by Amber Garza
“Of course, McAllistor. I could never turn my back on you, even if I wanted to. I’m sorry I was such an ass yesterday.”
“Hey, you’re here now. That’s all that matters.” Then I say the words I’ve been dying to say for awhile. “I love you, Colt.”
He stiffens. Then he leans down and kisses me softly on my lips. “I want to say it too, but I’ve never said it before.”
“To anyone?” I raise my brows.
He shakes his head. “Not even to Zander.”
“Why?”
“Because my parents used to say it to us and it never meant a damn thing, but he clung to it like it did. I was always disappointing him without meaning to. I didn’t want to tell him I loved him until I was sure that I wouldn’t hurt him again.”
“We’re always going to hurt one another, Colt. It’s just human nature. But if we don’t ever take a risk, then we never get anything worth fighting for. Zander loves you and you love him. You need to tell him.”
“I will, but first, maybe I can practice on you?” He winks.
My heart dips a little. “I don’t want it to be practice when you say it to me, Colt. I want it to be for real.”
“It’s just that once I say it I can’t unsay it.” A conflict rages in his eyes like a violent storm.
“You already gave me your heart, Colt. I’m not going anywhere.”
His hand curves around my face, his fingers tickling my flesh. “The truth is that even though I haven’t said it yet, I’ve felt it for a very long time.” Leaning forward, he feathers his lips over mine. The metal of his lip ring skates across my lips, tickling me. His breath is hot on my mouth when he speaks. “I do love you, McAllistor.”
My heart soars at his words. “I love you too, Colt.”
“You already said that.” He smiles against my lips.
“I know. And I’ll keep saying it over and over again until you really believe it.”
His eyes darken. “I’m afraid two won’t cut it then.”
“I’m prepared to keep saying it. Like I said, I’m not going anywhere.”
TWENTY-SIX
COLT
I can’t bear to let her out of my sight for one minute. Not after getting her back. Not after tasting her lips and touching her again. Not after hearing her say she loves me. “Hey, let’s go somewhere.” I lean in, brushing my lips over her ear. My mouth brushes over metal earrings. “Somewhere that we can be alone.”
She smiles. “I know the perfect place. Come on.” After pulling her keys out of her purse, she opens her car and jumps inside. I hop into the passenger side just as she turns on the engine. As she pulls out of the parking lot, I look over at her. Wincing, I take in her bruises.
“I should’ve gotten here sooner,” I say.
“Hey, none of this was your fault.” With the hand not holding the steering wheel, she finds mine and wraps her fingers around it. “I just don’t look forward to telling my parents what happened. They’re going to kill me.”
“I’m sure they already want to kill me.” I think about how much I liked Paige’s parents. Only I’m sure they hate me now.
“No, they don’t. I actually didn’t tell them anything about what happened.”
I play with Paige’s fingers in my lap. “Still trying to protect everyone, huh?”
“It’s what I do best,” she admits. “But it doesn’t matter. Even if my parents knew about your past it wouldn’t change the fact that they like you.”
I stare at Paige’s profile and wonder if that’s true. “You really think so?”
“Yeah. My parents have made mistakes in their life. We all have. But everyone deserves a second chance, right?”
I mull over her words, thinking about how second chances aren’t something I readily give. “I never thought much about that, actually. I’ve always been so afraid of being hurt that I don’t really give anyone second chances. Hell, I rarely give people first chances.”
“You gave me one.” Her gaze flickers to mine. “Do you regret it?”
“Yesterday I might have said yes to that question. But honestly I don’t. Even if you do hurt me again, I won’t regret the time we had.” I weave my fingers in hers. “Because being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Me too, Colt.” She giggles. “Now let go of my hand before I get into a car accident.”
I drop her hand, a smile on my face. “Glad to know I have that kind of effect on you.”
“Oh, believe me, you do.” She faces forward, taking a sharp corner.
I hold onto my seat, my knuckles turning white, but I don’t say anything. The truth is that I’ve gotten used to Paige’s horrible driving skills. She turns down a dirt path and then parks on some gravel. I glance to the right and see nothing but a wall of trees.
“Where are we?”
“Somewhere that we can be alone.” She bends toward me, pecking me on the cheek. “Wasn’t that the criteria?”
My heart stutters. “Yes, it was.”
“Then let’s go.” Paige bounds out of the car, and I follow her. She walks ahead of me and I have to hurry to catch up to her. When I do, I brush my hand over the hem of her shorts.
“You trying to kill me with these shorts or what?”
She looks down. “What’s wrong with my shorts?”
“Nothing. They’re hot.” I snake my arm around her waist, drawing her to me. She fits perfectly against my side, like my missing piece.
“And that’s a problem?”
“It is if you don’t want me to keep my thoughts pure.”
“You have pure thoughts?” Paige raises a brow.
I chuckle. “I guess you got me there.”
We walk a little further until the trees open up and the lake comes into view. The sun shines down on it, casting a shimmery yellow glow on the water. There is a lone picnic table, and Paige plops down on the bench.
“When I was little Mom used to take us here to play in the water. It’s much more secluded than the spot we went to with Tripp and Hadley.” She stares out at the water.
