All My Tomorrows

by Colette L. Saucier

  “What about Rich?”

  “He told me what you did.”

  “And what is that?”

  “That you got him thrown off your last movie. Do you deny it?”

  “No, I don’t deny it. Did he tell you why?”

  “He said he had started dating Winnie and you didn’t like it. Next thing he knew, he was off the set and couldn’t even get an audition in primetime.”

  “Why would I care who Winnie dates?”

  “Obviously, because you intended to have her for yourself. I bet the only reason you even looked at me twice was because you knew Rich and I were dating. The competition – the conquest. But then someone else would come along who presents a challenge, and you would just throw me to the side like Winnie and Cleo and your wife.”

  “I think I’ve heard enough. This is how you really feel about me?”

  “How could I possibly feel anything else for someone who leaves so much destruction in his wake?”

  He picked up his shirt and started for the door, but then he turned and stepped over to her with only a few inches between them. “You despise me this much, yet you kissed me with so much passion, and you were going to let me make love to you. Would you really sleep with a man you hate?”

  “Huh. How ‘bout that. You’re the only man I hate, so I guess I would. Until this moment, I never knew myself.”

  He said nothing more, only turned and walked quietly out of her life.

  CHAPTER 10

  Peter closed her door just before two, and Alice stood staring at it for several minutes after. Once able to shake off the shock of everything that had happened in the last hour, she took a shower and cried. Not gentle tears but full-blown sobs, which depleted her such that she braced her arms and head against the shower wall. And yet, she had no idea why she was crying.

  Once she had run out of tears, she got out of the shower and put on a thin robe. A storm had come in, and rain pelted against the balcony like rocks. She opened the French door and realized it was rocks – or hail, rather – and wondered if he had made it back to his hotel before the storm. If he went to his room. Maybe he went back to the bar. He had been pretty wound up – he still has time to get laid. She slammed the door.

  She curled up on the bed, staring at the wall, considering Xanax and sleep, wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t kicked him out of bed. No. That would have been a tragedy. Damn tequila. I hate him. He is the last man in the world I would want to sleep with.

  But could he really be in love with me? The thought of a major motion picture star falling in love with her defied even her imagination. Although he did appear in public with her, even though she is so beneath him.

  Oh no. Forget what people are going to say about him when that video got out. What would they say about her? I still have to face everyone back at the show! Well, maybe none of them will see it…

  She continued ruminating over various scenarios, all equally mortifying, until light drifted through from the balcony and she gave up on sleep. The rain had somehow rendered the city less humid, and after a few minutes sitting on the balcony in just her robe, she caught a chill and went in and got dressed. She pulled a sweater around her and sat on the balcony as the sunrise changed the light-play on the buildings around her.

  The eerie silence of the Quarter piqued her curiosity and coaxed her outside where the smell of wet concrete overwhelmed all others. Bourbon Street had been transformed into a bacchanal ghost down, dampened debris the only evidence of the previous night’s festivities. When she came to the karaoke bar – neon sign dark, doors closed – the night before seemed like a dream. Except she still hadn’t slept.

  She turned the opposite way of “the alley” and meandered toward Jackson Square as she reflected on every look, every touch through the filter of his confession. The aromas of powdered sugar and beignets boiling in oil aroused her senses, but she couldn’t eat. She considered getting a café au lait, but she didn’t want to speak to anyone – even to order a coffee. She walked up the levee to the Moon Walk and wiped the rain off a bench before sitting down and pulling her sweater tight around her as if it were autumn and not late August.

  She had no idea how long she had been there when his voice made her jump.

  “I’ve been walking around trying to find you. I’d almost given up.”

  Her heart began to race, she told herself because he surprised her, and she would not face him. “How did you know I was out?”

  “I went to your hotel. Not your room – I was going to call you from the lobby, but the front deskman had seen you leave.

  “Don’t worry – I didn’t follow you here to throw myself at your feet.” He spoke with a firm voice, enunciating each consonant, leaving no doubt that his anger had not waned. “I will not embarrass either of us like that ever again, but I have to discuss something with you. It is very serious, and I couldn’t let anger and hurt feelings stop me.”

  She wanted to tell him to go to hell, but her curiosity got the better of her. She scooted to the far side of the bench to make room for him, and they both stared out at the river.

  “Did you make it back to the Ritz before the storm?” she asked, maintaining a tone as curt as his. “Or you probably didn’t go straight there.”

  “Of course I did. Where else would I go?”

  “So what is so important that you had to tell me face-to-face?”

  “I would have emailed you, but what I have to say must stay between you and me. I couldn’t risk having it intercepted. Not that I do not trust you – I do not trust technology.”

  “Even a phone?”

  “If I had called, would you have answered?”

  She responded with a shrug and swallowed. Probably not.

  He glanced at his watch. “But I’ll get to that in a minute. First, I need to clear up a few things. You had a lot to say last night, and I hope you’ve gotten it all off your chest, so I would appreciate it if you not interrupt me.”

