About Three Authors

by Patti Roberts

  Seated around the breakfast bench, Elise took a good long sip of her Irish coffee and began. “It was a time I will never forget for as long as I live. It was the kind of love that has you wondering for the rest of your life what could have been. And he was the kind of guy that, no matter how many times I tried to replace him with someone else, no one ever came close to measuring up to him.”

  “An all-consuming love,” Mallory murmured, staring glassy-eyed into the past. Wait for it, she thought, and sure enough, just as day follows night, the chorus to “Surfin’ Safari” echoed in the recesses of her mind.

  “Yes,” Elise agreed. “An all-consuming, love-at-first-sight kind of story. But you’ve already heard the story.”

  “Tell us again anyway,” Mallory said, cradling the teacup in her hands.

  “Yes, and don’t leave anything out. I think we’ve only ever heard the edited version,” Polly said.

  Mallory elbowed Polly in the arm. “She can leave out the parts she wants to, it’s her story. We don’t need to hear everything.”

  Elise nodded, taking another sip from her mug. A smile crossed her face, lighting up her eyes. “I’d just turned twenty-one when I met Steve at the local pub, as you already know. I was in London on a holiday from Scotland, visiting some old school friends, and Steve was in London visiting his older brother, William, and William’s wife, Victoria. William was good friends with a friend of mine. They were nice people, and we all hit it off straight away. Victoria was lovely. She was a little older than me. I remember feeling so sorry for her. She’d just had another miscarriage, her third by that time. I had never met anyone that was so desperate, or so worthy, to have a child. You could tell from just speaking with her that she was born to be a mother. A great mother. I remember thinking at the time how much I didn’t want to be a mother and thought that there must have been something wrong with me.” Elise paused to take another sip. “I still think there must have been something wrong with me-”

  Polly shook her head. “Don’t say that. There is nothing wrong with you. Lots of people choose not to be parents. I’ve met enough people out there to know that some people should never have been allowed to be parents.”

  “Not you,” Elise said. “You were a terrific mum. Gary’s a good boy. He’s grown into a wonderful man.”

  “I was lucky,” Polly added.

  “You were a great mother, Polly. I would have been a rotten mother,” Elise said. “I was a rotten mother.”

  Mallory patted Elise’s hand. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing at the time. Like you said, Victoria was born to be a great mum. She and William were financially secure, and had so much time and love to give a child. They did a great job. Becky is a wonderful young woman.”

  “What about Steve?” Mallory asked. “You never really told us the whole story about how the two of you met.”

  “I fell for Steve the moment I saw him walking through the door of the pub.” Elise shook her head. “I know that sounds so cliché, so unrealistic, but it’s true. We hit it off straight away. The following weekend he had us booked into a lovely bed and breakfast at the foot of Hallin Fell, on the shore of Ullswater, in the Lake District. I can still remember the sumptuously comfortable bed, like it was just yesterday. We spent most of the weekend in that bed, making love.”

  Mallory cleared her throat. “Remember when I said it was okay not to tell us everything? Well this is the everything part I was talking about. Feel free to skip the… you know… part.”

  Elise smiled. “But that was the best part.”

  Mallory frowned.

  “Okay,” Elise said, “I will skip that part. So, the rest of the time we spent canoeing on the lake, or taking strolls into Howtown, a quiet hamlet on the eastern side of Ullswater. Beautiful spot. We sat on the side of the lake for hours, as Steve read poems from a Robert Frost book he’d picked up in a little second-hand bookshop. He sent me a copy just after I got home. I still have it, you know.”

  “The signed one on your beside table,” Mallory said.

  Elise nodded. “It was such a romantic weekend. But at the end of the day, that’s all it was. Two strangers spending a deliciously romantic weekend together. Steve went back to Ireland, where he was working at the time, and I went back to Scotland. We kept in contact for a few weeks, but you know how it is.”

