by West, Sinden
When I broke away from the kiss, I told him, “I just want you to help me forget. Can you do that?”
Our clothes came off with ease, my naked breasts pressed against his bare chest. He was rubbing along my arms as I took one of his hands and guided it in between my legs. There was no going back after that.
Afterward, he had a smile on his face so big.
And my anger was quelled.
It was replaced with a mortifying shame.
“God, Jessie. That was so beautiful. I’ve wanted to be with you for such a long time,” Ewan told me like he was a boy in love. I couldn’t speak and just hugged my knees to my naked body. What had I done?
He lay beside me, his naked body under the sheet. He started to kiss up my arm when the door opened.
Joseph stood there, staring at us. His face changed from a look of disbelief to hurt then finally settled on anger. No, not just anger, it was an overwhelming fury. And I dug my nails into my skin, fear shooting through me as I couldn’t tear my eyes from him. It seemed like an eternity before he spoke, and when he did his voice was quiet and controlled.
“Was it special enough for you, Jessie?” he taunted. “The perfect princess opens her legs for her prince, after all.” He let out a bitter laugh. “You should have told me that you’d never fuck a piece of trash like me so I wouldn’t waste my time on you.” I desperately wanted to say something, but no words would come out. His eyes darted to Ewan next. “Happy now? You got your pity fuck.” I felt Ewan stiffen beside me, but he stayed silent. Joseph switched his gaze back to me and he swallowed before saying, “Fuck you, Jessica.” His voice was nearly cracking, but he turned away before I could see if there were any tears.
PART TWO
Nine years later
I had to beg my mother and Terrence for money to send Ewan to the private hospital for treatment for his depression. After he’d run his business into the ground and wasted the money held in trust for him on gambling and alcohol, we were on the bones of our ass.
My mother had arched a perfect eyebrow at me and said, “I don’t see why you don’t just leave him. You’re still young. You could find someone better.”
I glared at her in irritation, running my hand through my hair which was long overdue for a cut and wondering if it looked as bad as it felt. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if my irritation was at her attitude, or the fact that she looked good and I looked like shit. Either way, I snapped at her.
“Really, Mom? Did Dad leave you every time you had one of your mental episodes? You should understand Ewan more than anyone.”
Her lips thinned and her cup rattled on its saucer as she lifted the tea to her lips. Finally she said, “I think my situation is a little different than Ewan’s. He was a spoilt, rich kid who had been given everything on a platter. Now he’s screwed up his inheritance and he refuses to face reality.”
“His parents died, Mom. That’s where his psychiatrist says it all stems from.”
My mother rolled her eyes, infuriating me more.
Terrence cleared his throat. He often stayed silent when Mom and I had conversations like these. But he was also the one who made all the absolute decisions. Like when I’d begged for him to help Ewan’s business with a cash injection. He’d turned me down flat. He had known at that time that Ewan was not management material, something that was further exacerbated by Ewan’s decision to fire some of his top managers. That was the beginning of the end.
“Actually, Mandy. I believe it may be best for us to help out Jessie and Ewan in this situation.”
I let out a sigh of relief and gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”
My mother rolled her eyes again. “Fine. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t get a divorce. He’s weak and pathetic. God, his parents must be turning in their graves. Don’t you dare have a baby with him,” she ordered me. It was my turn to roll my eyes at her. We couldn’t afford a cat, let alone a baby. As it was, were living in a shitty one bedroom apartment. I struggled to get on top of the debts incurred on Ewan’s credit cards while he was going through his depressive episodes. Through gambling and internet porn‒he’d managed to spend thousands trying to make himself feel better. I’d asked for Mom and Terrence for a loan to cover the debts, but they’d refused. Terrence was very old school and didn’t believe in bailing out adult children from messes of their own making. I didn’t bother asking Dad. He’d had several business ventures go under and was now onto his third wife. He was probably poorer than I was.
I had absolutely gone off at Ewan last week. The stress was getting to me. I’d stormed off to work, and when I got home, he’d taken an overdose. I felt like crap. As I walked out of the lakeside house, I pulled out my phone and made the necessary phone calls to get everything in order for his transfer.
It was a good hospital. Terrence had had my Mom committed a few times during their marriage. She always seemed to make good progress when she came out. I wouldn’t visit Ewan today, though. I’d had a long day at work where I was a medical receptionist. Every hypochondriac in town seemed to visit the practice and want to tell me about their ailments. It was enough to make me stay in bed and never leave again.
Instead, I headed toward our depressing home. As always, I had to drive past Joseph’s old house to get there. I’d done a lot of driving past his house after I cheated on him. I even stopped once and knocked on the door. I was so nervous, my heart was beating wildly, unsure of his reaction. He didn’t answer my phone calls or texts. It was like he just cut me off altogether. His Mom had opened the door; she was sporting a black eye. She’d told me Joseph had left and that she hadn’t heard from him.
From someone else, later, I’d heard that Katrin had gone with him. It was after that that I accepted Ewan’s advances. I loved him. I did. But it wasn’t the same kind of love that I’d felt with Joseph.
