Rock and Roll High School: Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence

by Marisa Tellez

  Dresden made a bitter face and said, “It's not that GOOD

  either.”

  As the night progressed, each bottle of Cold Goose went

  down smoother than the last. When I watched Dresden top off

  his cup with the last remnants from the eighth bottle, I realized I

  was completely and utterly drunk.

  Despite being wasted out of my mind, I somehow managed

  to prop myself up against the side of the chimney. While the

  boys chatted, I passed out for a few minutes. When I woke up

  they were gone. A few moments later, I heard them talking and

  playing video games in Dresden’s bedroom.

  My eyes felt so very heavy. Every time I’d close them, the

  room would start to spin, and I’d have to force them back open.

  After a half hour of playing peek-a-boo with myself, the room

  swayed one, final time, and I knew I was going to barf. I tried to stand up but ended up flopping over on my side

  like a seal. I looked around for a bag, a plate, or a bowl.

  Anything within my grabbing reach that I could yack into, but

  the room was practically empty. I considered taking the easy way

  out and just barfing in the fireplace. But in a last ditch effort, I

  decided to try and make my way to the toilet.

  I slowly started to crawl towards the bathroom, but each

  movement caused me to dry heave. I tried to focus on the

  ground, stretching my arms and fingers over the dirty carpet.

  The road to the toilet seemed so far away. I might have actually

  seen a turtle pass me along the way.

  Finally, after what seemed like hours, I passed the threshold

  of the bathroom. The feel of cold tile on my palms was

  refreshing as I kept crawling towards the throne. I sat on the

  floor with a leg on either side of the toilet, flopped my arms

  across the seat, and put my head down. Then I waited. I knew I

  wouldn't wait very long.

  “Yo Marisa! Where you at mama?” Dresden yelled

  repeatedly.

  I listened to his voice fade in and out as he walked

  throughout different rooms of the house. When he finally found

  me in the bathroom, he turned on the light and started laughing. “Aww mama, are you okay?” he asked.

  “Water,” I blurted out.

  I wanted him to leave. I didn't want to throw up in front of

  my new boyfriend, and it was coming fast. Oh please, just get

  the fuck out and get me my water, I thought.

  “Ok, I'll be right back,” he said.

  Dresden had only taken about four or five steps out of the

  bathroom when I started to barf. Luckily, it only took a few

  good heaves to get most of the Cold Goose out of me. I quickly wiped my mouth, flushed the toilet, and fell back

  on the cold bathroom floor by the time Dresden came back in.

  He picked me up off the ground and carried me to his bedroom.

  After tucking me into his bed, he put the glass of water within

  grabbing distance for me, kissed my forehead, and picked up

  where he left off on his video game with Bam.

  A few days later, I suddenly found that trying to get a hold

  of Dresden was like pulling teeth. He wasn’t calling as much as

  he usually did and was turning into a big flake, which was totally

  out of character for him. It wasn’t even a gradual turn either. It

  literally seemed like someone had flipped a switch in him, and

  his personality changed overnight. He hadn’t seemed to be the

  least bit mad or grossed out that I had gotten wasted on

  Christmas, so that couldn’t be the problem. Every time I asked

  him what was wrong, he would insist everything was fine. The

  only thing I could think of was maybe he was having family

  problems. He mentioned a few weeks earlier, that his mom was

  having issues with his younger brother and seemed to be very

  upset about it. I knew in my gut something was very wrong, but

  I didn’t want to keep pushing Dresden. Whatever it was, he

  obviously wasn’t ready to talk with me about it yet. So I decided

  to back off and figured he would just tell me in his own time. With New Years being just around the corner, I asked him

  what he wanted to do to celebrate. He was less than enthused

  about making plans and said he wanted us to spend a quiet night

  at his place, which I was fine with. I didn’t care what we did as

  long as we were together. I just hoped that whatever issues he

  was having could be worked out and left behind so we could

  enter the New Year on a clean slate.

  When I got to Dresden’s house on New Years Eve, he

  continued to be distant. Still not wanting to pressure him, I

  pretended like everything was fine and suggested we go to the

  market to get some items and make lemon drops. When we got

  back from the market, I set up a shot for each of us. I figured a

  little bit of booze might loosen him up a bit. But as we

  continued to do shots, he became more withdrawn, and my

  patience for not pressuring him on his sudden mood swing was

  wearing very thin. The person he had become over last seven

  days wasn’t the person I fell in love with. It was a side of him I

  had never seen before and decided I wasn’t going to placate him

  any longer. I finally demanded to know what was wrong. Dresden got agitated as I continued to press him for

  answers, but I wasn’t giving up. If something happened that

  radically changed how he felt about me, I wanted to know what

  it was. Even if it meant that (gulp) he didn’t have feelings for me

  anymore.

  We got into an argument that lasted for hours. I chased him

  from room to room on the verge of tears, trying to find out why

  he was trying to shut me out of his life. At some point during the

  fight, I happened to glance at a clock and notice it was a quarter

  after midnight. There would be no confetti, champagne, or New

  Years kiss for me. The only thing Dresden gave me to ring in

  1993 was a broken heart.

