by Amber Garza
THIRTY
COLT
I wake up to find Callie sitting next to my bed. Her face is drawn and pinched. Fear strikes me. I struggle to sit up, but the damn tubes hold me tight like a prisoner. Claustrophobia sets in, and I fight to catch a breath.
Panic flickers in Callie’s eyes as she places a hand on mine. “Colt, it’s okay.”
“Zander? Bristol?” I choke out the words. My head throbs and my body aches. But none of that matters right now. I just want my brother and sister to be okay.
“They’re fine. Calm down.” She places a hand over mine. "In fact, I already talked to the nurses about taking you down to see them later, and they agreed."
I breathe deeply and sit still, the panicked feeling subsiding.
“I didn’t come in here to talk to you about them,” she says, her words deliberate and slow. “I actually wanted to talk about your mom.”
Dread descends in the pit of my stomach. I stare at the ceiling counting the tiles. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
“Was she using? Is that why she didn’t see the other car?” I continue to count the tiles, hoping it will distract me from the waves of grief and anger.
“Yeah, I think so.” Callie purses her dry lips.
I sigh. “Of course. God, she almost killed all three of us.”
“But you guys are fine. In fact, she took the brunt of the impact.”
“Not on purpose, I’m sure.” I snort.
“Maybe not. But we’ll never know. Perhaps she did try to save you guys.”
I shake my head. Since when has my mom ever chosen the three of us over herself? Never.
“So what does this mean for us? That we have to go home and live with Dad?”
“Actually, that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about.” She pauses, and it worries me. “What do you think about staying here with me?”
“Really?” I hope she’s serious because I feel my spirits lifting just at the mere prospect.
“Yeah. If you want to, you can. Your dad already agreed.”
I laugh bitterly. “Why am I not surprised that he didn’t want us?”
“No, Colt.” She squeezes my hand. “He’ll take you if you want to go home. It’s just I sort of begged him, and he agreed that maybe you’ll be safer with me.”
“You begged him?”
“I love the three of you. I want you to stay. From the moment your mom showed up, I was planning to get you back.”
“You were?” Her words shock me.
“Yeah.” Tears fill her eyes. “So what do you say?”
I can’t talk for fear that I might cry, so I just nod.
“You’ll stay with me?”
I nod again, still unable to speak. It’s the first time in my life someone has wanted to take the three of us. The first time I will have a guardian who really wants me.
“Where have you been, McAllistor?” I ask Paige when she finally shows up in the afternoon.
“I’m sorry.” She pulls a chair up to my bed and sits in it. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and it swishes around her head.
“I’m just giving you a bad time,” I tease her, but the truth is that it has bugged me. When she left last night I assumed she’d be back first thing in the morning. I’ve been waiting all day to see her.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been staring at this all day.” Her face is sad as she drops a piece of paper on my bed.
I pick it up and inspect it, realizing it’s her letter. I scan the page. The note is short and sweet, just like her. “Why have you been staring at it all day?”
“Because yours was so eloquent and mine just isn’t. And after all that happened to you yesterday I wanted to add to it. To say something profound or comforting or helpful, and I just don’t know what to say.”
“Hey.” I reach for her hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I feel better just having you here.”
“I just feel so inadequate to help you with this, because grief is something I’m not good at. I’ve been struggling with my mom’s illness for so long. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I lost her.” Her lips tremble. “How can I possibly help you through this?”
“Well, for starters, you can hold me. You can kiss me.” I wink. “That will definitely help.”
A reluctant smile springs to her lips. “You would like that, huh?”
“I wouldn’t complain.”
A serious look cloaks her face and she stares at our hands. The gesture worries me. Could it be that there’s more to this than her not knowing the right thing to say? The familiar fear of being abandoned surfaces.
“You’re not bowing out, are you?” I ask.
“What?” She lifts her eyes to mine. “Is that what you think? No, of course not. I want to be with you.”
“Then what are you thinking in that pretty head of yours?”
She takes a deep breath. “When you first told me about your parents, I was so angry. For you, for Zander and Bristol. And I just didn’t think it was fair, you know, that there are parents out there who treat their children terribly, but it’s my mom who has to be sick.”
Understanding washes over me. “My mom died because of her choices.” I grab her hand. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault except her own. And it is pretty shitty that your mom is sick. I get how that really screws with your mind.”
“But it isn’t fair that you lost your mom either.”
“No, it’s all pretty crappy,” I agree.
“You still want to be with me?”
“Are you kidding?” I laugh. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because it was a terrible thing to think. What kind of person thinks things like that?” She looks so troubled that I just want to kiss her.
“A human one.” I stroke her face. “Listen, my mom had a lot of problems and she was never a good parent to me. Just because my mom is gone now doesn’t mean we have to sugar coat that. I get why you were upset with her, and that doesn’t make you a terrible person.”
“It doesn’t?”
“No. It just means that you care about me.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “And I love you for it.”
“I love you too.” She smiles. Then she slumps in her chair, blowing out a breath. “Ugh. I came here to comfort you and you ended up comforting me. How did that happen?”
“How about we agree that we comforted each other?”