When I entered the apartment, I threw the new overdue notices on the table with the others and ran a bath. Sitting in the grotty tub, I tried to think of anything but how shitty my life was.
I picked up Ewan from the hospital a few weeks later. He looked healthier than I’d seen him in a long time. I’d forced a smile and hugged and kissed him. I didn’t have much to say to him as I drove him home. Finally, he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I won’t do it again.”
I’d smiled. “I know you won’t.” And that was the end of the conversation.
He wouldn’t look for a job, though. I’d circle things in the newspaper and leave them on the table for him, but he didn’t apply for any of them. “My doctor thinks that I should just take it easy and not put too much pressure on myself,” he explained as he sat in front of the TV eating popcorn. I had grinned and beared it, but by the fourth week I felt like I was going crazy.
“We need money. You have to work!” I yelled.
“Stop putting so much pressure on me!” he screamed back. “You have no idea how hard things are for me right now. You need to start being more supportive, Jessie.”
I’d grabbed my keys and got out of there as fast as I could, scared that I might say something so nasty that I couldn’t take it back. I headed out to the lake, to the beach where we used to party all the time. No one was about, and I stripped off down to my bra and panties before diving into the water.
I felt strong and alive as my arms worked to propel me further out. I swam until I was tired and then headed back to shore. I sat on a rock and let the sun begin to dry me. For the first time, I noticed the billboard that had been erected.
They were building a boutique hotel where some old holiday homes had once stood, further around the lake. But what caught my eye the most was that name of the developer.
Fray Enterprises
I’d heard bits and pieces about what he was up to. He had made good on his flipping houses and had expanded into different areas of property development.
Joseph was back.
Chapter Nineteen
The thought of him alone made me feel thi
ngs that I hadn’t felt for a long time. But I pushed them down. He wasn’t part of my life anymore. I dried off and went home. Ewan and I made up and had a clumsy attempt at sex. Ewan had far kinkier tastes than I. I’d seen his porn history, but I’d only allowed him to spank me so far. Not that I was a fan of that by any means.
I pumped his soft cock in my hand dutifully, but he wouldn’t get hard. “Maybe it’s the medication you’re on,” I offered as an excuse.
“You know what I need to get hard, Jessie. Please?”
I frowned. “I don’t think that’s normal. Maybe you should talk to your psychiatrist about it.”
“Jessie…” He started to pull down my pants and I just let him. He put me over his knee and started to deliver hard slaps to my bare ass. I winced in pain but stayed silent. I knew he liked it more when I cried out in pain, but I hated giving him that satisfaction. He kept hitting the same spot over and over again, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Ow, Ewan. Stop! That really hurts.” I struggled, but he held me tight.
“It’s supposed to.” Another hard slap and I let out a whimper. “It’s because you’ve been naughty and need to be punished.” He slapped me again.
“Ewan!” I struggled harder.
“Just say it, Jessie, and I might stop.” I gritted my teeth, hating every minute of this as tears pricked at my eyes. I knew what he wanted me to say because he’d made me sit down and watch the porn movie with him a dozen times.
Slap! “Say it, Jessie.”
“I’m a dirty, naughty girl. I need to be punished!” The words rushed out of me, but he still kept spanking me. “Ewan, please.” I sobbed. At this part in the movie, the girl begs to suck his cock and then invites numerous men and women to have sex with her. At least he’d never tried that before but I wouldn’t put it past him. I’d seen some of the conversations he had with other porn addicts online. He’d brought up having threesomes before, but I had stood fast in my refusal.
“Say it!”
“Please, may I suck your cock?” My face was wet with tears now, and he stopped. He took my chin in his hand, twisting my head to look at him. He saw my wet face and gave a nod of approval.
“All right, darling. Down you go.” He let me slip to my knees and take his cock, which was now hard and throbbing, in my mouth. It didn’t take much for him to cum, and I obediently swallowed it down. Afterward, he looked at me with love in his eyes. “I love you so much, Jessie. I really do.”
“Me too.”
I went to bed and left him up looking at porn on the computer, dick in his hand.
Work sucked, but it was better than being at home with Ewan who would be either depressed or horny. I stayed late, and only when I had nothing else to do, did I get my bag and walk slowly to my car. My Mom rang, and I considered not answering it, but I knew how relentless she could be.
I put my phone to my ear and I opened the car door. “Hi, Mom.”
“Jessie. How are you? Listen, we’re having a party to celebrate the start of summer, and I wanted to invite you.” Then her tone changed. “Do you think that husband of yours can manage to control himself enough not to embarrass us in front of all our friends?”
“Yes, mother. I’m sure he won’t try to kill himself in front of company.”
“Don’t get smart with me,” she snapped at me.
I huffed. “Fine. We will be there and on our best behavior.”
“Good. Make sure you do something with your hair. It looked dreadful last time I saw you.”
I gave the finger to my phone as she ended the call. I sighed. Maybe this was what Ewan needed, to start making contacts again that hopefully may lead to him getting a job.
When the Saturday of the party came around, I’d wasted money on getting my hair done, but I hadn’t splurged on a new dress. I had a sensible, black cocktail dress that would do the job.
