Bootscootin' and Cozy Cash Mysteries Boxed Set (Books 1-6)

by Scott, D. D.

  As she struggled to continue, her body trembled and then began to all-out shake.

  Wayne wrapped himself around her and held her in the silence that surrounded them.

  I hope he never lets her go.

  I couldn’t explain the forces that smoldered between them, or the stars that had crossed to bring them together, although I’m sure Auntie Do could. She was the one in the family with pseudo-psychic skills. Too bad she was still in denial about those abilities.

  Me?

  I’ve just watched enough of the realty TV show Millionaire Matchmaker to know a great couple when I see one. Plus, I’ll admit it. I’ve dabbled a bit in setting up my friends on blind dates.

  I’m here to say I do have a brilliant knack for this perfect harmony stuff. All of the couples I’ve set up are still together…all except for one, and I’m not sure what happened there. I must have had an off day. But yeah, that one particular match, or mismatch, was a disaster. But anyhoo…that’s another story for another day.

  Let’s get back to my brother Wayne.

  It had been much too long since he’d held a woman the way he was holding Kit. So something must have been feeling right.

  “Wayne, I befriended your Auntie Do while shopping here in the boutique some time ago. And then I met Lily a few days ago and just adore her. Please don’t be mad at them, but they thought you could help me.”

  Wayne took his time responding. A plan must be beginning to form in his mind. He paced the small room without saying a word, probably trying to gather the pieces of his plan into a coherent form. He always paced when he was strategizing. Just like me and Dodie.

  “Kit, I’d love to help you, but your husband has already enlisted my services. In fact, at this very moment, I’m on his payroll.”

  Kit tried to scream, but Wayne must have anticipated her reaction to what he was going to say. Quickly, he slid his hands around her neck and mouth to stifle her outburst. He whispered something into her ear, giving her a few seconds to process the information.

  From our vantage point, it didn’t look like things were going well at all.

  “That does it. We’re goin’ in,” Aunt Dodie said, and she meant it. “What the hell damn good are these high-dollar speakers if the asshole’s gonna whisper in her ear?! I mean really!”

  Also dying to know what Wayne had told Kit, I followed at Do’s heels.

  “Listen to me. I’m here for you, Kit. I’m not on Luke’s side. Accepting him as a client was the only way I knew how to get close enough to him to be able to help you. I know you trust my Auntie Do and my sister. If you want to escape Luke’s grasp for good, you’re going to have to trust me too.”

  “You can also trust us,” Zoey, the new Duchess of Caserta added, while she and her Duke, Roman Bellesconi, Prince-of-Many-Names, also entered the dressing room.

  Kit wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded her head in agreement.

  “Are these the friends you were telling me about?” Kit asked me.

  “They certainly are. And you’re in great hands,” I said, trying to reassure Kit, who looked like she sooo wanted to believe me.

  Wayne, Roman and Zoey started to brief Kit on their plans. Aunt Dodie’s voice interrupted them, sounding quite strained, which was a stark change from her normal, chipper tone.

  “Wayne, Dear, you’ve got two gentlemen here to see you. They say it’s urgent.”

  Taking Dodie’s cue in stride, Wayne yelled out from the dressing room. “Sure thing, Do, but I have to secure this fitting first. Could you please bring me style number 550 in a 34B?”

  “Did you say B or D, Darling?”

  “I need the 550 B, please. ‘B’ as in boat.”

  Kit tugged on Wayne’s shirtsleeve. “I wear a D cup.”

  “I know,” he said in a barely audible voice. “…but so do they. Trust me.”

  Aunt Dodie dangled a new Fluid Fulfillment bra over the door.

  “Here you go. I’ll tell the gentlemen you’ll be out in a half hour or so.”

  “Thanks, Do.”

  Wayne took the bra and unzipped the water-filled cup lining. He pulled a set of keys out of the fluid with a tiny Styrofoam nautical key chain attached.

