She bought a ticket then wandered back to the street, wondering how to fill in the next few hours. There was a small café tucked down a side street not too far away from the station and she went and sat down at one of the tables outside, ordering coffee when the waiter appeared. She hadn’t eaten anything apart from those few bites of toast but she didn’t feel hungry.
She sipped the coffee then ordered another, loath to get up and start walking again. The evening rush hour had started and cars milled up and down the streets, engines revving noisily although they barely moved a few feet at a time. Once she thought she heard someone calling her name but when she looked up she couldn’t recognise any of the vehicles. She must have been mistaken because she knew no one in Cadiz and no one knew her. It was a strangely empty feeling.
Refusing the waiter’s offer of a third cup of coffee, she paid her bill then made her way back, praying that the train would be on time. She didn’t need any more delays, more time to sit around and brood about what had happened. She had to leave no matter how it hurt to do so. Luis didn’t love her.
Tears clouded her vision and she felt in her pocket for a tissue to wipe them away, not noticing the small boy who hurled himself suddenly in front of her. Laura stumbled over him, just managing to right herself before she fell, but the child wasn’t so lucky. He fell down with a loud thump and let out a piercing cry more of shock than pain. Laura dropped to her knees, murmuring a few words of comfort in slow Spanish but he was inconsolable. He dragged himself up off the ground and ran across the platform to hurl himself into his father’s outstretched arms and bury his face in his shoulder. The man gave Laura an apologetic smile then turned his attention fully to his son, holding him close as he stroked his hair and spoke lovingly to him.
Laura straightened, watching the scene with an ache in her heart. Her child would never be able to turn to his father for comfort; he would never know what it was like to be held close like that little boy, safe in such strong, loving arms. She wanted to do the best she could for this child she was carrying, but was taking him away from Luis and his heritage really the best thing she could do?
The uncertainties seemed to whirl inside her head until she felt dizzy with the speed of them and she went and sat down on a bench, wishing she knew what to do. Everything had seemed to be cut and dried before, but it didn’t seem that simple any longer. She loved Luis and she would love this child they had created together, yet she was about to hurt them both in the cruellest way possible. Was that love? How could two wrongs make anything right?
She closed her eyes and let her mind drift back and forth, unaware of the time passing or the people who walked past the bench and paused uncertainly at the sight of the girl who looked so lost and forlorn. It was only when she suddenly became aware of someone standing before her blocking the light cast by the lamp that she opened her eyes and stared up at the tall figure who was watching her.
‘Are you all right?’
There was no anger in his voice and that more than anything shocked her out of the trance she seemed to have slipped in to. She sat up straighter, pushing the silky fall of pale hair back from her face as she searched his eyes for the fury he must surely be feeling at what she had done, but there was nothing there but a raw, painful anguish which tore at her heart.
She looked away, not proof against such naked emotion, as she nodded and heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded less like a curse than a harsh utterance of thanks. He dropped down beside her on the bench and dragged his hands through his windswept hair then let them fall to his knees and Laura was shocked to see how they trembled. She looked up at him then, straight into his eyes, and felt something warm start to flow through the coldness which had filled her for so long.
He stared at her as though he was hungry for just the sight of her, his eyes tracing every delicate line of her face. ‘I thought I had missed you, that I would not be able to...to find you!’
His voice grated harshly, the smooth tones roughened by an emotion that shocked her into speech. She had never heard Luis sound like this before, as though something was tearing him apart!
‘Would it have mattered to you if you hadn’t found me, Luis? Really mattered, I mean? Or is it more a question of you hating the idea of me escaping from your clutches and thwarting all your plans?’ It was impossible to hide the bitterness she felt. It echoed in her quiet voice and she saw him flinch as though he’d been struck a physical blow. Just for a second he stared at her, then with a speed that left her gasping had her in his arms.
‘Sí! Yes, it would have mattered, Laura! I wish to God that it didn’t, wish that all I wanted from you was revenge, but that isn’t so. I have lied to you and to myself for so long, yet now I find that I cannot lie any longer!’
