Shame

by Fiona Cole

  This wasn’t going to go over well. One question would lead to another and eventually he would figure out how Kevin ended up with me instead of him. Taking in his furrowed brow, I knew he wasn’t going to like the answers to his questions. With my heart sinking into my stomach, I answered. “No.”

  “Was he with your mom? I know your families are friends. Was he around her when she fell?”

  Cheating. I felt like a cheater. I could hear in his voice that he hoped he was wrong. And I was about to ruin the hope. I couldn’t answer, so I shook my head.

  “Then how was he there with you?” Andrew asked.

  The answer was unnecessary. He just wanted me to say it. He knew I’d called Kevin instead of him and the hurt in his voice was like a slap to the face. “I called him.”

  My eyes dropped to the floor in front of his feet because I was a coward. The longer the silence stretched, the tighter my chest constricted. Finally, he whispered, “Did you even think to call me?”

  “I’m so sorry, Andrew,” I repeated. “He’s my best friend and I acted on instinct.”

  He moved toward the door, and I was sure he was going to leave. It was what I deserved. I’d hurt him and didn’t blame him for walking away. Despite being for the best, thinking of him leaving and never returning still hurt. I liked Andrew.

  But then he came back, closer than before and leaned into me. “Anabelle, I really like you and you know I’m ready.” He lifted my chin until I looked him in the eyes. “Let me take care of you,” he pleaded, dropping a kiss to my lips. “I’m ready to make this exclusive.”

  His words ricocheted through me and kicked at my heart. He offered to take care of me, but he had no idea what that entailed. I was a fool to continue stringing him along in the hopes he would continue to wait until I was ready to focus solely on him. I had my mom to take care of. I wasn’t ready to give him my all.

  Stepping back out of his grip, I shook my head. “I can’t, Andrew. I have too much going on. I can’t.”

  His eyes pinched, hiding the blue from me. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not him,” I said quickly. At least, I didn’t think it was him. I didn’t want it to be because of Kevin. Kevin was only my friend, and even though I slept with him, I didn’t want to want a future with him.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts trying to explain them. “I like you, Andrew. You make me smile, you make me laugh. You’re the kind of caring man that I picture myself being with.” Before I could finish my words, his head shook not wanting to hear them. “I just don’t want to make promises to anyone right now.”

  His tongue slicked across his lips and his jaw clenched. I said nothing and let him gather his thoughts. His eyes scanned the room. He paced a small circle, digging his finger through the curls on his head. Then he stopped, took a deep breath and turned to me with a neutral face. “How’s your mom?” he asked, shocking me with the subject change.

  I guess he didn’t want to discuss all the reasons I was or wasn’t holding back from committing to him. And even though it was cowardly, neither did I. I wanted to ignore it and pretend the last thirty minutes hadn’t happened and we could continue like we had before I fucked up. My shoulders sagged in relief, and I moved to the couch before answering.

  “She’s okay. She had to get stitches and had a minor concussion. They’re keeping her overnight for observation to make sure it was just a weakness that caused her to fall and not anything more serious.”

  Andrew sat beside me and rubbed my back, comforting me. “Are you going back tomorrow?”

  I laughed remembering my mom’s parting warning to “not skip class, young lady.”

  “I will, but after my morning class. She said she’d ground me if she found out I wasn’t going to my classes.”

  “She sounds like an awesome mom.” He laughed.

  “She’s the best.”

  He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “Let me get you something to drink.”

  My eyes remained glued to my fiddling fingers as I listened to him move around my kitchen. He came back and placed a warm mug of tea in front of me.

  I hated tea. It wasn’t even mine. Jessica was the tea lover.

  Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I took a small sip, trying to hide my cringe, while I set the cup on the table.

  “Let me take you somewhere for spring break,” Andrew suggested.

  My shoulders tensed up to my ears. Just when I thought we’d made it out of any dangerous topics. Swallowing my nerves, I tried to avoid the argument I knew was coming. “When?”

  “Whenever. Why?”

