A Ragged Magic

by Lindsey S. Johnson

  I am too shaky to manage a stiff curtsey, so I stiffly nod my head. Both of us clench-jawed with anger, I place my hand on his arm and allow him to take my weight. Partly because I am too tired suddenly to walk so far without help.

  Hugh and Linnet follow, muttering to each other.

  When we get to Julianna’s rooms, we find her at her writing desk in the solar. She looks up at us, her expression quizzical. I’m sure my expression is sour: I don’t bother to look at anyone else’s.

  “Is something amiss?” she asks us.

  Connor deposits me in the nearest chair and bows slightly. “It seems these two took it upon themselves to check my work, my lady,” he says. Which isn’t fair — I was trying to help.

  Linnet sulks in the corner. Hugh stands next to his sister and shrugs.

  “What do you mean by that? I felt a surge of power a little while ago. But I thought you were working on lessons again. I was going to speak to you about shielding, Hugh. If I can feel these things in a shielded room — and I know at least a few staff have small magics …”

  Hugh shakes his head. “Not lessons, Juli. Rhia and Linnet broke into the bishop’s rooms, and fell into a trap spell.”

  “They what? What happened?”

  “Rhia managed to pull enough power to slow it down until I got there. I didn’t call on you since no one was hurt.”

  Julianna’s eyes seem to take up most of her face, but the rest of her expression is stern. “What were you girls even doing in there?”

  “You wanted me to use my Sight to find out more. I was trying to do that,” I say quietly.

  Everyone stares at me.

  Shrugging one shoulder, I look away, pick at the embroidery of a pillow. “Someone has to find Orrin.”

  “And did you?” asks Julianna.

  “Not yet. But I Saw a map.”

  “What map? What was on it?” Hugh asks.

  “I don’t know, it wasn’t clear enough.” I stare at my hands, refusing to look at anyone. Anger and humiliation burn in my gut. And fear — for me, for Linnet, for Orrin. For all of us. I wish I knew what I was doing. And this spell on my body, I wish I knew what it was, and why I can’t tell anyone anything important. It’s becoming very hazardous to my health, and everyone else’s opinion of me.

  “Why would the two of you go in there on your own? Why wouldn’t you just come to me?” Julianna reaches out a hand to me, but it’s Linnet who answers.

  “You would have just said no. And anyway, no one got hurt.”

  “You might have been seriously hurt, or compromised everyone’s safety!” Julianna snaps. “I don’t know what you were thinking. And what do you expect from us? We’ve taken you in, hidden you from harm, provided for you —”

  “As long as we’re useful,” Linnet snarls.

  I bite my lips hard as Julianna looks taken aback. I stand and walk over to Linnet, take her hand. She pulls away, but I stay next to her.

  “Orrin is in trouble,” I say, emphasizing each word. “I wanted to try for a better vision, for information. Linnet was helping me. You weren’t.”

  Connor steps toward us, his shoulders stiff. “I’ve been searching everywhere for information that will help him.”

  I flush and look away.

  “I will not compromise everyone’s safety to do it. And I can’t find him if I don’t know where to look! If you want a vision of him so badly, then you come to me. I can take you into Gantry’s rooms safely. Do not — under any circumstances — take such an action again without checking with me first!”

  Hugh clears his throat. “Or me, or Juli, of course. One of us.”

  Connor shakes his head. “No. Check with me. You two are almost as bad. The lot of you are going to get us all killed, and endanger the crown.”

  Julianna and Hugh both look shocked. Her eyes narrow first. Linnet and I both step back.

  “I had no idea you felt so ill used by me, Connor. I thought you agreed to help me when we arranged to come here, which by extension helps the crown; the crown of our king, Peter. Or is it Alexander you’re so concerned for? You remember the prince, my husband?” Her voice is quiet and cutting.

  Connor’s back is already straight, but his lips go gray. “My duty is first and foremost to the crown and country of Talaria. As always, your Highness.” He bows deeply and leaves the room, and not a one of us breathes until he is gone.

  Hugh stirs. “That was unkind, Julianna.” He sighs and walks to the door. “You should be more careful. I’ll talk to him. But you will have to, as well.” He leaves.