His mouth was rough as it took hers in a kiss that held a raw need. There was none of the skill and finesse that Luis usually employed but Laura didn’t object. How could she, when his actions far more than his words told her that everything he’d said was right. She kissed him back with all the pent-up love she’d kept hidden for so long now and felt him shudder deeply.
He drew back slowly, as though reluctant to end the passionate assault on her senses, his eyes glittering as he stared down into her face. ‘I love you, querida. I did not want to tell you that. I have fought against doing so every day you have been here but now I can fight no longer. I love you.’
She wanted to believe him so much but she’d been hurt too many times before. It made her afraid to let hope blossom. He seemed to sense how she felt because he stood up abruptly pushing his hands into the pockets of his trousers as he stared bleakly down at her. ‘It is the truth, pequeña. Finally. But I can understand your reluctance to believe it. I knew just as soon as I discovered that you had left me again how I felt.’ He laughed bitterly, scant amusement in the sound. ‘I have treated you abominably. I have no excuse for my behaviour. I can only apologise and ask that you forgive me. If you wish to leave then I shall not try to stop you.’
‘Does...does that mean that you won’t carry out all those threats you made, against Rachel and her brother?’
‘Yes. You can rest assured of that. You have my word, Laura. All I ask is that before you go we talk to one another about everything that has happened.’
‘Talk?’ She laughed with a touch of hysteria. ‘You want us to talk! About what, Luis? The one thing we ever needed to talk about is the one thing you have continually refused to discuss!’
‘I know. Do you think I don’t realise that? But now I am giving you the chance you have asked for repeatedly.’
His arrogance took her breath away. ‘You are giving me the chance? How very admirable of you!’ She stood up abruptly, fighting against tears which stemmed as much from anger as anything else. ‘I said all there was to be said this morning. I had to force you to stand and listen, remember? And at the end of it, what did you do? Told me that it made not a scrap of difference to you!’
‘I was wrong!’ He stood up too, anger tightening his jaw, making his eyes glitter. ‘What do you want from me, Laura? Do you want me to beg?’
Suddenly the fight drained out of her and she gave a shaky sigh. ‘No. That isn’t what I want, Luis.’
His anger seemed to fade also, his face softening as he reached out and touched her cheek with a gentle finger. ‘I would do so, mi esposa. I would get down here and now on my knees and beg you to listen if it was the only way.’
His tenderness was her undoing. The tears brimmed over and she lowered her head, hearing his rough exclamation, but when he tried to take her into his arms she pushed him away. ‘No. Please don’t, Luis. That won’t solve anything, will it?’ She wiped a hand across her eyes then blinked back the rest of the tears. ‘What we feel for one another physically could only cloud the issue right now.’
‘Would it? I love you, Laura, and I think...hope...that you love me.’ His hand cupped her cheek, warm against the cold damp skin. ‘The fact that we are so compat
ible physically is merely a reflection of that love.’
He drew her slowly to him, his arms enfolding her as he looked down into her face. ‘Can you really separate the two? Can you put your hand on your heart and say that the magic you feel in my arms is divorced from the love you have for me? If you didn’t love me, amada, then we would not make love so successfully.’
Colour ran hotly into her face and she turned her head so that he couldn’t read the answer in her eyes. He laughed then gently put her from him. ‘So will you come with me while we talk this through and see if we can find a solution at last?’ He glanced impatiently at the milling crowds. ‘This is not the place for such a discussion.’
He held his hand out and after a moment’s hesitation Laura slid hers into it. Perhaps she was being foolishly premature in hoping that they could work through all the misunderstandings, but she loved him so much it was worth one last try.
* * *
They made the journey in silence. There was so much to say yet somehow Laura couldn’t find the words now that she needed them. Once they were in the house then it would be different. Then they would have all the time in the world to discuss what had happened. Yet when Luis stopped the car in the driveway she felt a sudden fear run down her spine.
‘You were so quiet I thought you were asleep,’ he said softly.
‘No,’ she whispered just as quietly. ‘How could I sleep?’