  I looked up at him, biting my lip. His eyes told me he knew there had to be a reason, but I still tried to dance around it. “I have plans the first weekend.”

  “Doing what?” His tone hardened, and I heard an accusation he wasn’t willing to toss at me yet. I didn’t answer, just stared at him, hoping he could see my apology for hurting him. I didn’t mean to. His jaw clenched as he realized whatever my plans were, they involved Kevin. “Dammit, Anabelle.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s a family vacation, and I wanted to take my mom to the beach for a rest. Our families are close and they invited us along.”

  He shook his head at my reasoning. It sounded hollow to me too. “Ana, I want you. I’m willing to wait for you and take what you’re able to give, but I feel like I’m losing a battle I’m not even being allowed to fight.”

  Was I not giving him a fair chance? I wanted to want him. I wanted “normal.” But was I really trying? Was I wasting his time by lying to myself? Dammit.

  I needed to let him go, the truth clawed at me. He deserved someone who could be with him now. Not someone who dragged him along because she couldn’t commit. He deserved someone normal. Someone not getting off on her perverted desires with her friend who had once abandoned her. I had this amazing man before me, and he was too good for me. Too good for me. The words hurt to even think. He was everything I wanted to have, but I needed to let him go.

  Swallowing my tears, I pushed to get the words out. “Andr—” I choked and tried again. “Andrew, maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I’m a mistake. You deserve so much more than me. More than someone who can’t commit. Maybe we should stop—”

  “No!” His shout cut me off, making me jump.

  “Andrew,” I sighed, too tired to try and convince him whatever we had wouldn’t work.

  “No,” he said again, quieter this time but just as fierce. “I’ll say when I’m done, and though I may be behind in winning you over, I want a fair chance to pull ahead. Give me the second weekend of spring break. Just give me a chance.”

  His blue eyes locked on mine as he moved closer, grasping onto my hands. They felt good, safe. Despite knowing that he deserved more, I couldn’t refuse him. That he was safe was what won me over, reminded me that I wanted what he represented. I just needed to commit to him.

  Eventually I would commit. When I could think more and focus more. Too much rattled my mind to devote myself to anyone but my mom. Until then, I needed to give him a fair shot. A trip away with just the two of us would be the effort I’d been holding back on.

  Andrew pressed a soft kiss to my forehead and lingered there. “Please,” he whispered.

  “Okay.”

  He pulled back with the first smile I’d seen on him that night. “Awesome. It’ll be a great weekend. I already know where I want to take you.”

  “Where?” His excitement spread to me and I smiled.

  “It’s a surprise.” He kissed my forehead once more before getting up. When I went to stand with him, he waved his hands. “No, you sit. Enjoy your tea. I’ll see myself out. And please call me if you need anything. A ride. Someone to talk to. Anything.”

  I nodded. “Thank you.”

  He blew me a kiss and closed the door behind him.

  My smile faded as I stared down at the cup of cold tea, which I didn’t even like.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven />
  Kevin

  “Are you even trying, Kev? Do you need me to hit it right at you for a decent fight?” Ana taunted me from the other side of the volleyball net. I couldn’t help that I was more distracted by her bouncing tits barely contained in her bathing suit top.

  “I’m just being a gentleman and trying not to hurt your feelings.”

  Mom, Dad, and Ana’s mom laughed from their beach chairs on the side lines. I turned with my hands on my hips, looking affronted. “Are you laughing at your own flesh and blood,” I accused before turning to my mom. “Your baby boy, Mom?”

  “Don’t go whining to your mom, son. At least be a man about a girl kicking your ass,” Dad said, laughing.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I muttered, turning back to prepare for Ana’s serve.

  “Twelve-Two,” Ana shouted before tossing the ball up and stretching her luscious body to raise her arm and hit the ball. I fell to my knees just in time to return it across the net. We had a few volleys back and forth until Ana dove for a ball, causing me to almost swallow my tongue when I saw her top shift. Needless to say, I missed the ball.

