Now or Never
Page 1
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
About the Author/ Acknowledgements
Sneak Peak
Now or Never
A.J. Bennett
Dedication
To anyone that’s been in a bad relationship.
CHAPTER 1
Grayson was sick of her psycho jealous fiancé.
She twirled the small diamond ring on her finger, wondering why the hell she even said “yes” in the first place. Evening light barely filtered through the tiny window behind her as she sat on the couch, her back aching from bending over as she balanced her checkbook.
She collapsed to the cushions and rubbed her face; maybe her palms could erase the image of woefully short numbers in her account—yet another example of bad decisions in her life.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized it was seriously past time for her to escape such a toxic relationship. She already gave the jackass three years of her life—not to mention her virginity. If she didn’t get out soon, they would end up married and her life would be miserable.
No, thanks.
Grayson sat forward to tackle her never-ending list of receipts, but as she picked up her pen, the front door opened and Josh stalked into the living room.
Speak of the devil, she thought irritably, tossing her pen down.
The blue eyes she used to adore were wild, and his lean body tense. His blond hair was sticking up like he’d been running his hands through it. One of the many nervous habits that she used to think were sexy.
“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, Grayson?” he snapped, slamming the door shut with a force that shook the crappy clapboard walls of the apartment.
Just perfect, Grayson thought with a mix of fire and fear in her eyes. The neighbors will probably ask me if I am ok again. The pity in their eyes is always a great self-esteem booster. The 8x10 picture of them at the beach, which hung on the wall next to the front door, crashed to the floor… again. There has got to be some irony in there somewhere.
Great. Now what did I do? Grayson took a deep breath, bracing herself for yet another confrontation. Why couldn’t they make it through one day without a fight?
“I’m not in the mood to play games,” she said wearily, crossing her arms over her chest. “What are you talking about this time?”
He strode across the room in his heavy boots—just another thing the downstairs neighbors liked to complain about on top of the yelling and slamming doors. Grayson tensed as he stopped at the edge of the couch, and didn’t fight him as he snatched her arm and yanked her to her feet.
Their faces were only inches apart. She could feel his hot breath on her skin. It made her stomach turn.
“I saw you!” he yelled, shaking her roughly. His usually handsome face twisted into something grotesque. “You’re such a whore! I knew you couldn’t keep your pants on.”
Grayson inhaled sharply and jerked her arm away from his grasp. Great, more bruises to hide. He was always careful not to touch her face. Well, except for that one time. She had to come up with some lame excuse for a black eye, like the stereotypical “I fell into a door” justification, which of course, no one bought…especially not her twin sister.
“What exactly did you see me doing?” she bit back from saying what was really on her mind.
As if she hadn’t even shaken him off, Josh grabbed her biceps and squeezed, his strong finger’s digging in painfully. “You know what you did!”
Grayson rolled her eyes at him, trying to brush it off as nothing, even though her heart was pounding like a hummingbird on crack. Josh always accused Grayson of cheating on him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been tempted to stray a time or two. She was only human after all, and he was a jackass. However, she was nothing but faithful to the jerk in the entire three years they’d been together.
Grayson kept her response calm. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She tried to pull her arms away, but his grip was too strong. A vein pulsed on his forehead, and his face was an unnatural shade of red—he was about to go into one of his rages. It was best to just defuse the situation as quickly as possible.
“I’ve done nothing wrong,” she went on evenly. “So there is nothing you could have seen.”
He finally let her go. “At the bookstore today? Does that jar your memory at all?”
What the hell was he talking about? She had been at the bookstore earlier, but what was bad about that? She always went there to study. She seriously couldn’t think of anything that she had done that would cause this reaction.
“What, are you stalking me now?” Grayson asked, temper starting to flare. Deep breaths, she told herself before going on. “Why didn’t you come over and talk to me if you saw me in the bookstore?”
“You were too busy flirting with someone else.” He glared at her, his hands clenched into fists by his side, making Grayson hope they would stay where they were and not take a journey to her body.
“You were laughing and tossing your hair over your shoulder. I saw everything.” He even got theatrical acting out the scene of her “crime”; all you could see was pure ferocity in his eyes.
“Josh, this is really getting ridiculous.” Grayson tried to think back to whom she’d talked to, but she wasn’t there long that day. The café filled up quickly, and the noise level got too loud to concentrate so she left.
“So you’re still going to deny it?” Josh shook his head. “Caught in the act, and you’re going to look me in the eye and lie?”
“There’s nothing to lie about. If I was talking to anyone it was totally innocent.”
“Innocent! You call giving someone your phone number innocent?”
Okay, clearly he was off his rocker this time. She’d never given anyone her number; she racked her brain for some sort of explanation. Then her eyes widened as she realized what he was talking about.
