Wherever You Go

by Amanda Torrey

  Paisley hated the idea of anyone tiptoeing around her because of her diagnosis. Pity was not a party she wanted to attend, and being treated like a delicate flower would turn her into a Venus Flytrap.

  Reed had lamented that Rogan had canceled their plans that evening due to something that came up with one of his construction jobs, and since the kids were all at their grandmother’s for the night, Reed invited Simplicity and Paisley to the main house for a taco and nachos night.

  Paisley couldn’t deny she had no interest in being alone, so she cheerfully offered to pick up the supplies at the grocery store, promising Simplicity that she’d get stuff for vegan tacos, too.

  Reed ran into a snag with a guest’s reservation, so she was delayed in the check-in building, leaving Simplicity and Paisley to do the preparation.

  “I know you don’t want to talk about your situation anymore…” Simplicity began. “But I just wondered what Asher thinks about all of this?”

  “Asher? Why would you ask about him?” Paisley tried to laugh off the question. She hadn’t said anything to anyone about anything going on with Asher.

  “You know I always know these things, Pais.” Simplicity swayed as she sautéed the beans and mushrooms and soy protein in her skillet. “Besides, everyone in town is talking about it.”

  Paisley slammed her knife on the cutting board, sending the freshly shredded lettuce soaring onto the counter. “Talking about what?”

  “Oh, you know,” Simplicity sang. “Loooove. And how the new girl in town is working her way into the heart of their beloved Asher. He’s quite popular around here. I had no idea.”

  “They must be talking about someone else.” Paisley sliced into the tomato, watching the juice squirt out and wishing it was the blood of the gossipers.

  “Nope. I saw your car at his house the other night. I know evvvvverything!”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, come on, Pais. I wasn’t spying on you—don’t get mad. And I didn’t mention it to Reed. I had to go down that street to pick up the veggies an old friend of Ethan’s had harvested from his garden for me, and I happened to see your car. Didn’t take much detective work to figure out whose house it was.”

  “Well whatever you think you know, you can wipe it all from your mind now. I went over there for sex. Dirty, scandalous, adult sex. I needed something to keep my mind off the fact that I was going to be de-womaned, and he was the only guy I knew within easy driving distance.”

  “You may think it was all about sex, but based on the rumor-mill, you have stolen his heart.”

  Paisley rolled her eyes at her sister’s melodramatic, overblown romanticism.

  “I can assure you, his heart is not the part I was after. Nor the part he gave me.”

  Simplicity tossed her head back and roared in laughter. Paisley admired the no-holds-barred way in which Simplicity lived her life and showed her emotions.

  “I don’t know why you’re so opposed to falling in love, Pais. It’s amazing. Oh my goddess, I can’t even imagine what life would be like if I didn’t basically force Ethan to fall in love with me.”

  Paisley had had her doubts about the dark and damaged Ethan, but time seemed to be proving her wrong. He was madly in love with Paisley’s little sister. Love had truly transformed them both.

  “If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it,” Paisley began, pointing the knife at Simplicity and making the meanest courtroom face she could muster. “But I’ll admit—seeing you and Reed so in love makes me, I don’t know. I guess it makes me wish I could find what you guys have.”

  Simplicity’s face turned dreamy. “There’s nothing better than love!”

  A sharp pain struck Paisley in the middle of her chest.

  “I can think of dozens of things that are better.”

  “Such as?” Simplicity turned back toward Paisley.

  “Such as finding a forgotten twenty dollar bill in your winter coat pocket.”

  “Mmm, that is nice,” Simplicity agreed. “But that twenty dollar bill won’t give you orgasms every night. Or morning. Or aftern—”

  “Okay, vibrators,” Paisley forced the next thing on her list in an effort to stop her sister from talking about her sex life. “Vibrators are better than love. They come in different sizes, colors, vibration strengths, and you can stop using them as soon as you’re done. And you don’t have to worry about the awkward morning after.”

  “There are ways to incorporate vibrators in your fun…”

  “Geez, Sim. Okay, something more innocent. Ice cream. Way better than love.”

  “Do you know what the dairy industry does to cows?”

  “Flowers. Flowers are better than love. Reliable, beautiful, fragrant.”

  “Ethan grows the most amazing flowers. He ripped up his whole greenhouse when he declared his love for me, and he surprised me by planting the whole big room full of wildflowers. He said they remind him of me. His wildflower.”

  Paisley couldn’t even muster the urge to roll her eyes. Okay, that was freaking romantic. Even to the least romantic heart in town.

  Collapsing into the kitchen chair, she buried her head in her outstretched arm.

  “Okay, fine. Love sounds wonderful. Really fucking wonderful. Okay? I give in. You win.”

  Simplicity jumped and cheered. “I won against the lawyer who never loses!”

  “But it doesn’t matter, because I’ll never have it.”

  “Aww, Pais. Why would you say that?”

  “Please, Simplicity. What man is going to choose a woman of childbearing age who can’t bear children? And one who doesn’t have breasts? Let’s be realistic here. And to answer your question, Asher doesn’t know about the whole titty sickness thing.”