  “Distracted, Kevin?” she asked with a smirk. I narrowed my eyes at her, realizing her game. She did it all on purpose. “Tease,” I mouthed at her. She just shrugged and moved back to serve. Oh, she was going to get it.

  We’d been at the beach for three days and were heading home the next day. Being there with Ana had been both heaven and hell. Heaven because I had constant access to her, and we laid out on the deck every night just like when we were kids. It settled a piece in my chest I hadn’t even known was missing. However, it was hell because our parents were around every corner, and like now, I wanted to toss her on the sand and spank her ass for teasing me, but I couldn’t with our audience.

  Having Ana’s mom there settled something in Ana, too. She seemed lighter than I’d seen her since we’d met up again. Both women had a tan that agreed with them and smiles that never stopped. Every time I heard Ana’s laugh, I wanted to drop everything so we could stay at the house in Florida forever. Anything to make her as happy as she was.

  I was hoping, ever since she’d agreed to come, that I’d be able to find time to talk to her. She’d be more relaxed and hopefully open to hearing me talk about our past. She’d resisted every time I brought it up, and I let her because I stuck to keeping things light, with no pressure. But as the year rounded to a close and graduation loomed, I wanted to expand on our relationship and take it further. To do that, I needed to truly and deeply apologize, and she needed to let me.

  I guess letting her kick my ass in volleyball was a good place to start to put her in a good mood. She enjoyed every point with a little too much excitement and bounce. Such a tease.

  “Twenty-One. Final point.” She winked at me before bouncing on the balls of her feet, making her breasts bounce. I bit back a growl and watched the alluring globes jiggle. Ana broke me out of my trance with a volleyball to the head.

  “Fuck!”

  “Shit, Kev. I thought you’d at least try to block it.” She didn’t sound the least bit apologetic, laughing as I rubbed my forehead.

  “Language, children,” Mom said, reprimanding us.

  “Sorry, Kev.” Ana blew a kiss. “Do you want to go to your mom and have her kiss it better?”

  That was it. I’d had enough. I casually walked to the side lines by our parents, but just to make it on the other side of the net where she was walking toward us. She didn’t see it coming when I quickly shifted. Only a loud screech escaped as I threw her over my shoulder and ran toward the blue waves crashing against the sand.

  “Put me down, Kevin Harding.” Each shout was punctuated with her small fists against my back. With our parents behind us, I reached up and finally delivered the smack to her round ass she’d been begging for.

  “Hold your breath, Anabelle.”

  “Kevin! No! I have my shorts on sti-” Her words were cut off as I took us both under water. I may have copped a feel or pinched a nipple while we were covered by water.

  She got away and splashed my face. “Dick.”

  “I can give you some later.”

  “As if I’d want that,” she scoffed with an eye-roll.

  Just as I was preparing to tackle her again, my mom shouted from the beach. “That’s enough, Kevin Harding. You be nice to that young lady.”

  “Yeah, Kev. Be nice to me.”

  I let her walk past me before I reached out and tugged her bottoms down and ran past her laughing. Ana screamed but managed to hold them up so only a part of her ass showed. It was delicious looking and I couldn’t wait to take a bite out of it later.

  I’d been lying on my bed for an hour, fairly certain that our parents had fallen asleep. We’d gone to dinner and come home to play games, staying up until past midnight. But everyone was asleep now, and I wanted to see Ana. I snuck out of my room, tiptoeing down the hall, making sure not to make any noise. Stepping into her room, I found it empty, but when I looked out the window at the beach, I saw her sitting by herself on the sand.

  Worried about her, I grabbed a blanket from her bed and made my way to the beach. She’d looked so tired at dinner, her smile slipping for the first time since arriving, as she talked about all the plans she’d made for her mom. I knew she felt the weight of all the decisions on her shoulders. It was ironic that Ana felt weak because she wanted someone to take care of her. She was so strong, and just because she wanted to submit, didn’t mean she wasn’t able to kick ass on her own.

  I laid the blanket out on the sand, and she stared straight ahead at the water, blond hair blowing over her face. When she still didn’t acknowledge me, I pulled her onto the blanket.

