Obsessive Addiction

by KL Donn

  “Maybe,” I mumble, and he quirks a brow. Crap. “I have a voice.” He waits. “In my head.” Now I wait.

  He bursts out laughing, and my shoulders relax. “Don’t we all? It’s called a conscience.”

  Perhaps, he doesn’t understand. “I mean, it talks to me. Forces me to move forward instead of drowning.” His stare darkens, and his body tenses at my use of the word drowning, and I know he’s thinking about what I did in the tub. “I’m not suicidal,” I’m quick to say. At least, I don’t think I am.

  “So, what are you?” he asks as he steps closer to me.

  I ponder his question, and it’s then I notice his knuckles. Forgetting about my problems, worry over Crux takes over. “What happened to you?” I pull his hand up and stare into his eyes.

  “Had a face that needed breaking.” I freeze. He went after Ben.

  “You said you wouldn’t.” When I try to drop his hand, his fingers tighten on mine, and I can’t move.

  “I was pushed over a ledge, Farren. There’s only so much a man can handle when it comes to his woman being in so much pain.” His stare implores me to understand and accept his reasoning.

  In a way, I do. “Is he…” I can’t finish my question.

  “Dead?” I nod. “No, Crew and Cross took him to the hospital. He’ll be fine.”

  “But…” I can feel it in the air.

  “His father”—Crux looks away, emotion forcing him to swallow audibly—“his father abuses him, too.”

  “Oh God.” The horror of the words nearly makes me sick, and I have to turn my back.

  “No, you don’t, bird.” He crowds me from behind. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he lays his chin on my shoulder, and his lips rest below my ear. I can feel his heart beating against my back, every bit as thunderous as my own. His breathing relaxes me into a sense of safety I desperately need right now. “His family is sick, Ren. None of us could have known.” In my head, I know he’s right.

  “But, if I spoke up. Before, during your trial, at any time, I could have had the family investigated. I could have saved Ben from years of abuse.” Tears flow freely down my cheeks, and I cry for everything the two of us lost for so long.

  “I wouldn’t have let you, Farren. You have to know that.” He turns me slowly to face him and cups my face in his hands, wiping the tears away. “I wouldn’t have allowed anyone to put you in the spotlight like they would have. It wasn’t going to happen.”

  Breathing deeply, I close my eyes and try to gain control and composure. I want to be strong like Crux. Strong enough to stand on my own two feet and fight back against the Warner family. It’s time the world knows the truth.

  Crux

  I can feel it. Her. The air changing around her as she sets her resolve. That’s how I know that when she opens her mouth, I’m in for a fight.

  “What do I have to do to fix this? To help him?” Her shoulders are set. Back straight and jaw tight.

  “Nothing, Ren.” When she opens her mouth to object, I speak over her. “It’s too late to do anything tonight, bird. You need sleep first. In the morning, we’ll talk. Tonight, you rest.”

  Nibbling on her lower lip, she ponders my words for a few minutes before she finally nods in agreeance. “Fine, but first thing tomorrow, I’ll contact a lawyer.” Her brows crease, and I know she’s thinking about something else now.

  “We, Farren. We’ll contact a lawyer.” And I know just the one.

  “We.” The word leaves her lips like a foreign language, and I’m fucking angry and sad all at once because it is a foreign concept to her. She’s never had anyone stand in her corner the way I’m about to.

  “Yeah, bird, we.” I grin as her gaze softens and she leans forward, wrapping her arms around my waist. And just like that, the world fades away.

  Everything is right, and I couldn’t be happier. Not only is she accepting of us, but she’s not afraid to show me affection the way I thought she was going to be.

  “Tomorrow, we will get this all figured out. Tonight, will you hold me?” So much vulnerability in the single question. There isn’t a chance I’d deny her anything.

  “For as long as you’ll let me,” I mutter, kissing the top of her head.

