That Summer (Part Two)

by Lauren Crossley

  “No different to being twenty.” I quip sharply, shivering now that I’m outside in the cold night air.

  “Sorry, that was a stupid question.” He apologises, avoiding eye contact with me.

  “No, it wasn’t. It’s just that I really didn’t want to come out tonight. I was pretty much forced by a certain someone who won’t take no for an answer.”

  “I know exactly who you mean. She pretty much pressurised me into coming out with you guys.” He admits, rolling his eyes in Corrine’s direction.

  “You must think I’m so rude. My manners have been appalling tonight.”

  “No, I don’t think that at all.” He assures me. “I think you’re amazing.”

  “Kevin…” I warn him, taking a step back from him.

  “Serena, I know you don’t feel that way about me. It took me a long time to accept that but I now know that it’s pointless hoping you will change your mind. All I want to do now is be your friend… if you will let me.”

  “And you swear that’s all you want?”

  “I promise you. It’s clear to see that you’re in love with someone else and I’m not foolish enough to convince myself that I can replace whoever he or she is.”

  I chuckle softly, amused by his insinuation that I might be a secret lesbian or something equally absurd.

  “Thank you for being so kind to me.” I say gently. “I know I haven’t been as kind to you as I should have been.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to beautiful women rejecting me, it’s sort of like my hobby now.”

  He grins at me in a playful manner and I find myself smiling for the first time tonight.

  “I’m definitely not beautiful but you’re very sweet”

  “Serena, you are.”

  His eyes lock with my own, holding my gaze for a fraction of a moment too soon before he turns away.

  “I guess I better head home. It’s pretty late.”

  “Why don’t you come out with us for a little while? I won’t be staying too long and we can share a taxi home together.”

  He notices the expression on my face and quickly assures me that he didn’t mean anything by it. He promises he won’t try anything with me and will simply make sure I get home ok on our way back. I finally acquiesce and agree to go on with the others to the bar they’ve all been talking about and step into the taxi behind Kevin.

  I wrap my arms around myself, unable to shake off the disconcerting feeling I have of being watched. I felt it ever since I left my apartment earlier on and now it’s overwhelming. I glance out the window and scan the busy crowds which are gathered on the main high street. I can’t spot anyone or anything suspicious but my instincts are still in tune with something that my eyes can’t see and my rationalisation disputes.

  Someone’s out there and they’re watching…

  The bar has a really great atmosphere and now that I’m feeling more relaxed with Kevin, I actually end up having a great time. The two of us have more in common than I first thought and it’s clear that I underestimated him before and dismissed him unfairly.

  He’s really good looking and I’ve always known that but I still can’t see myself developing romantic feelings for him. My heart belongs to someone else and I have no interest in anything with anyone but the man who owns it.

  “Are you having a good time?” Kevin asks, leaning forward in his seat so I can hear him over the loud music.

  “I actually am!” I yell enthusiastically. “I never thought I would be able to say that.”

  “I’ve noticed how sad you look at work.” He admits, sounding sympathetic. “It’s not nice to witness someone so unhappy when you know you can’t do anything about it.”

  “What makes you think I’m sad?” I enquire, startled by his accurate observation.

  “Your eyes.” He answers simply. “They’re full of sadness.”

  There’s a moment of silence between us as we gaze at one another, trying to figure out what the other person is thinking.

  “Oh…”

  “But tonight I haven’t seen that. You really started to enjoy yourself for the first time.”

  “You’re right!” I exclaim exuberantly. “Maybe I should do this more often.”

  “So long as you invite me and no one else next time!” He jokes.

  “Deal.”

  We grin at one another and for the first time in three years I feel… ok. It’s bewildering and bizarre because the only positive thing to come out of tonight was getting to know Kevin and I’m still certain that I have no feelings for him. I guess it has just been nice being able to speak and get to know someone who doesn’t know about my past. Someone who has no idea about what happened and someone I can truly forget about all of my problems with. It’s refreshing and I’m starting to question why I didn’t do it sooner.

  Rita Ora’s ‘Body on Me’ starts to play and I beam at Kevin in excitement.

  “I absolutely love this song!” I squeal, extraordinarily happily that they’re playing it on the night of my birthday.

  “It’s a good tune.” He agrees, watching me in amusement. “You want to dance?”

  “Oh, I don’t dance.” I inform him hastily. “Well, not in public.”

  “But you dance in the privacy of your bedroom when no one is watching?”

  “Sometimes.” I confess, feeling my cheeks turn pink. “However, I will vehemently deny that if you tell anyone, do you understand?”

  “Alright, alright. I won’t breathe a word.” He laughs lightly. “Listen, I’m going to go and get another drink, do you want one?”

  “No, I’m ok thanks. I’m going to get going in a few minutes.”

  It might sound odd that I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol tonight but for me it’s normal. I don’t enjoy drinking and have always felt that there’s something wrong if you rely on alcohol to have a good time. I guess I’m just slightly drunk off the atmosphere and the fact that I’m not stuck at home feeling sorry for myself on my birthday.