“Okay.” She shrugs, smiling a little. “How are you doing? I mean, you seem okay, but I know it must be hard.”
“It’s weird because I don’t know what I feel. When I was younger I used to think I was broken because I didn’t feel emotion like other kids did. I thought maybe I had a piece missing or something. But then I met you and I realized that I’m not broken. I just hadn’t ever had anyone in my life who really loved me, you know?”
Paige reaches for me, her touch soft and gentle.
I continue, “When Aunt Callie first told me that my mom was gone I felt like I should want to cry, but I didn’t. All I felt was numb and empty. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person but it’s the truth. I mean, sure I miss my mom, but not in the way that I would miss you if you were gone, or even Aunt Callie or Zander. It’s just that my mom and I never connected. She never even tried.” Memories of my mom fill my mind. “I do have a few good memories of her and I will cling to those. And I’m sure someday I’ll grieve the right way.”
“There’s no wrong or right way to grieve.”
“I am sad that she’s gone. But not really for me or my siblings. I feel sad for her, for the fact that she never had a good life and it ended so tragically. And I feel sad for my dad, because I know he loves her even if it’s in a weird co-dependent way.” Shame fills me at what I’m about to say. “Mostly I feel relieved. Does that make me sound awful?”
“No, it doesn’t. I know things were so tough for you guys.”
I want to tell her my good news, but I know it make me sound so selfi
sh. What kind of son am I if I feel happy about getting to live with Aunt Callie? But then I remember all the neglect and abuse. My mind is filled with images of our dirty apartment, of our empty fridge, of how we often we went without food. I can hear Zander’s cries and Bristol’s screams. And then I know that I have to stop feeling guilty about my mom’s choices. I didn’t want her to die, and I did love her in my own way. But I am glad that Bristol, Zander and I will finally have a decent life. “Also if the accident hadn’t happened, then I wouldn’t get to stay here.”
“No way.” A smile sweeps Paige’s face. “You’re staying? Like for good?”
“Yeah, Callie’s taking us in.”
“Oh, Colt. That’s amazing!” She leans forward and kisses me. “I’m so glad you don’t have to leave me.”
“And I never will again. You’re pretty much stuck with me.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
EPILOGUE
PAIGE
“Okay, I’m ready for the next one,” Colt says, propping his elbows on the counter and resting his chin in his hands.
“How can you eat another cupcake?” I lick pink frosting from my index finger. “You’re going to get sick.”
“Nah, Colt just has a big sweet tooth. It’s fine.” Mom sweeps in, handing him a cupcake with lemon frosting, a lemon wedge gummy candy perched on top. “Besides, it helps to have a taste tester for our new creations.”
“True.” I giggle as Colt takes a huge bite out of the cupcake. White cake bits stick to his lip ring.
Mom pulls a napkin out of her pink apron and thrusts it at Colt. I glance at the clock, realizing we only have a few more minutes until opening. My stomach flutters in anticipation. Mom rubs her palms together nervously.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I squeal.
“Believe it.” Mom rubs her palm over my back. “So, Colt? How do you like it?”
“It’s amazing. But I think the chocolate one is still my favorite,” he replies, wiping frosting from his nose.
“Great. I’ll send you home with a box. Pick some out that Zander, Bristol and Callie will like,” Mom says, running a wet rag over the counter.
Colt hops off the pink barstool and comes around to the glass case displaying all of the cupcakes. I grab a pink cardboard box and stand behind the cupcakes while Colt picks them out. Once his box is full I close it and slide it across the counter.
“On the house,” I say, just because I think it sounds cool.
“I think I’m gonna like this.” Colt leans across the counter and steals a kiss.
“It pays to date the owner’s daughter, doesn’t it?” I say.
“In more ways than one.” He raises an eyebrow, and I chuckle.
“Okay, you two, break it up.” Mom smiles at us, waggling her fingers. “It’s time to open up this shop.”
I smile, the butterflies returning.
“It’s going to be a big hit,” Colt assures me. “Everyone loves cupcakes.”
“I hope so.” I bite my lip. My gaze lands on the sign outside. McAllistor’s Cupcakes. When I glance over at Mom she flicks on the open sign and unlocks the door. Then she breaks out into the largest smile I’ve ever seen. It makes my insides soar. She finally got to see her dream realized. And on top of that, we just found out that she’s cancer free again. I’m never going to take her health for granted. Not for one minute. Hell, I’m never going to take anything for granted again. I’m going to savor every day, enjoy every minute, every second with those I love.
Colt steps toward me, swiping a finger over my cheek. “I’ll see you after work. Can’t wait to hear all about it.”
I nod. “I’ll come over as soon as we close.”
“Text me first. I’m gonna be hanging with Tripp this afternoon.”
“Cool.” I love that he and Tripp have become friends.
After Colt hugs my mom, he leaves. I watch him walk down the street, carrying a box of our cupcakes and my heart skips a beat. He’s been attending Gold Rush High with me, and he’s really starting to think of Folsom as his home. Not only that, but he and Callie are becoming close, and for the first time I think he’s allowing himself to feel secure and stop fearing the worst.
We’ve both come a long way, and I look forward to how much farther we have to go.
