‘Well, I do … definitely,’ I said, firmly.
‘Okay, I’m sure we’ll find something ... I mean, of course we’ll find something,’ he said, finally looking up at me.
I couldn’t read his face. It wasn’t sad and it wasn’t angry, but I couldn’t sense any joy either. It almost seemed like there was no emotion at all.
‘What is it Sam? You sound so unsure of this. Isn’t it what you want?’
He just stared at me, his eyes piercing mine with their intensity for a moment, until he looked down at the ground again. When he finally spoke his voice was soft and low—almost apologetic.
‘Maybe we were wrong, Lili. Maybe I was wrong … to ask you to marry me. It isn’t natural … for us to be together. When time passed without any sign from Ceylona, well, I thought she was human after all, and that you’d stay away. It’s not that I haven’t missed you … I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know. But it felt like … it felt … I don’t know … I guess it seemed like it was right. I mean … I don’t deserve you.’
My throat tightened further, to the point where I couldn’t swallow. The longer he talked, the harder it was for me to breath. When he stopped talking, I looked away and brushed the tears from my eyes. I shook my head, and gritted my teeth, willing myself to find the strength to speak.
‘Sam, don’t say it was wrong. Don’t ever say that. It wasn’t wrong, it can’t be wrong. We are meant to be together. And what do you mean you don’t deserve me? That’s ridiculous. If anything, I don’t deserve you.’
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that. I mean, it’s just not natural. Vampires stick together … and when they don’t … well, bad things seem to happen.’
‘Bad things? What, like Ben, Henry and Ceylona? They certainly aren’t bad things. They’re miracles,’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘How can you say that it isn’t natural for us to be together? Sure, there are challenges, but we can overcome them. Please, don’t say we were wrong. Don’t ever say that.’
He stepped forward and put his arms around me, and pulled me close. I buried my face into his chest, trying to suppress the tears that were streaming down my face. He ran his fingers through my hair, and pulled me even closer, whispering how sorry he was, over and over. It felt so wonderful, being in his arms. I wished it could have been for a reason besides the one that had triggered it, but I was just happy to have him hold me.
After a time, he loosened his hold, and took a step back. Then he took one hand and put it under my chin, lifting my face so that he could kiss away my tears. When his lips found mine, I lost all sense of time and gravity, and I no longer felt the cold as I floated along in a state of pure contentment.
‘You’re sure about this, then? I mean, you could still go back to California you know.’
‘Sam, please. Can we stop talking about splitting up, and start looking for a new house? I want to be here, with you, more than anything in the world.’
‘Alright then, I’ll help you look for a house … today … if that’s what you want to do.’
I threw my arms around him, and squeezed as tight as I could, holding onto the moment.
‘That’s exactly what I want to do. Thank you.’
He smiled, and it was as if all the doubt and hesitation had been washed away. No, it was more than that. It was as if there had never been any doubt or hesitation. Everything was back to how it should be. We’d look for a new house. We’d start a new life. And who knows, maybe we’d even have some more children. After all, that was natural. That was how things were meant to be for us. That was our destiny, wasn’t it?
~~***~~
‘Will you stay the night,’ I asked, after we’d spent several hours mulling through a variety of websites for houses that were worth looking at on the weekend. We’d found a few, but not many.
‘No, I can’t stay. It wouldn’t be right … not here. Besides, I’ve been away too long already; I really need to check in with Michael, and find Tom.’
‘Oh, okay. So, will I see you tomorrow then?’
‘Sure. Will you go for a run in the morning?’
‘If it isn’t raining,’ I replied, then quickly deciding that it didn’t matter whether it was raining or not, I continued, ‘I mean, I’ll go for a run, no matter what the weather is doing.’
‘Okay, I’ll look for you in the gardens then.’
We both stood up, and walked to the door. I opened it, and as I did he grabbed my left hand, and lifted it to his lips. I was wearing my sapphire wedding ring, as I always did. He kissed my hand, then fondled the ring, turning it around and around on my finger.