  “Life,” Polly said, putting her teacup down. “And of course that was when-”

  “Becky was conceived,” Elise said, finishing Polly’s sentence for her. “By the time I realised I was pregnant, I was two months. I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do. A few days later, when I got my courage up, I called Steve to tell him. I don’t know why I did that, it wasn’t going to make any difference. I was not going to keep the baby. He was over the flipping moon, and that just made everything worse. He said he would marry me, we’d be a family, but I just wasn’t ready.”

  “But you were in love with him,” Mallory said.

  “I was, but I didn’t really know him. I’d spend a handful of hours with Steve, and one beautiful weekend, nothing substantial. Certainly nothing strong enough to build a marriage on, or a family for that matter. I didn’t even know who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, let alone be a wife and a mother. And then there was my mother, of course.”

  “Thank goodness you did call him,” Mallory said, taking a packet of Tim Tams out of the fridge and tipping them into a bowl. “Maybe part of you knew he would talk you out of having the pregnancy terminated?”

  “All I know is that I’m so glad I did call him, because Becky really is a beautiful young woman, not that I deserve any credit for that. That was all William and Victoria’s doing. They were great parents.”

  “She is still part of you,” Polly said, peeling a banana.

  “Really?” Mallory said, shaking her head at Polly. “You have the choice between a Tim Tam biscuit and a piece of fruit, and you pick a banana over a Tim Tam? There is something seriously wrong with you, woman.” Mallory turned then to look at Elise. “Polly is right. Becky is still part of you, so you can take credit for that. You can take credit for carrying her for nine months, for giving birth to her, and then giving her two wonderful parents who could love her and provide for her in the best possible way. If that isn’t motherly love, then I don’t know what is. But this isn’t anything we haven’t told you a million times before.”

  Elise quickly swiped away the tears running down her cheek. “I know, I know, and I bet you must be sick to death about me talking about it all these years and not doing anything about it.”

  “We’ll never get sick of hearing you talk about it, Elise. That’s what friends are for, but you should tell her,” Mallory said.

  “I agree,” Polly added, finishing her banana. “You can talk to us about anything, you know that. We love you. We will never turn our backs on you, ever, but Becky deserves to know who her real mother is. And you deserve the opportunity to be her mother.”

  “She knows who her mother is. Her mother is Victoria, and she buried her last year. And she’s still grieving for her. I can’t burden her with all this. It would just feel like I was trying to take her mother’s place, and that wouldn’t be right. Not to mention how confusing it would be for her. I will tell her one day. At least we’ve had the opportunity to meet face to face now, so when the time is right, it won’t be so confusing for her. As much as I have been tempted to tell her so many times, that’s what this trip was for, to meet, nothing more.”

  “When will the time ever be right?” Polly asked, turning serious.

  “When the loss of her mother isn’t so fresh. Anyway, I don’t deserve to be her mother. I gave up any rights I had to that title a very long time ago. You reap what you sow…”

  “You’re being too hard on yourself,” Mallory said, getting up to refill the jug. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself, when it comes to Becky.”

  Elise shook her head. “No Mal, I’m not.”

 
“You’re just afraid,” Mallory said, frowning as she began to fill Polly’s teacup, and then her own. She raised the jug to Elise, but Elise waved the jug away.

  “I am afraid,” Elise admitted. “Really afraid. You know that Steve refused to speak to me for years after I told him I didn’t want to keep her, even when I suggested that his brother, William, and Victoria adopt the baby. They wanted a child so badly. I thought Steve would be okay with that, but he wasn’t, not even a little bit. Any future that I may have had with Steve was irrefutably destroyed after that. Victoria moved to Scotland for the two weeks prior to the birth to be with me, and William joined her as soon as Becky was born to take them both home with him. I never told you this, but Steve never came once to the hospital to visit me, or even call or write to see how I was. I wanted to hate him for that, I really did. But the thing was, I hated me more because I was the one that wanted to give her up, when all he wanted to do was keep her, and start a family of our own.”

