said to Paige.

  “Hanna, please don’t,” Paige entreated.

  Hanna peered at Paige and pulled away from Lennox. “Relax, Paige. Now, what can I get you ladies to drink?”

  “I’ll take a cup of Darjeeling,” Lennox said.

  “Anything for you, darling.” Hanna winked at Lennox.

  “Thank you, Hanna,” Lennox said.

  Paige rolled her eyes. “Ahem!”

  Hanna turned to Paige. “Did you want something, Paige? Other than Chai?”

  “I’ll have what Lennox is having. Thanks.”

  “If you order a pot, it’s cheaper,” Hanna said.

  “A pot then,” Paige said. “Thanks.”

  “Good choice. One pot of Darjeeling coming up,” Hanna said and paraded to the kitchen.

  “I’m sorry about that,” Paige said to Lennox. “She was just trying to make me jealous.”

  “And were you jealous?” Lennox asked.

  “Ha. No.”

  “Mmm. Seemed like you were.”

  “I wasn’t,” Paige said.

  “So, Hanna…is she an ex?”

  “To you she’s Mila.”

  Lennox gaped. “From your blog?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow.”

  “Why ‘wow’?”

  “She’s pretty,” Lennox said. “You wrote about her with ardor. A lot. Even after she dumped you.”

  Paige smiled. “Are you jealous?”

  “Are you over her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then no, I’m not.”

  Paige laughed. “You’re something else.”

  “As are you.”

  Paige cocked her head. “When I was speaking earlier, how did you know what century that was from?”

  Lennox simpered. “I have a thing for this girl who’s a scribe so I did my homework to impress her.”

  “Are you flirting with me?”

  “Way to make everything about you. I’m just telling you what’s going on in my universe.”

  “Oh. Alright,” Paige said. “This girl then…she a friend of yours?”

  “She is.”

  “I think she’d be impressed.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. And it’s uncanny that you said that, because I too have a friend who writes. Though she’s more of a lyricist.” Paige grinned.

  Lennox became pallid. “Uh.”

  “But I’ve yet to see or hear any of her compositions.”

  Lennox exhaled.

  “Perhaps I will Friday night. Her band’s performing,” Paige said.

  Lennox cringed. “You’re going to the gig?”

  “Of course! I attend all the gigs. I’m a total Poser America groupie, and I’m even giving them a plug in an article I have to write for The Miranda Intellect. I do cultural pieces, media, et cetera.”

  “Your bevvies.” Hanna put a clay teapot and two matching cups on the table that Lennox and Paige had staked out. “Anything else for you two?”

  “I’m set,” Paige said.

  “Me too,” Lennox said.

  “Alright. Enjoy.”

  “Yeah. Thanks,” Paige said with a wave.

  Hanna nodded, placed the bill next to Paige’s bag, and walked off to serve other customers.

  “And you kept sleeping with her subsequent to the break-up?” Lennox asked.

  “Ugh. We’re back to that? Yes, I had trouble moving on.” Paige lifted the pot and poured tea into each cup.

  “You’re waiting on me? That’s very hospitable. Thank you,” Lennox said.
>
  “You’re welcome.” Paige held up her teacup. “I’d like to make a toast.”

  Lennox smiled. “Hospitable and urbane. I’m down.” She raised her drink. “Let’s have it.”

  “To friendship,” Paige said.

  Lennox bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “Mmm. To friendship.”

  The girls clinked their cups together.

  “What is this tea anyway?” Paige asked.

  “No idea. This is new for me, too.” Lennox sampled her beverage. “It’s delish. Kind of spicy.”

  Paige tasted her tea. “Whoa. That’s wicked pungent…in a floral way.”

  Lennox chuckled. “Wicked? Ha! There’s your Boston dialect.”

  “Damn. I try to censor that.”

  “Why?”

  “People say it doesn’t sound elegant,” Paige said.

  “Fuck people,” Lennox said. “Don’t stifle it. It’s charming.”

  “Aww. Shucks. Now I’m blushing. Again.”

  “I see that. Also part of your charm.” Lennox took another drink. “So, we were talking about Hanna.”

