No, there’s definitely some of that, but the women I’ve been with have been focused mostly on sex, too. On using me exactly like I used them, and then losing me.
Fact is, Alex is someone I can actually see myself with. For real, not only for one or two nights like all the others.
She clears her throat, and I’m glad she can’t read my mind right now. “I don’t even know if that cook is ‘worthy of a crush,’ as you say. He’s just eye candy, you know? Something nice to look at during an eight-hour shift.” She drops her gaze down into her lap almost shyly. “Not anything like you.”
This warmth explodes out from somewhere deep inside. I’m not even sure I can put into words how I feel, not exactly. Just that I crave these moments with her. That when she lets me in like this, it makes me want a lot more of her. And that I want her, more than I think I’ve ever wanted anyone before. But not just physically. I also want to know more of what makes Alex her, and that realization throws me.
“Not anything like me? What, I’m not nice to look at?” I joke.
She looks up at me again, and her shyness gives way to a smirk. “C’mon. You know you are. Total eye candy. But eye candy I can actually talk to.”
I grin at her. “Ah, that’s the secret to my charm? My shitty conversational skills?”
She shakes her head and pushes open the passenger-side door. “Yeah, that’s it.”
We climb the stairs to Elle’s apartment – her studio is one of two situated upstairs from a tattoo shop that’s run by one of her friends. It’s a totally fitting place for Elle to live.
Alex digs out her key from her bag as we get up to the landing. “If she’s still sleeping, I guess we’ll surprise her with breakfast in bed.”
I’m about to say something not so funny again, but my guard goes up as Alex freezes outside the apartment, key raised to the door but stopping short. I hear it, too. The unmistakable sound of a bed rhythmically thumping against the wall, and it’s definitely coming from Elle’s apartment and not from across the hall. I might have thought it was funny if it was anyone else, but this is Elle. Overreaction or not, my first instinct is to beat the shit out of the guy who’s banging my cousin right now.
“I don’t think she’s sleeping,” I grumble.
Alex stares up at me, her eyes widening when she sees my jaw twitching. She takes hold of my hand and tugs on it, not letting go until we’re back on the sidewalk in front of the building.
“Hey,” she says cautiously. “You know Elle’s a consenting adult, right? And that she does have a boyfriend?”
“Sorry,” I mutter. “I know. That doesn’t mean I like to think about her getting laid, let alone hear her doing it. She’s like my little sister.”
“I get it. The protective big brother vibe.” She pats me on the arm. “You big softie.”
“Ha.” I roll my eyes, but I know what she’s doing, that she’s trying to make me lighten up about it. “Right. I get that a lot.”
Alex gives me her sunny smile, but some of her happiness is tempered by the worry that I know has to be there. I like the way we can still banter back and forth like this, even now with her being stressed out about her mother and with me having Cruz as an intrusive pain in the ass in my life.
It strikes me that I haven’t really been thinking about Cruz that much lately, maybe not as much as I should be. Part of that is because I know Neil has his people out there scouting him out for me and there’s not much I can do until he gets back to me. But it’s also because I’ve been with Alex, and she has this way of distracting me. I haven’t talked to Neil yet this morning, and I remind myself to do it at the earliest opportunity.
We’re still standing out in front of the tattoo parlor with the sun beating down on us, and Alex starts tying her hair back into a knot at the base of her neck. My eyes drink up that sexy line of her neck, my body instantly remembering how it felt to kiss her. I let my gaze slowly travel down her body, and I torture myself by also remembering how I kissed her everywhere, how she’d laid beneath me in her bed.
She stops, like she can feel the heat of my gaze, her hands stilling and eyes fixed on mine when I look back up at her face. Not taking my eyes off of her, I reach out and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
The gesture seems to shift something in her mood, too, and she lifts her hand, running her fingers across my cheek. Her touch mesmerizes me, the look in her eyes only inflaming my desire for her.
She drops her hand, linking it with mine. “So should we make breakfast at your place then?”
It takes me a second to find my voice. “You want to go to my house?”
“Yes.” She shoots me a sideways look that’s definitely feisty. “I’m sick of restaurants, remember?”
Today must be a day for firsts, because I’ve never taken a woman to my house before. Elle’s maybe come over three or four times in the past two years, but that doesn’t count. It’s true that I did invite Alex over last night, to stay the night even. But that was different. That was because she needed to be with someone, and it could have been me or Elle or anyone else she knows.
We get back into the car, and I drive her over to my house. Not because she needs to come over but because she wants to. I shouldn’t read into it, or I’ll drive myself fucking crazy.
Too late.
I live about fifteen minutes west of the Strip, and Alex stares out of the window on the drive over, still holding my hand but completely silent. Like she’s either processing everything that’s happened or trying not to think about things too much. I try to focus on the road, but I’m already reacting to her being next to me, to her absently running her thumb over my palm, to the warmth of her skin. Damn if I can’t think straight because my blood flow is not going anywhere near my brain at the moment.
