Blue Christmas (The Moody Blue Trilogy | Book One)

by Moody, Diane

  “Yeah, but I think I’d like to take a shower first. Is that okay?”

  “No problem. In fact, I could use a shower too. Grab a couple of towels and we can—” He shot a look at his mother just in time to see her jaw drop.

  “Jason!” Hannah gasped.

  “Jason Thomas McKenzie, I did not raise you to talk to a young lady like that. You apologize to Hannah right this minute.”

  He held up his hands. “I’m only kidding! I just thought I’d try to get a rise out of you, Mom. Hannah, it’s my mission in life to try to shock her socks off.” He leaned over her, grabbing his mother in a raucous bear hug.

  Hannah felt the heat on her face. “That’s okay, Laura. He was just dreaming. Trust me on that.” Hannah scooted off the edge of the bed. “Jason, I’ll go shower in the room across the hall. I won’t be long.”

  She stood up just as Jason’s mother pushed her son away and stood up as well. She moved to Hannah’s side and enveloped her in a warm, maternal hug. “Good girl. Keep him on his toes, will you?” She laughed, then pulled back and looked into Hannah’s face. “Hannah, I’m glad you’re here with us. And I know Jason appreciates you’re being here with him. He acts tough but underneath all that teasing and carrying on, he’s just a big kid. And like it or not, a mother isn’t necessarily what he needs at a time like this. You’ve been wonderful.”

  “Mom, what kind of fluff are you shoveling her now? Let her go take a shower. I’m starving.”

  Hannah turned her head toward Jason just as he peeled off his sweatshirt. His lean muscular physique took her breath away.

  “Quite a ‘hunk,’ isn’t he?” Laura teased.

  Hannah covered her face with her hands. Tell me I did not just gawk at him right in front of his mother?! Jason threw himself into a litany of WWF poses again, showing off his build with a straight face. Hannah cleared her voice. “Yes, well, I’m outta here.”

  “It’s about time. Go ahead and get the water heated up. I’ll be right there.”

  Laura rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  “Uh, no, Jason.” Hannah headed toward the door. “You will shower in here. And I suggest you make it a cold shower. Know what I mean?” She threw a towel at him and left the room.

  Ten minutes later, Hannah crossed the hall still toweling her hair. She slung the towel around her neck and started brushing out her long, wet curls as she walked into Jason’s room. “You done yet?”

  “Yeah, just about. Wow. You look great.” He smiled, lassoing her neck with his towel. He pulled her into his arms.

  She melted into his embrace, her head pressed against his bare chest. The scent of his freshly washed skin sent a warm wave through her body. Jason took a deep breath, his face nuzzled against her wet hair.

  “Mmm . . . you smell good.” He kissed the tip of her nose and leaned his forehead against hers. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this. There are a thousand places I’d rather be than in this hospital under these circumstances.”

  “I know,” she sighed.

  “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s get out of here for a while. What do you say?”

  “I don’t know, Jason. Do you think we should? I mean, what if Jackson woke up and we weren’t here? Or what if something—”

  “I have my cell phone. We’ll tell Mom and Dad to call us if anything happens. I need some fresh air. We won’t go far. Maybe just down the street for some good coffee or something. Oh, I know! Do you like Krispy Kremes? Let’s go get some Krispy Kremes. Forget the hot buffet. I’m craving serious carbs. What do you say?”

  “I’d love to. If you think it’s okay?”

  He pulled her along behind him, heading down the hall. “But we’ll have to use one of the limos. We’d never get out of here on our own. Do you mind if someone drives us?”

  “Whatever.” She reached for his hand as they hurried down the hall.

  Laura and Frank rounded the corner. When Jason told them their plans, Laura wasn’t pleased. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, honey. I know you’re restless, but what if you run into some crowds of well-wishers or—”

  “Mom, we’ll be fine. I play this game all the time, remember? Besides, we won’t be gone that long and we’ll be careful. Call us if you need to, okay?”