  “It’s time to put this plan into action. Give these keys to my Uncle Lewis, who’ll be here momentarily to pick you up. Go to Slip Number Eight at the CYC. My Hampton 550 is docked there. Give my captain the keys and tell him I’ll catch up with you in Avalon on Catalina Island. There’s only one hotel there, so I’ll find you. Before you leave, I’ll need that silver locket you’re wearing and your bra.”

  Taking both off and handing them to him, Kit brushed her lips against my brother’s, while he blushed a deeper crimson than the color of the water bra he now held in his hands.

  Hopefully, the adrenaline rush from her kiss would pump through him and prepare him for his mission. I had a damn good hunch that more than his libido was about to suffer a direct hit.

  All of us watched Kit leave with Uncle Lewis through a hidden door behind another one of the dressing room’s mirrors. The door led to a narrow passageway between the boutique’s walls that ended-up in the back room and then led to the rear exit.

  Steeling himself for the encounter with Luke’s thugs, Wayne casually walked out of the dressing room into the boutique to request a meeting with the thugs’ employer.

  In the meantime, the rest of us used the secret door to take our positions for the next stage of our plan.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  With Kit’s locket nestled in between his fingers, and her bra in an evidence bag, Wayne drove us to Luke Branson’s estate.

  We were being followed by the two men that had come to Deville 1300.

  Arriving at the Branson’s posh Hollywood estate, we were greeted at the door by two more turds that could have been the missing pair of a quadruplet team of turds…the two following us, plus these double-the-trouble twins.

  None of the film producers I knew had this type of human refuse looking after them. They had entourages. But their entourages consisted of stylists and publicists, not hit men.

  “Mr. McKinna, how nice to see you.”

  Luke greeted Wayne first.

  “You must be Wayne’s sister Lily. Why didn’t you tell me she was such a beautiful woman?”

  Luke, without my permission, took my hand to his lips and kissed it.

  Why did I suddenly feel as if I was being courted by the Devil?

  Luke let go of my hand, but his dark beady eyes bore into me while he ushered us into his library.

  The guy had “yuck” oozing from every pore.

  “If you’ll forgive me, I’m late for the screening of my dailies, so we’ll have to make this brief.”

  “All right. As you wish,” Wayne said, the veins in his neck beginning to show, which was not a good sign.

  “What kind of information do you have for me?”

  “Unfortunately, not good news.”

  Luke sat more upright in his chair and adjusted his tie. His eyes went from midnight blue to jet black as they burrowed into Wayne’s steady gaze.

  Wayne never looked away from Luke as he released the latches of his briefcase.

  In reaction, The Quad Simultaneously reached inside their jackets, but Luke motioned for them to stand down.

  I gave them an eat-shit grin as if to say ‘Sorry, Boys, we’ll have to play another day”.

  While I silently antagonized The Quad, Wayne tossed Kit’s locket and bra onto Luke’s marble coffee table.

  “I need you to identify these.”

  Without hesitation or any emotion at all, Luke responded. “If you’re asking me if these belong to my wife, the answer is yes. I believe so. I bought her a locket just like that one for our anniversary last year. The bra…well…I know she wears those water-filled things. Expensive sons of bitches, if you ask me. I asked her to get a boob job, but she wouldn’t. She’s stubborn that way.”

  Wayne hesitated for a moment.

&n
bsp; I knew my brother.

  Luke’s ambivalence and cavalier attitude regarding his wife’s well being could very well provoke Wayne into a seriously lethal reaction.

  “Mr. Branson, these items were found on a body located early this morning that we believe to be Kit’s. Apparently, she was the victim of a random act of violence. Random, of course, unless you know of someone who would want to see her dead.”

  Luke checked his watch then stood.

  “No, Mr. McKinna, I know of no one who would wish to harm my dear Kit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have dailies to attend to, and what you have told me has not put me in a very productive state of mind.”

  He turned his attention to his four men-in-waiting.

  “Gentlemen, if you’ll please show Mr. Branson and his lovely sister to the door and see to it that he is paid for his time.”

  I was stunned. Actually, absolutely stunned beyond stunned. The bastard had just been told that his wife’s dead body had been found, and he was more worried about his precious dailies?