  Paisley returned to her chopping, leaving her one and hopefully only moment of defeat behind.

  “But it’s okay,” she continued. “My lifestyle doesn’t lend itself to relationships. And I don’t plan to stay in this town forever, so even if there was something between Asher and me, it would have to end at some point, anyway.”

  “There are ways to work around all of that, Pais. And no matter what body parts you lost, you’d still be a sexy, gorgeous, desirable babe.”

  Paisley smiled at her sister. “Stop hitting on me.”

  Simplicity’s laughter lifted the mood.

  “What am I missing?” Reed pranced into the house, her excited and busy energy carrying her into the kitchen.

  “Oh, just Simplicity finding my pathetic life amusing.”

  Reed chastised Simplicity with a look, and Paisley suddenly felt guilty. She had given Simplicity more than her fair share of those looks, never fully realizing that Simplicity was far more insightful than Paisley or Reed had ever given her credit for. To Simplicity’s credit, she took the look in stride and shrugged.

  “You know me!”

  “Actually,” Paisley began, “Simplicity was cheering me up after I told her my woes.”

  Reed took plates and glasses out of the cabinet as she waited for Paisley to share.

  “Guys, this is the first time in my life that I haven’t had a clear goal and clear plan.” She dropped the knife and threw her hands up in the air. “This is the first time in my life when I can honestly say, I have no idea what I want!”

  “You want to be a romance novelist, remember?” Reed pointed out gently.

  “Yeah, I think we’ve ruled that one out.”

  “And you have a highly successful ice cream business.”

  “I don’t want to peddle ice cream forever. It was a way to honor Mom. Besides, Asher won’t sell it to me, and I hate being at the mercy of anyone else.”

  “I’m sure you have ways of convincing him…” Simplicity chirped.

  “No. He has honorable goals for that property. He needs to see them through.”

  She watched her sisters exchange looks, and she didn’t bother stopping to interpret those glances.

  “I don’t even
know what I’m saying. Of course I have a plan and goals. I’m going to get this fucking cancer out of me, eliminate as much of the possibility of future cancer as possible, and then I’m going back to kicking ass in the courtroom!”

  “But for now,” Reed said, moving the bowl full of cooked, seasoned meat to the counter to join the rest of the taco goodies, “We eat.”

  After Paisley consumed her second taco, Simplicity’s words became as heavy as the loaded down tortillas.

  For the first time since meeting Asher, she wondered what he’d think about what she was going through.

  And after another bowl of nachos, she decided it was time to find out.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tracking down a man in Healing Springs wasn’t as easy as she had thought it would have been.

  Asher wasn’t at his shop. He wasn’t in the grocery store. He wasn’t at home. And his niece had no idea where he could be. Nor did she seem to care.

  Paisley decided to take a stroll through the town common, admiring the pair of swans swimming in the pond as stars began to populate the night sky. She watched a young couple cuddling on a bench and allowed herself to indulge in a fantasy. In the fantasy, Asher surprised her by coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He’d nuzzle her neck and whisper the words that still had her stomach dancing every time she thought of them. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

  Instead, the old lady with the eye patch tapped her on the arm, yanking her out of a dream world she wished she could move into permanently.

  “Didn’t mean to startle you, dear. Thinking of our Asher?”

  Paisley was grateful for the cover of night to shield her reddening cheeks as she chortled at the suggestion.

  “I’m just passing through on my nightly walk, Paisley, dear. Did you know he sometimes likes to spend time up at his father’s shop? Up over the hill. He’s got an office there. Likes to do his thinking there, where people are less likely to barge in on him. Just sayin’, in case you’re wondering.” Miss Molly’s smile didn’t look innocent in the least.

  Paisley gave up hiding her feelings in the face of unbelievable interference.

  “You have to tell me this—how the hell, sorry, heck, do you know so much?”

  Miss Molly laughed, a deep, husky sound, and tapped her tie-dyed eye patch. “I only have one eye, but I see everything.”

  Paisley blinked, rubbed her eyes, and blinked some more as she watched Miss Molly walk away, cane in hand. She could have sworn she saw the old lady skip for a moment there.

  No. That had to be her imagination.

  Paisley stood there for another minute or two, before the night breeze made her shiver. She knew how she wanted to be warmed. One last go-round with the breasts she had before they were retired for the rest of their seasons.

  One more time of feeling desired.

  One more time of letting her body be appreciated.

  One more time.

  Finding the other garage didn’t take long. And she knew it was the right one when she pulled in and saw his old junkie pickup parked in front of a large glass window.

  She let herself in the unlocked door, followed the light down the hall, and found Asher at a desk.

  She smiled at his surprise.

  He sat up straighter, trying to mask the forlorn expression he had worn. But she saw it. Something was up.

  Before she could fully enter the room, he swiped something into the top drawer of the desk.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here. Or anywhere.” Asher’s voice was clipped and removed, but his eyes drank in the sight of her.

  “Surprise!” She posed in the doorway, hoping if she acted like there was no awkwardness, the awkwardness would dissolve in the dusty air of the office.