“I didn’t give anyone my phone number. What you saw was me copying down the date on when a book is coming out by an author I like, period. That guy you saw works at the store. Go on, check my phone, and you’ll see. It’s in my calendar. You should know your way around my phone by now.”
Josh grabbed her phone from the coffee table and started scrolling through it like a mad man. After a moment, he growled, “Who the hell is Charles?”
“He’s my uncle. You asshole.” Grayson reached for her phone. “You know what, Joshua? I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. We’re over.”
Nevertheless, she wasn’t fast enough. Before she even got near her phone, Josh knocked her hand away and shoved her. She stumbled backwards into the wall, arms flailing. Her head hit the drywall with a dull thud, and stars burst in her eyes as she felt herself slowly falling to the floor.
Something inside of Grayson snapped. She’d had enough. She scrambled away from him, putting distan
ce between them as he stood watching her. She felt like a mouse waiting for the pissed-off cat to pounce.
“Get out!” she shrieked struggling to her feet. She yanked the ring off her finger and threw it at him. “We are done!”
Josh charged her and grabbed her by the throat with his hand. He slammed her against the wall. “We’re not done until I say we’re done. Understand? Got me?”
Grayson couldn’t breathe—her feet kicked at the air, and all of her weight settled against his grasp on her throat. He had her pinned with one hand. As she clawed at his grasp, desperate for air, she realized she didn’t have a prayer of winning against him. He was bigger and stronger.
She struggled to nod, tears running down her cheeks. She would have said anything at that point to get his hands off her before he choked her to death.
Josh dropped her to the floor, and like it always did, the switch flipped back again. Her anger and determination disappeared in the wake of his abuse.
Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and willed herself to disappear. If only life were that easy.
“Grayson?” Josh’s voice cracked as he fell to his knees in front of her. His hands were gentle now as they brushed over her arms and neck. She didn’t meet his eyes, but she knew there would be tears there.
“Grayson, I’m sorry. Oh my God. I didn’t mean it. I just get so crazy thinking about you with anyone else. It’s only because I love you so much. Can you please forgive me?”
Grayson rubbed her neck, and then wiped the tears off her cheeks but didn’t answer or look him in the eye.
He took her gently by the arms and helped her to her feet. His voice was hoarse in her ear as he embraced her. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll die without you.” He kissed her forehead. “My life is not worth living without you.”
As always, he sounded so sincere.
All she could think about was how much she hated him, and how terrified she was that she would become like one of the girls on an after-school special—killed by a jealous boyfriend. How had she allowed this to happen? She used to be so confident and happy. Josh had slowly stripped away the person she had been, and she hated herself for that almost as much as she hated him.
Grayson forced herself to return the embrace, if a little stiffly. “You need help Josh.”
“I know I do. I’ll go to counseling. I promise. Just don’t leave me,” he pleaded, stepping back so he could put the full force of his gaze on her. “I’ll do anything you want.”
How many times had he uttered those exact same words over the years? Her shoulders slumped—way too many times to remember.
When he kissed her, she was revolted by the feel and taste of him, but she didn’t stop him. It always worked this way. A huge fight, followed by crazy make-up sex, and then everything would be fine…until the next argument.
Josh deepened the kiss, one hand curling around her waist as he pressed his hips into hers. He murmured, “I love you,” as he pulled off her shirt. “You’re so beautiful.”
I can’t do this anymore, Grayson thought, fighting the urge to retch when her bra hit the floor, and his hands moved to cup her breasts—hands that had only moments before been wrapped around her neck.
The same neck Josh’s lips now trailed down as he unbuttoned her jeans. She closed her eyes, tears soaking her cheeks.
This is the last time he will touch me, she thought with determination. She would go through the motions to calm him down, and then she would run as fast as she could without looking back. That was the only way.
“I need you so much, Grace,” he murmured, sliding her jeans down over her hips until she was naked before him. His gaze drifted down, and he licked his lips. “I don’t want anyone else looking at you or talking to you. If I had it my way, I’d keep you locked in the house all to myself.”
Grayson hummed to appease him, rubbing her wet face on her arm as his head dipped to her breasts.
When Josh lifted her off the ground, it was as if she weighed nothing at all. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and he carried her to the bedroom.
Please just get it over with, Grayson prayed as the door shut.
Thankfully, he never lasted long after a fight.
CHAPTER 2
While Josh took his normal after-sex nap, Grayson lay in bed—as far away from him as she could get without falling off—and devised her plan as she tried to block out his annoying snoring.
There wasn’t a whole lot to it. Her plan was simple—get out, and do it quick. She’d never been the kind of girl to make plans; she usually decided to just wing it, which got her into trouble a time or two. Josh, on the other hand, was methodical about everything.
She had no idea where she was going or what she would do when she got there. She just knew she had to go.