  With that, they picked up their pace and sprinted down the hall to find George, the limo driver. Taking some back hallways, they avoided the crowds and made their way to a secluded section of the parking garage. Hopping into the limousine, they were whisked away from the hospital and down a side road to freedom.

  “Any change?” Alli asked as she entered Jackson’s room.

  “No, sweetheart. No change,” Jane Greer answered, giving her a hug.

  Bob and Jane stood on opposite sides of their son’s bed. Jane reached out, brushing the hair back off his forehead. She traced his strong jaw line with her fingers, smiling wearily.

  “I’m still not used to this stubble. It seems like only yesterday his voice had just begun to crack. He couldn’t wait for some facial hair. So excited when it finally started coming in. Course, it was nothing but the slightest appearance of peach fuzz on that chin. But he was so proud. Now, look at him—he fills this whole bed and he’s got a face full of stubble.”

  “C’mon, honey,” Bob said. “We promised to give Alli some time with him before they kick us all out to bathe him.” He leaned over and planted a kiss on his son’s forehead, pausing to whisper. “Today’s the day, Jackson. C’mon, buddy, it’s time to wake up. We love you, big guy.”

  Alli watched Jane place Jackson’s arm across his chest again. She leaned over her son, lingering as she kissed his cheek as she had surely done a thousand times in his lifetime. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  A few moments later, they were gone.

  Alone with Jackson for the first time in several hours, Alli fought her despair. She decided to make the best of it, assuming he would hear her every word.

  “You know, Jackson, if you’d just snap out of this, you could have hot biscuits and gravy from Cracker Barrel. Does that sound good? There’s a ton of food out there. Course, I haven’t felt much like eating but I would if you’d just wake up.” She looked down at his peaceful face, wishing she could will him to open his eyes.

  Instead she blew out a heavy sigh, sitting down beside the bed and taking his hand into hers. She leaned over to kiss his hand, then laid her cheek against his open palm. “Please wake up, Jackson. I’m so lonely without you. Even with all these people around, I feel so empty without you.”

  She lifted her head, suddenly aware how tired she was. When his eyes remained closed, his expression the same, she slowly laid her head back down and gave in to the fatigue. With her eyes closed, she felt herself drifting off to sleep, the steady beep, beep, beep of Jackson’s monitor the only sound she could hear.

  She began to stir, thinking she’d surely slept an hour or more. She looked at her watch, surprised it had only been around fifteen minutes. Suddenly, she realized what had awakened her. The beeping had stopped! Still trying to shake off the grogginess, she snapped her head up to look at the monitor. Why was it stuck? Instead of beeping, it shrieked at her.

  That’s when she noticed the flat line.

  “Jackson! JACKSON! NOOOOO!” Her scream bounced off the walls. “SOMEBODY! HELP ME! Oh Jackson—oh God, please don’t let him die! Jackson! JACKSON! Nooooooo!”

  She stumbled to the door just as it flew open with a team of doctors and nurses racing to Jackson’s bedside with a crash cart. They shouted orders and yelled to each other, oblivious to her cries. She tore through them, sobbing and begging them to help him. “PLEASE! You have to save him! You can’t let him die!”

  “Get her out of here STAT!” one of the doctors yelled.

  A nurse grabbed her, quickly propelling her toward the door. “You have to leave right now. You can’t help him if you’re in the way.”

  “Noooo! I can’t leave him! Oh God, please! Please don’t let him die!” She pu
lled away from the nurse. “Let me go! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

  The voices of the doctors and others on the team rose in a feverish pitch. “We’re losing him! His blood pressure is plunging . . . Doctor, I can’t find a pulse.”

  The room spun wildly around Alli as she fought against the strong arms of the nurse who kept shoving her out the door. With every ounce of her strength, she screamed—

  “JACKSON!”

  Chapter 16

  Across town, the limousine stopped at a deserted city park. Jason and Hannah climbed out of the luxury car, carrying a bag of warm donuts fresh from Krispy Kreme and two large cups of coffee. They had purchased a separate order for George who gladly remained in the warmth of his car. Both wearing sunglasses and ball caps, they looked like a couple of ordinary college kids out for a visit to the park on a winter morning.

