Rock and Roll High School: Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence

by Marisa Tellez

  frazzled nerves. I pictured him rocking out on stage with those

  beautiful green eyes piercing through me. Sigh.

  A half hour later, my mom knocked at my bedroom door

  and interrupted my fantasy.

  “Dinners ready whenever you're hungry,” she said softly

  through the crack of my bedroom door.

  “WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALLOOONNE!” I

  screamed with my fists clinched.

  By the volume of my scream, I'm sure the neighbors

  thought my parents had just adopted a wild banshee. My mom

  said nothing. A few moments later, I heard her footsteps fade

  away from my bedroom door.

  In my mind, this wasn’t teen angst. I had a justifiable reason

  for being pissed off. My mom was hassling me to eat food I

  didn’t give a shit about, and I was irate that Ronan had alienated

  me from all my friends. I couldn’t understand why he was always

  such an asshole to me when I didn’t deserve it. I just couldn’t do

  anything right in his eyes. I never had problems with anyone

  before I met Ronan, much less with my parents or friends.

  Nobody understood what I was going through, and Ronan was

  turning me into a fucking mental patient.

  As I lay there stewing, I realized the fantasies about Nikki

  would have to wait. I had to focus on what the hell to do about

  my and Ronan’s relationship. He did end up calling me a few

  hours later and said we needed to talk. So he picked me up, and

  we went to the house in Montebello.

  I didn’t even get a chance to sit on the couch before he

  started bitching at me over the same old bullshit I’d been hearing

  for months. I was a weak puppet for always obeying my parents.

  My girlfriends were jealous bitches because I had a boyfriend

  and they didn’t. My guy friends just wanted to fuck me and that’s

  why they hated him, blah blah. And of course the sex issue

  always reared its ugly head, no pun intended.

  Maybe it was women’s intuition, but there was always

  something about Ronan that never sat right with me in terms of

  us having sex. Even though I thought I loved him, something in

  the back of my mind (beyond the scariness of losing my

  virginity), kept telling me I shouldn’t have sex with him. Since I

  could never shake that uneasy feeling, I simply kept telling

  Ronan I wasn’t ready to sleep with him, which he obviously

  wasn’t happy about.

  Our fighting escalated, and he told me I had been nothing

  but a cock-teasing bitch for our entire relationship. He also

  found out I used to have a crush on Alex and said I was

  probably fucking Alex since I wasn’t giving him (Ronan) any sex.

  Hell I wish...

  One by one, he went through all my male friends and had

  these crazy ideas in his head on how I was cheating on him with

  each of them. I was so sick and tired of everything revolving

  around sex.

  “If you want someone to have sex with, how about you go

  fuck yourself!” I yelled.

  “Oh yeah? How about you’re not leaving this bedroom till

  you fuck me!” he said looking me dead in the eye.

  That shut me right the hell up. There’s no way he would do

  that to me. He stood there glaring at me for a few moments, and

  the next thing I know, he jumps on top of me and pins my arms

  to the couch. His lips were pressed against mine, so I tried kicking my legs up to get him off me, but he pinned those down too with his legs. My arms were pressed against my chest, so I couldn’t take a swing at him. He continued pressing his face against mine, telling me he was going to treat me like the whore I

  was being with every other guy but him.

  Although my hands were pinned against my chest, they

  were facing him, so I dug my claws into his neck, but that didn’t

  seem to do much damage. The only weapon that wasn’t

  restricted was my overbite. I quickly jerked my head, wrapped

  my mouth around his nose and clamped down with my big

  choppers. He started screaming and told me to let go of his

  nose. I released my bite, and he quickly jumped off of me. It was almost as if a light switched on in his head. He

  immediately started apologizing and said he didn’t mean to get

  carried away. He wanted everything to be okay with us and for

  things to go back to the way they were when we first met. I told

  him he was a worthless piece of shit for trying to force himself

  on me.

  Although he apologized profusely, he said he wasn’t going

  to let me leave until I promised that we were okay. I told him he

  was out of his fucking mind and to get the hell out of my way,

  but he physically wouldn’t let me leave the house. He kept telling

  me I had to promise everything was cool between us and that we

  were still a couple.

  As he and I verbally went back and forth, I quickly realized

  that you can’t reason with a crazy person, you have to play their

  game. Me telling Ronan he was an asshole and to take me home

  was not going to get me out of that house. I knew my only

  option was to relent and play along. So I took a deep breath and

  calmly said we both were out of control for the last hour but that

  everything was fine. He told me he loved me, and although it

  made the bile in my stomach rise up in my throat, I told him I

  loved him too.

  When he dropped me off at home, he apologized again for

  what happened and suggested we take a small “break” from

  dating each other. I wholeheartedly agreed.

  Despite the fact that Ronan was a psychotic dickhead, I was

  still hurt by our pseudo breakup and took it as a sign of failure.