She watches with an almost detached interest as I go through the security gates. It’s one of dozens of the same sort of communities in the outskirts of Vegas, and I’d chosen it because it was pretty much a straight shot to the Strip off West Flamingo. The house had been a foreclosure, and I jumped on it when I first moved here because it was a good investment. It came with some extras that I don’t need, but with other perks like a swimming pool and gym down the street.
The house itself is decent, three bedrooms over two stories and not nearly as excessive as some of the others in the area, but Alex gawks at it as I turn into the driveway. “You live here by yourself?”
“Yeah.”
I know it’s more space than I need. I did actually offer to rent Elle a room once I moved in, and she thought about it for two seconds before we both laughed it off. We would have driven each other crazy. Or if my feelings twenty minutes ago had been any indication, I would have lost it if I had to deal with her bringing home a string of guys.
Alex immediately hones her sights in on my bikes as I pull into the garage.
“You’re a bike guy. I think I knew that when I first met you. Why don’t you ever ride?” She gets out of the car and steps over to check things out.
I move to stand near her. “Because it’s not the greatest thing in the world for transporting clients. I don’t even think I have the Honda registered anymore.” I shrug. “And the Harley obviously still needs a lot of work.”
“Huh.” She turns and faces me with a glint in her eye. “I don’t know – if I were ever your client, I think I’d probably like that mode of transport.”
“If you were ever my client?” I take one slow step toward her. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to take you on as my client, Ms. Lin.”
Alex takes another step closer, tilting her head up to look me squarely in the face. It’s already way too hot in the garage considering the time of day, but her move makes it escalate another degree. Or ten. “And why is that, Mr. Vincent?”
“Because I’d want to kill anyone who looked at you the wrong way.”
Surprise registers in her eyes, but it’s gone in an instant. She says coolly, “Yeah, that wouldn’t be very
good for business, would it? Well, maybe you could get the Honda registered and take me for a ride sometime.”
I regard her seriously. There’s no real reason I’ve let the Honda collect dust for so long. It’s been sitting here mainly because I haven’t bothered with it, but I honestly do miss riding it. My God, she’s actually making me consider this. It’s like she sees these things in me and somehow knows how to draw them out.
“Come on.” She’s already walking to the door that leads to the mudroom. “Give me a tour.”
The grand tour should take less than five minutes, but Alex extends it by taking in everything in each room, even though there’s not a whole lot. She runs her fingers over the marble countertop in the kitchen, snagging two apples from the bowl I keep on the counter and tossing me one before we walk into the living room. She sits down for a few seconds to test out the couch – a microfiber sectional and the most comfortable thing in the house – before getting up again. Her hands run over the gaming system as she asks me what games I have, and she nods as I tell her the titles that mostly involve shooting things, blowing shit up, or strategizing to shoot or blow shit up. She goes outside and circles the small backyard – I pay someone a nominal fee to maintain what little landscaping I have, but hardly ever go out there myself. She wanders through the two bedrooms upstairs, one of which I use as a study, and the other pretty much empty except for some stuff I still have stored in boxes. I suppose I should set it up to be my guest room someday, but I never have guests.
“I haven’t done much with the upstairs,” I say.
She doesn’t respond, but she walks through the bathroom adjoining both bedrooms and then turns to face me, curiosity in her expression. “Don’t tell me you sleep on the floor. Where’s your room?”
I hesitate. “Master bedroom and bath are downstairs.”
I hadn’t meant to save my room for the end of the tour. Maybe I wanted to skip it, subconsciously or whatever, because it’s my personal space while the rest of the rooms are just rooms. But Alex is already bounding down the stairs, and I shake my head and follow her. My bedroom is off a short corridor that runs back from the kitchen, and I catch up to her in the kitchen as she pauses to throw away her apple core.
“It’s kind of a mess,” I warn as I lead the way.
She stops inside the doorway of my room. “Um…Hardly.”
Okay, so it’s probably obsessively neat by most people’s standards, but it’s messy for me because the covers are still thrown back on my bed from when I got up this morning and last night’s clothes are lying over the back of my leather recliner. Alex walks through the room, and I stand back and watch as she pauses to look at the stack of books on my nightstand.
I can guess why she wanted to come here. I see what she’s doing because I do it too whenever I step into clients’ hotel rooms – check out the way they use their space, pay attention to their personal effects. I can tell a lot about their personalities that way.
That’s exactly why I haven’t ever had anyone over here, why I don’t ever invite women over. Because I’m not comfortable letting anyone in. But I smile a little as Alex tests out the recliner, kicking her feet up and giving it the equivalent of a thumbs-up with a relaxed sigh.
Yeah, I don’t mind letting her in. Not at all.
I still don’t make a move. Not until she drops her purse on the chair and kicks off her sandals, gets up and walks over to my bed, and leans against it. Not until she trails her fingers over my sheets and looks at me in a way that’s shy and inviting at the same time. I’ve been holding myself back since the pool accident because I haven’t wanted to take advantage of her. But that look, direct and wanting and from beneath her lashes. It’s enough to drive me insane. She knows exactly what she’s doing, knows what she wants, and so do I.