  After a moment’s thought, she nodded.

  “Look, I can’t change how things are in the industry and the public eye, that actors are expected to marry other actors like they are their own species. They would assume, as you apparently do, that I was just using you for sex. I wish it weren’t like that. I wish I didn’t have a publicist and an image consultant trying to control my every move. And you’re right – it is an exclusive club – but the truth is a lot of people will do anything to get in. I’m sorry I misjudged Giselle, and even though he may hate me for it, I will tell Jack that I made a mistake.”

  She found this admission so shocking, she wanted to say something but couldn’t think of what it should be. Perhaps it was better she had agreed to remain silent.

  “Now about the lawsuit. My attorneys put that in motion the day they sent me to All My Tomorrows. I had no idea when anything was filed or that you and everyone with the show didn’t know about it. I had every intention of coming back to the show next month, and I was as surprised as you to hear about the injunction. I think you will agree, though, with everything…it is better that I not return.

  “Now I have to tell you something, and you must swear not to tell anyone. I’m not trying to protect myself, but this would hurt someone else if it got out, and I can’t be responsible for ruining her reputation.”

  She nodded.

  “Rich was right – I did get him fired, but he didn’t tell you why. He didn’t even tell you the events in order. I thought Rich was all right when he came on location, and I even ran lines with him like I did with Dirk, and we’d go out sometimes after filming. One night we’re at a club, and he offers me some Special K – ketamine. I considered it, but I pulled up the effects on my phone and decided against it. I didn’t think anything of it, figured he had just come across some and decided to try it. But pretty soon it seemed like everyone on the set was using it, at least half the cast and crew; and people were showing up late and exhausted, and it was affecting production. I found out Rich wa
s the supplier. First I confronted him and told him if he would stop, I wouldn’t report him. He said I had gone from being Hollywood’s bad boy to being a choirboy or something since I hadn’t tried it when he offered. When he refused to stop selling it, I told the producers, and they told him if he would go quietly and not reveal who he had sold to, they wouldn’t press charges.

  “Before all this happened, like I said, Rich and I would hang out; and we talked about a lot of things. I told him how much I hated going out on location because it was hurting my marriage, and I didn’t get to spend any time with my daughter. I didn’t tell him this, but I will tell you. It finally came to a head when I was working on Cause of Death. My wife...she…she had an affair. After my initial anger, I didn’t blame her – I blamed myself for never being around. So when they offered me COD, I jumped at the chance of a regular series, hoping I could put my marriage back together.”

  When he admitted to his wife’s affair, Alice’s head jerked around to face him. He still kept his eyes on the river, but the pain in his face led her to believe him, and she turned back away.

  “You might have noticed that Winnie has not even come up yet. That’s because she had nothing to do with him getting fired but everything to do with him getting revenge. While we were working together on COD last year, unbeknownst to me, she and Rich began dating. When she started behaving erratically on the set, I didn’t know what to think – until I saw them together. First I tried to warn her about him and the drugs, but she said I was jealous. She had made it clear to me that she would like our relationship to be more than professional, but…that would never happen in a million years. One night Jack calls me, frantic. He’s at Winnie’s – he’s her agent too – and she’s all messed up. I went over there, and she was out of her mind. She didn’t know who she was, where she was, even what she was! My wife wasn’t home when I left, and I sent her a cryptic text about needing to help a friend. I thought I’d be right back. Then Rich showed up and told me to stop interfering, and we really had it out. Jack and I knew we had to get her out of town to keep her away from Rich and the media away from her before they saw her having what amounted to a psychotic episode. I kept trying to call my wife but it went straight to voicemail, and I didn’t say much when I left a message or texted her – just that a friend was in trouble and I’d be gone longer than expected.

  “We took Winnie to my place in Park City, and you know most of the rest. Rich figured out where we were and called the paparazzi, so when we came out, our picture ended up everywhere. Jack had left earlier that day, so it looked like…what it looked like. That was the final straw for my marriage. I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen. The worst, though, was what it has done to my daughter. She doesn’t really understand, only that Daddy was with a woman other than her mother, and that’s why we got a divorce. On top of that, I still don’t get to spend much time with her. I won’t say he destroyed my family because I now know that nothing would have saved my marriage, but it shouldn’t have happened like this.”

  She stole a glance at him again, his chin firm and his teeth clenched. He hadn’t shaved.

  “When Rich showed up at All My Tomorrows, Jack and I confronted him. He said he had cleaned up and wanted another chance. I didn’t say anything just to keep his mouth shut about Winnie. You can see why I must have your discretion, but I couldn’t leave you without warning you about him, to be careful and watch him. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t trust him. You could ask Jack about him, too, if you don’t believe me. He can tell you what happened with Winnie and how he more than I took care of her in Utah.”

