Now or Never

by A. J. Bennett

  “Oh really, is that right? You walk in the bar with another girl and you’re going to stop seeing me? That makes a lot of sense.” He was seriously starting to piss her off.

  “Touché. As you can see I wasn’t able to walk away either.”

  “Well, isn’t this an interesting predicament we’ve gotten ourselves into.”

  “That’s one way to look at it.”

  They pulled into yet another hotel. By now, they visited almost all the hotels in the area. She thought it was absurd he spent the money for just a couple of hours. “Stay the night with me,” she said nervously.

  He took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything.

  “I take that as a no? Maybe you should just take me home.”

  “I didn’t say no. Why don’t I just say we’ll see?”

  “I guess we will,” Grayson mumbled and jumped out of the SUV.

  Going to hotels was starting to make Grayson feel dirty. It had once been exciting, but now she felt like he was ashamed to be seen in public with her. Which was absurd, since she’s the one that made the no dating rule to begin with. Part of her wished she could go back to the day they first met and let the relationship take its normal course instead of setting stupid guidelines, but there was no rewind button on life.

  Derrick was even more aggressive than usual. He roughly pushed her legs apart shoved two fingers into her while his tongue flicked her clit. “Did Christopher do this?” She squirmed beneath his touch.

  Grayson shook her head yes. She really wanted to piss him off. She knew it wasn’t nice, but she couldn’t help herself. Her reply just seemed to turn him on even more. Her hands gripped his head, and her body shuddered when an orgasm ripped through her body in waves. God he was incredible.

  “Turn over.” Grayson laid still and smiled up at him.

  “Turn over, Gray.” His green eyes bore into hers daring her not to compile.

  She turned on her hands and knees, but he pushed her flat onto the bed and shoved his cock deep into her. “Did he do this?”

  Gasping, and unable to speak, she just shook her head no. She couldn’t even move with his weight on her. He grabbed her hair and pulled her head back. “Did he fuck you good?”

  Grayson groaned and mumbled, “no.” Her pussy was dripping wet. She should have been freaked out by the questions, but it made her body tingle all over. Excitement prickled the back of her neck.

  “What?”

  “I said no,” Grayson groaned as he slammed into her.

  “Don’t lie to me,” he growled, “you enjoyed it didn’t you?” He continued to pound away at her and she nodded her head yes. He let go of her hair and whispered, “That wasn’t so hard was it?”

  He grabbed her waist and pulled her back up onto her hands and knees. One of his calloused hands caressed her throat. “Are you going to see him again?” Suddenly, all she could think about was Joshua’s hands wrapped around her throat. She tensed up, and turned to look at him as if reminding herself he was not Josh. Her eyes must have given away her fear.

  “Gray? Are you ok?”

  She blinked back tears, “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I’m just being stupid.”

  Derrick pulled out and she rolled over.

  “I would never hurt you. You know that right?” He ran his fingers along her collar bone.

  “I know you wouldn’t.” And she really did know that. He would never intentionally physically hurt her. She wasn’t sure why she knew that or felt that way, but she believed that one hundred percent.

  “Are you sure? If you think I’m too aggressive I’ll ratchet it back. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “No, I like it. I love it really. I guess your hand on my throat just kind of freaked me out in that moment. Seriously, it’s not you. It’s just a bad movie that plays in my head sometimes.”

  “Fucking bastard. I should have done more damage to him when I had the chance.”

  “I think he got the picture.” Grayson ran her hand up the length of his cock, and he quickly grew hard again. She wasn’t going to let a memory of Josh ruin her time with Derrick. She gripped him tightly working him with her hand. “I don’t know if I’ll see Christopher again.” She whispered. “He wants me to though.”

  “Will you?” Derrick settled himself between her legs.

  “Yes,” she whispered. Why she said yes she wasn’t sure? Did she really plan on seeing him again? Or was she just trying to get under his skin?

  “What if I said I didn’t want you to?” He slowly eased himself in and out of her.

  “I wouldn’t see him again,” she said breathlessly as her heart raced. His face was only inches away. He grasped her wrists firmly and then slowly moved his hands down her arms sending a shiver through her body.

  “Do you mean that?” His eyes searched hers as he slid deeper into her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

  “Yes. I only want you.”

  His lips came crushing down on hers. He kissed her like he needed her as much as he needed air to breath. Their pace became frantic moving fast and hard. He plunged deep within her as if he intended to penetrate her soul. A low growl came out of his mouth, and his body shuddered as he came inside of her.

  “Did you mean what you said?” Grayson laid her head on his chest and listened to the rhythm of his heart beat as it slowed down.

  “What?”

  “You don’t want me to see Christopher again?”

  “I didn’t say that,” he said as he ran his hand through her hair.

  “You implied it.”

  “Gray, I told you. You can see and do whatever you want. I’m not going to ask you not to. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Why not? Is it because you have a girlfriend?”

  “I’m not getting into that again with you. It’s because I’m leaving and it’s not the right time to start a relationship.”

  “If she’s not your girlfriend, then why is she always with you?”