  “No. You were talking about Hanna.”

  “Same diff. You said it was hard to move on. Why? Were you in love with her?” Lennox asked.

  “Must we do this?”

  “No. You can snub the question. I just thought it would be wicked cool to get schooled in Paige Galner.”

  Paige sneered. “I brainwashed myself into believing I was, but I wasn’t. I wanted to be. I wanted to know what it felt like. I did love her. I just wasn’t in love with her and she knew it, too. She wasn’t in love with me either. There you have it.”

  “You, uh, you’ve never been in love?”

  “I have not,” Paige said.

  “Was Hanna your only girlfriend?”

  “You’re unrelenting.”

  “You can elect not to answer.”

  Paige took a deep breath. “I dated Marissa freshman year.”

  Lennox’s eyes enlarged. “You dated Marissa?”

  “Yes, and you’ll never tell her that I told you.”

  “Never.”

  “Good,” Paige said.

  “Then you do sleep with your friends.”

  Paige shot Lennox a frustrated look.

  “Sorry,” Lennox said.

  “Do you think you’ve been adequately educated in the person I am?” Paige asked.

  “No. I’m just getting started.”

  “Yay me,” Paige mumbled.

  “Hmm. What more is there? Oh. Did you change the password on your phone yet? To something less transparent than the date you came out and put on the worldwide web?”

  “I did, thank you. But it was difficult to nix the old code.”

  “How so?” Lennox asked.

  “The password I had…that date, February thirteenth. It’s not just the day I came out. It’s my birthday,” Paige said. “For me, coming out was akin to being reborn.”

  “That’s extraordinarily meta.”

  “Yeah. I thought it was apt.”

  “But all the more reason for a new code,” Lennox said.

  “Why?”

  “Paige, you shouldn’t ever use your birthday for your pin number to anything. It’s too accessible.”

  “Well, it’s not my pin anymore so I’m in the clear. I chose a different monumental date for my modern password.”

  “Right. You had said that days are important to you,” Lennox said.

  “Not really days. Moments,” Paige said. “And moments have designated dates. Does that make sense?”

  “Completely. I’ve actually accumulated a plethora of those in my eighteen years out of the womb.”

  “Yeah?”

  Lennox smiled. “Have I piqued your interest?”

  “You have.”

  “Then you must be thinking to yourself now, ‘what are some of the momentous dates belonging to this divine woman I’m sitting with?’ And I’m glad you asked, because yes, I’ll share my answer, but you have to tell me that you want it.”

  Paige began to swelter in the confines of the room, the sofa, and Lennox’s proximity. She rolled up her sleeves and swallowed. “Tell you I want what?”

  “The answer. Because that was your question, was it not?” Lennox’s gaze was glued to Paige.

  “I…um…yes. I want it. The answer. I want the answer.”

  The left side of Lennox’s mouth turned upwards. “You nervous?”

  “What? Nervous. No. I’m excited,” Paige blurted and inwardly cringed. “For what you’re about to say.”

  “Well, fortunately for you, I never leave a girl excited without giving her what she wants.”

  “Why am I still waiting for your answer then?”

  “Alright fine. When I lost my virginity,” Lennox said. “That’s one of my days.”

  Paige put her cup on the table. “Oh. That’s…I can see that. Was he…did you love him?”

  Lennox pursed her lips. “She was special to me, but I didn’t love her.”

  Paige looked at Lennox. “Your first time was with a woman?”

  “Why? Is it written somewhere that because I’m bisexual, I have to lose my virginity to a man? Or you just made that assumption on your own because I’m bi?”

  “I’m sorry,” Paige said. “I’m unlearning. Remember?”

  “It’s okay. I remember.”

  “So, about this girl?”

  “Sarah. She was one of my dad’s students. My father’s a music teacher. She was a grade above me. I was fourteen. It was just a summer fling, then she got a boyfriend. She never even said hi to me after that, but she also didn’t tell anyone. It was queer.” Lennox grinned.

  “Are you taunting me and my penchant for wordplays?”

  “Gasp. You think I would do that?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re right. I would and I was.”