Turn the page to read the first Chapter in Tripping Me Up, Hadley and Tripp's story...
ONE
HADLEY
I am invisible as I walk to class wedged between the other students all laughing and chatting with their friends. I keep my head down, my eyes trained on my tennis shoes as I take deliberate steps forward. Sometimes I like to think of myself as the ghost that roams the campus of Gold Rush High. Not that I’m complaining, exactly. It sure beats the alternative. There was a time when I sought out popularity, but now I realize that being unnoticed is better than being bullied, so I welcome the anonymity.
As I near my next class, I glance up just in time to spot something white hurtling in my direction. Before I can move out of the way it smacks me right under the eye. It doesn’t really hurt, and when I glance down I see that it is just a wadded up piece of binder paper. But my pride stings, and I feel my face heat up. Giggles and whispers swirl around me. Millions of eyes sear into me, burning my skin. Lowering my gaze, I draw my hair forward using it to hide my face. This is the last thing I want. Being noticed is precisely the thing I try to avoid at all costs.
“I’m so sorry,” a boy’s voice bellows.
My skin prickles and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. Without even looking I know that it's Tripp Bauer. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. For years Tripp was the focal point of all my fantasies. However, recently I'd given up on that dream, realizing that a fantasy is all it will ever be. It’s not like I’m the only girl attracted to him. Almost every girl in school crushes on him.
“I didn’t mean to hit you.” His shadow casts over me, but I still can’t bring myself to look up. I hide behind my hair the same way the wizard hid behind his curtain in the Wizard of Oz. “It was an accident. I was actually trying to hit Mav, but he moved out of the way.”
I dare a peek up at him. His dark eyes stare into mine, and I find it difficult to draw breath. He looks sincere enough as he runs a hand through his short hair, his toned biceps bulging with the motion. But then I spot Tripp’s friends, Maverick Jones, Jack Winston, and Toby Kenneth laughing at me from just feet away. They aren’t even trying to mask how funny they think this is. Humiliation descends on me. They aren’t the only ones gawking. It makes me angry, and I narrow my eyes at Tripp.
“Are you okay?” Tripp asks, his brows furrowed in a look of concern. He sure is laying it on thick. If I didn’t know better, I would say the guy is genuinely sorry.
“I’m fine. It was just a piece of paper. No biggie.” I shrug, skirting around him.
“I really am sorry.” His hand lights on my shoulder, and I freeze.
“Whatever.” I shake his hand off. “It doesn’t matter. Just leave me alone.” Without a backward glance, I stalk off as quickly as possible with my heart hammering in my ears. I’m so grateful when I reach the science classroom. I slip inside and hurry to my desk in the back row. After dropping my backpack on the floor, I unzip it and pull out my notebook and pen. I hunch over my desk just as the bell blasts through the room. Mrs. Tennant’s heels click on the linoleum floor as she moves out from behind her desk. While her voice drones on in the background, I take deep breaths and will my heart rate to slow. Just when I think I’ve got it back to its normal cadence, my cell vibrates in my pocket, jumpstarting it again. With quivering fingers, I snatch the phone out and hold it under my desk so Mrs. Tennant won’t see it.
It’s from Paige, my best friend.
Paige: What happened with you and Tripp? Spill.
My face flames.
Me: How did you hear about that?
Paige: I was across the quad and saw u talking.
I exhale, gratef
ul that she hadn’t heard about it through the rumor mill.
Me: It was nothing. Tell u about it after school.
Paige: Ok.
I shove my phone back into my pocket before getting caught with it. The last thing I need is any more attention brought to me today. However, I’m not surprised that Paige texted me the minute she saw Tripp and I together. I’m sure she was shocked. Paige knows all about what happened to me freshman year. In fact, it was right after I lost all my friends and was shunned from my old group that I met Paige. She was new to the school and found it hard to fit in. She’d always lived in this area, but had gone to private school. What I love most about Paige is that she doesn’t really care what people think of her. She has her own style and way of doing things. I think that’s why the popular girls hate her so much – because she doesn’t even try to fit in. She’s confident in who she is. The truth is that I wish I was more like her. As hard as I try, I do care what people think of me. I guess that’s why I spend so much time hiding.
The minute the final bell rings I bolt out of my seat and head toward the parking lot to meet Paige, since she’s giving me a ride home. I turned sixteen over the summer and immediately got my license in hopes that it would buy me freedom. Only I was wrong. Mom and I share a car, so I only get it on the days she doesn’t need it.
“Hey, Hadley, wait up!”
I stop in my tracks, shocked that a guy is hollering out my name. That never happens. Slowly, I pivot on my heels.
Tripp approaches me wearing the most amazing smile. My stomach flips, despite my best efforts to stay calm. He’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans that hug him in all the right places.
“You look surprised,” he says.
“Yeah, surprised you knew my name.”
“C’mon, we’ve gone to school together for years. Of course I know you.”
“And yet you’ve never spoken to me before,” I point out, a smug smile on my face.
“Ouch. I guess I deserve that.” He runs a hand over his hair, looking agitated. “I just feel bad about earlier and want to make sure you’re okay.”