  I couldn't take any more of his half assed answers, so I told

  him he was a selfish asshole who never loved me. He insisted he

  did. I told him if he did, he wouldn’t be treating me like that and

  stormed out of his house. I slowly stomped my way to Lucy’s car

  due to my heels and hoped my snails pace would give him

  enough time to come out and stop me, but he never did. I took

  off in Lucy’s car and cried all the way home.

  Dresden never called me after our fight, and the few times I

  tried to call him, he was conveniently never home. I knew damn

  well he was getting Bam to screen his calls for him. I just wished

  I knew what I did wrong.

  A few weeks passed with no word from Dresden, so I

  pressed Bam for details. He didn’t want to break guy code since Dresden was one of his closest friends, but he did tell me that Dresden was moving back to New York in a few weeks. My

  heart immediately sank.

  Against my better judgment, I wrote Dresden a letter. I also

  made him a mixed tape of Beatle songs that reminded me of

  him. I planned to take everything to him at Bleeker Bobs on

  Melrose, where he usually worked on weekends.

  The following Sunday, I called Bleeker Bobs in the early

  afternoon.
When Dresden answered, I quickly hung up. I threw

  the tape and letter I had made for him into a paper bag and

  made my way to Hollywood.

  By the time I got to Melrose, my heart was racing. I sat in

  the car wondering if I was doing the right thing. I had a feeling I

  wasn’t. But for some strange reason, I wanted the chance to say

  goodbye to him.

  I walked down Melrose and panicked when I saw Bleeker

  Bobs come into view. I immediately jumped inside a nearby

  phone booth and called Kennedy for reinforcement.

  “You know you don’t have to do this honey. It’s not like

  he even deserves this from you,” she said.

  “You’re totally right. I don’t even know why I’m here. He’s

  the one who blew me off, what am I even thinking? God I’m

  pathetic.”

  “You’re not pathetic honey, you just want closure, and if

  this will help you get it, I say do it.”

  Just then, Dresden walked outside the store and lit up a

  cigarette.

  “Oh god! He just walked outside! What do I do?” I yelled

  into the phone.

  “It’s perfect timing. Go talk to him now before he goes

  back inside, go go!”

  “Okay I’m going!” I said and quickly hung up on Kennedy. I ran across the street, and Dresden took a long drag of his

  cigarette as I continued walking towards him. He didn’t seem

  surprised to see me. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t giving me the

  cold look he had given me on New Years. It was more endearing

  like when we first started dating. We both looked at each other for a few moments, and I knew there wasn’t going to be any

  more fighting.

  “Are you almost done with your break?” I asked. “I will be in a few minutes,” he said.

  “I won't be here that long. I'm done asking for any kind of

  explanation.”

  “But you deserve one.”

  “I think I do too, but I beat that dog to death on New

  Years. I’m not here to start that futile argument again.” He paused for a moment.

  “Look, it’s nothing you did its me,” he said.

  “Oh for fuck sake, talk about relationship 101…” I said

  rolling my eyes.

  “No listen,” he said interrupting me. “I found out I had to

  move back to New York, so I was trying to distance myself from

  you.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me you had to move back?” “I didn’t know how to because I was pissed when I found

  out. Either way, there was no point in us still hanging out.” “The point is we love each other and should be making the

  best of the time you have left here.”

  “Why? So we can get more attached to each other?” “And this is better? You cutting me out of your life?” “I’m not cutting you out of my life. I would never want

  that.”

  “I don’t want that either but that’s how you’ve been acting.

  Like you want nothing to do with me,” I said getting choked up. “Of course I want you in my life, but it’s just really hard for

  me to be around you right now,” he said.

  He tore off a piece of the paper bag I had in my hand,

  pulled out a pen from behind his ear, and wrote his New York

  address and phone number down.

  He handed me the piece of paper and said, “I was going to

  call you when I got back to New York, just so you know.” “How would I have known that?”

  I could feel myself getting heated again but refrained from

  saying anything else. I didn't have the strength to fight with him anymore. There wasn’t anything else to say anyway. So I gave him the bag, hugged him and told him I loved him, then walked

  away.

  A few days later, Sebastian called. He didn’t mention

  anything about the girls or Dresden. He told me he had moved

  out of Susie and Deven’s apartment and was now living on

  Franklin and La Brea with two girls named Tina and Marla. Bam,

  Strange, and Michael were supposed to be moving in with them

  too. They didn’t have a phone turned on in the apartment yet

  but when they did, it would be a restricted line. All incoming

  calls would be allowed, but there would be a lock on the

  outgoing, local calls only. I don’t blame the girls for doing that

  with all those crackpots living there. He said he would give me

  his new number once he had it, and if I needed to get a hold of

  him before then, to just leave a message on the Kids band

  hotline, and he’d find a way to call me back.