‘I’ve always worn it, you know,’ I whispered, enjoying the sensation of his hand lightly touching mine. It made me want him to stay, even more than ever.
‘I know,’ he said, smiling down at me, his eyes filled with emotion now—whatever had been bothering him on the beach seemed long forgotten.
‘I would never have betrayed our vows,’ I said.
‘I know, Lili. I never doubted that. I just thought, maybe … it might have been for the best.’
I cut him off by reaching up with my right hand, and placing my fingers across his mouth. ‘Shush—I don’t want to talk about that anymore. Really, this is what’s best; you and me, together. We’ll work things out.’
‘Yes, we will,’ he said as he bent down to kiss me, then pulled me close and whispered in my hair, ‘I’ll wait for you, near the bench where you first met Elizabeth. I’ve been neglecting her lately. I must spend some time with her too. What time do you think you’ll be there?’
‘Around eight-thirty?’
‘Okay, I’ll be there,’ he said, then stepped back again and leaned down to kiss me once more. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth from his kiss wash over me, giving me the strength to let him go.
~~***~~
I met Sam at Elizabeth’s bench the next morning as planned. I got there first, and much to my disappointment, when Sam arrived he was cool and distant again, sitting a few feet away from me and not making eye contact. But after a little while he started to relax and eventually he took my hand, and encouraged me to slide over next to him. We sat like this for quite some time—neither of us saying much. But I didn’t care that we didn’t talk—I was just enjoying getting to know my husband again.
Elizabeth never turned up. Maybe she was playing somewhere and didn’t even know we were there, or maybe she’d seen us and decided to give us time together. That could have been it, as it was unusual for her to not come when Sam was looking for her.
Eventually Sam got restless, and said he needed to get going. When we parted, he kissed me goodbye; not passionately, but affectionately. I felt that we’d made some progress toward returning to how we were. Not a lot maybe, but some.
Friday morning was the same. It took Sam quite a while to relax around me, but eventually he held my hand as he had the previous morning, and after a time he seemed comfortable, and even laughed at one of my silly comments. Throwing his head back and laughing freely, he reminded me of the Sam I’d seen in Sydney—relaxed and carefree, if only for a moment.
Elizabeth joined us, with her friend Cassie, shortly after that. I wondered if it had been his laughing that encouraged her to come. The four of us sat there, chatting casually, and I couldn’t help but notice how happy Elizabeth looked. I wondered if this might be the most time Sam had spent with her for quite a while—she had said she hadn’t seen much of him lately. As I thought this, she turned to me and winked, then turned back to Sam with adoration in her eyes.
The next morning was Saturday, and we had six homes lined up to inspect. We looked at four houses and two large apartments. Sam wasn’t nearly as picky as me; saying that as long as it was within a five kilometres radius of the gardens and market, he would be happy. But I wanted something that I could make into a home. We needed at least three, and if possible, four bedrooms. I wanted to set up a room for Ceylona so that she would feel comfortable visiting anytime
she wanted to, or even stay with us when she finished at Mladen’s. Then there was Tom. And of course we’d need a spare room, for other visitors—like Ben and Henry. And I wanted something that was ready to move into straight away; I really wasn’t interested in doing renovations. Disappointingly, nothing seemed quite right. But at least Sam seemed relatively relaxed around me the whole time, and that in itself was an achievement.
Encouraged by what I perceived to be an improvement in Sam’s comfort level, I tried to convince him that he could stay with me at Debs’ apartment, but he seemed almost shy about it when he said he just didn’t feel right about staying. Then he strengthened his excuse, saying that he really needed to be out patrolling with Tom every night in any case. After some discussion, we agreed we’d just wait until we found something. We’d waited three years to be together; we could wait a little longer.
On Wednesday I heard from Claire. She had flown in that morning and said she was pretty knackered from the flight. We agreed to catch up when she felt better.
Thursday afternoon there seemed to be a lot of new listings on the internet, and I spent most of the day and into the night looking at houses. There were five new ones that I wanted to see and all would be open for inspection on Saturday. It would be a busy day but I was determined to find something.