  While Kevin’s at the bar, I take a look at the rest of the girls sitting next to us. Charlotte left ages ago and I don’t know where Corrine has gone. I spot her a couple of minutes later, stumbling back from the toilets. Her hair looks ruffled and her lipstick is smeared which makes me think she’s had a quick fumble with someone she met on the way there.

  “Are you alright?” I ask her, concerned about how much she’s had to drink.

  “Erm… yeah. I think so.” She murmurs, wavering slightly.

  “Corrine, what happened?”

  Her red hair is extremely tussled and she’s short of breath, struggling to remain focused.

  “I was on my way to the powder room when I encountered this guy in the hallway. He was breathtakingly gorgeous and I couldn’t believe it when he started talking to me. He was asking loads of questions about why I was out tonight and who I was with, wanting to know if we were celebrating something and I answered his questions but there was something else that seemed odd. He looked angry and I mean really angry. The next thing I know he has me pressed right up against the wall and we’re kissing. He was all over me and it didn’t take me long to respond to him. He was perfect, Serena. I’ve never been kissed like that in my entire life… it was almost violent but still so erotic.” She pauses for a moment, placing her hand against her chest. “The next thing he throws me aside and has disappeared. He just discarded me like I was a piece of garbage or something and vanished.”

  “Corrine, that’s awful. Do you want me to tell security?”

  She looks really shaken up and I long to help her in some way. The guy she’s just been describing sounds fairly odd and I don’t want her to be fearful of bumping into him for the rest of the night.

  “No, it’s fine. I was stupid for letting him kiss me in the first place.” She assures me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “It was just like he had something to prove and as soon as he did that, he tossed me aside.”

  “Guys can be jerks.” I empathise, smil
ing weakly.

  “Tell me about it. Although… you and Kevin seem to be getting on really well.”

  She grins at me and winks, making more insinuations which I don’t need right now.

  “Don’t even go there.” I warn her sternly. “We’re just friends.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Listen, thanks for making me come out tonight. I know I sometimes keep my distance at work but I really do appreciate you including me like you have done these past few months.”

  “You’re welcome, Serena.” She replies sincerely. “Happy birthday.”

  Kevin remains truthful to his word and we share a taxi on the way home, he waits to see that I make it inside my ground floor apartment and then leaves, making his way back to his own place. I’m utterly exhausted and can’t wait to climb into bed and fall asleep.

  Taking off my shoes, I make my way into the bedroom. Removing my little black dress, I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. A lot of people tell me that I’m pretty but it’s safe to say that I never believe them. My hair is still brown but its cut shorter, resting just above my shoulders. I tend to wear a lot more make up than I used to and I know that comes down to the issue I have about hiding what I feel. I somehow figure that no one will be able to observe my pain or the darkness which still exists inside of me if I wear make up to cover it. I know it sounds foolish but it’s been my defence mechanism for a long time and I’ve come to like the sophisticated look my smart clothes and cosmetics provide me with.

  A noise outside makes me startle, drawing my attention towards my bedroom window. I creep over towards it, using the curtain to cover my half naked body as I take a look outside. It’s pitch black outside and can’t see anything so decide to shrug it off and make myself a hot drink before bed.

  I’m curled up on the sofa when I hear the same noise again. It’s definitely coming from outside and my heart beat accelerates. I turn down the TV and listen carefully, half hoping I will hear the strange noise again and half hoping I won’t hear anything.

  Reaching for my phone beside me, I consider calling the police. I realise how vulnerable I am living alone and often wonder what I would do in this predicament if someone was trying to break in and get inside.

  A light tapping at my front door is enough to jolt me into action and I slowly tip toe down the hallway. My breathing is erratic and my hands are trembling as I clutch my phone to my chest, praying I won’t come face to face with an intruder in my apartment.

  I take a deep breath and look through the peephole through my front door. There’s no one outside and I exhale slowly, grateful that the dangerous situation I was preparing myself for is unlikely to happen.

  Thirty minutes go by before I’m on my way to bed, switching everything off before I brush my teeth. I’m still feeling a little unsettled by the strange noises I heard and the knock on my front door but try and put it out of my mind.

  I open the door to my room and can’t believe what’s right in front of me. On the bed is my dress which I wore earlier on tonight. It’s exactly where I left it but it now has the word ‘MINE’ scrawled right across it in huge red letters. My whole body is shaking as I approach the dress, trailing my fingertips across it as I try to stay calm.

  It’s lipstick. Someone has used my red lipstick to write this across my dress and ruin it. Scrambling towards my dressing table, I frantically search through my make-up bag and find my lipstick has gone.

  Someone has been in here.

  Someone has been inside my bedroom since I came home and I have no idea who it might have been or how they even managed to break in.

  They might still be here. My subconscious whispers, causing me to turn around slowly. Whoever did this could still be in my apartment, concealing themselves until I’m vulnerable and they find the perfect opportunity to hurt me.