I sit next to her, straddling the bench. “Come here.” When I hold out my arms, she scoots forward and rests against me. I circle my arms around her. “What happened before I showed up today, Paige? Did Jon do anything else? I mean, anything other than grab you?” My insides squirm, picturing the look on his face when I walked in. It was predatory and sick. The thought of him touching Paige in any way makes my skin crawl, but thinking of him forcing his hands on her in a sexual way makes me want to vomit.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I know what you’re asking, Colt, and he didn’t touch me that way.”
“Thank God.” I exhale, stroking her hair.
“Never really pegged you as the praying type.”
“I’m not, but if I believed that it would keep you safe and happy, I’d pray every day.”
She peers up at me. “When my mom got sick I started praying. It’s like I suddenly needed to believe that there was a God and that he would heal my mom.”
“Did it help?”
“Yeah, I think so.” She smiles. “It was after I started praying that I met you.”
“Oh, no. We’re not going back to the whole angel thing, are we? Because I think we’ve established that I’m no angel,” I say.
“Think what you want, but I still say you’re an angel.” She nestles into my chest, her hands skimming my waist. “You’re my angel.”
Her words cause my heart to flip. “How do you figure?”
“Well, you have saved me on more than one occasion.”
“Yeah, and I’ve hurt you too.”
She scoots her head up, nestling it into my neck. I feel her lips feather over the inside of my neck, and desire rushes through my body. “But you made it right, and that’s all that matters.”
“McAllistor,” I say, but she reaches up her hand and presses her index finger to my lips.
“Colt. I won’t make any promises as long as y
ou stop apologizing and putting yourself down.” Lifting her head, she looks straight into my eyes. “I love you, Colt. And love doesn’t judge or keep a record of wrongs.”
“Is that like a Bible verse or something?”
“Says the guy who doesn’t believe in anything,” she teases. “I think so. My mom used to have a painting in the hallway that said that. But I always liked it because it’s true. If you really love someone you don’t make them pay over and over again for their mistakes. You forgive them and move on. I forgive you, and I just want to move on. I want to be with you, Colt, and I want to get to know you. The boy you are now, not the one you used to be. That boy is a stranger to me.” She touches my face. “But this boy holds my heart.”
I snatch up her fingers and run her knuckles over my lips. “I love you. More than I ever thought possible. And it scares the shit out of me, because I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you.”
“You won’t.”
“It’s not that easy. My life has never been stable. My aunt could kick me out any day, and then where would I go? I don’t have a job or money, and I’m a minor. I can’t just go rent my own place.”
Her face is pensive. “Callie won’t kick you out. And you’ll be eighteen soon, right? So, you’ll get a job and a place after that.”
I smile, wondering if maybe she’s right. “I like that idea.”
“Me too.” She runs her fingertips across my chin. “I can’t bear the thought of you leaving, Colt. I know you can’t promise me anything, but I really want you to stay here.”
“I’ll do my best,” I say, because it’s the truth. I know I will do my damndest to stay here with her. I’ll do whatever it takes. I pull her closer and lower my face to hers. My lips collide with her mouth and I drink her in, savoring her lips on mine and the feel of her hands on my skin. I inhale her woodsy scent, and enjoy the silkiness of her lips and softness of her tongue. As we continue to kiss, I find myself wishing I could stay right here on this bench for the rest of my existence. I swear I would die happy if I could spend the rest of my life with Paige in my arms.
But as I’ve learned before, everything must come to an end. After a couple of hours at the lake, Paige announces that she has to go home. As much as I hate to say goodbye, I know that she needs some time alone with them to explain everything. So I allow her to drop me at Callie’s. As I walk up to the house, I know I need to apologize to Callie and to Zander. I’ve been such an ass to them lately, and they don’t deserve it.
I open the door and step inside. The air conditioning is going full blast, but it still feels too hot. I hear voices in the kitchen so I make my way toward it. The minute I reach it, my heart stops and my mouth drops in shock. I feel the world shift on its axis.
“Hey, son.” Mom walks toward me. She pulls me into a hug. “I came to pick you up and take you home.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
PAIGE
A few hours after dropping Colt off, he shows up at my house.
“Missed me already, huh?” I tease, leaning seductively against the doorframe of my house. When he doesn’t laugh, I frown. That’s when I notice the look of anguish on his face. His fingers are jammed way down into the pocket of his jeans, and he makes no attempt to reach out to me. A bad feeling jabs me in the gut. “What’s wrong?”
“My mom’s back. She’s here to get us.”
I glance inside to the family room where my parents are sitting watching TV. When I first got home I told them everything that happened this week. After scolding me for not telling them this morning, they said they were proud of me for standing up for what’s right. They also were totally understanding about Colt, but they did warn me to be careful. I wonder if they were worried about this exact thing happening.
Stepping outside, I close the door softly behind me. “Let’s sit out here and talk.” I head to the porch swing, feeling nauseas. Wasn’t it just a few hours ago that we were discussing our future together? How can he be leaving me so quickly?
We both sit on the porch swing and it sways under us, rocking methodically back and forth.