That night I dreamt of staircases, and kitchen appliances, and entry foyers. When I woke, I felt like I’d been inspecting houses all night. Was this what it felt like to be an addict? Was I becoming a house hunting addict?
~~***~~
‘Hey, there are a couple of letters here for you,’ said Debs, holding two envelopes out to me. ‘This one is from Ceylona, but I’m not sure about the other.’
I’d just come in after my run and visit with Sam. It had been a good visit. Not spectacular, but he had held my hand and said he’d be happy to spend most of Saturday looking at houses with me again, so I felt pretty positive.
I sat down at the kitchen table with the envelopes, while Debs went to make us some coffees. I ripped open the one from Ceylona and pulled out the letter along with half a dozen photos of Ceylona and her dogs.
‘Read it out loud,’ said Debs, fiddling with the coffee maker.
‘Okay,’ I answered, and began reading:
Dear Mommy and Aunty Debs
Thank you so much for the camera. I’ve used up almost all the film but Mladen promised he would take me to town on the weekend so we can get some more. Do you like the photos of me with Jackie and Zane? They love being here with us. Mladen is happy too. He says that no more chickens have disappeared since Jackie and Zane joined the family.
Ben and Henry like Jackie and Zane too. Sometimes, when I have to study but they have free time, they take them in the truck to a big lake where they can swim. They aren’t allowed to chase any birds though. I’ve told them that, and they obey. They are very good dogs, Mommy.
How is Archie? I hope he is being a good dog too. I know he isn’t a real dog, but he is special, isn’t he?
Ben and Henry are teaching me how to run really fast. Sometimes, I can run so fast my feet don’t even touch the ground, but I’m still not as fast as they are. Not yet anyway. But they say I’ll be faster than them when I’m fully grown. I think it’s because I’ll be lighter. They are very big and heavy, aren’t they?
I have to go do my homework now.
Love, Ceylona
xoxox
‘She’s growing up so fast, Debs. Can you believe she wrote that? She’s only a bit more than three. Her writing is so neat too. Or do you think one of the boys might have helped her?’
‘Hmmm, I think there’s a good chance she had some help. But I’m sure she dictated it,’ laughed Debs, looking over my shoulder at the letter as she set my coffee down on the table.
‘Yeah, you’re probably right. Oh, I can’t wait to get settled into a house. Not that I’m not happy here, I didn’t mean it like that. But I want to set up a room for Ceylona, so that she can come for a visit. I’m hoping Mladen will allow her to come for Christmas.’
‘Oh, yes, that would be really lovely. Surely, Mladen won’t mind.’
‘Well, I think I’ll wait until we’re settled, then I’ll speak to him.’
‘And so, who’s the other letter from, if I’m allowed to be nosy,’ asked Debs.
‘I don’t know—I don’t recognise the return address. But it looks like some sort of invitation, don’t you think?’ I answered, scrunching up my face with uncertainty.
‘Yes—the envelope is beautiful. And the address looks like it was done by a calligrapher.’
I carefully opened the second envelope and found it was an invitation to David and Susan’s engagement party. I stared at the beautiful writing on the delicate paper and felt empty.
‘And?’ Debs asked, prompting me to explain.
‘Oh, it’s an engagement party—friends of mine in California.’
‘That’s lovely. Close friends? Will you go back for the party?’
‘No. I mean, yes, they’re friends from high school. I’ve known them both for ages. But no, I won’t go over for the party,’ I answered, my voice flat.
‘You don’t sound too happy about it … don’t you think they’re a good couple?’
‘Oh, it’s not that. They’re great together. It’s just, sort of … sudden,’ I replied. I couldn’t explain to Debs what my hesitation was, as I wasn’t sure myself. They would be good together. I’d thought that right from the start. But it was still a bit hard to let go I suppose. Not that it was like I’d ever thought that David and I would ever get back together, but somehow it was the closing of a door that I hadn’t minded leaving open. Selfish of me, for sure, but still, that’s how I felt.