  Linnet turns and leaves the room as well, just walks back into the hall and is gone. Still feeling weak and wobbly, I contemplate heading for my room and taking a nap. But Julianna pins me with a look, and I don’t think I’m going to get out that easily.

  “Oh, sit down; you look like you’re about to fall over,” she says. “I don’t want anyone saying I don’t take care of my ladies. You should probably eat. Did you even get lunch?” She gestures to a tray.

  I shake my head and sit down.

  Julianna surveys me from her seat. “I’m afraid Connor is right about some things. You can’t just take these actions without talking to us first. We have plans in place that you know nothing about. That we can’t tell you about, to keep you safe. But we need you to keep us safe, as well. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “Yes, your Highness,” I say. “But I can’t just leave Orrin in danger, if I can help it.”

  “Rhia, we don’t even know if your vision was a true one.”

  “Yes, I do know it. I can tell! He —” and I can’t breathe again, I’m gasping and my skin burns and I can’t find a way around this spell that keeps me from telling the important things.

  Julianna gets up and comes to my side. “There, you see? You’re overset. And I can’t blame you. But we have to be realistic, my dear.” She sits next to me, pats my back while I work to regain my breath.

  Tears pour down my face, and I am astonished, when I look up, to see tears in hers. “I do want to find him, and help him. I do. But the safety of everyone is here is paramount. Especially those who are entirely innocent. Like yourself, young lady, and your sister. And …” she trails off, one hand on her belly.

  I blink at her a few times.

  “I need to stay safe, as well. For the sake of my children, Rhia. For this child in particular.”

  Shaking my head, I put my hand over hers. “Your Highness,” I whisper. “I didn’t know.”

  “I know.” She smiles at me, cups my chin. “I haven’t told anyone, yet. I wanted to be sure it wouldn’t — my powers don’t really work so well on myself. I have miscarried before.” She sighs, shakes her head. “I’m keeping it quiet for now.

  “Everything is in such an uproar. And my husband … it’s best if when I do tell, I’m seen being very quiet at my family’s estate, for the duration. I must seem modest and retiring.”

  I open my mouth, shut it, and she smiles more. “I know,” she says, “But it must appear so. So please, when I ask that you take care, know that I want you to take care for all of us. But I’m feeling very vulnerable, too. Please, Rhiannon, help me to take care.”

  I let her stroke my cheek, and I lean into her touch, tears leaking out of my eyes. “I will, your Highness. I will.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Another week goes by. Julianna doesn’t want to tell anyone about her pregnancy, not even Hugh. But now that I know, it seems obvious — she has been tired, and her gowns are getting tight. If she weren’t already curvy and pretty, it wouldn’t be a secret at all. When I point out that everyone will figure it out sooner or later, she waves me away and tells me to go learn something useful.

  I worry she is pushing herself too hard, but I don’t know enough about it. I wonder if I should tell Hugh. Or Connor, or her mother. But it is her decision, not mine. I can’t bring myself to betray a secret she seems so determined to keep.

  I tell Linnet to let out her gowns a
little, and I think she guessed. But being Linnet, she just shrugs and rolls her eyes, muttering to herself. Probably insults.

  I’ve decided if I can’t make them out, then I don’t have to respond. It helps. And snide comments about my lack of sewing skills are old habit from my family. Easy to brush off. Da made the same tired joke every time I got near unfinished fabric.

  Linnet adds the gowns to her growing pile of mending, while on the sly making a tapestry, which is Julianna’s family present for the Solstice celebration in a few weeks. Julianna is avaricious about using Linnet’s talents with cloth while she has access to them. She’s planning several elaborate gowns and gifts.

  This morning Julianna rushes around her rooms, getting ready for her ride to the hospice. Normally I would go with her, but today she wants me to stay and work on my Sight. I think she just doesn’t want me to nag at her to take it easy while Healing.

  “Just find my gloves for this riding outfit, Rhia. And don’t tell me to eat again. Those eggs turn my stomach, and the oatmeal has gone cold.”

  “They’re good for you, your Highness,” I try.