  I race into the kitchen and grab the nearest knife I can find, clutching it in my hand as I start to search every room. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do if I actually find my intruder but what else can I do?

  I meticulously search each room but find nothing, starting to wonder if I’ve lost my mind. Could the writing on the dress be a figment of my imagination? Could this be the ghosts from my past finally catching up with me?

  Entering my bedroom once again, I notice the dress is exactly where I left it. It still has the red letters scrawled across it and I know it isn’t a sign of my insanity or anything else to do with my emotional state of mind.

  It’s Cole.

  He’s been here.

  He broke into my apartment and saw my dress, deciding to leave me a reminder of what he once said to me. Three years ago he told me that I belonged to him, he promised he would find me and that’s exactly what he’s done…

  He swore he would not allow me to run from him again and he wants me to know that he meant every word.

  He’s come back to reclaim what was his.

  He’s found me.

  Chapter Seven

  Present day…

  “I know it might sound strange that I didn’t call the police as soon as I found my dress.” I explain to my therapist the following day. “But it somehow made me feel closer to him, knowing that he had been inside my bedroom while I was there… it made me feel safe again.”

  “You felt safe?” She asks, raising an eyebrow at me in surprise.

  “I know it doesn’t make much sense but that’s how I felt. We had been apart for so long, all I ever thought about was him. My mind, body and soul would ache for him and it brought me a great amount of comfort to know that he was close by again.”

  “And were you scared of him at this point?” She enquires softly.

  “I was frightened by the thought of seeing him again but not fearful of what he might do to me. I had no reason to be… not then anyway.”

  “Why don’t you take me back to what you did after the night you discovered he had been in your room? Did you tell anyone about it or keep it to yourself.”

  “I thought about confiding in Lisa but later changed my mind.” I admit, remembering the times I came so close to telling her.

  “Why did you do that?”

  “A part of me wanted to keep it a secret and another part of me longed to feel close with him. I also wasn’t sure I wanted anyone else to know about it.”

  “Serena, are you comfortable with talking about what happened next?” She questions me with caution.

  “I guess so.” I murmur, taking a deep breath.

  “Ok then, let’s continue.”

  Three years earlier…

  I wake up the next morning to an empty bedroom. I sit up in bed and rake my fingers through my hair, half expecting Cole to walk in at any moment.

  He doesn’t.

  A large part of me believes I actually imagined everything that happened last night. I suppose a part of me wants to believe I imagined it.

  Except I didn’t.

  I know I didn’t and that’s the unexplainable part. How the hell did he get inside my apartment? How on earth does he even know where I live? The only two people from my past who know where I am are Lisa and Natalie, neither one of them would betray my trust and I know my best friend is the last person that Cole would turn to with regards to finding out information about me.

  The image of Corrine after she had come back to the group last night suddenly pops up inside my head. Could that have been Cole? Was he the strange man who had cornered her in the hallway and asked her all those questions about who she was out with and if they were celebrating something. She said he had grabbed her and kissed her before throwing her aside. That sounds exactly like something he would do and the thought of him kissing her consumes me with rage and envy.

  I take a deep breath, trying to rationalise my uncontrollable jealousy for a moment. I realise I have no proof whatsoever that it was Cole who made out with Corrine or if he even broke into my apartment last night. I’m aware that I should really call the police or at least discuss what I sh
ould do next with Natalie but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve already made that fateful phone call in the past, I’ve already betrayed Cole and if it really was him then I simply can’t find it in my heart to do that to him again.

  Deciding that all I can really do is get out of bed and start my day, I head straight into the shower. It’s while I’m washing my hair that I start to think about the few men I’ve encountered since Cole and why I’ve always made a point of pushing them away when they start to get too close.

  Of course I’ve been on a few dates but nothing ever serious. There have been a few guys I’ve found attracted but none of them have set my heart on fire like Cole. None of them have been able to seal themselves to me like he did and none of them were able to replace what I still feel for him.

  I’ve thought about having therapy in the past but I still don’t feel ready to talk about it. I still don’t feel ready to confide in a complete stranger about what I hold so sacred in my heart. How would it be possible to make them understand? How would I be able to find someone who won’t judge me for remaining in complete and utter love with my half-brother?

  I’m halfway through my morning coffee when I receive a text on my phone. I open it but don’t recognise the number which sent it and my heart starts racing.

  It might be him.

  I know it sounds crazy because Cole doesn’t even have my money but that doesn’t stop me from hoping it might be him…

  Except it isn’t.

  It’s a text from Kevin.

  Hi, Serena… I’m just wondering if you fancy doing something later on this afternoon? Something casual like going out for coffee or something. I really enjoyed your birthday last night and hope you meant what you said about being friends. Don’t worry, I’m not dumb enough to convince myself you’ve suddenly changed your mind, I just really want to take this opportunity to get to know you a bit better… that’s if you’ll let me.

  Kevin x

  I stare at his message for several minutes, trying to read between the lines and figure out if he really means it. Does he really want to pursue a friendship with me so badly when I know he’s had feelings for me for the last few months? Is that even possible?