  They sat on top of a picnic table beside a partially frozen creek. Their breath escaped in puffs of smoke, but they drank in the crisp, fresh air and bright sunshine.

  “I’m glad we decided to do this. I don’t think I realized how confined I was feeling at the hospital.” She looked over the rim of her cup as she sipped the hot brew. He’d become quiet in the last few minutes, his face more serious. She set her cup down. “Are you okay?”

  He was looking across the park. She did the same. The swings on a swing-set moved back and forth in the breeze, each one in its own rhythm. The sunlight sparkled off the snow, making both of them glare despite the sunglasses.

  He bit into a glazed donut then took a sip of coffee. She wasn’t used to seeing him so silent. He had every reason in the world to be that way, but she was surprised how uncomfortable it made her. Attempting to hide her concern, she took a tiny bite of her own donut and looked off another direction. Moments passed. She drained the rest of her coffee only to hear him humming quietly. It was not a melody she recognized.

  She took a chance. “Is that a new song?”

  He didn’t answer right away but kept humming. Finally, “Just something I’ve been working on for a few days.”

  “Sing it for me.”

  He stole a look at her above the rim of his sunglasses and attempted a smile. “I don’t think so. Not yet.” He turned and looked away again.

  Four, maybe five minutes passed. Nothing. Only the pieces of a sad melody drifting through the air between them. She pulled up her legs, hugging her knees, resting her head on them. She closed her eyes.

  “Hannah?”

  “Yes?” she answered, not looking up.

  Silence again. What was he trying to say?

  She heard him moving but was too afraid to look up. The table shook as he stood up on it. She felt his hands press down on her shoulders as he lowered himself to sit behind her, his legs sliding out on either side of her. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his head on her shoulder.

  Hannah couldn’t breathe. She sensed something was wrong, but didn’t have a clue why he was acting so strange. Half an hour earlier they’d been laughing, cutting up in the hospital room with his parents. Now he was struggling and she didn’t know why. Was it Jackson? Was it all the ups and downs the group had been through this week? What? Jason was never at a loss for words, so why was he so quiet now?

  And why is it scaring me?

  Despite the thick jackets between them she could feel his heart pounding against her back. That same heart that caused millions of fans around the world to collectively hold their breath when it underwent surgery years ago. What would it have been like to know him then like she knew him now? No, it would have been too frightening to pace the halls of a hospital while the surgeons worked on him for endless hours. She thought of Alli. Could she have handled sitting beside Jason waiting and hoping for him to wake up again as Alli had been doing for Jackson? She shivered at the thought.

  She felt Jason’s arms tighten around her. “Hannah?”

  “Yes?”

  “We have to talk.”

  Her eyes stung. The wave of butterflies rippled through her stomach again. It was the tone of his voice. So different. So, so serious. She swallowed hard. “I’m listening.”

  He rested his head on her shoulder again. “We have to talk about us.”

  Oh no. Not now. Please not now. She shook her head. It was the best she could do.

  “You know, it’s only been ten days since we met.” His voice sounded strained. Hushed.

  Is he saying good-bye? Here? Now? Please not now. Not yet.

  “Can you believe that?” he continued. “It seems like we’ve been together forever. At least to me it does.”

  She let out a long breath. “I know,” she whispered. “Me too, Jason.”

  Now it was his turn to take a deep breath and let it out. She shivered at the feel of it against her neck. Out of her periphery she could see the white cloud of his breath.

  “Remember that first night we were together at Mom and Dad’s? And I told you that on my way home for Christmas I prayed and asked God to make this a really special Christmas?”

  “I remember,” she smiled, cherishing the memory of that night.

  “Well, this last week or so . . . I’ve thought a lot about that prayer. And I realized something. It was you, Hannah. I have no doubt in my mind. I didn’t even know exactly what I was praying for . . . I wasn’t even thinking about someone coming into my life like this. But there you were—the stray my mom picked up on Christmas Eve.”