  But she shakes her head. “Then you eat it. Bring me my riding boots, please.”

  “At least eat the oatmeal.”

  Julianna shudders. “Not cold.”

  “It wouldn’t have been cold if you’d eaten it when I brought it up.” I stare her down. “And the goat’s milk, as well. You made me drink it.”

  She scowls.

  “Fair is fair,” Connor remarks from the doorway.

  Both Julianna and I startle, although I at least don’t squeak. Julianna scowls at him.

  “Connor! You can’t just come in here without knocking.”

  “I did knock. You didn’t hear me. Possibly because of all the noise you were making about cold oatmeal. Rhia has a point, you know. About it not being her fault that it’s cold.”

  “You did not knock, you liar.”

  “I’m a royal liar: I only lie for the crown,” he says.

  She sticks her tongue out at him, and he makes a face back.

  I stare at the both of them, taken aback.

  “Julianna, eat your breakfast. What would your mother say,” he teases.

  “You wouldn’t tell my mother.”

  “Watch me. Rhia, I need to speak with you when you have a chance.”

  He winks at Julianna and leaves.

  “He’d better not tell my mother,” Julianna says darkly.

  I hand her the boots. “Did he — did he just make … jokes?”

  Julianna plops herself down in front of the breakfast tray. “I hate eggs. What? Oh. Yes — he is capable of it, you know. He used to be a lot less stern before … before we all grew up, I guess. We used to have such fun.”

  She smiles fondly. “He used to come up with the best pranks. But that was a long time ago. I suppose he has become rather serious recently. And you haven’t seen him under the happiest of circumstances, either.” She plays with the cooling oatmeal, sighs. “Can I get some that’s hot, at least?” She makes eyes at me, and I roll mine. “Please?”

  “Fine, I’ll go get more. But don’t you dare leave before I come back.” I step out of her bedchamber.

  Connor waits for me in the solar, staring out the windows into the gardens. When I walk in he turns to me, an almost happy expression on his face.

  “I wanted to tell you first. Gantry and Orrin were spotted late last night on the road back to Haverston.” He nods when I open my mouth. “He seems healthy, from a distance. He’s getting in and out of the coach by himself, and speaks when spoken to. He’s quiet and keeps his head down, but that’s normal for him when he’s with Gantry.”

  I feel dizzy with relief. “Oh, Connor, that’s wonderful to hear! Thank you,” I say, my smile hurting my cheeks, it has been so long since I felt one there. “Oh, I could kiss you!”

  He blinks at me a couple of times, starts to smile.

  I flush and stammer. “I, I mean, uh, thank you, my lord, um —”

  “I’m glad to give welcome news for a change.”

  I nod, and he takes a deep breath. “It seems unlikely that your vision was a true one, given his evident lack of injury.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. But I’m glad, even if it means my visions can’t be trusted. “I’d rather Orrin is safe, than be right,” I say. I reach forward and grab Connor’s hand. “Thank you for telling me. That was kind of you.” I feel his hand warm in mine.

  He looks at them, our joined hands, and I realize I’m staring, too.

  I whisk mine away, clear my throat. “When, when are they expected back?”

  “Sometime late this afternoon, most likely. They broke their journey late at an inn. My informant rode into the morning to bring me the news.”

  “Did he know where they’ve been?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s likely they went to an old monastery up the coast. I have people checking it out. We’re looking for any evidence of what may have happened, anyone they may have met. But they are coming back.”

  “I’ll keep an eye out for them. Thank you my lord!” I smile at him, my shoulders feeling more loose by the second, even with Gantry returning to the castle.

  Connor smiles back, and I curtsey, practically skip to the door.

  I have to force myself to remember what I was doing. Oh, yes. Oatmeal for Julianna. I’ll beg some spice, as well. I’m so happy I could sing, but I know I’ll be out of breath just going down and up the stairs.

  I don’t care. Orrin is safe. I shake my head at myself. For the moment. But it’s a moment I’ll take.

  ～

  The clatter of hooves on cobblestones snaps me out of my reverie; I’ve been standing on the castle walls, staring at the road out of town for some time. Only I guess I’ve let my mind wander.