  CASSIDY: Bronwyn was around a lot more when Sebastian movedinwithTina andMarla, andthat’swhenhestartedcheating onherwithme(laughs).

  I found the whole conversation with Sebastian hysterical because he was talking to me like we spoke on a regular basis. When or why would I need to get a hold of him at any point in my life, much less in the next few days before his house phone was turned on?

  I asked him where he was calling me from and he said Cassidy’s house. I told him he was out of his mind for doing that. He said it was fine because she wasn’t even home and proceeded to invite me to a Kids show coming up at the Coconut Teaszer in the next few weeks.

  I hadn’t really been around any of that crowd for the last few months, so I found it strange that Sebastian would invite me to his show. Especially after his grandstanding speech just months earlier about us being more than friends or nothing at all. That coupled with him calling me from Cassidy’s house AND his insistence on me going to his show set my paranoia into overdrive. Was he was setting me up for an ambush at his show with the girls?

  I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to go, but I said I would be there just to get him off my back. When I got off the phone with Sebastian, I thought about what I was getting myself into. There was no doubt the girls would be there. The smart thing to do would’ve been to just stay away from Hollywood and lay low, as I had been doing.

  Over the next few weeks, I reconnected with my high school friend Hannah. I was staying local around the neighborhood, just going to house parties and doing whatever I could to keep my mind off of Dresden. On the evening before Sebastian’s show, she asked me to come with her to see a Doors cover band called Wild Child. My first thought was to say no because I was hesitant on going anywhere near Hollywood. I was also still undecided about going to Sebastian’s show. But when Hannah told me the Wild Child show was in Anaheim at a club called Jezebel’s, I relented and told her I’d come along.

  On the drive to Anaheim, I filled Hannah in on my recent leper status with the girls and how Sebastian invited me to his show. She told me I had just as much right to go as anyone else and would come along for support if I wanted her to. I was so happy and relieved when she volunteered to go with me. Not only because she was always such a good friend to me, but Hannah was a tough bitch. I’d seen her brawl before, and she could take out a herd of bitches with one swing. Having her by my side was better than having a bodyguard.

  When we got to Jezebel’s, it was a shit show right from the start. Wild Child as a band was okay, but the people that were there to see them were assholes. Most of them were drunk and trying to start a pit in the center of the floor, which I thought was ridiculous. There was nothing about The Doors music that struck me as aggressive, so I couldn’t understand what was making them so angry. Maybe they didn’t like living in Orange County?

  One guy repeatedly bumped me, even when I kept moving away. He even tried to pull me into the pit a few times, but I kept pushing him right back in. He eventually stopped just long enough to barf on the floor right in the front of the stage. A few bouncers stood by, and
once he gave his last heave they threw him right out.

  Hannah, on that same note, decided to get really drunk as well. She had recently started dating a convict named Edgar and was very upset over him having to go back to jail over a probation violation. I had barely finished my first drink when Hannah was already on her third. I decided I should probably stick to soda for the remainder of the evening, and it’s a good thing I did. She barfed up her sixth drink in the girl’s bathroom before we left, and I had to drive us back to her house. I’m just glad we lived on the same street because I ended up having to walk myself home.

  When I spoke with Hannah the next day, she was a complete disaster. She was so hung over and still barfing, certainly in no condition to go with me to Sebastian’s show that evening. Just great I thought; there goes my bodyguard. To make matters worse, Kennedy called me that afternoon with news that Dresden was supposedly still in town.

  I had just started to feel better about things between us, but that was under the assumption that Dresden had already moved back east. I figured he was busy getting acclimated in New York and that was the reason I hadn’t heard from him. We hadn’t spoken in weeks, not since the day I went to visit him at Bleeker Bobs. I was absolutely crushed at the possibility that he had been here this whole time and never once thought to call me. Now having to potentially face the girls alone without Dresden by my side when he was just minutes away, sent me reeling.

  I’m not sure what came over me, but I felt I needed to make a statement by going to the Teaszer by myself. I wasn’t going to let anyone dictate where I could or couldn’t go. Cassidy certainly wasn’t the mayor of Hollywood. If Sebastian or anyone else wanted me to go to their show, I had every right to go.

  When I got to the Coconut Teaszer that night, I walked right up to the bar and chatted with Junior, the Mexican bartender who made stiff drinks. He made me a screwdriver that was virtually clear. I took a sip and gagged for a second. I noticed The Kids were setting up, so I grabbed a stool and took a seat near the right side of the stage. A few minutes later, I noticed Cassidy, Dina, and Amie walk in.

  “Here we go,” I thought to myself. I took a big hit of my drink and stood my ground. I had no idea what was going to happen with the girls. The last time we saw each other, we were all close friends. But in all honesty, after losing Dresden, I didn’t give a shit about anything anymore. Whatever was going to happen would happen, whether that be the girls totally ignoring me or dragging me out onto the patio and beating the shit out of me next to the Mexican guy who makes the delicious tacos.