This need fills me, this crazily intense need to be next to her, to feel her skin, to kiss her. To taste her again. It takes me mere seconds to walk over to her, but the time seems to stretch out. I focus on the way she’s looking back at me with hunger in her eyes. How her beautifully lush lips part as I advance on her. The way her breath quickens when I come to a stop in front of her.
I kiss her, and I’m not soft like I’ve been with her before. I’m greedy this time, want more as soon as my mouth takes hers. She rises to meet that desire, steps into me and presses her body close as I push my tongue into her mouth. I run my hands up and down her back, over her ass and down to her thighs, lifting her up so she’s sitting on the bed and I’m standing between her legs. She makes a small sound in the back of her throat as I shift her forward so she’s nestled against me.
It hasn’t even been an entire week since we kissed like this, but God, I think I was starving for her. And I don’t want to stop until we’re both satiated.
I find the hem of her shirt and grab it, force myself to break off the kiss so I can pull it over her head and chuck it to the floor. She presses her hands against my stomach before sliding her hands up and doing the same with my shirt, and we face each other, both breathing hard.
I know I can please her, but it’s so much more than that. I know all too well what it’s like to feel alone, to turn to someone solely for the physical gratification. I’m not going to let it be like that between me and Alex. No fucking way.
It wouldn’t be like that. There’s already more than that between us, and I know it.
“I want you. All of you.” My voice is raw, my feelings stripped down to be just as raw as I wait for her response.
“Then take me,” she whispers.
Fuck yes.
I run my hands over the sensitive hollow of her throat, down the perfect line of her collarbone, over the gorgeous curves of her breasts. She reaches behind her back and unsnaps her bra, getting rid of it completely, and I squeeze her as I lower my lips to her neck and follow the same path. Move lower until my mouth covers her nipple, teasing her with my tongue before taking it between my teeth. She moans, pain and pleasure shooting through me as she digs her nails into my shoulders.
Her hand grips and releases my hair as I give her another gentle bite then suck. I lift her leg, run a hand under her thigh, marvel at her smooth skin. She hitches up her skirt so she can get even closer to me, and fuck, I want her so badly right now, want to feel all of her against me.
But I want her mouth again first, and I rise and take it, rubbing her nipple between my thumb and forefinger and making her moan against my lips. I take the kiss deeper, slower, loving the way she matches my rhythm, meets me stroke for stroke. It only heightens my need for her because I know that’s exactly how it’s gonna be when I finally lose myself in her.
I grab her legs, reach under her skirt and work her panties off her as she pushes herself up to help me. She reaches down, jerks open the button on my pants, and unzips me in one swift move. I love how she doesn’t hold herself back, how she knows what she wants and goes for it.
I groan as she slips her hand between us and frees me from my boxer briefs. Her fingers close around and squeeze me, stroke me long and hard, and holy God, I’m going to lose it if she keeps that up. I move her hand away, taking over and rubbing myself against her sweetest spot, feeling her wetness and getting off on the little noises she makes as I tease her.
“Please,” she whispers.
I want her to lose control. I want to get back down on my knees and taste her, make her be on the verge but be with her when she goes over the edge, but then she grabs my shoulders and pulls herself forward. She tilts her hips up to meet me, and we get too close. I shut my eyes and use all of the control that I have to pull myself back. God, I want it, but not yet.
She whimpers. “If you say you don’t have condoms, I’m going to die.”
“No dying. I have them,” I growl.
I run my hands through her hair, descend on her mouth and kiss her until our breaths come out as hard pants. Push her so she falls back on my bed, grab her skirt, and pull it off. Stare down at her gloriously naked body as I get out of
my jeans and kick out of my boxer briefs. Watch her as her eyes travel down the length of my body and then up again like she’s drinking in the sight of me.
She’s in my bed, and she’s so fucking beautiful. The way she’s looking at me right now stirs up feelings in me that I thought were dead. This isn’t about running through any scripted moves that I know I can use to drive her wild. This is about me and her, about just us in this moment and whatever we want to make it.
I want her to be mine.
I have to separate from her to get a condom from my wallet, and I throw an extra one on the bed before I sheath myself. I kneel down, kissing her thighs and squeezing them as I dip my head and lick her, taste her, flick my tongue against her and into her. She arches her back, grabs the sheets, and I hold on and love her until I can feel that she’s nearing the cusp.
“Connor…”
I love hearing her say my name.
I pull away, move back over her body, rasping my tongue over her skin, over her other nipple before drawing it into my mouth. Her fingers knot in my hair, grab at me as her body tenses beneath mine, but I don’t move. I take my time, suck hard as I slip my finger into her wetness and feel her tighten around me.
I move up, cup her cheek and run my thumb down her jaw. I’m nearing the limits of my control, but this already feels better, deeper, more satisfying than anything I’ve ever done with anyone. I lower myself so I’m positioned perfectly to take her.
Her lips part, her eyes closed.
“Alexis,” I whisper.
She opens her eyes, and I drown in the depths of her desire.
“Tell me you want me.”
Losing Enough Page 24