  Mallory came back and sat down beside Elise. “And now you’re afraid that Becky will feel the same way, and won’t want anything to do with you either?”

  Elise nodded, swiping away a tear. “I couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear seeing the disappointment and the hate on her face. Maybe when she knows me better-”

  Polly shook her head. “I know it must be difficult, but how can she get to know you better? She’ll be gone in a few days. If you don’t tell her soon, you may never get another opportunity.”

  “Polly is right,” Mallory said. “This conversation should take place face to face. Not over the telephone or in an email. Who knows when she’ll be back?”

  “And when I tell her, she may never want to come back.” Elise rubbed her face in her hands. “I don’t know what to do. I’m dammed if I do, and I’m dammed if I don’t.”

  Polly reached across the table and patted Elise’s hand. “Well, just remember that Steve eventually forgave you, and now you talk all the time. It was Steve who suggested this meeting, remember. If it wasn’t for Steve, Becky wouldn’t be here now, so it’s obvious that you have his support.”

  “That is true,” Mallory added. “He wants you to know your daughter, and he wants Becky to know her mother. Becky adores her uncle, so if he-”

  “Her father,” Elise corrected. “Not her uncle. Steve is her real father, remember. What makes either of you think that after she learns that truth, she’ll forgive him for deceiving her all these years?”

  Polly picked up her cup of tea and blew on it. “If Steve is willing to take that risk, I think you should be, too. Don’t you?”

  Elise squirmed in her seat. “I just don’t know. The way everything is right now, we are friends, we can talk, and we get along. Once I tell her, I may lose all of that, and that terrifies me.”

  “But if you don’t tell her, how will you ever know? Don’t let not telling her turn into a regret.”

  “Polly is right, Elise. At least if you tell her, you will know one way or the other. And who knows, it might turn out way better than you think.”

  “Or far worse,” Elise replied. “And that is what frightens me. If I never tell her, we’ll just stay as we are now, friends. At least that way we can still stay in touch with each other.”

  Mallory sighed.

  Elise looked at her. “What?”

  “It’s just that, if I were in Becky’s shoes, I would want to know who my real mother was.”

  Elise shrugged. “Even if you loved the woman you thought was your mother your entire life?”

  Mallory nodded. “Yes. I think so. I’m not sure.”

  Elise stood up, walked over to the kitchen bench, and then refilled her mug. She turned to face the two women. “If I tell her, I’m also telling her that not only did I conceal the truth from her for her entire life, but so did Steve, William, and Victoria. She will then know that everyone she loves has lied to her all this time, and that is going to be one very bitter little pill to swallow. Don’t you see, her whole life has been a lie, from the time she was born right up to now. And on top of that, it won’t take her long to realize that her real mother, me, didn’t want to keep her, and gave her away like an unwanted acquisition. How can she ever forgive any of us for such a huge betrayal? She thinks that her arse of a boyfriend sleeping with her arse of a best friend is bad; wait until she finds out that everyone else she loves has betrayed her, too. I can tell you, if I learned all that from someone I’d just met, well, I don’t know what I’d do, but I do know I wouldn’t be jumping for joy, that’s for sure.”

  Polly stood up and walked over to Elise and put her hands on Elise’s shoulders. “You know I love you and support you. Mal and I both do, and we agreed to Becky coming here for this big “Grand Opening” ruse as an excuse to get her here, but Elise, this all started with a decision you made nearly thirty years ago, and sooner or later, it has to end with you. You have to be the one to tell her the truth. What if she finds out who you are, and that you never told her, that you hid the truth from her? You have to step up eventually, and be her mother. I know it isn’t going to be easy; motherhood never is. It may not go the way you want it to, but I don’t see that you have any other choice.” Polly swept her fingers gently across Elise’s damp cheek. “You are one of the best people I know, Elise, and I know you can do this. You can tell her, and you will handle whatever happens, be it good or bad, because you know that it is the right thing to do.”