  “What if I wanted to be alone?” she asked, still staring at the waves.

  “I know you don’t. Now come here.” With a huff, she lay down next to me, and without hesitation, reached her hand across the small space and linked her pinky with mine.

  The night sky sparkled with stars. We lay there, comforted by the crash of the waves against the shore.

  “Anabelle,” I whispered, wondering if she’d fallen asleep.

  “Yeah?”

  One word. Whispered across the small distance between us and I wanted her. I always wanted her. “Come here.”

  “I am here.”

  “Come to me,” I commanded.

  She moved until she was pressed to my side. I shifted to my side and looked down on her. The way her eyes sparked under the moonlight lit something inside me. I hadn’t gone out there to take her, but I couldn’t resist a taste. Pressing my lips to hers, I snaked my tongue out across her lips. They parted and allowed me entrance. Keeping the kiss slow, I brushed my tongue against hers, swallowing her soft moan. I wanted to eat every part of her and make it my own. My lips skimmed down her throat, bit across her chest, nipping the hard points pressing against her T-shirt. I dragged my tongue down the center of her abdomen as my finger worked to undo the snap and zipper on her jean shorts.

  Tugging, I brought both her shorts and panties down her legs and off, tossing them to the side. My hands skimmed up the inside of her calves, past her knees and pressing her toned thighs apart. My heart pounded a rapid beat against my ribs as I breathed in, trying to grasp any part of her scent. I dragged my finger through her pussy, bringing the gleaming digit to my lips and tasting her.

  “Kevin,” she gasped my name, begging me to give her what I knew she needed.

  I lowered my shoulders between her thighs and bit the tender flesh on her inner thigh. Her pained yelp fueled me and pumped the blood harder through my body. I needed more.

  I slipped my finger into her opening and pressed more and more bites up her thigh until I reached her core. Her juices coated my two fingers pumping in and out of her and her cries mixed with whimpers.

  As I latched my lips around her clit, I used my free hand to press my thumb into the soft tissue of her groin and her hips jolted. Her hands moved to shove my hand away, immediately tryi
ng to remove the source of pain, but I knew the pain she craved and the gush of cum coating my fingers let me know how much she enjoyed it.

  “Kevin, Kevin.” She chanted as my tongue flicked across her bundle of nerves. Her nails dug into my wrist, still trying to remove the grip I had on her, and also holding on as she ground her pussy against my lips. “More,” she begged.

  I pulled my fingers out of her opening with a pop and moved my tongue all around her, trying to gather as much of her cum as possible. I slowly released my grip on her hip and soothed out the spot with soft rubbing circles. “You want more, Ana?”

  “Yes,” she whimpered. “You know I do.”

  “Anything?” I asked, dipping my tongue down to brush against the rosette below her pussy.

  “Anything.”

  With one hand pressed on her abdomen to hold her down, I pushed two fingers in her cunt, lubing them up before latching on her to clit again. I pulled my slick fingers out of her pussy and dragged them down to her ass. Without any preparation, I pushed both fingers into her tight hole. Her heels dug into the blanket as she fought the intrusion. Her teeth latched on to her lip and held back the cries of pain.

  More cum dripped onto my chin as I ate at her cunt, and worked my fingers into her virgin ass. I only pushed to the second knuckle, not wanting to go further and actually hurt her. I wanted her to feel the burn and stretch, but not tear.

  “Yes,” she moaned. “Yes. Please.”

  I pointed my tongue and rapidly flicked it across her clit, wriggling my fingers in and out of her, bringing her to edge. Once she was there, I nipped her and pulled my fingers out of her ass, shoving them into her pussy, thrusting in and out hard as she rode out her orgasm, her cries lost along the sound of the waves.

  After one last drag of my tongue, I pulled back and crawled up her panting body, pressing my lips to hers. She flicked her tongue out to taste herself on my lips. That alone made me almost pull my dick out to fuck her, but I wanted to give her this and let her enjoy it.

  “Ow,” I pulled back when she bit my lip hard.