He caught her nervous hands and raised them to his lips and kissed them, smiling when he felt her shiver in reaction. ‘It would have done you the world of good, Laura. We have a long night ahead of us.’
She drew her hands away, going cold at the thought. What if Luis still couldn’t come to terms with her past after their talk? She didn’t think she could bear to have her hopes raised only to have them dashed again. ‘It is going to be difficult, Luis, but...’
He stopped her with a gentle finger on her mouth, his eyes dancing with amusement. ‘I do not mean this talk we intend to have but what will surely follow later.’ His eyes skimmed her body in a look which brought the blood surging along her veins and made her heart thunder wildly.
In a sensual haze she let Luis help her from the car and lead her inside, shivering at the coolness of the interior after the warmth of the night air. It was quite late and everywhere was quiet, the servants retired to their own quarters. When footsteps echoed along the hall, Laura glanced round, wondering if Doña Elena had returned from her trip, then felt herself go cold with shock when she recognised Mercedes.
Horrified, she shot a look at Luis, scarcely able to believe that he had brought her back to talk about their life together knowing that the other woman was in the house.
‘Ahhh, I see that Luis found you then, Laura. You do seem to have a penchant for causing him a great deal of trouble.’
Mercedes’ words seemed to bring to life every one of her old fears, reminding her so vividly of what they’d spoken of earlier in the day. Had she been a fool to trust Luis so readily? He claimed that he loved her but had it been just a trick to get her back where he wanted her?
With a cry of distress she ran up the stairs and into the bedroom, ignoring Luis’s order to stop. She locked the door then leant weakly against it while the tears rolled down her cheeks. How could she have been so naive after everything that had happened? If Luis felt even a fraction of what he professed to then he would never have allowed that woman to be in the house now!
‘Laura, open this door! Do you hear me? Open it at once!’
She leapt away from the door as Luis hammered on it, her whole body shaking. ‘Go away. I don’t ever want to talk to you again!’
‘A few minutes ago you were as eager as I to sort things out. Stop playing games!’
‘Games? I am not the one playing them, Luis! You are! But I won’t let you do this to me...I won’t let you trick me again!’
His voice dropped an octave, deliberately soothing although she could hear the impatience under the deep tones. ‘You are getting hysterical, Laura. Please open this door so that we can talk.’
‘Perhaps I am getting hysterical and who can blame me? Which woman wouldn’t get hysterical when she’s been tricked into this sort of a situation.’
‘I do not understand any of this.’ His hand must have struck the door a heavy blow because it shuddered violently under the force of it. ‘Dios, Laura, you owe me an explanation.’
‘I don’t owe you anything, Luis! But if you are still confused then I suggest you go back downstairs and ask Mercedes about our little chat this afternoon.’ She laughed a trifle shrilly, the hysteria he’d mentioned bubbling near to the surface now. ‘I’m just surprised that you didn’t have her primed to stay away until you had me safely back here in your clutches. Oh, you were almost there, Luis; you almost had me convinced that you meant what you said about loving me and wanting to work this out between us.’
Her voice broke on the last words and she sat down heavily on the bed, too distressed now to even cry. What a fool she had been, a blind, trusting fool yet again!
She had no idea how long she sat there in silence. Time seemed to drift past until the sudden roar of an engine as a car tore away down the drive brought her to her feet. She walked to the window, rubbing her arms to ward off the chill as she watched it travel down the drive. It was Luis’s car, she had no difficulty recognising it even at this distance, yet she wasn’t surprised. He must be taking Mercedes home, safe in the knowledge that Laura was once more back where he wanted her to be. How he must be laughing to himself at her easy capitulation. A few kisses, a few fervent avowals of love and she’d done exactly what he’d wanted without a fuss, without any unpleasant scene.
She turned away as the tail-lights of the car disappeared, feeling strangely numb, as though all this was happening to someone else and she was just an onlooker watching it unfold. Later she would have to rally herself and decide what to do but for now it seemed to be more effort than she could cope with.