Grayson couldn’t help but think, .so this is what they mean when they say someone needs to hit “rock bottom.” Tonight had been the final straw that broke the camel’s back.
She’d met Josh her first semester of college, in the food court. There were plenty of times since then she’d find herself wishing she never smiled at him. It had been stupid—Josh wasn’t even a student. He was there with his girlfriend, some tall, dark-haired girl who looked barely legal. Grayson caught sight of Josh where he lounged at the table as if he owned it, his blond hair, and tan skin making his blue eyes look like sapphires. They caught each other’s gaze, shared a smile, and the rest was history.
Lying in bed beside his naked body, Grayson realized that was all there had ever been between them. Sex. Nothing deeper, even though they’d said ‘I love you’; it wasn’t anything more than a sex induced infatuation. If she had known about his insane jealous streak back then, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day. She’d always read about women getting involved with abusive men, and thought they were foolish. Yet, here she was, three years later, doing just that. She was ashamed and embarrassed that she’d allowed herself to become a statistic.
Live and learn, she told herself. As far as she was concerned, if she never got involved in another relationship, that would be fine. The thought of being alone was a satisfying one. She didn’t need a man, or anyone else for that matter.
There was no question, she had to leave.
Josh jerked awake, one foot kicking out into Grayson’s shin. She bit her tongue as he rolled over and blinked at the large red numbers on the alarm clock. “Shit, I’m going to be late for work.”
Grayson glared at his back, but smoothed her face immediately when he turned around and smiled at her.
He rubbed her thigh above the covers. “Hey. Fix me dinner, Ok?”
She nodded and tossed off the blankets.
As the bathroom door shut behind him, and the shower turned on, Grayson breathed a sigh of relief. He worked the night shift, so he wouldn’t be back until three in the morning. That left plenty of time for her to make a break for it.
The kitchen filled with the strong scent of coffee brewing. She listened to him as he got ready; always thumping loudly around the bedroom. She put together a ham and cheese sandwich for him, making sure to use enough mayo, so he wouldn’t get pissed. A Ziploc baggie full of potato chips and an apple went into his lunch bag, and she filled his thirty-two-ounce canister with coffee and sugar.
“That’s my girl.” She hadn’t even heard him enter the kitchen. Josh kissed her on the cheek as he swiped the lunch bag and coffee. He twisted the cap and took a chug, then made a face. “Not enough sugar.”
Grayson froze, adrenaline pumping. She’d already survived one outburst today; she really didn’t want or need another.
He shrugged. “No big deal. I don’t need a sugar crash anyway. See you when I get home. Keep the bed warm for me.”
“Of course,” Grayson said, working overtime to keep her voice steady as she walked him to the door.
They kissed good-bye —for the last time, Grayson promised herself. The door slammed shut behind him. Good
riddance.
Excitement and fear bubbled up in her chest as she turned around for one last look. This place, with its stark white walls and black furniture, had never felt like home. Even though they’d shared it for the last two years, it was always Josh’s place. Grayson might as well have been a decoration set off to the side.
Or a welcome mat, she thought bitterly. She hated it and would gladly leave it behind.
Grayson jumped into motion.
She pulled her suitcase from the front closet where it was wedged beneath two years’ worth of accumulated belongings. In the bedroom, she grabbed clothes at random: jeans, sweaters, T-shirts, and undergarments, shoving them all inside. Her entire wardrobe wouldn’t fit in her suitcase, but she didn’t care.
Taking her jewelry box off the dresser, she dumped the contents on top of her clothes, pausing as her rocks clunked into place. Pushing her bras and underwear to the side, Grayson pulled out a translucent amethyst the size of her fist and held it tightly to her chest. She had collected stones since she was a child. Josh thought it was a stupid hobby, so she hid them away. He thought pretty much everything she liked or did was a waste of time.
My new place will be filled with crystals, she thought with a smile, a new beginning.
Tossing the amethyst back in the bag, she thought, what else am I missing? She hated to leave her books, but they were replaceable. Everything was replaceable, except for her life. And she knew if she didn’t leave now, she just might lose that, too.
Now or never, she thought.
Grayson decided to go with ‘now’; life was too short to be this miserable.
She pushed down on the suitcase and zipped it closed. With a thud, she dropped it to the floor and pulled out the handle, dragging it behind her.
Standing in the doorway to the dim bedroom, she looked one last time at the plaid maroon and green bedspread on the king-sized bed and the ugly carpet. Josh didn’t want anything ‘girly’ in his place. It looked like a bachelor pad. The only things that showed Grayson’s personality had been hidden away in her dresser for two long years.
She longed for her old bedroom where her mother had let her paint the walls and ceiling a burnt orange. She thought it looked like the Grand Canyon; her own little cave. All the furniture had been dark wood, and her crystals had been on prominent display.