“I hate these fucking things,” Ewan said to the mirror as he tied his tie. “I’ve always hated these things.” He gave a smile. “Hey, remember when we used to sneak away and get drunk?”
I matched his grin. It felt weird to be laughing with him about something. “Yup. Hey, there’ll be lots of influential people there tonight. Maybe you’ll meet someone who could help you get work.”
His grin turned into a scowl. “Would you just shut up? I’ll be waiting in the car. I don’t want to keep your pretentious mother waiting.”
I sat down on the bed for a few seconds before I followed him. It was going to be a long night.
We didn’t speak in the car, and once we were inside, he went straight for the champagne after briefly greeting Terrence and Mom. Terrence raised an eyebrow at me and gave a sigh, but thankfully he didn’t say anything about Ewan’s rude behavior. I got myself a glass of champagne fairly quickly as well. I felt like I was going to need it.
I went from guest to guest, being asked questions about where I was working now and when I was going to have a baby. The more people who asked these things, the more I felt like a total loser. I started on the third glass of champagne and wondered if I stepped outside and walked down to the lake if anyone would notice. I also wondered if I actually walked into the lake and didn’t stop, if anyone would care.
I saw Ewan looking down a woman’s top. The lake idea was tempting; really, really tempting.
And then I saw Joseph.
It shouldn’t have surprised me that he was there. After all, Terrence liked to surround himself with influential people, and a developer who would be providing many jobs for the town as well as potentially boosting the tourism industry could be a good person to know.
He looked good. Soo good. He was dressed in a suit, was clean shaven and had his hair cut short. For a moment, it was hard to believe that he had been that skinny fifteen-year-old that I had first noticed. He was being greeted by my mother. I wondered if she had realized that he was my ex-boyfriend? She was giving him a broad smile and touching her hair. She obviously thought he was handsome as well.
I felt butterflies in my stomach and had to turn away. Did he still hate me? I took a long drink of my champagne. I felt like I was going to need a lot more of these before the night was through. I couldn’t avoid him forever, though.
Terrence called me over. “Joseph Fray, I’d like you to meet my stepdaughter, Jessie Walsh, and her husband, Ewan.”
We stared at each other, and I felt like I was under a microscope. Then his face relaxed into a small smile. “I know Jessica already, and Ewan, from high school.”
“Hey, man. How’s it going,” Ewan greeted him, shaking his hand. Ewan was suddenly far more jovial than he’d been all evening and I knew why. He was remembering that I was Joseph’s girlfriend when I had sex with him for the first time. He felt superior.
“Good,” Joseph said shortly. I waited anxiously for him to say something to me, but he didn’t. He just excused himself and went to speak to some other people. I felt my heart plummet. It hurt to be ignored by him. I drained my glass of champagne and told Ewan that we needed to go.
Chapter Twenty
I swam every morning before work while Ewan snored away in bed. It was a good way to escape the mundane life that was mine. In the water, all I had to do was concentrate on breathing and moving my body. After tiring myself out, I would climb up on the platform and soak up the early morning sun. I knew it was Joseph immediately swimming toward me, his motions were just as graceful even though his arms and back were far more muscular than they had been when he was a boy.
I watched him, biting my lips as he hooked his hands onto the ladder and pulled himself up beside me.
“Morning,’ I said, just because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Morning,” he murmured, stretching out his long legs.
Then… nothing. Just silence that stretched on awkwardly. I had to break it.
“You look good,” I told him, hoping that the wistfulness I felt didn’t appear in my voice.
His dark eyes met mine brie
fly before they trailed down my body.
“You look…thin.” That wasn’t a compliment, and in automatic reaction I hugged my knees to my body to cover most of myself.
“I gotta go to work.” I turned away from him and stood, keeping my eyes firmly from him as I dived into the water. The cool water felt good on my face which surely must have been burning.
I acted like a robot during my work day. Joseph was never far from my thoughts. Then the unthinkable happened. My car got repossessed right there at work. The repo guy placed the paperwork down on the desk in front of all our nosy clients and asked for the keys.
I opened my mouth to beg, but then caught sight of all the people staring at me and shut my mouth again. I grabbed the keys out of my bag and simply handed them over, red-faced and feeling like dying inside, then I continued on with my work like nothing had happened.
I left work early and headed over to Terrence’s office. He gave me a smile as his PA showed my through.
“Jessie, what a lovely surprise. I have another appointment in a few minutes but what can I do for you?”
I took a deep breath. “I hate asking this, but I need to borrow some money.” His smile instantly dropped as he frowned.
“Jessie, you know my rules about lending money.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate. It’s just that my car got repossessed today and–”
“Stop.” He raised a hand. “Just stop right there.” He gave a sigh. “I’m sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, Jessie, I really am. But I can’t bail you two out. You’re adults. It’s time to face your mistakes and be proactive.”
Asshole! I snatched up my bag and stood. “Thanks for nothing!”
I marched out the door, and saw Joseph sitting in the reception area, but I didn’t even care.
“Jessie,” Terrence called after me and I turned to see him standing in the doorway. “You need to make Ewan get a job. You know it and I know it.”
“Really? Like it’s that easy? His doctors say he needs to take it easy and–”