  Mallory stood up and put her arms around her two friends. “One for all, and all for one, remember. We agreed a long time ago that we’d always be there for each other, and that is exactly what we are going to do now. We will help you get through this, Elise, no matter what you decide to do. This is your decision, and we will support you, just like we’ve always done.”

  Chapter 15

  Blame It On The Night.

  BECKY JENSEN’S FACEBOOK STATUS: A grand way to bring in the New Year – the official opening of The Lakeside Writers’ Retreat. I’m so proud and honoured to be witnessing the dream coming true for three very incredible and well-deserving women.

  Becky smoothed her hands down the chiffon fabric of her strapless evening gown. She tilted her head from one side to the other as she scrutinised her reflection in the bedroom mirror, pleased at how the layers of aqua-blue fabric cascaded down her body, and how the beaded and sequined bodice sparkled in the overhead lights, dotting the mirror with tiny, iridescent spots. The ghost of Gary’s kiss as he’d said goodnight to her last night was still present on her lips. The kiss had been so fleeting that she’d spent most of the day wondering if it had actually happen, or if she’d just dreamed it. Surely it had to be real; a dream would not take her breath away every time she replayed it in her mind. Her heart pounded louder in her chest at the thought of seeing Gary again tonight. He looked divine in a pair of shorts. He would look drop dead gorgeous in a suit. Butterflies took flight in her chest and she shivered despite the warm evening breeze.

  She thought about the text messages she had been receiving from Clive, and felt a twinge of guilt. He would pick her up at the airport when she arrived back home in London. He had cleared it with Uncle Steve, who he thought had seemed strangely happy about the idea.

  She thought about his recent text messages.

  I have feelings for you, Beck. I can’t stop thinking about you. And I know you have feelings for me, too. We owe it to ourselves to at least sit down and talk about it.

  She had replied, and agreed that they should definitely talk when she got home.

  But she didn’t want to think about any of that now, because every time she did, she got so confused that it made her feel sick to her stomach.

  She poked her fingers in her hair instead, which was pinned up on the back of her head in a loose bun. Long tendrils fell loosely against her cheeks, framing her lightly made-up face. She pulled up the hem of her dress to admire her new pair of shoes, silver sandals with a wedge heal that Elise thought would be easier to walk in on the grass.
>
  Becky thought back over the day that she’d just spent with Elise in Cairns, and how much she had enjoyed it. She’d seen a calmer, more relaxed side of Elise, as though she had come out of hiding just for her. They had laughed out loud, and pulled funny faces at each other as they tried on different gowns, and sat beside each other at the hairdresser’s.

  She thought about her mother, and how often she had pleaded with her over the years to go to the hairdresser’s with her, to have their hair and nails done - it would have been her treat - but her mother had just shook her head and said it wasn’t her “thing”, and that she was happy having her hair cut by her regular hairdresser, June, in the little boutique down the road. “Go with Mandy, her mother would say. You know how Mandy goes in for all that sort of thing.”

  The woman at the boutique where Becky had bought her dress had been kind enough to take the hem up while Elise and Becky went to the hairdresser’s to have their hair and nails done. Afterwards, they had walked to the Pier, and had lunch in a trendy restaurant overlooking the marina, while watching sleek yachts come and go. Elise pointed out the place where she, Polly and Mallory had all stood waiting to board the boat for their reef trip when they’d been in their twenties.

  It had been a perfect day, and Becky and Elise had chattered effortlessly, as though they had known each other for years. Becky told Elise all about her mother, how cancer had ravished her body, and how brave her mother had been right up to the end. As Becky told the story, both she and Elise had cried and held hands. Becky told Elise about Roger and Mandy’s betrayal, and that Mandy was pregnant with Roger’s baby. She talked about the feelings she’d had for years for Clive, and more recently, her new-found feelings for Gary.

  “Is it possible to fall for someone in just a few days?” she’d asked Elise.