  Paige shook her head but smiled.

  “Anyways,” Lennox said. “Not long after Sarah did I meet Brad, the boyfriend I told you about, and I fell in love. But I was still attracted to girls. At school, on television, in movies. That’s when it occurred to me I’m bisexual.”

  “Were you scared?”

  “Of my sexuality? No. Not the way you’re scared of my sexuality. I embraced it. I joined Samson Prep’s Alliance and once I felt supported, I came out.”

  “And that’s when your boyfriend and your best friend renounced you?” Paige asked.

  “Yup.”

  “I don’t really know what to say. ‘Sorry’ seems ineffectual. I won’t do that to you, what they did,” Paige said.

  Lennox smiled. “That’s all you had to say.”

  “June thirtieth.”

  “What?”

  Paige began bouncing her left knee up and down. “I came home that evening after being out with Justin all day and found my dad in the parlor sitting on the floor, mourning. He was holding a letter. I asked him what was wrong and he gave it to me to read. It was from my mom. She said that she was leaving my father and me. There was someone else and she had gone to be with them.”

  “Oh god.” Lennox migrated closer to Paige and placed her hand on Paige’s jittery knee. Paige’s joints stilled. She turned her head a little and stared motionless at Lennox’s fingers.

  “Was that it? She didn’t say anything more?” Lennox asked.

  “No. She did.” Paige moved her leg away from Lennox. “My mom wrote that she found herself. The other person, the one she loved, was another woman. My mother’s bisexual, Lennox. And that’s why she walked out on me and my dad. I was fifteen years old. So, tell me again why I shouldn’t be scared.”

  Lennox inhaled. “Paige, I’m…”

  “It’s alright.” Paige got up. “I need a minute. Just give me a minute,” she said and slogged towards the restroom.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Paige.” Lennox knocked on one of the two bathroom stalls inside Steep. “I know you’re in there. I can see your combat boots.” />
  “I told you to give me a minute,” Paige said.

  “And I gave you five.”

  “Fine. Then I’ll be out in a sec.”

  “Take your time. I already paid the tab and I’ve got your bag here.”

  “Ugh. I was going to pay. It’s my turn.”

  “Can’t a girl buy her friend a cup of tea?” Lennox asked.

  “Yes, but—”

  “No buts. I’m sure I’ll be able to think of a way for you to pay off your debt.”

  “Lennox, would you—” Paige opened the door to the lavatory booth and her voice vanished. Lennox stood before her with both of their bags hanging from her shoulder. Lennox’s shiny eyes pored over Paige’s face and then locked on Paige’s blue gaze.

  “Hi,” Lennox said.

  “Um. Hi.”

  “Would I what?”

  “What?” Paige asked.

  “You were speaking but you didn’t finish your sentence.”

  “Because I…I don’t remember.”

  “Are you okay?” Lennox asked.

  “No. And don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like how?”

  “Like the way you’re looking at me,” Paige said.

  Lennox furrowed her brow and she shrugged. “I don’t—”

  “You’re standing too close. You should move.”

  “Paige—”

  “Move!”

  “No! I won’t let you push me away.”

  Paige’s expression crumpled. “Why not?”

  “We need to talk about this.”

  “Talk about what?”

  “What’s happening,” Lennox said.

  “Nothing’s happening.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Into the stall?”

  “Yes.”

  “No.” Paige went to shut the door, but Lennox rammed her palm against it, elbowed her way past Paige, and got inside the stall. She shut the laminate partition behind her.

  Paige gaped. “Did you really just do that?”

  Lennox heaved and put their bags on the ground. “Yeah. I did.”

  Paige nodded. “Alright. Then I’ll go.”

  Lennox grabbed the door’s lever. “No, you won’t. Neither one of us is leaving.”

  “So we’re going to hole up in the bathroom? By the toilet.”

  “What we’re gonna do is hash this out. Now you said to me that you would never turn on me. Did you not?”

  “I did say that. And I meant it,” Paige said.

  “Good. Because listen, your mom wronged you. I get that. And I’m sorry. But the thing is, I’m never going to turn on you either. I’m not her. I’m me.”