  “She’s a friend. I’ve known her for years, and she’s on our adventure racing team.”

  Grayson thought about it, and it seemed plausible.

  “I’d wait for you,” Grayson said, feeling completely exposed.

  “I’m not going to ask you to wait. That would be selfish.”

  “What if I said I like when you’re selfish with me? What if I said I wanted to belong to you and no one else?”

  “Don’t say that.” His hand moved to her thigh, and she could feel his renewed arousal pressed against her.

  “I mean it. I know it’s crazy, but I want this. I want you.”

  He shook his head no. “Sorry Gray, it’s not going to happen.”

  Coldness passed through her body. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She could feel it when he touched her. Sense it when he looked at her. Why wouldn’t he admit it? Probably, because of the damn blonde chick. Bitch.

  “I’m going to wait for you.”

  “Like I said free will.”

  “Stay the night with me.”

  “Not tonight, maybe another time.”

  Anger rose up into her chest. She was willing to give him everything, and he couldn’t even spend one night with her.

  “Well then I guess I should go,” Grayson said sharply and jerked away from him, but he pulled her back. Just like he always did—pushed her away and pulled her back. His lips found hers, and his tongue ran along the top of her lip causing a sigh to escape.

  She pulled away. “Derrick. I think I’m falling…”

  “Shh, don’t say it Gray. You can’t take it back once the words are out. Let’s see where things are when I get back. You’ll probably have moved on by then.”

  “I won’t.”

  “You don’t know that.” His lips met hers, and he kissed her softly and rolled her onto him. This time he was very sweet and gentle. Being with him was like being on a crazy roller coaster—Up and down and scary as hell.

  CHAPTER 28

  Today w
ould be the last time she would see Derrick for three months. Sadness washed over her that seeped into her bones. The last week they spent almost every day together except on the weekend. They’d even gone shooting again on his property, which was a lot of fun. Grayson went out with her sister on Saturday, but didn’t go home with anyone. She just couldn’t go home with anyone. Christopher had emailed inviting her to join him on a weekend getaway, but she ignored the email. All she could think about was wanting to be with Derrick.

  She pulled her jeep into the parking lot of the hotel. It was the same place they had sex for the first time. It was sort of sweet, well more bittersweet, that he picked the place they had first had sex to say good-bye. Grayson reached down and grabbed the paper bag under the passenger seat, and pulled the Thor’s hammer pendant out of it. It was quite beautiful with the intricate knot work. She came across it while browsing a local new-age store looking for crystals. Derrick reminded her of a Viking so she thought the gift was fitting. Her brother always said they were going overseas to bring down the thunder whenever he got deployed. So the hammer made her smile. Hopefully, he would like it.

  Today she was going to tell Derrick that she had unwillingly fallen in love with him, and wanted to wait for him to return. And she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He would just have to deal with it.

  Where the hell was he? She looked into the review mirror. He was over thirty minutes late, and he was always punctual—if not early.

  Are you coming?

  I got caught up with work. It’s crazy here before we head out.

  A text would have been nice. I’ve been sitting in the parking lot for almost an hour.

  Go home. I don’t think I’ll be out of here for a while.

  So I’m not going to see you before you leave?

  Doesn’t look like it.

  Lovely, thanks.

  I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you through emails and Skype.

  When are you leaving?

  Really early in the morning.

  Of course you are.

  What does that mean?

  You have to spend your last evening with someone else. Grayson hesitated and then hit send. Even though she dreaded his reply she had to get it off her chest.

  I gotta go. See you in three months.

  That’s it? Grayson stared down at the phone and was surprised to feel tears well up in her eyes. She had been looking forward to spending one more day with him before he left. Obviously, she wasn’t worth the effort. God she was an idiot.

  Take care of yourself.

  You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be just fine. Grayson hit send and threw the phone into the cup holder, with a lot more force than usual.

  Somehow she managed to get through the motions of the rest of her day. Grayson cleaned the house, went for a run, showered and then decided to go to the book store. She was trying not to feel sorry for herself, but it bothered her more than she’d liked to admit. Her heart ached, and her head throbbed; she had to continuously keep herself in check so she didn’t cry. If there was one thing that always calmed her it was the smell of books and coffee.

  She browsed the new releases and then made her way to the cafe. When she looked up, she dropped the book in her hand with a loud clunk. Derrick was sitting at the table talking to the blonde.

  You have to be fucking kidding me! Grayson thought to herself as the room suddenly became hot, making it hard for her to breathe. She was frozen, not knowing what to do or say. She watched them for several minutes before he noticed her. They were sitting too close to be just friends, and the girl was also very interested in whatever was coming out of his mouth. She felt like she was breaking apart on the inside.

  Their eyes met, and Derrick did something that nearly brought her to her knees—he looked away.

  Her heart rate sped up. For a moment, she forgot to breathe. She wanted to go say hello just to make him uncomfortable, and watch him squirm. However, her throat closed up, and she couldn’t get the words out. The last thing she needed was to confront Derrick and give the blonde the pleasure of hearing her voice crack. So much for the bookstore calming her. Grayson practically ran out the front door.