  He stared at her, no smile creasing his cheeks. No joy lighting his eyes.

  Mouth dry, she looked around, taking in the wood panels of the office and the posters of all the topless women posing with antique cars.

  Lovely.

  She caught herself bringing her hand to her own chest—a great set of breasts that currently rivaled the ones on the blown up posters, but a set that would no longer exist after next week. A set of breasts that had prompted kids to bully her in sixth grade when she developed them. Had prompted numerous boys to try to cop a feel without permission. Breasts that had made her cry every day in school. Breasts she had decided to use as allies as she got older. Breasts that were legendary in the courtroom. Breasts that instigated rumors of her winning court cases with her sexual prowess alone.

  Breasts that were trying to kill her.

  Breasts he now stared at.

  “I assume you came here to tell me something?”

  How did he know that? Was there something in the water here that made her transparent? She had never been a woman who was easily read. What had happened?

  Her hand covered her throat.

  Asher pushed away from his desk, the chair creaking as he rose. Her heart pounded to the beat of his boots on the wood floor as he circled around his desk. He maintained his distance—thank goodness—but his stiff posture and pinched mouth let her know he was feeling no softness for her.

  What was she thinking, coming here like this?

  “I can see I bothered you. I’ll let myself out.”

  She turned to leave, but his guttural laughter—completely lacking joy—stopped her from moving forward.

  She whipped around.

  “What’s your deal, Asher?”

  “What did you come here to tell me?”

  “It’s kind of hard to talk to you with those posters up there.”

  Confusion clouded his features for a minute. He looked over his shoulder and she watched as the tips of his ears turned pink.

  “Those were my father’s.”

  “And you left them up. Because clearly you like them.”

  “Is there something wrong with a man liking a woman’s body? Does that make me less of a person than you already think I am?”

  She shook her head and closed her eyes. How did she get here? What was the purpose? Hadn’t she moved to Healing Springs to escape the stress?

  “Though I know how much you love to sit on that high throne, if you look carefully you will see a wooden box on the shelf beneath the posters. That box holds my father’s ashes. He loved his office just the way it is. And my mother’s ashes are right beside him, in the place he perched her so he could see her every day.”

  Paisley’s heart tightened. What could she say?

  She should leave.

  “Are you finally planning to tell me that you’re sick?”

  She whipped her head up so fast, she conked it against the doorframe. She refused to show that it stung, even though concern briefly passed over his face.

  “Who told you that?”

  “You did. You didn’t know you did, and you obviously didn’t think I was good enough or important enough to be told.”

  What the hell was he talking about?

  He slammed his hands onto the desk on each side of him, making his shoulders look broader and more dangerous.

  “I stopped by to see you today. You were in the screen-house with your sisters. I didn’t intend to listen, but certain words caught my attention.”

  “Asher—”

  “It’s fine. I get it. You’ve always looked down on me. Why wouldn’t you lie to me?”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “All those trips to Boston? You let me think they were work related. Something you were finishing up. You’ve been lying to me the whole damn time.”

  “I wasn’t about to tell a stranger my deepest worries.”

  “I’m not a stranger!”

  His shout made her spine stiffen. When he violently pushed the stack of files off the corner of his desk, she turned to leave.

  “I don’t have to take this.”

  “No, you don’t. Go ahead and run, Paisley. You don’t need anyone, do you?”

  She swallowed
the storm that brewed in her throat and behind her eyes. She’d never let him see her cry. Never.

  “No, I don’t need anyone. I have a support system, and even if I didn’t, I can carry my own weight.”

  “I thought I liked that about you. But if deception and secrets come with the package, I’m happy to opt out.”

  Walk out, Pais. He’s happy to opt out.

  Yet the way his voice twisted and choked at the end of his rant made her stop. And turn. And go against her better instincts.

  “Asher.” She walked into the lion’s den, knowing full well her throat could be ripped out at any moment. She reached out to touch his elbow. He didn’t pull away. “You’re not a stranger, I know. But you were. And I never intended for this to become… for you to… for me to… I never intended for this to become what it is. Now that I’ve fallen in love with you, I thought you should know.”

  “Love?”

  His snarl was not at all what she expected when the “L” word flew out of her mouth. Nor had she planned for it to escape. Hell, she hadn’t even had time to consider whether it was a real feeling or a psychotic fairy tale she had embodied after spending the evening with Simplicity.

  She had nothing to lose. She had to be all in or pack up and hand the case to the opposition.

  And she never handed a case over.

  Paisley ignored his wrath and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  He refused to look at her. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t wrap an arm around her, either.

  She watched as his stubble-covered cheek muscle twitched and danced. As his eyelashes rose up and down, quicker than normal. As his lips straightened and tightened, taut like a bow.

  “Asher. I didn’t come here thinking that word would be bandied about.”

  “Why did you come here?” he snapped, almost forcing her to step away.

  She felt like a desperate moron, clinging onto the neck of a man who wanted to push her off a cliff.

  But that wasn’t the Asher she had grown to know.

  He was a caretaker. A lover, not a fighter.

  Her lover.

  And she wanted him to love her one more time.