  After a shared hot shower, I hold her through the night. Comfort her past the nightmares. Ease the anxiety. And when dawn finally breaks, I find I’m the one now worried about the future.

  She’s about to take on an insurmountable task, climbing a mountain I’m terrified she won’t recover from. Farren has a heart of gold hiding away inside of her, and for once, I wish she would continue to veil herself.

  Chapter Seven

  crux

  “Yeah, Zack, just like that.” Laughter crosses the line as I get off the phone with my best friend. We were roommates in college; he studied law while I was in business and finance.

  When I’d been arrested, he offered to represent me. I refused because it was a losing battle, and I wasn’t going to bring my friend down with me. Now, he’s thrilled to help me out with the Warners. He knew everything that went down earlier and why I did it. He didn’t need me to confess to murder when he learned in college all there was to know about my suspicions with Farren.

  Sometimes friends understand more than we tell them, and right now, I couldn’t be more grateful. He’s flying into the city today and going straight to the hospital to talk to Ben, but first, his sister Echo is having breakfast with a reporter friend of hers. Zack doesn’t know this, of course, but I asked her to do it before he found out anything was up.

  Echo’s a good kid, just starting college, and unsure of what she’s doing with her life yet. But she knows she wants to help my girl, and frankly, at this point, that’s all I care about.

  Cross and Crew have a meeting with Zack after he sees Ben to tell him what happened with the younger man, leaving out the details of how and why we came across this information. I’ve already made it clear to Zack that any backlash that comes into play because of what happened to him falls on my shoulders.

  I’m taking to Farren to school when she gets up, and after that, she has her meeting with Zack and an advocate from social services to make sure her rights don’t get violated.

  The entire situation is turning into more than I ever wanted to deal with when I came home, but if it gives Ren peace of mind, I don’t give two flying fucks.

  “Hi,” I hear whispered from behind my father’s old desk where I’m sitting facing the window. Turning, I see my girl dressed in another pair of dark leggings, ankle boots, and my sweater. Her hair is a mess on top of her head, but she looks fucking gorgeous.

  I’m desperate for her to be eighteen now. Yesterday even. My desire for her is spinning so far out of control I can barely think straight.

  “When’s your birthday?” I ask because I realize it’s one of the few things I don’t know about my little bird. I’ve kissed her, I’ve seen her naked, I’ve felt her skin on mine, but I can’t do anything else until I know.

  “October 17th.” She smiles shyly. Ren’s a smart girl; I’m sure she knows why I’m asking.

  I nod. “My friend Zack Pine is flying in this morning. He’s going to interview Ben and then my brothers. After school, he wants to speak to you.” I tell her this slowly as I walk towards her tense frame in the doorway.

  “I thought it was a dream. A really bad one, but a dream. I don’t want it to be real because then I have to confess and talking about it makes me sick.” Her words are so rushed I pause in my tracks to try and make sense of them.

  “Confess?” I ask.

  She hangs her head in embarrassment and led lines my gut. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, Crux.” I won’t force her.

  “Okay.” She looks up to me, shocked. “How about some tea and breakfast first.” My mother always made tea when her nerves were shot.

  “Tea?” Ren beams up at me. “I’d love some tea.” Guess I’ve gotten one thing right today. “Do you…” she starts to ask but then stops
as we walk to the kitchen.

  Grabbing her hand in mine, I intertwine our fingers and encourage her. “Ask me, bird. Ask me anything.”

  “Do you have plans today?” She’s trying for normal. I can fucking give her normal.

  Leaving out everything that pertains to the Warners, I tell her what I have planned. “I have to get a new bag to hang up in the gym. I knocked the other one off the hook yesterday. I’ve got to run to the bank to fill out some paperwork with Cross, and then I’ve got to start going through everything in this damn house.”

  “A bag?” She looks up to me as I help her up on the counter island.

  “Boxing bag. I have a gym in the basement.”

  She nods. “Why do you have to go through the house?” That’s a harder one to explain.