  She poked him gently with her elbow.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I like strays,” he said quietly, the slightest trace of humor in his voice. “But more important, I like you. I told you before, Hannah, I love you. I mean that. You probably think you don’t know me well enough to trust me, but I promise you, I don’t use those words unless I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”

  She swallowed again. The knot in her stomach squeezed her breath away.

  “And the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized . . . it wasn’t just a coincidence that God brought you into my life that night. At first I thought, this is great—Hannah’s fun, we’re having an awesome time together. It’s the holidays. Mom and Dad obviously like you a lot. Cool Christmas gift, y’know?

  “But then Gevin told us he was quitting the group, and we all started fighting. And then Jackson—” He sighed again. “Jackson got shot and the world stood still.”

  He lifted his head, taking the ball cap off her head and stroking his fingers through her long hair. “But through every moment of all of that, Hannah, you’ve been right here with me. I can’t even imagine how I would have made it through without you. Mom was right about that. It’s like . . . as if God knew I would need you. And He gave you to me right when I needed you most.”

  She was grateful he was sitting behind her. He couldn’t see the tears streaming down her cheeks. When the breeze blew, she thought her tears would freeze before they fell from her face. She pressed her eyes shut.

  “And that’s why I know there’s something very special about us—you and me—together. I know it’s only been a few short days and I know you’re gonna think I’m crazy, but—”

  She turned around to face him, reaching her fingers to press against his lips. Her chin trembled as she looked into his eyes, searching for meaning. “Jason, don’t. Please don’t.”

  He took her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “I have to say this, Hannah. I have to say it now. Today.”

  She shook her head. “No, Jason. Please.” She tore her eyes away from him, looking down instead at the silver cross that hung on a chain against his sweatshirt. She fingered it, her thoughts pricking her mind like so many icicles.

  “Hannah, you’re making this really difficult for me,” he said, a hint of irritation in his tone. “Why won’t you let me say what I want to say to you?”

  “Because I’m so scared! Don’t you see?” She looked into his eyes, needing to make him understand. “Every single moment I’ve had with you has been a gift to m
e. I never dreamed—never dreamed anything could be so wonderful. And from the moment I realized that you were the son of this kind woman who invited me to her home on Christmas Eve, well, I’ve never known such complete happiness and joy in my entire life.” She looked back down at his cross. God, give me the words. Help me.

  “But over and over and over I’ve told myself—that’s all this is. It’s just a dream. A fairy tale come true. And just like Cinderella, there’s going to come a time when the clock strikes midnight and I have to wake up from this . . . amazing dream.”

  She laughed, her lips trembling. “And it has been an amazing dream for me. You’ve been incredible. I never imagined I could know you like this—like a regular person. I mean, there are actually times I have to remind myself who you are. Because the one I’ve fallen in love with isn’t a celebrity. He’s just Jason. I’ve never known anything like this. I’ve never felt so . . .” Her voiced failed her. Only a whisper. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I—”

  “Then why won’t you let me finish saying what I have to say? Why won’t you hear me out?”

  A sob escaped from her throat and she turned her back against him. “Because I know that you’re caught up in the emotion of this week and that you’re not thinking clearly. I mean, how could you? With what’s happened with Jackson and—”

  “Shhhh . . . stop, Hannah. You can’t tell me what I’m thinking. You don’t know what I’m thinking. You can’t know what I’m feeling right now. This isn’t some irrational idea that popped into my head while we drove through the Krispy Kreme! Give me a little credit, okay? I’ve thought about it a lot.”

  He turned her around with such force she was afraid she would fall off the table. “Hannah, look at me. This is real. It’s the real thing. I know it is. It’s right for me and it’s right for you. You know it too, don’t you? Tell me because I know you do.”

  She squeezed her eyes, fighting the grip of fear inside her. “I can’t, Jason. I can’t. It’s too soon! This is all too fast for me.”

  “You know you love me, Hannah. You know this is right. I have to hear you say it.”