Colt turns to me. “I’m so sorry, McAllistor. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
“I don’t understand. What happened?”
“It was just like all the other times. She showed up unexpectedly, swearing she’s gonna get clean and that she’s ready to be a mom.”
“But you don’t believe her?”
He snorts. “I think the last time I believed that line of bull I was five. It’s always the same. She and Dad never change. I don’t think they’re capable of it.”
I grapple for his hand, gripping tightly. “Then don’t go with her. Stay here like we planned.”
“You don’t know how badly I wish I could.” His gaze drops to his lap.
“You can’t just go with her, Colt.” Panic rises in me.
“What other choice do I have?” He looks at me, the porchlight illuminating his face.
“Ask Callie if you can stay. Maybe she’ll let you.”
“I can’t ask her to do that. It wouldn’t be fair. She has her own life, and she’s completely put it on hold for us. But we all knew it was just temporary. Besides, she’s a school teacher. It’s worked out to have her home during the summer, but what about when she has to go back to work in the fall? Then what?”
“It can’t be temporary.” I release his fingers and stand up angrily. “It just can’t be. Because this.” Jutting out my hand I point from him to me. “What we have isn’t temporary.”
Colt leaps up, framing my face with his hands. “You’re right. What we have isn’t temporary. You’ll always have my heart. That won’t change.” He crushes his lips to mine with such intensity it steals my breath. When we part, I inhale sharply. Our foreheads touch, our breath mingling together.
“And you’ll always have mine,” I say honestly. “But I want more than to just love you from afar. I want you here with me.”
“I’m not saying I won’t come back. I’ll work every day. I’ll save all my money. I’ll do whatever the hell it takes to get back here.” He laughs gruffly. “Damn, I never thought this plastic town would grow on me, but I seriously can’t think of any place I’d rather be.”
My fingers stroke his face, trace his stubble. “You really have to leave?”
“I’m afraid I do, McAllistor.” He kisses my fingers as they graze his lips.
“What about Zander and Bristol?”
“What about them?” He knits his brows together.
“I mean, how will they survive being back with your parents? They’ve seemed so happy with Callie.”
His face twists into a look of pain. “We all have been. But that doesn’t matter. She’s not our mom, so we just have to deal with it.”
It seems so unfair. I want to scream about the injustice of it all. And it makes me angry for me too. I mean, why are Colt’s parents healthy when they obviously don’t give a damn about their well-being or the well-being of their children when my mom is sick? It just doesn’t seem right. If only sickness passed by those who were worthy and only fell on the deserving. But I guess life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes it’s the good ones who are afflicted. After the thought passes through my mind I feel like a jerk. Did I really just wish illness onto Colt’s parents? What kind of person am I?
“When do you have to leave?” I ask, fearful of the answer.
“I don’t know. It could be in a few days, or it could be tonight. My mom’s pretty impulsive.”
“Yeah, it sure seems that way,” I reply sourly.
“Hey.” He tucks his finger under my chin, tipping my face to his. “I won’t give up. We’ll be together.”
“Are you making me a promise?”
He smiles. “Yes, I guess I am.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
COLT
When I get back to Aunt Callie’s, Mom is asleep on the couch. Her stringy brown hair falls limply over the armrest, and her mouth hangs open. Mascara smudges line her eye
s, and the veins in her eyelids remind me of colorful spider webs. Her frame is still gaunt, her legs and arms bony. I stare at her wishing I could feel anything but irritation and anger. But my love for her seems to have gotten lost over the years, buried in some unknown location.
“Did you go see Paige?” Callie’s voice startles me.
I whip around. She’s standing in the doorway of the kitchen wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. Her hair falls in soft, thick waves over her shoulders.
“Yeah.” I nod.
“So things are good between you two now?”
I shrug. “I guess. I mean, other than the fact that I have to leave.”
Mom snorts from the couch. Callie’s gaze flickers over to her, darkening momentarily. “I didn’t know she was coming,” she says apologetically.
“She’s sort of known for showing up unexpectedly.” I turn away from her, making my way down the hallway.
“Colt.”
I stop and peer over my shoulder.
Aunt Callie wears a pensive expression on her face. “Do you want to go back with her?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I respond, and then continue back to my room. Well, it’s not my room anymore, I guess. Just the room I’m occupying until we leave. As I close the door I think about how happy I am that I never decorated, or unpacked for that matter. Paige had said that it looks like a hotel room, and I guess that’s kind of what it is. It’s temporary, just like everything else in my life. Then I remember my conversation with Paige. I guess I finally have something in my life that’s not temporary now.
“Colt?” The door pops open and Zander peeks inside. His hair is sticking out all over his head and he wears his superhero pajamas.
“Hey, champ. Come in.” I sit down on the edge of the bed as Zander pads across the room and jumps up next to me. The bed creaks when he lands.
“Do we really have to go home?” His lower lip trembles, and it kills me.
“Yeah. I’m afraid we do.” I tousle his hair with my hand.
“But I like it here. I want to stay with Aunt Callie.”
“I know, but we can’t. Mom came to get us, and we have to go home with her.”