‘Now,’ Debs began, changing the subject, ‘I was thinking … you’ve been here for a while now and, well, I think you need to get a job, or go to school. You need something to think about besides house hunting. They are always looking for volunteers at the museum. I thought we could go see Lincoln, my boss, and find out how you might be able to help … if that sounded good to you? Then we can have a nice lunch somewhere afterwards.’
‘The museum? Uh, well … I suppose I do need to do something with my time,’ I answered, hesitantly. The museum wouldn’t have been my first choice for volunteering my time, but maybe it would be okay.
‘Fabulous! I was hoping you’d think it was a good idea. Of course, only if they can use you on Mondays with me, so we can go in together. You go shower and change into something nice, and I’ll ring Lincoln and see if he’s free to chat to us.’
~~***~~
The weekend was spent pretty much as the previous one had been, with the exception that it rained both days. On Saturday, I grabbed a huge umbrella out of Ian’s golf bag, and Sam and I ventured out to the five open-for-inspections. Unfortunately, none of them were quite as nice as the agent’s flourishing descriptions would have led us to believe. But there was one that had some potential if we wanted to spend a bit of money renovating; it only had one central bathroom, and I really wanted both an en-suite and a family bathroom. Sam had just laughed at me, saying it was up to me. He didn’t seem to mind inspecting the houses, but I began to wonder if he was just humouring me.
On Sunday it was still raining, and I couldn’t face going for a run. I rang Sam and asked him if he wanted to come over, but he made some tactful excuses about needing to help Michael with something at the house, and I couldn’t be bothered to beg. So, instead, I wrote a letter to Ceylona, in response to hers. Then I scanned the photos she’d sent me, and emailed them to Mom with a long update on both Ceylona, and the house-hunting. I spent the rest of the day going through the listings on the internet again, in case I might have missed something, or something new might have been added.
Monday was spent at the museum with Debs, and I had to admit I it wasn’t that bad, although it was mostly just helping out in the office—opening mail and doing filing and that sort of thing. The worst part was not being abl
e to see Sam that morning. But I supposed one day a week wouldn’t kill me.
Tuesday morning, I did my run then sat on the bench with Sam. He seemed even more distant than usual for the first little while, but began to warm to me the longer we sat there. It was as if each time we met, he was getting to know me all over again. Maybe it was a vampire thing, but I didn’t remember him being this way before I went away.
At mid-day Claire arrived to go shopping and then to a movie afterward. When she asked after Ceylona, I explained that I’d sent her to a private boarding school, and Claire didn’t even question this. After the movie we stopped for a hamburger and sat talking about the film, which was a love story, and this, of course, led to a discussion about Tom.
‘So, do you think we can do a double date soon? It would be so much fun. I tried to ring Tom to let him know I’m back, but he still didn’t answer his phone. I’m thinking maybe he lost it somewhere, and got a new one … you know, with a different number. That’s possible, don’t you think?’
‘Oh, sure Claire. I’m sure he isn’t trying to avoid you. But I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back. I’ve been catching up with Sam each day, but I haven’t been over to the house. I haven’t even seen Crystal and Michael much really. It’s a bit crowded at their place, from what they’ve said, so I don’t want to intrude.’
‘Oh, well, you can just ask Sam then. He can speak to Tom. I’m sure once he knows I’m back, he’ll want to see me!’
~~***~~
The next morning, when I saw Sam, it was one of the first things we talked about.
‘I spent the day with Claire yesterday,’ I said, watching his face for a reaction.
‘Oh, that would have been nice for you. Is she back now, or just visiting?’ he asked, his face not giving anything away.
‘She’s back. She finished her degree. So, I guess she’ll start looking for a job soon.’
He was silent for quite some time, and there was nothing on his face to give away what he was thinking. He still sat away from me on the other side of the bench, staring straight ahead into the distance. When he finally spoke, his voice held no discernable emotion. ‘I’m glad she’s back … for you, I mean. It’ll be nice for you to have a friend to do things with.’
Deception (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 3) Page 11