  That’s how fucked in the head I was.

  And by the way, what constitutes a “break” anyway? According to Ronan, the “break” meant we wouldn’t see

  each other for a few weeks but would still talk sporadically.

  Ronan dictated the rules for our “break” and because I was still a

  bit of a spineless jellyfish, I let him call the shots.

  My time apart from Ronan was spent trying to mend my

  friendships with Sadie, Carla, and Tasha, where the most damage

  had been done. I’d heard that Pete, the hesher responsible for

  my first semi arrest, had recently committed suicide by hanging

  himself. I felt bad for the girls because they were close to him,

  but I felt I didn’t have the right to suddenly chime in with

  condolences after months of being M.I.A. I tried to make small

  talk with them as a means to open the doors of communication,

  but at that point things had been distant between all of us for

  quite a while. Although we’d still chat when we’d see each other

  in the hallways at school, we weren’t our little clique of four

  anymore. Everyone had branched off into different groups.

  Carla had joined school clubs like yearbook and the newspaper,

  Tasha’s new circle was the varsity cheerleaders, and Sadie was

  preoccupied with her new boyfriend. Collectively, they had zero

  interest in going to Hollywood and seeing bands play, which was

  all I wanted to do. So with nothing really in common anymore, I

  watched my friendships with the girls fade away.


  Since I had become Ronan repellent, it kept him from

  going to most of my friends parties, especially the ones in

  Alhambra. I partook in mild flirting with Alex to ease my bruised

  heart and also took a forced hiatus from going to all Taz shows.

  Not only because Lucy got tired of being my Hollywood cabby,

  but I also didn’t want to run into Ronan. I really needed the time

  away from him to clear my head.

  A few weeks into my hiatus with Ronan, a new face popped

  up in the Alhambra crowd. His name was Justin Pierce. He was

  21, soft spoken, with long dark hair and hazel eyes. He had his

  own apartment and his own car. I was instantly intrigued. According to Ronan, our time apart also included the

  freedom to date other people. At first, I was crushed that he

  would even consider being with another girl. But once I noticed

  Justin showing interest in me, my “break” from Ronan didn’t

  seem like such a bad idea. I couldn’t believe a cool older guy like

  Justin would give someone like me the time of day. I had never

  been presented with actual options before. None of the guys I

  liked had ever liked me back with the exception of Ronan. Justin and I began talking on the phone every day. We’d

  meet up at parties and find quiet spots to go make out. He didn’t

  care that I was only 15 with a curfew. He never criticized the

  way I looked or dressed. It was nice to finally just be myself

  without having to walk on eggshells all the time.

  Ronan and I really didn’t talk much during the beginning of

  our “break”. But a few weeks after I started hanging out with

  Justin, Ronan’s calls became more frequent. I figured he had

  heard through the grapevine that we were hanging out because

  he was suddenly very interested in how I was and where I was

  going on the weekends. I knew exactly what Ronan was doing

  and took great satisfaction in his jealousy. When he finally

  confronted me about whether or not anything was going on with

  Justin, I told him the truth and said we had hung out a few

  times.

  “Oh so now you’re fucking this asshole Justin, huh?” he

  barked.

  “No I’m not. And even if I was, we’re on a break

  remember?”

  “This is supposed to be time for both of us to think about

  our relationship. Not for you to go out whoring around with

  some asshole!”

  “Aww boo hoo. Someone’s jealous of Justin,” I said egging

  him on.

  “I’m not jealous!”

  “And what have you been up to? You’ve probably fucked

  half of the San Gabriel Valley by now.”

  “Maybe I have.”

  “Maybe I could give a shit!” I yelled and hung up the

  phone.

  The thought of Ronan being with another girl was

  devastating, but I couldn’t let him know that. I still didn’t want it

  to be over with him, god only knows why. Justin certainly

  treated me better than Ronan ever had.

  About a week later, Justin’s friend Tate decided to throw a

  party at his house. Tate was a former classmate of Lucy’s, so she

  planned on going to the party with her boyfriend Tim. Although

  I couldn’t wait to get to the party to see Justin, I wasn’t happy

  about being under the watchful eye of my big sister.

  About an hour or so into the party, we were out of alcohol

  and Justin asked if I wanted to go on a beer run with him. Seeing

  an opportunity for us to be alone, naturally I agreed. He said he

  had to make a quick phone call before we left and ran inside.

  Unfortunately, Lucy and Tim overheard our conversation. “You can’t go with that guy,” Lucy said.

  “It’s fine. We’re just going to the corner to get beer,” I said. “He’s 21 and you shouldn’t be hanging out with him. He’s

  way too old for you.”

  “I’m not ‘hanging’ out with anyone. I’m just driving down

  the street to get beer. I’ll be back in a few minutes, GAWD,” I

  said rolling my eyes.