  “Do you remember when my father passed away five years ago?”

  “He was a very nice man.”

  I grin at her description of him. “That he was.” To her, anyways. “We never did go through his things, or even Mom’s when she passed. I have some spare time now. Figure I might as well get started.” I shrug like it’s no big deal, but it is. I miss my folks something terrible and being in prison would have had them rolling in their graves. Digging up memories of them will hopefully help settle me in some way.

  “I wish I could have met her. The way Cashton spoke about her, I always thought she was a queen.” Her grin is back.

  “He spoke to you about her?” That shocks me because he didn’t talk about her often.

  Shy again, her shoulders slump inward, and I hate it. She speaks before I can comment on it. “A few times. Mostly about how much she loved you boys and this house. He once teased me about her wanting a daughter and that I would have been the perfect girl for her.” Fuck yeah, she would have.

  “Fate, huh.” I laugh at her quizzical look. “You and me, bird. Fate.”

  “You and me?” It’s rhetorical.

  Before I can speak, Crew enters the kitchen, halting any deeper conversation. “Hey, fairy.” He calls her by the nickname we’d heard her mother and Warner call her for years; however, the blood drains from Ren’s face, and she turns a little green.

  “Ren?” I stand in front of her. I just fucking got her opening up to me. Fuck.

  “Don’t call me that,” she snaps at Crew. He takes a step back from the counter and puts his hands up in surrender from the glare she shoots his way.

  “Whoa, sorry, no hard feelings.” He tries to backpedal with a slick grin and earns a glare from me.

  “Wanna tell me about that name, bird?” I ask her quietly, doubtful she will.

  “No,” she barks and jumps off the counter, still looking pale.

  “What the hell, man?” Crew mutters, and I don’t know what to tell him. I suspect it has a lot to do with what happened though.

  Farren

  I was finally beginning to fall into a place where I didn’t think I would ever be. We were having a normal conversation. About to talk about us, who and what we are to each other. Crew ruined it, and I feel sick. I know he…they…don’t know why that name bothers me. I’m sure Crux will predict why I suddenly turned into some raving hormonal teenager.

  Splashing water on my face in the bathroom behind a locked door, I feel slightly better, but I’m still pale, and the bags beneath my eyes haven’t diminished. I look and feel like a zombie. Admittedly, sleeping with Crux was far better than on my own, and I was able to rest for a while. But like everything else in my life, the nightmares came, and they were fierce. Crux never asked me to talk about them, though, and for that I’m grateful.

  Knowing now that I’m going to have to spill my guts to his lawyer friend makes my stomach queasy, and I almost want to beg off of school today, but I need the distraction more than anything else. So sucking in a few deep breaths, I square my shoulders and open the bathroom door. Crux is leaning against the wall across from me. Ankles crossed, hands in his pockets, he’s the epitome of relaxed when inside I know he’s anything but.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. I’m not even certain why I’m apologizing, only that it feels like the right thing to do.

  “You don’t ever have to say sorry to me, not for anything.” His voice is rough, raw, gritty, and I find myself relaxing at the resolve in it.

  “I sometimes don’t know what’s happening until after I react,” I explain. I have triggers, and I wish I could stop them, but I don’t know how.

  “Nothing you need to explain, Ren.” He pushes off the wall and reaches for my hand, his tattoos catching my attention again. One day I’ll hopefully get to explore them more.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  We stand in silence until he pulls me into his arms. Enfolding me in his hold so my face buries in his chest and his is swathed in my hair. I love when he holds me this way. It’s encompassing and soothing all at once. Some might feel suffocated, but I couldn’t be happier because it shows the world outside of us that he’s willing to be with the broken girl.

  “Are we together, together?” My mouth finds the courage to ask. I don’t know where that came from.

  “Yeah, Ren. We’re together.” He chuckles, his warm breath burning the flesh of my neck beautifully.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay,” he mimics me again, and I smile. I’ve been sent this handsome man, and I don’t care what it takes, I’ll hold onto him.