  A carriage rumbles into the courtyard below. I try to seem casual as I make my way down the inner stair near the stables.

  Gantry steps out of the carriage first, waving irritably at the castle guards. A kirche guard makes his way over, and Gantry begins gesturing, speaking to him. I hang back, eyes on the carriage door.

  After a few moments, Orrin makes his way slowly out. He stands behind Gantry, head down. I keep hoping he’ll look up, but he doesn’t. I don’t know how to catch his eye without catching everyone else’s, too.

  He looks exhausted. His dark skin seems papery and gray, even at this distance, and his shoulders slump. He grips his own hands as if he were holding himself together. Whatever happened, it wasn’t pleasant.

  I start walking quietly past the stables, toward the courtyard. He doesn’t look up.

  I’m not looking, either, it turns out, as I bump into Connor.

  He steadies me, then offers his arm. “Shall we stroll, cousin?” he asks. I venture a small smile.

  “It is kind of you to walk with me, cousin.” Our strolling near the stables is a little odd, but no one seems to be paying attention.

  Orrin still doesn’t look up, even when the carriage is led off behind him.

  “Something is wrong,” I murmur.

  “Give it time, Rhia. You don’t know what part he’s had to play these last weeks.” We continue our stroll into the gardens.

  I sigh with frustration when I can’t see them anymore.

  Connor shakes his head. “Give it longer than that. In fact, wait until dinner, then wait at the tunnel stairs. He’ll likely look for you there.”

  I look at my shoes. “I will, but something is wrong; I can feel it.”

  “Maybe. But until we know what that is, there’s nothing we can do. I’ll have people keeping eyes on them. Try to use your Sight, if you can. But fretting about information you don’t have won’t help anyone.”

  I resist the urge to scuff my feet, but only just. Scowling, I admit he’s right. “Fine.” I’m not very gracious about it.

  “Go on inside. If you can’t be discreet, go wait at the stairs now.”

  I let Connor’s arm go with lit
tle grace, and head indoors. After half-heartedly wandering around the library for a time, I head for the stairs. I wait for hours, but Orrin never comes.

  ～

  I wait for Orrin at the rendezvous stairs for hours every day over the coming weeks. I wait in vain.

  Connor shakes his head when I ask him if he’s spoken with Orrin — but Orrin is almost never out of Gantry’s presence these days. And Gantry almost never leaves his rooms, except to go to the Inquisitor’s building. Father Matthew continues with the chapel services, telling us Bishop Gantry is preparing for the Solstice celebration.

  Connor’s people report to him that the monastery is abandoned and crumbling, but it’s obvious people were staying there recently. They found remains of food and charcoal in a fire pit. And a lot of dried blood and bandages. My heart sinks when he tells me.

  Time I don’t spend waiting for Orrin I spend in the library, or in the Star Chambers, trying to delve into Gantry’s mind. Sitting underneath the feet of the statue of Dorei, who smiles benevolently at me from her voluminous cape, I push my power to show me something, anything, of Orrin, or Gantry. I spin my power into thin threads, trying to wind Gantry’s thoughts around skeins of my making.

  But all I catch are his vague mutterings of self-righteousness: he is ordained, the Star Lord speaks through him. Who is this witch to thwart him? I get no sense of what he plans, or if someone is planning for him. Only that he believes Julianna a vessel of true evil that must be removed from power.

  I can’t sense Orrin at all.

  Other visions contain themselves to glimpses of the past, or Gantry reading old books in languages I don’t understand. It isn’t helpful, as Julianna points out. She can’t remove Orrin without proof, although she did write again to Cardinal Robere.

  “We have to do these things properly, Rhia. Wrong moves could ruin so many of our plans. The kirche is very powerful, in this country and others. We cannot risk offense.”

  I don’t think she’s right: how could leaving Orrin in such danger be right? But I bite my tongue, try to find something.

  Connor wants more information, as well. He wants Julianna safe. But Julianna waves him off, too. She doesn’t want to warn Gantry, and thus the rest of whatever conspiracy may be working against us, that she might be aware of them.