  Justin walked back outside and asked if I was ready to go.

  Lucy and Tim gave me a parental look of disapproval, but I

  didn’t give a shit. They weren’t my parents.

  “Yeah, lets go,” I said and left with Justin.

  Justin and I were putting cases of beer in his car when he

  said he had to stop by a friend’s house to pick up “something”

  before we went back to the party.

  “Where’s the house?” I asked.

  “In Montebello, it’ll just take a second,” he said. Montebello was only ten minutes down the street. I didn’t

  think anything of it, so I agreed to go with him for the ride. When we pulled up in front of his friend’s house, he said it

  would only take him a minute to grab what he needed and to

  wait in the car. Again, I didn’t think it was anything out of the ordinary, so I sat in the car flipping through the radio stations

  while he went inside.

  Justin walked out of the house a few minutes later as

  promised. He hopped into the drivers seat and pulled out a

  thumb sized, resealable baggy that contained white powder. He

  pulled his car keys out of the ignition and dipped the tip of one

  of the keys into the white bag of power. He put a small pile of

  powder on the tip and placed it under his right nostril. He took a

  big sniff and my jaw dropped to the ground.

  “Did you want a bump?” he asked as he dipped the key

  back into the baggie.

  I sat there in silence. I’m sure the expression on my face

  was self-explanatory.

  “Oh man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out,” he

  said.

  “Oh it’s totally fine,” I said trying to sound cool. He did another key bump with his left nostril.

  “I just figured you had done it before,” he said wiping his

  nose.

  “It’s cool. Um can we go back to the party though? I’m

  really craving a drink,” I said with a forced smile.

  Justin changed the subject and started rambling about

  nothing in particular, which I’d later find out to be the ‘coke

  rambles’. As he cackled on, I couldn’t get that visual of him

  doing coke out of my head. I had never been around any

  hardcore drug before, so I was completely freaked out. I can’t

  explain why, but as we drove back to the party that night, all the

  feelings I had for Justin disappeared faster than the bumps that

  went up his nose. I was immediately disgusted by the cocaine

  and disgusted with him. I wanted to go back to the party and

  forget I ever met him.

  When we got back to the party, Justin and I were like oil

  and water, which was fully enforced by me of course. Any part

  of the house he was hanging out in, I would be on the opposite

  end. Lucy picked up on this and asked me why I had done a

  complete 180 within the last hour. I knew her and Tim would

  flip if I told them what really happened, so I lied. I told her that on the ride to get beer, he said a few dopey things that got on my nerves and that she was right. He was too old for me, and we didn’t really have anything in common after all. I’m sure she didn’t believe me because it really was such a lame excuse, but she didn’t press the issue. I’m sure she was just hap
py I didn’t want to hang around him anymore. I didn’t even say goodbye to him when I left the party. I just snuck out and got a ride home

  with Lucy and Tim.

  After avoiding Justin’s calls for about a week or so, he

  finally got the hint and stopped calling. Ronan on the other

  hand, wanted to meet for dinner and talk. Against my better

  judgment I stupidly agreed to see him. He mentioned we would

  have to give his mom a ride home from work before we could

  grab dinner. I said that was fine.

  I really liked Ronan’s mom. She was always so sweet to me.

  She would shower me with affection and buy me gifts with what

  little money she had as if I were her own daughter.

  I was always on edge when Ronan borrowed his mom’s car

  because it usually started an argument between them. Not that

  she minded him using the car. The issue was that it had expired

  tags and numerous unpaid tickets, not to mention a broken

  taillight. That car was a police target. If they ever got pulled over

  it would be immediately impounded, so they tried to drive it as

  little as possible.

  When Ronan came to pick me up that night, the backseat

  of the car was filled almost to the ceiling with junk. So when we

  went to get his mom, we all had to sit in the front seat with me

  being sandwiched in the middle. He told her he wanted to use

  the car to take me out to dinner. She tried to reiterate as she

  always did, that the driving should be kept to a minimum and

  offered to make dinner for us, but he was insistent on taking the

  car.

  The bickering continued back and forth for about ten

  minutes. She didn’t want him to drive the car, he said he would

  take side streets where there were less cops. For some reason the

  arguing took a drastic turn, and he suddenly started screaming at

  her that he was going to take the car whether she liked it or not. She told him she wasn’t going to let him, and the next thing I know, he abruptly pulls the car over and lunges for her, with me

  getting caught in the middle, literally.

  The way she curled up in a ball as he landed blows across

  her back, led me to believe this had happened before. I screamed

  at him to stop and tried to push him away from her, but he

  wasn’t stopping. I immediately had a rush of adrenalin like the

  time I’d fought with Roger in the 6th grade. Without even

  thinking, I started throwing right hooks across Ronan’s face. It