  Interrupted by his other brother Cross, this time, Crux ignores the man and drags me out of the house and off to school. The drive feels so much shorter than when I take the bus, and he walks me up to the front doors, garnering more attention than I typically like and leaves a searing kiss on my neck before he’s gone once the bell rings.

  I can hear the whispers behind me as I walk the halls, stop at my locker, and head to class. No one says a word to me, though. He made his point that first day. I’m not to be fucked with. Given the fact that Ben Warner is missing from school today after what everyone witnessed him do in the cafeteria yesterday, they’re all wondering if Crux Malcolm, the murderer, has struck again.

  I don’t deny any of the rumors I hear because, honestly, they’re all such jerks to me, they should wonder and worry.

  A little dose of fear will be good for them.

  Crux

  Leaving Farren this morning was a lot harder than I thought it would be. The plan was to wait until she was inside the building before I left. I wound up sitting in my car in front of her school for two hours.

  I only left because Zack called me, wondering why I wasn’t at the hospital. I honestly didn’t think I should be there since I know whatever defense Ben’s father has will try to convince everyone that I intimidated the kid into falsely accusing the man.

  If it weren’t for the mix of disgust and fear in the kid when he told us, I’m not sure I would have believed him. He might have even wound up like his uncle.

  When I arrived at the hospital, Zack was there with Echo, who, like usual, was the calming presence in the room. As angry as she was about what Ben had done to Farren, she was equally sympathetic because it was clear the young man has been tortured by what he’s endured in his life. I listened to his story for as long as I could, but eventually, I had to leave. I couldn’t bear knowing anymore. That Ren experienced the same gut-wrenching sickness in every moment of her life crushed me.

  Honestly, I’m not even sure how either of them is still functioning members of society. I’ve always admired Farren for her resilience in wanting to go on with her life, to live, when she should have been broken.

  We were able to glean from Ben’s recounting of information that his father and uncle come from a long line of repeat offenders. It makes you wonder if it’s in the DNA. If it’s a gene that can be carried on or if it’s a learned trait. Either way, I think Ben is going to be the one to break the mold in their family.

  I never did do any of the things I told Farren I was going to today. I find myself back at her school an hour before the last bell rings
wondering if she’s actually moving forward. If I’m helping her or making her worse.

  Is this possessive need I have driving me to claim her only setting her back in her recovery? She’s told me time and again the nightmares are what’s killing her. She drowns in the memories of an overbearing, controlling man who forced her to do what he wanted. How am I any different?

  “Fuck,” I hiss, banging my head on the steering wheel of my car. I’m fucking ruining her, and I can’t stop it for a second.

  Today, when she tells us what happened, that’s going to test my resolve because I promised her I’d be there. I swore to her I would stay by her side.

  Startled when the bell chimes, my head lifts, and immediately, Farren comes running out the front doors, her head down and shoulders slumped. Stepping out of the car, I cross the street and catch her before she turns to head towards what I assume is her bus stop.

  “Hey,” I murmur as my hands touch her shoulders and she lifts her head in shock. “You didn’t think I’d come?”

  “Well, I mean. I don’t know. I guess I’ve always just thought it best not to expect anything. I can’t be disappointed that way.” Break my fucking heart.

  “I’ll be here, Ren. Every single day. Even on the ones you beg me not to be, I’ll be here.” Her pretty blue eyes tear up, and my heart constricts. How has no one ever made that fucking promise to her before?

  Chapter Eight

  farren

  “Miss Hallewell, do you understand everything I’ve just told you?” Veronica Smith, the social worker that Zack had meet us back at Crux’s house asks.

  She’s explained what this deposition means, how things will proceed, and all my rights even though Zack is also my attorney and she’ll be my caseworker. I guess, after this, she’s going to talk with my mom. Now that everything is going to be on record, there are some issues to address.