  Once in her jeep with shaky hands she sent Derrick a text.

  I guess I see where I rate on your scale.

  She waited, but there was no return text. She threw her phone out of frustration, and it hit the bag with the pendant inside of it. How could she have been so naive to believe him? What really bothered her was the fact that he lied about the girl. They had agreed they were not exclusive, and she had told him when she went off with someone else. And yet Derrick kept insisting there was nothing going on with the blonde. She dropped her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. Anger and disappointment filled her body. What she should do is go back in there and throw the gift at him, and just walk away confidently.

  Why didn’t I listen to my damn sister-in-law? That’s what I get for falling in love with a man who didn’t feel the same, Grayson thought, isn’t life grand?

  She wished she could forget her time spent with Derrick. Instead, she seemed to be able to think of nothing else but those hours spent with the man she fell in love with. Anger and rage churned in her stomach.

  Grayson pushed the door open and walked up and down the rows of cars in the parking lot until she found Derrick’s black Chevy. The pewter pendant felt heavy in her hand. She draped it over the driver’s side mirror and walked away. What was intended as a see you soon gift was now a good-bye present. He might not even notice it when he got in the car, and it would end up on the highway somewhere.

  Whatever, it’s probably better off that way.

  CHAPTER 29

  A week later Grayson was online checking out colleges when her messenger chimed. It was Derrick. She was disgusted with herself that her heart hammered against her chest when his name popped up. Why the hell did her body respond like this? Too bad there wasn’t some kind of off switch.

  Sorry about the bookstore.

  Are you? You could have fooled me.

  How have you been?

  I’m fine. What did you think I would fall apart after you left? Don’t give yourself too much credit.

  I wasn’t thinking that at all. Just asking how you’re doing.

  A week is a long time to let pass before contacting me.

  It always takes a while to get Internet connection when we get over here. I figured you knew that from Ethan.

  She did know that was true, but had forgotten about it in her fury. Surely, he could have sent her a text before he left. So he wasn’t off the hook. And she wasn’t stupid enough to get pulled back into his web of lies. She was done, depleted, and worn out.

  You could have sent me a text that evening or the morning you were leaving.

  You’re right I could have. I should have.

  It doesn’t matter.

  Sorry you feel that way.

  Seriously? You have a lot of nerve.

  Gray, you have gone home with several men since we’ve been together.

  I didn’t hide it from you. I didn’t lie about it. I’ve gone home with two men, not several. And both times I did, it was because I was pissed at you.

  And?

  And nothing.

  How do I know you’re telling the truth? We never agreed to give a tally just to use protection. Correct?

  You’re right. Neither of us is blameless, but you should have told me the truth.

  If you don’t want to chat I won’t contact you again.

  I do want to talk to you. I’m just confused, and I guess hurt. Why wouldn’t her brain co-operate with her hands?

  Grayson, we agreed this was casual.

  I know. I’m a fool. Just so you know after the book store incident, I can’t wait for you. I have too much self-respect for that.

  I didn’t expect you to.

  I would have waited….

  Maybe. I guess we’ll never know.

  Guess not.
In a way, I’m glad I saw you.

  Oh?

  Yeah, I would have been pissed if I waited around for three months. I guess I either have to be happy with what we have or move on. I’m leaning towards moving on.

  That’s up to you.

  Obviously.

  Let’s just see what happens when I get back. Ok?

  She blew out a breath. Ok.

  Later that evening she went out with Luna and finally filled her in on Derrick. She had kept it a secret, but Luna wasn’t stupid she knew something had been going on.

  “Well that sucks,” Luna said thoughtfully. Grayson was surprised her sister didn’t lecture her.

  “I asked for it.”

  “Yeah maybe, but why would he pick someone else over you? I personally take insult to that as someone who looks exactly like you.”

  Grayson shrugged and tried not to let the tears start flowing. “Who knows? Maybe it’s a long-term relationship. Or maybe she’s sick, and he feels like he can’t leave her. I honestly have no idea. I don’t really care, but he made his choice that day.”

  “I guess you know what that means.”

  Grayson forced a smile. “Find someone to make me forget him.”

  “You’re learning.”

  “Finally,” Grayson said as she reached over and turned up the radio. They drove to their favorite spot. And she felt slightly better getting it off her chest. Nothing a little alcohol and random guy couldn’t take care of. She was grateful Luna didn’t give her a hard time about getting involved with Derrick.

  They walked through the bar and there was a big group of guys surrounding the pool table. Hot Damn. Grayson nudged Luna, and she glanced over.

  “Navy,” she said mater of faclty.

  “Navy?” Grayson scrunched up her nose.

  “No little sister, not just Navy, Navy SEAL’s.”

  “What the hell are SEAL’s doing here? There isn’t any water around.”

  “I guess they just use the ranges here or something. Ethan can’t stand them,” Luna shrugged.

  “Why?”

  “Professional rivalry, and it goes both ways.”