  He looked at his watch again. “I want to tell you one more thing, and then I have to go or I’ll miss my flight. I’ve heard you talk about my ‘bimbettes,’” he spit out, “and harem, but I never thought you were serious – at least until the cast party. When I was younger and getting my first taste of fame, I admit I was pretty wild, and most of what you saw in the tabloids back then actually was true. Now you know nothing ever happened between Winnie and me. She was hanging out at the set because she’s Jack’s client – not at my invitation. The only reason I spent so many evenings with Cleo was because she is a terrible actress. And I guess that gave me an excuse to avoid you. Then when you came to the set that day and laughed at me, I couldn’t… I would never have embarrassed myself or humiliated you by publicizing a one-night stand.” Although his speech had begun with anger, he had gradually calmed down and spoken for some time in a normal, if emotional, voice. But he added volume and an edge to the end of his soliloquy. “The point I am trying to make is, in the last ten years, I have only slept with one woman – my wife! And I have only wanted to sleep with one other!”

  He stood with such force it shook the bench, and her widened eyes went straight to his face, hard as stone.

  “I have to go. I’ll miss my flight.” He started walking away.

  “Wait!” Alice’s voice halted him, but he kept his back to her. “Last night you said you needed to ask me something, discuss something with me. Was it about Rich?”

  He froze for a moment then took a full, rattling breath and released it. He turned just enough to meet her eyes. “No.”

  Then he stepped back over to the bench and, crouching before her, placed his hand against her cheek and kissed her forehead. The dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes attested he had not had much sleep either. “Take care of yourself, Alice.”

  He walked away before she could think of any way to stop him or even if she should.

  Eileen was waiting in the hotel lobby when Alice returned.

  “Where have you been?”

  “Walking.”

  “When you weren’t in your room, I thought you were probably with Peter, but then they told me here that Peter had come looking for you, and you had already left. And where is your phone?”

  Alice couldn’t remember the last time she had gone anywhere without her cell phone. She had walked out of her room with only her key card in her pocket.

  Eileen followed her to the elevator. “Dirk was here looking for you too.”

  “Oh, no.” Alice rubbed her temples as the elevator doors closed.

  “He was really upset last night. I think he was in a state of shock when you and Peter were singing to each other – we all were – and then you both just took off. He said he should have expected it but that he thought you were different.” They stopped on Alice’s floor, and Eileen got out with her.

  “Are you following me?”

  “I already checked out. We have to hurry if we’re going to make our flight.”

  “Oh, shit. I didn’t realize I had been gone that long. I’m not even packed.”

  “I’ll help you.”

  They got to the room and began flinging suitcases and clothes.

  “So…Are you going to tell me what happened?” Eileen asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Between you and Peter.”

  “Nothing happened between me and Peter. We didn’t sleep together.”

  “Dirk will be relieved to hear that.”

  “No, Dirk deserves someone better than me. To just walk out on all of you like that.”

  “Well, where did you go? What did you do?”

  “We came here, and I did exactly what I told you I was going to do. I confronted him.”

  “About the lawsuit?”

  “About everything.” Alice stopped packing and sat on the bed with her hand over her eyes and forehead. “I made a mistake.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Well, he really is an arrogant ass, and he really does think he is better than everyone else, but he really had no idea what was happening with the lawsuit.”

  “So what happened when you found out?”

  “He didn’t tell me until today, and then he went to catch his plane. Last night we just had this huge fight.”

  Eileen sat on the bed and put her arm around Alice’s shoulder. “So you think it was a mistake to con
front him about it?”

  “Well, that was only part of it, but it’s for the best. If we hadn’t fought, I would have slept with him, and then I’d feel like shit today. Well, even more like shit.”

  “Why? We all got the impression that you two –”

  “Eileen, I’ve never even liked him. The minute he walked onto the set, he made it clear he was above all of us. He will always think he is too good for me.”

  “That’s not how it looked to me.” Eileen pulled out her phone.

  “Oh, no. Tell me it’s not already up.”

  Eileen started the video of Peter and Alice singing and turned the phone to show Alice.

  “I really cannot watch that right now.”

  Eileen paused it, the screen stopped on Peter kissing Alice’s hand. “That does not look like he thinks he’s too good for you to me. And you sure don’t look like you dislike him.”

  “Tequila,” Alice said on a sigh.

  “Maybe when he gets back to L.A. you can talk.”

  Alice shook her head. “Uh-uh. I mean it – I really don’t like him. Yes, I am obviously wildly attracted to him, but that’s it – physical attraction! And I made it quite clear how I felt about him last night. What is it Evan said? ‘May the bridges that we burn light our way’? Not only did I burn that bridge, that video will just add kindling to the fire.”

  Alice tried to sleep on the flight to L.A. and pretended anyway to prevent any conversation. She kept going over everything Peter had said that morning – she didn’t even want to think about the night before – trying to remember every word he had said and commit it to memory. Then her eyes flew open.

  He said “marry.”

  CHAPTER 11

  PETER WALSINGHAM SERENADES WOMAN IN NOLA

  “I guess there’s something to be said for being insignificant after all,” Alice said looking at the title of the video on Mr. Peacock’s phone.

  “Have you seen it?”