  “I can find my own way to the door, and your money isn’t necessary.”

  “Have it your way. But I’d be glad to pay you extra for expediting this case.”

  Before the library door closed behind him, Wayne and I heard Luke punch his intercom in the hallway leading to the library.

  “Lucille, please bring me a new tie at once. I am not happy with the one you put with this suit. There should be press today at the postproduction offices so I need something with a little more drama.”

  Un. Fucking. Believable!

  Oh, he was about to get drama all right.

  Luke had made one fatal error.

  No one screwed with my brother. Especially when they were also screwing with someone he cared about.

  Actually, these days it didn’t pay to screw with me either.

  Thanks to my Mom Squad training, I had a few techniques of my own. And I was so hoping to get the chance to use them.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  Before heading to the marina to board his Sundancer for Catalina, Wayne drove us back to Deville 1300 to gather up a few things he needed to execute the next stage of our plan.

  Aunt Dodie was waiting for us.

  Wayne sat down in Uncle Lewis’ chair and propped his feet up on the desk, doing his best to appear cool, calm and collected.

  I’m not sure who he thought he was fooling.

  “I was thinking, Auntie Do.”

  “That could be dangerous, Dear. Right, Lil? I like to think of myself as the brains of the operation. You’re the brawn. And your Uncle Lewis, well, he’s something or other. I just haven’t figured it out yet.”

  “What about me?” I asked, rather hurt I hadn’t been included.

  “Oh, I have a feeling you’re about to surprise us all with your new talents,” she said, and then she winked at me.

  I wondered if she’d had one of her déjà vu visions about my new role in the family biz?

  “Do you suppose that this position of mine at Deville could become permanent? I’m starting to really get the feel for this job,” Wayne said, as an ornery smile formed across his lips.

  “I’m way ahead of you. I’ve already ordered your business cards. In the meantime, I think our number one client may need your assistance. I understand that her fitting was cut short this morning.”

  Wayne grabbed the hotel room keys that Aunt Dodie dangled from her fingers, kissed her on the cheek, and motioned for me to follow him.

  We left Dodie at Deville 1300, plotting more adventures.

  I knew she pushed his buttons, but luckily for him, she always seemed to know which ones needed pushing.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  The Sundancer radiated with light bouncing off the water from the late afternoon sun.

  “So Roman and Zoey wiped Luke’s computer clean, right?” I asked while we sprinted down the dock to Wayne’s slip-space.

  “Yes. It sounds like Zoey was able to subdue the thugs outside of Luke’s private office, and the rest was a piece of cake.”

  “How did she subdue them?”

  I thought I might have an idea as to how but was dying to know for sure.

  “Some sort of shot in the arm, I think.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I would have loved to have seen that! Zoey’s been dying to try out those shots.”

  Finally, my friend was the one giving those little gems instead of receiving them. Now that’s progress.

  Wayne jumped aboard the Sundancer right in front of me and opened the cabin door.

  He was immediately slammed to the deck by an unexpected blow to the back of his neck.

  While he struggled to look up then shield his eyes from the sun’s harsh rays, trying to get a good glance at his attackers, I sprung into action.

  I used a few of my new Jujitsu moves and dropped that bastard thug to the deck, right next to my brother.

  While those two were probably only seeing black-and-white, star-filled blotches right now, I scanned the scene, seeking out my next opponent.

  Three black shadows loomed above Wayne and Turd Number One.

  I remained in my next “combat stance”, ready to go totally Kill Bill on any other turds who even thought about daring me to a duel. Oh, I mean spar, it’s called sparring.

  “I take it Luke changed his mind?” Wayne managed to squeeze the words out between shallow breaths as he fought to recapture the wind that Turd Number One had taken from him.

  One of the three remaining turds pulled Wayne to his feet by the collar of his shirt.

  “Listen up, Wise Ass. Mr. B sent us to give you one final piece of info.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “Let’s just say he don’t buy it for one minute that Mrs. B is dead. What’s more, and what should be most important to you McKinna, and your sister here, is that Mr. B doesn’t want Kit to be found. In fact, it’ll be good for your health if you make sure she never has a reason to be found.”