With a sigh she unlocked the door and walked slowly down the stairs towards the kitchen. She’d eaten nothing all day, which could account for this feeling of lightheadedness which assailed her. She had to think about the baby now; that was the most important thing in her life.
Her shoes made a light clicking sound on the marble floor, echoing around the silence, and unconsciously she tried to quieten the sound although there was no one around to hear it. Luis would be at Mercedes’ house by now; would he stay the night there with her, free to enjoy her company now that there was no need to pretend about their relationship?
A whimper of pain escaped Laura’s lips at the thought and she stopped, clinging hold of the banister rail then jumped with shock when Luis spoke from just behind her.
‘Are you all right, Laura?’ He reached out to her but she backed away at once, her eyes huge and haunted.
‘No. Don’t touch me. I...I thought you’d gone out...taken Mercedes home in your car.’
He shook his head, his dark hair catching the light from the chandelier, his eyes unfathomable as he studied her for a moment then glanced down at the glass he held in one hand. He swirled the whisky round a couple of times then drank it all in one go before setting the glass down on a nearby table with a restrained violence to the action that made her heart leap. ‘Mercedes has gone...yes. She has driven herself home in my car, seeing as she did not come on her own tonight but had Domingo bring her.’
‘I see. Well, I really don’t know why you didn’t go with her.’ She paused, a bitter little smile curling her mouth as she glanced up at where he was still standing. ‘But perhaps I do. Were you afraid I would run away again if you didn’t watch over me?’ She shook her head, feeling her hair brushing heavily against her neck. ‘Don’t worry, Luis. I’m far too tired to go through all that again tonight. You shouldn’t have denied yourself that way. There was no need now that everything is out in the open.’
His jaw tautened at her cold sarcasm but his voice was level, almost gentle.
‘Yes, I stayed to watch over you, Laura, but not to stop you from running away. I stayed in case you needed me, because I was worried about you.’ He paused until she lifted her gaze to his, drawn by something she couldn’t understand. ‘I stayed because I wanted to be with you, amada, not Mercedes.’
How she wanted to believe that soft tone, those sweet words but she would never believe him again! ‘How touching! Now if you’ll excuse me...’ She went to move past him but he stepped in her path.
‘Mercedes told me what had gone on this afternoon, Laura. Oh, she didn’t want to, but in the end she did when I insisted.’ There was a note in his voice that made a shiver race down Laura’s spine and she glanced up at him in alarm, seeing the fury glittering in the very depths of his eyes. Yet surprisingly she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She swallowed hard, easing the sudden knot of tension that closed her throat but it was impossible to speak, and Luis carried on.
‘I don’t think I’ve heard the whole story—I don’t think I want to. My family and Mercedes’ has been close for many years, and to even begin to understand the sort of lies she has told you is more than I can handle right now. I just want you to know that Mercedes has gone and that she will never be welcome in this house again.’
It was impossible not to want to believe him, impossible to hear the anger in his voice, see the contempt on his face and still doubt, but she did because she’d had so many occasions to doubt before. ‘Are you saying that...that...?’ She couldn’t seem to go on, her heart in her eyes, her whole body shaking. Luis swore softly, colourfully, and took a step closer to her yet didn’t touch her. Laura had the feeling that he was holding himself in check, afraid of scaring her in any way into running again, but she had never felt less like running in her life! It might be madness, folly born out of desperation, but she believed him!
‘That every word she has ever told you was a lie.’ His hand brushed hers in a touch so light yet it made her tremble, and she felt the tremor race from her into him. He drew in a sharp breath, his face all angles, his mouth a thin line of restraint. ‘Mercedes and I were never lovers. I give you my word on that, Laura. I never wanted her or any other woman from the first moment I met you. I told myself I should hate you for the way you had tricked me but it was so hard to do. It was only pride that made me act the way I did and I am ashamed of it. I love you—you! It makes no difference what happened in your past any longer. I think I understand now how afraid you were to tell me, because I too have been afraid today. Afraid that I had lost you for good.’
Spanish Nights (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 14