  “So, in other words, Biff, your boss will let us walk if we make sure Kit never finds her way back into his life. Do I have it straight?”

  While asking the question, Wayne fixed his collar and jerked his neck at an awkward angle, probably trying to pop it back into position in the center of his shoulders.

  A second hulk came forward and buried the broad tip of his index finger into Wayne’s chest.

  “Yeah, Man, I’d say you pretty much got it. We don’t want to ever hear from you, your sister or the Mrs. again.”

  “If we do,” Turd Number Three ventured, as he lifted up Wayne’s chin to even the level of their eyes, “life won’t be happily ever after for any of yous.”

  Wayne pushed away from the three of them and found himself square in the path of Turd Number One, who’d now recovered from my beatdown.

  “I suppose you want a second shot?”

  “You got that right, Waynie. They always save the best for last.”

  “I can’t wait,” my brother said.

  “Me neither,” I echoed.

  And with what I took as an open invitation for some serious ass kicking, I stepped forward and went Lucy Liu on all four of the turds.

  “Where the hell did you learn that?!”

  Wayne rubbed his jaw which was now developing a nice sea-blue bruise.

  “I’m a Mom Squad Member now. And each of us has our own specialty.”

  “I see,” Wayne said, a hint of amusement twinkling in his eyes, although I knew he was damn glad I’d decided to try out my new skills.

  “That last behemoth is the one whose most often checked up on me in the coffee shop over the past few weeks. But for all his tough guy surliness, there was something else behind his threat that indicated another agenda,” Wayne said, using the toe of his boot to nudge Turd Number One to see if he’d come to yet.

  The turd grunted, then motioned for Wayne and I to bend down so he could tell us somethin
g. Something he obviously didn’t want his cohorts to hear.

  In a low drawl, that left only our ears in an advantageous position, he bore down on Wayne’s neck which was now caught in his vice-grip.

  Damn if Wayne wasn’t going to have one sore neck and jaw.

  “You better take damn good care of my sister.”

  Oops, I thought to myself.

  Oh well.

  If you look like a turd, smell like a turd and act like a turd, you’re messin’ with the wrong Mom Squad Member.

  What a way to meet your future brother-in-law, I thought, feeling a little sorry for Wayne.

  Wayne grimaced.

  After a few minutes, they were all back on their feet and walking away.

  As we watched the turds leave, I stood guard. Wayne and I stood together, facing our future…a future I’m sure he hoped would include Kit, but not necessarily her brother.

  He started the Sundancer’s engine and steered it out of the marina and into the sun that had just set over Avalon.

  Meanwhile, I assumed child’s pose and prepared for my evening meditations.

  Kickin’ some serious ass had never felt quite so good.

  Too bad I didn’t know those kinds of moves while I was still married to Roxy’s dad. I could have put a major damper on Steven Vaughn’s gigolo lifestyle.

  Oh well, tomorrow’s another day. And it’s never too late to die, I thought, thinking of one of my favorite Bond films Tomorrow Never Dies. A tiny giggle escaped my throat as I transitioned into downward dog.

  “What’s so funny now?” Wayne asked.

  “Oh nothing. Just imagining how delightful my future could be,” I said, then I took a deep breath and began reciting my mantras.

  “I am the kick ass Mom Squad member…I am the kick ass Mom Squad member. I am Kill Steve…I mean Bill. Kill Bill. Kill Bill…”

  THE END

  About the Author

  D. D. Scott is a Bestselling Romantic Comedy and Humorous Mystery Author and a Writer’s Go-To-Gal for Muse Therapy, plus the #1 Amazon Bestselling Author of Muse Therapy: Unleashing Your Inner Sybil and the co-founder of The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing, your destination site for Everything E-Publishing. You can get all the scoop on her, her books, her Muse Therapy Online Classes and Live Workshops, plus juicy tidbits too from D. D. Scott-ville http://ddscottville.blogspot.com .